A/N: Hello!!! I hope you guys had/are having a wonderful holiday! I know I did :) But wow, this chapter was REALLY hard to write, just because it's super heavy on the dialogue and not so much on description and I had to try to dance around another secret that I don't want to reveal until later but I'm pretty sure that some of you are probably going to get it… alright, enough chatter… happy reading and don't forget to review!!

All I can ever be to you,
Is a darkness that we knew,
And this regret I've got accustomed to…
Once it was so right,
When we were at our high,
Waiting for you in the hotel at night…
I knew I hadn't met my match,
But every moment we could snatch,
I don't know why I got so attached…
It's my responsibility,
And you don't owe nothing to me,
But to walk away I have no capacity…

"Tears Dry On Their Own" – Amy Winehouse

Chapter 5 – Walk Away

"You would tell me if you remembered anything, right?"

Johnny sighed heavily and put his head in his hands. It had been like this for weeks since he had remembered the argument with the mystery woman. Brook had been asking him about his memory what seemed to be every five seconds and he was becoming frustrated with her. He didn't choose what he remembered and he certainly couldn't summon up memories like a magician. She was also clearly bothered by his visit with Laura. In not so many ways, Brook managed to uncover every single second that he had Laura had spent together and found out exactly what was said between the two of them. She was upset to say the least when Johnny told her that she had slept next to him after he had his nightmare and told him in not so many words that he should be wary of her.

"Yes, Brook… I would tell you if I remembered something but I haven't… not about you or anyone else for that matter…" he groaned.

He looked up at her as she stood before him, arms folded and eyes worried. She sighed and sat next to him. She must've realized how paranoid she must've sounded.

"I'm sorry… I'm really trying not to be a monster… I'm just…really… frustrated…" she said, running her fingers through his hair.

"I know the feeling…" he muttered.

"Forgive me?" she asked.

Like he had a choice?

He nodded and she kissed his temple. He put his arm around her and closed his eyes as she snuggled into his chest. He could feel her muscles relax and knew that this was all that she wanted, for him to show some sort of affection towards her like he had done before. He wished that he could magically wake up with all of his memories intact. He didn't like being confused about his feelings for Brook and Laura. In his mind, it shouldn't have been happening like this. He should be falling in love with Brook all over again…

… and not thinking about another woman every waking moment.

Lulu sat on a bench in the park, re-reading one of her favorite books, The Great Gatsby. She didn't feel like staying inside when the sun was starting to come out after a collection of strong storms so she went to the park for some fresh air… and a distraction. It had been weeks since she had seen Johnny but she couldn't stop thinking about him or how stupid she was to tell him about Aura. She had lied to him about her name but why hadn't she lied about Aura? She sighed heavily and went back to reading.

She didn't have the heart to lie about his daughter.

Aura was Johnny's entire world. She could still see his face when she had told him that she was pregnant. The joy that was in his eyes when it dawned on him that she was carrying his child was something that she wanted to have and bottled up forever. She had never seen him so happy. And true to form, Johnny spoiled Aura rotten. He bought her a new toy almost every single week because promised her that she would never question how much he loved her like he had when he was young. Sometimes Lulu thought that he took Aura's death harder than she did. The Johnny that she knew and loved died that day when she left. He just turned into a shell of his former self. She tried to reach out to him, she wanted to save him like he had saved her so many times but he wouldn't let her in.

He was lost to her forever.

Lulu sighed and went back to her book. She didn't know long she had been reading when she felt a hand on her back.

"What're you reading?"

Lulu looked up and saw Carly standing behind her, smiling. Lulu set her book down and hugged Carly tightly.

"I'm so happy to see you…" Lulu said.

"So I see… and you're reading… oh, it must be serious… you always read Gatsby when you're trying to forget something… tell me…" Carly said, sitting back down with Lulu on the bench.

There was so much that was on her mind… so many things that she was confused about. Lulu shut her book and turned to Carly. Carly knew Lulu so well… she hated it but was glad that she could read her because that made everything a bit easier.

"Johnny…" Lulu sighed and Carly grimaced.

It wasn't a secret that Carly didn't like Johnny, especially after seeing the state that he left Lulu in after the divorce. Lulu remembered Carly calling Johnny a few colorful names when she had come down to Manhattan to visit Lulu during the divorce proceedings and he had stopped by the brownstone to pick up a few things that he had left after he moved out.

"Do I even want to know why he's on your mind?" Carly asked, not even attempting to hide the disdain in her voice.

"I saw him a few weeks ago…" Lulu said, looking down at her hands.

"Really? How'd that go?" Carly asked as she leaned back against the bench.

"Confusing… complicated… he was in a car accident and—" Lulu started and Carly sat up.

"Oh my god! Is he ok?" Carly asked and Lulu nodded her head.

"Yeah… he's—he's… well, physically he's fine… but he lost his memory when he got into the accident… he doesn't remember anything about me…" Lulu sighed. Carly blinked slowly, taking in what she had just said, and sighed heavily.

"Well that's—that's heavy…" Carly muttered and Lulu nodded.

"Yeah I know… I didn't believe him at first…" Lulu said.

"You still believe him?" Carly asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I know he's not faking… I—I told him about Aura… and of course he was sad for me but…" Lulu started.

"Wait… did you not tell him that Aura was his daughter?" Carly asked and Lulu looked away.

"Oh my god… you didn't tell him who you were, did you? You didn't tell him that you were married and had a daughter together?" Carly asked.

"No… only because I—I didn't want to remember either! What was I supposed to do? Just tell him how we were married until he broke my heart and left me after our daughter died? How the hell am I supposed to tell him that, Carly?" Lulu cried.

"Lulu… you're playing a really dangerous game here… not telling him the truth about you and your daughter? Do you not want him to get his memory back?" Carly asked, turning towards her cousin.

"How can you even ask me that? Of course I want him to get his memory back! I just—I just wish that I wasn't in this position… I didn't ask for him to come waltzing back into my life, Carly! You know better than anyone that I can't go for another round with Johnny… it would be emotional suicide!" Lulu cried.

"Then you need to tell him the truth… just tell him the truth and then you can wash your hands clean of him…" Carly said.

Lulu looked down at her hands and exhaled deeply. Carly was right. This wasn't fair to Johnny and the sooner she told him the truth, the sooner she could be free of him. She needed to stop being scared and face her demons. She was letting him affect her and she had to put a stop to it. She had wasted too many years of her life being a slave the storm that was Johnny Zacchara.

Enough was enough.

The sky was a beautiful bright blue and the winds had died down as Brook and Johnny walked through the park together. She laced her fingertips through his and looked up at him. He smiled back and gently swung their interlinked hands back and forth.

This was the way it was supposed to be.

Johnny told her that he wanted to do something with her today so he suggested a walk through the park since it was such a nice day. Brook felt like screaming in joy when he said "just the two of us" because she couldn't remember the last time he had said that. They were so busy before the accident that they had almost stopped spending time together entirely. All they had time for were just stolen moments here and there. She felt Johnny stop beside her and she looked back up at him, wondering what was wrong.

"Hey… there's Laura! Let me introduce you to her!" Johnny said excitedly.

Brook looked up and there she was. Sitting on a bench, reading a book, was none other than Lulu Spencer. She had only seen her a few times and she didn't understand why so many men went absolutely crazy for her. Dillon, her uncle and one of her many admirers, had told her that he couldn't explain why he was drawn to Lulu and that it was just something completely out of his control. Brook had to roll her eyes at that. Surely no woman had that much of an effect over a man, she thought.

But as much as she would hate to admit it, Brook wished that she had that ability.

She did something to Johnny that Brook could never do. Lulu was the one person to have Johnny's entire heart. He never trusted anyone with his whole heart and Brook was trying so hard to be the person that he could give himself fully to but a part of her knew that he would never love anyone like he loved Lulu. She liked to disregard that nagging doubt as much as she could but the fact that he was still drawn to her without even remembering who she was hurt her.

"She—she looks pretty into her book, Johnny… let's go for some coffee at Kelly's… or we can go walk down by the pier…" Brook said, trying to pull him in the other direction.

Johnny, of course, didn't listen to her and called out to her and she looked up. Brook could see the shock in Lulu's eyes when she saw her standing next to Johnny. Brook swallowed hard as they began walking towards her.

"Hi, Laura… it's nice to see you again…" Johnny said and Lulu's eyes immediately flashed to her when he called her Laura.

"It's—it's nice to see you too, Johnny…" Lulu said meekly and Brook cleared her throat.

"Oh, I'm sorry… this is Brook… Brook, Laura… Laura this is my fiancée, Brook…" Johnny said, smiling.

Brook extended her hand out to the nervous blond standing in front of her. Brook laughed to herself, thinking that Lulu must've been sweating bullets.

"Nice to meet you, Laura… and I should thank you for letting Johnny crash at your house during the storm…" Brook said, smiling sweetly and putting her hand on Johnny's shoulder.

"It was no problem… wow, Johnny… you didn't do Brook justice when you said that she was beautiful…" Lulu said, folding her arms across her chest, and Brook squeezed his hand affectionately.

"So, how've you been?" Johnny asked.

"Here and there… I'm just glad that this weather let up…" Lulu said, looking up to the sky.

Brook studied Lulu's face as she and Johnny made idle conversation. Lulu was up to something. She just had to be. Why else would she lie about her past with Johnny? And of course, Johnny was just eating all of this up. He was hanging on her every word, looking at her in a way that he never did with Brook. She felt like screaming. What was so great about this stupid girl that made him act like a lovesick fool and completely disregard Brook's presence beside him? She was about to find out.

"Baby… I saw some soft pretzels back at the entrance to the park… do you mind going and getting one for me?" Brook asked in the sweetest voice she could muster up despite the situation.

"Sure… Laura? Do you want one as well?" Johnny asked and Brook rolled her eyes.

"No thanks…" Lulu said.

He nodded and started towards the park entrance. Brook watched him until he disappeared behind some tall shrubs and as soon as he was out of sight, her smile collapsed and she turned back around to face Lulu.

"You're lying to him and I want to know why…" Brook demanded.

"I don't have to answer to you…" Lulu said, sitting back down on the bench and opening her book. Brook gritted her teeth.

"Like hell you do! He's my fiancé!" Brook cried and Lulu rolled her eyes.

"Yeah, you can spot that gaudy ring from across the park…" Lulu laughed and it took everything that Brook had within her not to smack that smug smirk off Lulu's face.

"Stay away from my fiancé…" Brook hissed. Lulu snapped her book shut and narrowed her eyes on Brook. Apparently, that hit a nerve. Lulu rose to her feet and walked towards Brook.

"You… have absolutely no right to tell me to stay away from Johnny." Lulu growled.

"You think that you can just play god with people's lives and tell them what you want to remember? It doesn't work like that, Lulu." Brook said and Lulu laughed.

"Well, why haven't you told him then? Why didn't you tell him the minute he told you about me? Surely you must've been suspicious seeing how I used my mother's name…" Lulu asked, cocking her head to the side, waiting for Brook's response, and when she didn't respond, Lulu chuckled darkly.

"You can't tell him either… because you have just as much stuff to hide as I do…" Lulu said.

"That's not true… I've told him everything about us…" Brook said and Lulu laughed again.

"You told him everything? Really? I doubt that…" Lulu said, shaking her head.

"I have!" Brook screamed.

"Really? Have you really told him the entire disgusting truth? Or are you too scared that he'll never look at you the same way again?" Lulu shrieked.

Brook swallowed hard and lowered her eyes, knowing the truth to her words. Lulu turned away from her and sat down on the bench with her eyes closed, trying to regroup herself before Johnny came back. She should've walked away then. Lulu had won. She had seen right through Brook and found out her deepest fear. If Johnny never knew the truth, then there was a way that they could have a real life together. She finally had a chance to have that life that she dreamt about with Johnny… if he never remembered who they both really were.

"So, don't you dare hurl accusations at me! You have no idea what my life has been like! I'm just trying to get on with my life and if lying to him lets me keep my sanity and lets you cling to the hope that he's going to move on with you, then you shouldn't be questioning my motives!" Lulu cried.

"He blames me, you know… he didn't say it but I could see it in his eyes… I'm—I'm a living a breathing reason why he can never have you back…" Brook said quietly.

"What?" Lulu snapped.

"Before the accident… sometimes I would catch him looking at me… and he'd have this look on his face… it was regret…" Brook said, brushing a tear away from her cheek.

"Then why would he stay with you then?" Lulu asked, matter-of-factly.

"I don't know…" Brook sighed, sitting down next to her.

"Don't expect me to feel sympathy for you because I don't…" Lulu said.

"I know… and I don't deserve it… after everything that I've done to you… I don't expect any… I just—I just…" Brook said, sniffing.

"You just what?" Lulu asked, picking up her book.

"I'm never going to be good enough for him… I'm not you…" Brook said, looking at Lulu.

"I'm not perfect." Lulu said but Brook shook her head.

"To him… you were." Brook said sadly.

It killed her to admit it but it was the truth. How could she live up to Lulu Spencer, the love of his life? Their story was practically legendary. They had saved each other from their demons: him from his father and his twisted family and her from her own bout of mental illness. They had fought for over a year just to be together and no one questioned the depth of their love for each other. Brook sighed heavily and put her hands in her coat pocket. She was fooling herself before the accident, thinking that Johnny could love her with that kind of passion.

"I'm back! Sorry, it took me so long… the line was horrible…" Johnny said, holding two salted pretzels.

Brook smiled sadly and took one of the pretzels that he was holding. He saw down in between them and put his arm around Brook and she felt her heart leap. At least now, he could love her. He could fall in love with her without comparing her to the one that got away. All she wanted was a fair shot at winning his heart and she had a better chance of doing that if he didn't remember everything about his past right away.

"I'm actually going to head home… I promised my aunt that I'd be over for dinner… it was nice seeing you again, Johnny… and it was nice talking to you too, Brook…" Lulu said, rising to her feet.

Lulu began walking but she stopped and turned back around towards them. Brook's heart began racing, wondering what she was going to say.

"Johnny?" Lulu asked.

"Yes?" Johnny asked, looking up at her.

"You're a very lucky guy… Brook loves you a lot… don't let it go to waste…" Lulu said.

"Thanks…" Johnny said.

Lulu's eyes met Brook's and she gave her a small nod before leaving and Brook knew that Lulu wasn't going to tell him anything else. How could she just walk away from Johnny like that? Was it really that simple for her to walk away from a man that she had loved more than her own life at one point? Maybe she had gotten it wrong. Maybe Lulu didn't want Johnny back as some sort of revenge plot. Maybe Lulu truly didn't want Johnny to remember her because she was trying to move on with her life. She watched Lulu walked away and Brook felt Johnny squeeze her gently and put a soft kiss on her temple.

"What's wrong?" he asked and she looked up at him and smiled.

"I love you… so much, Johnny…" she whispered.

Lulu watched Johnny and Brook from a distance. His arm was around her and she was smiling. Lulu didn't know what possessed her to push Johnny towards Brook. His hand other hand was gently resting on Brook's thigh and her hands cupped his face. Lulu felt her heart begin to race. This felt so… wrong.

That should be me…

As soon as she had that thought, she was absolutely horrified. How could she be jealous? It had been four years… four cold and lonely years since she had seen him and now suddenly she was starting to think that she had a claim to him. This was absolutely unacceptable. She couldn't feel this way. She wouldn't allow it. Lulu saw Brook slowly lean in and kiss Johnny softly on the lips and she thought that she was going to be sick and immediately turned away. She focused on the rhythm of her steady footsteps in order to get the image of Brook kissing Johnny out of her mind.

It was going to be hard but she had to do it. A part of her still had hope, that part of her that would always love him. She sighed and shoved her hands into her pocket. She was too old for fairytales. She was done waiting and wishing and hoping. It was the only way for everyone to get what they wanted. Lulu wanted her life back before Johnny, Brook wanted her life with Johnny, and Johnny… Johnny just wanted a life and he could have that with Brook. As much as she hated her, Lulu didn't doubt that Brook loved Johnny with every fiber of her being. She would bend over backwards to make him happy and if she could make him happy, who was she to stand in the middle of that? It was she always wanted for him… Lulu looked up at the clear blue sky and swallowed hard.

She had to walk away…