Scly walked into the High Council chamber fuming. He was never going to volunteer to do someone else's work without extra pay ever again.
Reku smirked at his friend's learning the lesson he himself had learned long ago. "How did it go?"
"I don't want to talk about it."
"Then what do you want to talk about, mister 'barge in on the Council's meeting so you can tell us about some new species'?" Cut in Phendo Macai, High Council member of mining and agriculture, and Scly's rival.
"How much I need a vacation. And we weren't having a meeting anyways." Scly retorted as he sat in his Council member of bio/electro-engineering's chair.
"You Introi and your homeworld. I've been off Nbii for three years, and I don't miss it." Commented Aaila Qyto, a large yellow fish that looked like a dolphin with stalk eyes, floating in a sphere of water that was, in turn floating in a force field. The Council member of diplomacy and ecosystem maintenance (Also known as 'the tired demon' by her friends) yawned; Even the break from work Scly had given her wasn't enough for dealing with planets whose suns didn't whip around the sky in three hours.
Ara groaned over the hololink. Technically it was her job to do these interviews, but she'd been away since she found another crystalline species in this galaxy. Ti'saar like Ara were beings whose bodies were comprised of floating crystals levitating through a magnetic field. She had two opaque patches on her 'head' that served as eyes, but no mouth. Instead, she spoke by holding a small cloud of microscopic crystals where
her neck should be, and rapidly striking them together in a precise pattern.
Scly turned on the holodisplay, and put his information disc into the slot, beginning his narration.
"The Irkens are a insectoid species averaging about three feet tall, native to the desert world Irk in one of the neighboring galaxies in this cluster. A select few Irkens seem to have a entirely different body structure, adapted to the desert conditions near Irk's equator." A hologram of the Tallests came up. "Their tall bodies were designed to fit as much in vertically as possible, so very little sunlight would affect the body. Irkens are in awe of those who are tall because of their ability to withstand the desert. Irken myth states that early in their prehistory, Irk became united under one of these 'Tall ones', who established the Tallest dynasty, and the Taller nobility. After the Irkens began to produce children in artificial growth chambers, the Tallests began to die out for an unknown reason. The last naturally born Tallest had his DNA put into the 'random parent' genetic pool rarely used at the time. Every Irken parent wanted a child with the Tallest's DNA, so they began frantically using growth chambers, in hope of striking it lucky. A few Irkens also hacked into the system, trying to secure the genes. In doing so, a class of masterful technicians was born, the control Brains, who basically run the Empire, aside from the infrequent demands of the Tallests. This search eventually stripped the Irken's ability to reproduce naturally, and resulted in a population boom. The Irkens expanded into space for resources and more room, and encountered intelligent life. The current Tallest told his subjects that they were inherently superior to the aliens, and should conquer them. Using the Control Brains and his absolute control of the media, he managed to instill the Irken race with a desire for conquest that continues to this day. The modern Irken Empire is currently attempting to take over the universe, with their 'Operation Impending Doom' series of master plans. One of my Irken interviewees was responsible for Operation Impending Doom I's failure. Zim appears to possess all of the common faults of his race magnified. He is egotistical, zealous to the Tallests, megalomaniacal, enraged when he is accurately called short, utterly incompetent, and obsessive in his belief that we are nothing more than slaves to be captured."
The Council members were quiet. If the entire species was like this, than something would have to be done about them. Something involving going to war.
"Tak," Scly continued, "Appeared to be far more capable of being an Invader than Zim. She is driven with a irremovable, though obviously probable, hatred of Zim for his ruining of her life over a sack of gummy worms. Her PAK was riddled with detailed plans for killing Zim, including stuffing him in an enormous blender."
Aaila sighed. It was her job to be a diplomat, and make sure that they didn't get into situations like these. "What options do we have?"
"We have the option of doing what is ethically sound, what our predecessors have done, and what is necessary to save our own skin. All of which mean a war of liberation for the Irken's slaves. I've run up a skill assessment of their technology and theirs. They have far superior numbers in the army, have highly developed alloys, advanced space-distortion storage chambers, and a network of PAKs that makes them unquestionably loyal to their leaders. We can defeat them easily."
"How?" Ara asked.
"We have a slight edge on them in shipbuilding skills, and they have no concept of multi-dimensional physics, but that's not it. Our advantages are our superior computer skills, and a network of PAKs that make them unquestionably loyal to their leaders."
"What!?" Phendo cut in.
"The Tallests use the Control Brains to control Irkens' PAKs, which control the Irkens mind through propaganda and brainwave commands. If we can influence PAKs, then we can control their wearers long enough to find away around the life support that Irkens need from their PAKs. The Irkens will be able to think for themselves, realize they were being used, and revolt. If we capture the Massive, we capture the Tallests and the Control Brains they keep with them, and the Empire will fall apart on it's own. The Irkens get out of brainwashing, the Irken's slaves get freedom, we get to feel good about doing it, and I can have my vacation."
"For someone who just came up with an elaborate plan for freeing billions of enslaved beings, you seem fairly preoccupied with your vacation." Reku commented.
"That's how I work. If you don't like it, then you can fire me." Scly responded.
"I wish I could…" Grumbled Phendo.
------
Skoodge was having a wonderful day.
To destabilize the humans for conquest, he had set up a major worldwide smuggling operation in thirty minutes and several phone calls on the public telephone in the Krazy Taco parking lot. Then, just for the heck of it, he got his human disguise out, broke up the smuggling organization, and was awarded the Medal of Honor. He traded it in for fifty baseball card packs and a go-kart. He found that imitating GIR was actually very fun.
As he was chewing on some deliciously old, stale bubble gum, he noticed that Zim and the others were standing dumbly in the middle of the road, looking lost.
"You guys need a lift?"
Dib nodded and got in, followed by Gaz, Tak, and GIR. Zim continued to stare straight ahead, drool leaking from the corner of his mouth.
"You think he's dead?" Tak asked.
"Dear lord, I hope so." Said Dib and Skoodge simultaneously.
"Ehh… What! How dare you wish that of me! I'm gonna- Where did you get that, Skoodge?" Zim said, suddenly switching from rage to curiosity.
"Battery depot was having a sale on some non-battery stuff that they found in the basement."
"Oh. Well… That abduction was a trick! I was only holding you in stasis until I could become more powerful! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
"You know what the said part is?" Tak said, "I think he actually believes himself."
"BOW BEFORE YOUR MASTER! BOW!!!"
A severe look of annoyance came over the faces of everyone in the go-kart. They got out, lined up, and bent over in front of him.
Zim grinned at their submission, until several of the rocks they picked up hit him in the face, knocking him out cold.
Everyone smiled as Zim's unconscious form went through re-activation spasms.
"Given how shoddy his PAK is, I'd say we've got a few hours." Skoodge said brightly.
"Anyone up for a movie?" Dib asked, "I think you Irkens might like Independence Day. I've managed to bribe a theatre manager to keep it running."
"Do the aliens loose?" Tak asked.
"Well… Yes. But they do blow up the White House first."
"…Fine."
Well, there you go, loyal fans. My first multi-chapter story ends… Good times, good times.
If you knew which book I was making a reference to with the 'bowing', I hereby present you with this non-existent certificate of literary knowledge and smartypantsness!
Also, I'm opening a poll on my profile for which of my fics I should start, so please drop by and vote for what looks intresting.