A/N: I know that this chapter is super late but can't even tell you how hard it was to write this chapter… and on top of the writer's block, I caught what felt like the flu and was out of commission for a while but this is finally done! And I know how much this chapter is needed after last week's gagfest… I mean, last week's General Hospital. But in other news, after this chapter… there's only 2 more chapters plus an epilogue! I finally figured out how to end this thing :) So, as always, thank you so much for your wonderful reviews and for your patience! This chapter is fairly light on the JoLu but it's necessary to move the story along… Anyway, happy reading and don't forget to leave a review!!

You went back to what you knew
So far removed from all that we went through
And I tread a troubled track
My odds are stacked
I go back to black

We only said good-bye with words
I died a hundred times
You go back to her
And I go back to....
I go back to us

"Back to Black" – Amy Winehouse

Chapter 11 – Back to Black

Johnny watched Brook blink slowly as his words washed over her. He knew that she might think that this was a miracle because it would be the start of them rebuilding their relationship. He sighed heavily and sat down on the nearby couch.

"W—What does that mean?" she asked softly.

He looked up at her and she was clutching her bag tightly. Her eyes were wide and fearful of his next move. Things had become so volatile between the two of them that it was almost impossible to predict where one of their conversations could head.

"It means… that I know that you lied to me, Brook." Johnny said flatly.

He watched her face turn ashen white at his statement. There was no malice in his voice and there was no need for it to be there because just hearing the words come out of his mouth was all that was needed to make the guilt ooze from Brook's eyes.

"I've never—I've never lied to you, Johnny… I swear…" she said, frantically.

"Don't even try to cover it up, Brook…" he said, shaking his head.

He turned away from her and started to walk away but she quickly latched onto his arm and pulled him towards her. He looked down at her and he saw the glimmer of tears in her eyes, threatening to spill over if he moved another inch. He couldn't help but to sigh again. She was never going to let go. No matter what he did or what he said, neither Brook nor Lulu was ever going to let him go.

"Johnny… please… you have to believe me! I would never ever lie to you!" she cried.

"I find that really hard to believe…" he growled.

"What's this really about? Who told you that I lied? Laura?" she asked, the disdain was clear in her voice as she uttered the name of the woman who she still considered to be her rival.

"Did I mention her? This is about you and me!" he shouted back, motioning to the space between the two of them.

"Johnny, can't you see what's happening here right now? She's trying to come between us! She has been ever since that night that you met her!" she cried.

Johnny rolled his eyes. She was grasping at straws because she was quickly losing ground. She knew that she was caught and she was desperately trying to stay afloat. He walked over to the desk and retrieved the extra copy of the file that he had made before heading over to Lulu's house and slammed it on the desk.

"What's that?" she asked.

"The truth… the truth that you and Lulu tried to keep from me…" he ground out.

She reached forward and opened the file and the first thing that she saw was the divorce papers. She leafed through the entire file, detailing every aspect that Brook had neglected to tell him. He heard her exhale sharply and her eyes shot up to his, clearly admitting her wrongdoing.

"Johnny… I never—I never meant to hurt you by not telling you…" she explained.

"Of course you didn't…" he growled.

"I—I lied, ok? I admit it… but I only did it because I love you and I just—" she began sputtering out.

Johnny's hand slowly clenched into a fist upon hearing her begin to rationalize her lies. She had the audacity to look him in the eye and tell him that the reason why she withheld information about his past was because she loved him and that was the most infuriating thing he could think of.

"I can't believe that you and Lulu can both justify your lies by saying that you love me… do you know how insulting that is to me?" he roared.

"I just wanted things to get better for us, Johnny!" she sobbed.

"How? How could things get better when you lie to my face, Brook?" he asked.

"I couldn't tell you about the affair, Johnny… you've always resented me for it…" she said, pointing her finger at him accusingly.

"Resented you?" he asked incredulously.

"Yes! Because if you hadn't gotten involved with me, you would still be with Lulu…" she said.

He should've felt sorry for her. He, after all, was the one who brought her into this mess by leading her on. He was the one who made the choice to turn his back on his wife and seek solace elsewhere and when he realized that he had made the wrong choice, he probably did blame Brook for something that was probably not her fault. All she had been guilty of was falling in love with him. He did feel sorry for her, in a small way, but nothing could take the sting out of her betrayal.

"Why would I ask you to marry me then? If I resented you so much for my break-up with Lulu, huh?" he asked, folding his arms.

"You didn't want to be alone… and if you couldn't have 'the love of your life'… then you would just have to settle for me…" she said, sadly.

"How could you still want to be with me if that's what you honestly thought?" he asked, almost repulsed by her devotion to him.

"Because I loved you so profoundly and blindly that I didn't care… I chose to not see all that was staring at me in the face… I naively thought that you needed me and that I was going to be the one who was going to save you from yourself…" she said, brushing the tears away from her eyes.

She turned away from him and walked across the room, heading back over to the couch where she had set down her purse. He watched her as she crossed the room and her engagement ring caught the light as she twisted it around her finger anxiously. He swallowed hard and wondered how he managed to destroy two women's lives just by being loved by them. He surely didn't deserve either of their adoration, did he? He had cheated on Lulu when the worst thing that two parents could ever face hit them and he had lead Brook on for years, with promises of a future that he knew that he would never be able to give her. How could he be worthy of two women who were willing to fight for him?

"But… I slowly began to realize that I couldn't save you, Johnny… because you like holding onto that pain… because it connects you to Lulu… and I that's when I knew that you were never going to get over her…" she said, looking up at him.

He swallowed hard as her words washed over him and he couldn't help but to remember that he had said almost the exact words to Lulu during his misguided quest to win her heart, back when she was simply Laura Webber to him. That pull that he felt towards her on that night that he found her at Jake's was suddenly so clear to him. He had been holding onto her for all of these years deep down and not even the blades of amnesia could break that thread.

"And then the accident happened and when you had no memory of me or of her… I thought that we could have another chance and maybe I could be the one that you couldn't get out of your head for once… maybe you could love me for me and not because of anything that happened between you and Lulu… so tell me, am I a horrible person for that?" she asked, looking at him straight in the eye.

"No… but I just can't sweep it under the rug, Brook. I just—I need some time… by myself." Johnny said, running his fingers through his hair.

"Ok… well, since I'm already packed, I'll just go…" she said, walking over to her suitcase.

"Where will you go?" he asked.

"The Quartermaine Mansion… I owe my grandmother Tracy a visit, anyway…" she said, smiling sadly.

"Can I help you with your bag or anything?" he asked. She walked up to him and put her hand on his cheek. Her skin was warm and soft against his.

"I want you… to take all the time that you need to think… I know that I might be stupid and I'm fighting against destiny or whatever it is that you have with Lulu but… if there's any chance that you could pick me… I want you to take as much time as you need…" she said, putting her hand on his chest.

He nodded and she gave him a soft kiss on his cheek. She then caressed the spot where her lips touched him with her fingertips and backed away. He watched her take her suitcase and head out the door. He sighed and shoved his hands into his pockets. It never occurred to him that he had a choice to make. He knew that he couldn't be angry forever but he wanted to. For both Lulu and Brook to say that they lied to him because they loved him so much made him so angry.

And he was supposed to choose between the two of them?

He shook his head. There was no way that he could justify being with someone after they had lied to him about the most important thing in his life. It didn't matter how much he loved Lulu or how badly he felt about what he had done to Brook. He just couldn't do it. His eyes fell to the liquor cart and locked onto the bottle of scotch that stood there. Without a second's hesitation, he picked up the bottle and poured himself a glass. He knew that getting drunk wasn't going to fix anything but it would be a very welcomed temporary distraction.

The morning sky was a crisp blue as Lulu walked the grounds, carrying a bouquet of white lilies. The grass was wet and springy beneath her boots and the cool air felt fresh against her skin, the only way it did after a huge rainstorm. Carly had been so wonderful after she had shown up at the house late last night. Sometimes Lulu thought that if it hadn't been for Carly, she would've ended up in a padded cell in Shadybrook for the rest of her life. Lulu knelt down, setting the white lilies beside the marble plaque, and traced the letters on her daughter's headstone.

"Hi baby…" she whispered.

She would give anything just to be able to hold her daughter again, even if for a moment. She wanted to hear her laugh again and to see her big brown eyes that were filled with such wonder… those same eyes that Aura inherited from her father. Lulu put her hand over her heart and exhaled deeply.

"I miss you… so very much… there's not a day that goes by when I don't think of you… and I know that your daddy misses you too… even if he can't remember you right now…" she exhaled.

It was partially her fault. If she had just made the other choice that night at Jake's or had confessed the truth the countless times that they had met after the accident, he might've forgiven her and maybe he would be sitting beside her right now in front of their daughter's grave. Maybe he would be holding her hand as she spoke and he would give her reassuring smiles. She needed that so much right now.

"You know… I was always jealous of you and him… did I ever tell you that? You would not go to sleep for anyone except for your dad… he would just hold you and sing to you every single night before you went to sleep… I tried doing that for you but you just wouldn't have it… it had to be Johnny…" she said, smiling.

She could picture Johnny holding Aura, singing to her as her little eyelids grew heavy. She could watch him all day like that, with her heart swelling with love and pride as she looked in on her perfect little family. She loved them so much. She had loved him so much. She sighed heavily and brushed a tear that was lingering on her eyelash.

"A lot's happened since you've been gone… but in a way… nothing's changed… I—I love Johnny… after all this time and despite everything that tells me that I shouldn't… I tried so hard not to fall back in love with him but I couldn't help it… you know how he is… he can just smile and I'm completely gone…" she mused.

She had been powerless to stop herself from falling back in love with Johnny. He pushed and pushed, knowing something that she had tried to deny for the past four years: they belonged together. She didn't think that it was possible but she had forgiven him for everything. She didn't know when it happened exactly but somewhere along the way she was able to look at him and see past the mistakes that he had made and suddenly it wasn't his most defining characteristic. Now, she would give anything to have Johnny look at her and not see the woman that lied to him. She wanted that same forgiveness that she had bestowed upon him.

"I wish you were here, Aura… you and Johnny were the glue that held me together and without the two of you, I just—I'm lost… and I know that you're not coming back… I've dealt with it and come to terms with it… but my heart—my heart just misses you like crazy, sweetie…" she whispered.

The white marble was cool underneath her fingertips as she grazed over the gold lettering, tracing the letters in her daughter's name. For too long she had allowed herself to let herself be bogged down in the past. Spending time with Johnny and remembering how they used to be shook her awake from what seemed like four years of sleep. She hadn't felt happy in forever and now that she had found it again, she couldn't go back. Her heart had come alive again and she wouldn't deny it of what she wanted.

"I want him back, Aura… I have to have him back… your daddy and I need each other… even if he can't see it right now… I think that even you knew that when you were with us… you were always a perceptive little girl…" she said.

She rose to her feet and sighed heavily. This had been the first time that she had been at her daughter's grave and hadn't completely broken. It was actually the first time she felt a sense of relief by talking to her. After all this time, she was beginning to find her way down the path of healing. She reached down and put the lilies right in front of the plaque and smiled slightly

"I love you, Aura… so much…" she muttered.

Johnny woke to a splitting headache. The sun, which was welcoming after the days of rain, was now burning his sensitive eyes and sending blinding pain through his forehead. He didn't make it upstairs last night after Brook had left. Instead, he had passed out on the nearby couch in the study, from what he could remember. He made a vow to not drink scotch for a while as he sat up. He looked over at his watch, squinting as his eyes adjusted. It read twelve thirty-five.

"Damn it…" he muttered.

He hissed in pain as he slid to his feet and walked over to the liquor cart, bypassing the scotch in question and heading straight for the water. He hobbled back over to the desk and began to leaf through the delivery menus of the neighboring restaurants. He needed food and he needed it fast. This hangover was surely going to kill him. Surely he had thought wrong when he came to the conclusion that the pain of being lied to was more than the pain of a hangover. He fished some aspirin out of his desk and swallowed them with a large glass of water, not hearing someone at the door, knocking.

What was he supposed to do?

Was he supposed to forgive them both? Just excuse the fact that they both took advantage of his amnesia and used it to their own advantage? And even if he was able to forgive the two of them, what then? Was he supposed to make a choice? How could he be with someone who had broken that trust? Of course he knew that he was no saint either. His memories of all of his sins were clear about that but he couldn't remember the man that he used to be. He wasn't that man that had cheated and left Lulu after Aura had died and he wasn't the man that preyed on Brook's insecurities about love and made her so hopelessly dependent on him.

That man was a stranger to him.

He sighed and settled on Chinese food. Surely the carbohydrates would do him some good in soaking up the liquor in his body and he knew that he couldn't come to a decision when he was hung over.

"Johnny…"

He groaned, knowing that voice. It had haunted him for so long. He knew that he shouldn't raise his head. He wanted to have the strength to not answer her but her voice just slipped inside of him and he was powerless to stop it. His eyes met hers and he gritted his teeth as he took in her appearance. He didn't know how she did it but she was even more beautiful than he remembered, with her tousled blonde hair and her beautiful and pleading eyes.

"What do you want?" he growled.

Lulu closed the door behind her and walked over to his desk slowly. His heart started to speed up as she came near him and he felt his palms start to sweat. He swallowed hard and sat back in his chair, trying to stay as far away from her as possible. She put her palms on the desk and leaned forward. He could smell the faint scent of her perfume and he had to hold his breath so that he wouldn't pass out from the overwhelming sense of longing that was creeping up on him. She smiled slightly at him and cleared her throat.

"You… I want you…" she said.