Church and Tucker stood outside the base in silence.
"Hey, how much would you bet that if we replaced our flag with the red team's flag, the red guys would think this is the red base and that their base is the blue base?" Tucker asked suddenly.
"Tucker," Church replied, rolling his eyes from in his helmet. "That is the dumbest idea I have ever heard. You know the reds would have to be pretty damn stupid to even come close to falling for that?"
At that moment they heard a voice in the distance, the two blues looked over to see Grif, jogging to the base. As he ran he screamed "I'm a pretty girl" over and over again.
"Ya know," Church reconsidered, "I think that would be a pretty safe bet."
* * *
"Attaaaack!—Wait, why in Sam Hell is our flag here?" Sarge asked once he saw their flag standing strong… at the blue base. The four stood in silence.
"What's it mean?" Donut then asked.
"I'm… not sure…" Simmons answered.
"Isn't it obvious?" Sarge asked loudly. "Those cunning blue devils switched the bases on us! This must be the red base!"
"…What?" Grif questioned, shocked by his own leader's stupidity.
"Clearly those blue bastards knew that we were going to blow up their base, so they switched the bases on us. This is our base and the other base is theirs!"
"You mean the base we just came from?" Donut wondered.
"Yes! They must have outsmarted us in ways we can't even understand," Sarge yelled, "Clearly this is all Grif's fault!"
"What?" Grif cried.
"There's no time to waste!" Sarge roared. "Grif, start running back to the other base! We'll catch those damn blues!"
"Sarge, that is the dumbest thing I have ever heard in my life and I'm very shocked people actually died in this war," Grif informed him before running back to the base.
"Shut up, Grif!" Sarge yelled after him before waiting a few moments to run after him. Once they left, Church and Tucker came out of the base.
"Wow," Tucker said, "I knew they were dumb but… wow."
"Can't believe I died for this war," Church sighed.
* * *
"There it is!" Sarge yelled. "The blue base!"
"…This is our base…" Grif informed him.
"Shut, Grif, and get running!" Grif sighed as he began running.
"Now!" Sarge said after a few moments, "Attack!"
Within moments, the red—or "blue"—base was destroyed. Windows were shot at, chucks of the walls were broken, and, being in the mood, Sarge had lit what was left of the base on fire.
"Where in Sam Hell are those damn blues?" Sarge yelled.
"Um. This isn't their base," Donut said quietly.
"Nonsense, this must be it! Our flag was at the other base!"
"Um… Sir," Simmons began. "Their flag is back up."
"…What?"
"He's right," Grif agreed. "You can see it from here."
"…Damnit Grif!" Sarge yelled. "I knew it didn't make a lick of sense when you said they switched the bases on us!"
"Son…of…a…bitch…" Grif muttered, not wanting to argue with his so called "superior."
"But," Sarge continued, "Since our base is now destroyed, and Lopez must fix it—"
"Vaya al infierno retardo," Lopez said, knowing full well he would be understood by no one.
"—We must take shelter in that cave over there—" Sarge pointed to the cave.
"How long has that been there?" Grif wondered aloud.
"—And hope those Blues don't realize our defenses are down."
"…Would they care?" Simmons asked. "They never really try to, ya know, do anything."
"…Just get you ass in the cave Simmons," Sarge ordered. "And try not to fuck Grif on the way!"
"Sonofabitch!" Grif and Simmons yelled in unison.