A/N: Ok, I'm super excited for this chapter because this chapter has the first flashback! Hooray! You're finally going to get a little taste of what really happened between JoLu when they were married and for future reference, flashbacks will always be italicized. Another thing I just want to point out to avoid any confusion: when I'm writing from Johnny's POV, Lulu will be referred to as Laura (until he finds out the truth obviously) because that's what she told him her name was but when it goes back to Lulu's perspective, her name will be Lulu. I think that clears up anything that might be confusing. Thank you guys for your awesome reviews… they really do make my day :) Alright, happy reading and don't forget to leave a review! I love hearing what you guys think!

Another winter comes
His icy fingers creep
Into these bones of mine
These memories never sleep…

And all these differences
A cloak I borrow
We kept our distances
Why should it follow?

I must have loved you…

"Ghost Story" - Sting

Chapter 4 – These Memories Never Sleep

Laura's car came to a stop in front of a small but very nice house. It was like one of those Victorian style houses with a wraparound porch with two oversized wicker rocking chairs. She said that she was living there because her grandmother had passed away about three years ago and had left the house in Laura's mother's name but her mother was living abroad and was letting Laura stay in the house. The house seemed familiar to Johnny somehow, like he had been there before. The rain hadn't let up an inch since they left Jake's and Johnny used his jacket to cover his head as he followed her to the door. Inside, the house looked like what a house should be. Warm and inviting, with picture frames and books everywhere.

"So, can I get you anything? Water? Tea?" she asked.

"No, I'm fine… thank you…" he said as he hung up his coat.

"Alright… well, I don't think that this storm is going to get any better tonight so it looks like you're stuck here for the night…" she said, taking off her coat.

He couldn't help but to smile. Being stuck in a storm with one of the most beautiful women he'd ever seen was not a bad situation.

"So, I guess that I'm on the couch?" he said, walking down the steps into the cozy living area.

"Oh, you don't have to… there's an extra bedroom upstairs… so unless if you want to sleep on the really old creaky couch…" she laughed and he shook his head

"The extra bedroom sounds good…" he said.

He followed her up the narrow staircase and into a small bedroom. It was a simple bedroom with powder blue walls and a regular sized bed and a standard armoire. Laura said that her brother stayed here while he was separated from his wife before they moved to Seattle. Apparently he left some of his old clothes and she gave Johnny a pair of sweats to change into to sleep in.

"Laura," he said as she walked towards the door.

She turned around to look at him and he couldn't find the words to thank her. Seeing her was like being able to see clearly after years of obscurity. She was a warm and glowing light in the darkness.

"Goodnight, Johnny…" she said softly.

"Goodnight…" he said as she closed the door behind her.

He undressed quickly, hanging his damp clothes over the footboard of the bed to dry, and slipped into the sweats that Laura had given him. The rain echoed throughout the room and he made his way over to the only window, staring out into the night. He didn't want the rain to stop because he wouldn't have an excuse to stay there. Something inside of him wanted to stay with Laura forever. He couldn't explain why he felt that way. It was something deep inside of his soul… that fragment that was still a part of his old self. Suddenly, he heard footsteps coming down the hall and he tiptoed back to the door, peeking through the small slit and there she was. Her golden hair was up in a ponytail and she was also in pajamas, holding an oversized mug with tea in one hand and a book in the other. He felt the corners of his mouth turn up into a small smile as he watched her. Why was he so entranced by this woman? Why couldn't he tear his eyes away from her?

He was supposed to be happy with Brook.

They were supposed to be getting married and starting their life together.

But looking at her did nothing for him. It didn't matter how beautiful Brook was or how much she clearly adored him. That spark wasn't there. He didn't feel an overwhelming desire to be with her or to find out more about their past. But with Laura, he wanted to know everything down to the last words that they spoke to each other. It was maddening but wonderful at the same time. He finally felt like he wasn't wandering aimlessly in the darkness anymore. He finally had some sort of lead on getting his life back.

Sleep eluded him for a while that night. The wind thrashed the tree near his window, keeping him up for hours until he was so exhausted that he fell asleep despite the noise.

That's when it happened.

It was a weird sensation… like he had stepped outside of himself and was watching this scene with him in it take place. He couldn't see clearly, like he was looking through a piece of opaque glass.

The room is familiar to him somehow. He's definitely been here before. The walls are beige and the hardwood floors beneath his feet are a dark caramel brown. The sleek black leather couch next to him looks expensive and the large flatscreen television looks even more expensive. They're obviously very wealthy to be able to afford such a nice place to live. Suddenly, he hears someone coming down the stairs in the next room, followed by a lighter set of footsteps, and they're yelling at each other.

"Johnny, please don't do this!"

It's a woman's voice but it's not Brook's voice. It's higher than his current fiancée's voice and it's clearly distraught. She's crying and Johnny wants to do something to stop it. It's the most heart wrenching sound that he's ever heard and he knows that something is wrong.

"I can't do this anymore…"

Johnny swallowed hard. That was his voice. He almost doesn't recognize it because of the low and cruel tone that is present in his voice.

"I love you… I always have and I always will… we can get through this! You—you just can't give up on us!"

Her declaration is laced with sobs and the footsteps grow louder and the two figures emerge from the other room. Her hair is light and curly… not sleek and brown like Brook's. She reaches for his arm but he quickly tears it from her and she whimpers in response to the gesture. He can't see her face clearly but he knows that if he could, he would see tears streaming down her cheeks. In his hand is a suitcase and she tries to pull him back towards her by his jacket but he shrugs her off. This is too much for Johnny to watch.

"I can't be with you anymore… I don't—I don't feel the same way about you anymore…"

Liar. That's what Johnny wanted to say. He wanted to scream it. He was lying to her. He didn't know how he knew it but he felt it deep inside that he was lying to this woman when he said that he didn't feel the same way about her.

"You love me! I know that you do! Please, don't shut me out!"

They've now moved to the front door. His hand is on the doorknob and she's crying even harder now. She's begging him not to leave. Johnny wanted to scream. This was absolutely ridiculous. He loved her more than his own life but he was walking away.

"I—I don't—I don't love you anymore…"

His voice is barely above a whisper and Johnny knows that he's trying hard not to show his emotions. He's trying so hard to push her away and he know that to say that he didn't love her would be the only thing cruel enough to drive her away for good.

"You don't mean that… how could you? After everything that we've been through… you can't—you can't mean that, Johnny…"

"I do… it's—it's over…"

The door slams shut behind him and the woman is now on the floor, sobbing and screaming his name.

Her voice pierces his eardrums and he can't help but to yell. The sound feels like a knife in his stomach, knowing that he completely destroyed this woman. The scene around him dissolves and he's plunged back into the darkness.

The chamomile tea that Lulu made for herself put her to sleep quickly. She knew that she was going to have trouble sleeping with the storm outside and with Johnny across the hall from her. Her mind was racing at a million miles per minute. She knew that she had to lie to Johnny about who she was. She had worked so hard to get her life back together and the last thing she needed was Johnny wrecking emotional havoc on her.

His screams woke her up.

She immediately threw back her covers and rushed across the hall. His eyes were shut and he was flailing around on the bed, yelling in pain like someone had set him on fire.

"Johnny! Johnny! Calm down!" she yelled, trying to restrain his arms.

He was considerably stronger than she was but when she put her hands on his face, he seemed to calm down and his eyes opened quickly. His eyes were wide with fear and his chest was heaving from his labored breathing.

"Oh my god, are—are you ok?" she asked, smoothing over his cheeks with her fingertips.

He closed his eyes and nodded. His heart was pounding against his chest and he was shaking all over. What the hell had happened to him? She'd never seen him like this in all of the years that she had known him. She ran her fingers through his hair and he sighed at her touch. His strong hands wrapped around her slim fingertips and brought them to his face.

"What happened?" she asked.

"I—I think—I remembered something…" he panted and Lulu's heart sped up.

"What? What did you remember?" she asked him.

"I—I couldn't see her face… but there was a lot of yelling…" he said.

"Was it Brook?" she asked and he shook his head.

"No… it wasn't her… it definitely wasn't Brook…" he said.

"What were you arguing about?" she asked and he sighed heavily, almost like he was ashamed to tell her.

"I was leaving her… and she was crying… begging me to stay…" he whispered.

Lulu closed her eyes and bit her bottom lip. She knew exactly what he was talking about. She remembered that day like it was yesterday. He had come home to their brownstone and told her point-blank that their marriage was over and that he was leaving her. This was what she was afraid of. She didn't want him to remember because she didn't want to remember. She didn't want to remember how badly he had hurt her and how she felt like there was nothing left for her in the world without Aura and Johnny.

"Are you ok?" he asked, sitting up to face her.

"Yeah, I'm fine… it's just—I had a relationship that ended like that…" she said, wiping her eye.

"I'm sorry…" he said softly.

"Don't be… it happened a long time ago…" she said, shaking her head.

"It's just weird…" he muttered.

"What is?" she asked.

"When I was remembering… for some reason… I—I kind of knew what I was thinking at the time…" he said.

"And?" she asked.

"I don't know how I know but I just knew that I was lying to her when I told her that I didn't love her…" he said, looking up at her.

That was almost enough to do Lulu in but she kept her resolve. She had to stay strong. It was the only way that she would be able to get through this. She sighed heavily and stood up. Suddenly, she felt his hand take hers.

"Stay with me… please…" he pleaded.

His eyes were wide and she didn't have the heart to deny him. She could tell that he was still pretty shaken up about his dream and she slowly crawled into bed with him. He put his head on her shoulder and Lulu just stroked his hair until he fell back asleep.

Johnny woke up alone the next morning. The rain had stopped and his clothes were now sitting on the armchair near the door, folded and completely dry. He couldn't get his flashback out of his head. Who was this woman? She must have been important to him for him to have had such a strong reaction. Also the fact that the woman was clearly not Brook made him wonder.

If he and Brook were the fairytale couple that she had made them out to be, why wasn't the first memory he had about her?

His questions plagued him as he dressed and he made up the bed and remembered Laura holding him last night after he had his flashback. He felt so safe with her, like he had been running from something for all of his life and he finally found some peace in her arms. He made his way downstairs and heard her cooking in the kitchen.

"Johnny, is that you?" he heard her call out.

"Yeah…" he said.

"Ok, breakfast won't be ready for another ten or fifteen minutes…" she said.

"Oh… ok, thank you…" he said.

"I'm warning you… you don't remember my cooking so proceed with caution…" she laughed.

He chuckled and began to wander the room. There were boxes everywhere in the room, like she had just moved into the house. Most of the boxes were filled with old clothes and books. He walked over to the fireplace, noticing a box that was unlabeled. Curious, he opened the box and it was filled with baby things: blankets, mobiles and lots of toys. He reached into the box and pulled out a soft pale yellow blanket that had pink teddy bears and white clouds printed all over it.

She's the cutest baby that he's ever seen… her little fingers, her dark patch of silky hair hidden mostly by a pale pink hat, her button nose… she's absolutely perfect as she's snuggled into her favorite yellow blanket. She fits perfectly in his arms, like the space was meant for her.

"Do you know that you're the prettiest little girl in the world? I think you do…"

She gurgles and smiles at him as he continues to rock her back and forth.

"What are you doing?"

The flashback immediately ended and Johnny looked up and saw Laura looking at him, clutching a kitchen towel close to her chest. Her eyes were wide and bright and he immediately felt guilty going through her things.

"I'm sorry… I was just wandering and I saw this blanket and… I don't know—it—it seemed familiar somehow…" he said, putting the blanket back in the box.

"It was my daughter's…" she said softly as she looked down at the floor.

"You have a daughter?" he asked and Laura shook her head.

She looked back up at him and tears were already falling down her face. That look alone told him almost everything and he felt like crying too.

"I'm—I'm sorry… I didn't—I didn't mean…" he stammered and she shook her head.

"It's ok… how could you have known?" she said, walking towards him.

"What happened? If you don't mind me asking…" he whispered.

She picked up the blanket and closed her eyes, bringing it to her nose and inhaling the scent. Her shoulders slumped and she opened her eyes to look at him.

"She—she… um… she was born with hypoplastic left heart syndrome… it's—it's a heart condition where the left side of the heart is under developed and it makes it really hard to pump blood…" she said, tucking the blanket under her chin.

"Oh my god…" he muttered.

"The doctors told us… my ex-husband and I… that her chances weren't that good and they told us that we could take her home… to let her pass at home but I couldn't—I couldn't give up… how could I live with myself if I didn't do everything possible for my baby?" she asked, wiping her eyes.

"Of course…" he said, putting a hand on her shoulder, and she sighed.

"So, we told the doctors to do whatever they could to save our daughter… she made it through the first surgery but her condition just deteriorated and she finally left us… after seven months of life, she was gone…" she said before her voice broke into a sob.

He took her by the arm and pulled her in close. Inside, Johnny felt like dying, listening to what had happened to this woman's daughter. It was almost as if it was his own daughter she was talking about. He swallowed hard as she wrapped her arms around his back and exhaled deeply. She was comforting him just as much as he was trying to provide her with some solace.

"I'm sorry… I didn't mean to burden you with all of this…" she said, pulling back from him.

"No… I'm the one who should be sorry… I shouldn't have asked…" he said.

"No… I—I like talking about Aura with you… it's comforting…" she said, looking up at him.

"What was that name?" he asked.

"Aura… it means glowing light…" she said.

"I like it… it's very pretty…" he said, walking closer to her.

"You always said that it suited her…" she said, smiling.

"I did? Did I ever meet Aura?" he asked.

"Y—Yes… a few times… she loved you… you were one of her favorite people…" she said, smiling nervously.

"I bet she was amazing…" he whispered.

He ran his finger along her cheek and she exhaled shakily at his touch. Touching her seemed like the most natural thing in the entire world, like he had done it so many times. Being close to her was familiar and stirred feelings inside of him that he knew that he would never feel with another woman. She looked away and stepped back.

"I—I… um… better go and check on those cinnamon rolls…" she said before turning away from him.

She ducked back into the kitchen, clearly shaken from their closeness, and Johnny watched her leave. He should've felt bad about being here with her. He was supposed to want to know more about Brook and their life together not the life of a girl that he dated briefly ages ago. It wasn't that he didn't like Brook. She was very affectionate, doting and caring. It was almost impossible not to like her or to see why before the accident he wanted to marry her.

He just couldn't see himself being head over heels in love with Brook.

He couldn't vouch for the man that he was before but right now he couldn't imagine marrying someone that he just simply loved. There had to be that inexplicable pull… that spark… that feeling knowing that without that person in his life, he would be empty inside. His mind immediately flashed back to his dream last night. It was fresh in his mind as if he had just relived it again. He could hear her screaming and he could feel the overwhelming urge to hold her in his arms and tell her that he never wanted to be without her. He didn't know who she was but one thing he definitely knew for sure was that when that happened, he knew that he was empty inside without her.

Brook sat in the foyer of the Zacchara mansion, taping her heels on the floor, anxiously waiting for Johnny to return. He had called her earlier that day to tell her that he was on his way back to the mansion. She hadn't slept that much the night before, too afraid to close her eyes because of those horrible images of him being wheeled into the ER kept creeping into her mind. She was just glad that he was alright. She had to think positively. He was alright and he was alive and that was all that she could ever ask for… even if he had basically run away from her. She looked up at the door and sighed heavily.

She was never enough.

She had never been enough.

Even with a clean slate and without the complex past that they shared as a huge elephant in the room, she was never going to be his first choice. She couldn't even make him love her when he couldn't remember what he had truly lost. Everyone told her that she shouldn't have been with him because he was emotionally unavailable but she didn't listen. She thought that she knew exactly what she was getting herself into when she took up with him. She knew that he came with a lot of baggage but she didn't care because he was worth it.

He was her everything.

The door opened and Johnny was there. Brook immediately ran into his arms and held him so close that she thought that he would stop breathing.

"Hey… I'm ok… I'm sorry I worried you…" he said, curling a piece of her brown hair around her ear and she smiled at the gesture.

"I'm so glad that you're ok…" she said.

"Well, you owe that all to Laura…" he said, taking off his coat.

"Oh… right… so, how did you meet this Laura?" she said, following him into the study.

"I went walking and I ended up in this bar called Jake's… anyway, she was there and she recognized me and we just started talking…" he said as he took a seat on a nearby couch.

She knew that he was trying to minimize her concern but it didn't help. Her relationship with Johnny was already on thin ice before the accident and now it seemed to be even more fragile. He was distant when he remembered but since he had lost his memory, he was slipping farther and farther away.

"And you waited out the storm at her house?" she asked.

"Yes… I told her that I had walked from here to Jake's and she offered to let me spend the night." Johnny said.

Brook felt a lump in her throat form. She invited him to spend the night. That had so many illicit connotations that made her skin crawl.

"And—did—did anything happen?" she asked, afraid of his response.

"We didn't sleep together if that's what you're asking… I did remember something though…" he said, turning towards her.

Her heart skipped a beat. Finally there was a glimmer of hope that there was a chance that they could get back what they had lost when he got into that accident.

"You did? What? What did you remember?" she said, taking his hand in hers, and his eyes immediately looked away from her.

"I'm sorry… but it wasn't about us… it—it was another woman…" he said guiltily.

As quickly as her heart raced, it fell just as quickly. She was hoping that he would remember her first and to finally have confirmation that he loved her as deeply as she loved him but of course… it was never about Brook. It was always about Lulu. Johnny didn't need to tell her that the woman that he remembered was Lulu because it made sense. No matter what she did or how successful she was, she wasn't Lulu Spencer and she never would be.

She hated her.

Well, she really wanted to hate her but she couldn't. She had no right to. Lulu had never done a thing to her and yet the sheer thought of her made Brook want to scream. She was tired of competing with a memory.

"Who was she?" Brook asked, already knowing the answer to that question.

"I don't know… I just—I remembered that I was leaving her… I can't remember why though… I can't—I can't get the sound of her screaming out of my head… it's been haunting me for hours now…" he said, putting his head in his hands.

She sighed heavily and put a hand on Johnny's shoulder. Lulu had a habit of haunting Johnny. She had been for years now. The memory of losing their daughter and him leaving had been plaguing him for years. He lied all the time, saying that he was over her and that she was his life now but deep down Brook knew better.

"I'm sorry…" she said, gently running her fingers through his hair.

"No, I'm sorry… you don't need to be hearing all of this… I'm being insensitive… I have a habit for that now…" he muttered.

"What do you mean?" she asked.

"When I was over Laura's house, I stumbled upon a box of things that used to belong to her daughter, Aura…" he began.

Brook immediately snapped her head up. She knew that the name Laura Webber was suspect and now she knew why. She prayed that she had heard him wrong. She hoped with all of her might that her worst fear wasn't coming true. She hoped that she was just hearing things and Johnny didn't actually say that Laura had a daughter named Aura.

"Wait… what?" she squeaked.

"I said that Laura was telling me about how her daughter, Aura, passed away when she was seven months old…" Johnny said.

"Oh my god…" Brook gasped, covering her mouth with her hands.

"What?" he asked.

"That's—that's horrible… no mother should ever have to watch her child die" she said, recovering from her outburst.

She was shaking all over and felt like she could faint. She didn't think it could happen but this situation just went from bad to worse. This Laura Webber that Johnny had met last night was none other than Lulu Spencer.