2. It took me ten years...
Renesmee
Anybody can become angry - that is easy, but to be angry with the right person and to the right degree and at the right time and for the right purpose, and in the right way - that is not within everybody's power and is not easy.– Aristotle
Hiding is like a natural talent for a vampire, we were built for it as my father might say. He might also ramble on about how we are killers, well not really around me, but I had heard his arguments with my mother over the nature of vampires as killers. I had read enough about vampires, not to mention having lived with a pack of them, and being half of one myself to know that vampires were meant for hiding. Dark allies, shadowed corners with our movements no one could hear and our senses that left humans defenseless to our presence. Not that I would really know off-hand. I had never killed a human. My family was against the killing of humans for their blood, and though I had thought about it and possibly wanted to sometimes I wasn't allowed. Carlisle had anticipated that I might need human blood for my development and kept a stock of it in the house, just for the moments when I might become bloodthirsty. It was something that him and Jasper had discussed on occasion, a lengthy conversation that usually bored me but consisted of talk about my development being some combination of human growth and newborn vampire years. Really it just meant that I might crave more human blood than I should, that I might become unstable emotionally according to Jasper. While Carlisle also argued I would need the blood, and maybe human vitamins to keep me growing, as well as possibly experiencing some stages of human development though never of them was quite sure how the mixture would really work.
Really all this meant to me is that I might but had yet to truly crave human blood, to make a kill as Jasper put it. I think it might come one day, I had fancied the idea sometimes, wanting to be more vampire than human but my family usually talked me out of it within minutes with their talks of morals and souls. Not that I don't believe in morals and souls, I do, I guess but sometimes I wonder if they aren't all wrong and maybe we are meant to do just what we were built for, kill. I twisted in my chair ever so slightly, hoping the movement wouldn't alert anyone of my whereabouts. I had been hiding, yes, that is what sparked my thoughts on my vampire nature. I knew vampires could hide from anything except other vampires. I was desperate for some alone time away from my overbearing family. I had in a moment slipped away from them, flying into my grandfather's office hoping that no one would think to look for me there. It was a well thought out plan because Carlisle wouldn't be home from the hospital until well into the night and the rest of the family didn't often wander into his office. Thinking about the situation I had only ever seen my father and mother wander into Carlisle's office when he wasn't home. For a second I had a tinge of possible regret thinking that maybe it was a respect thing and that maybe I shouldn't be in his office without his permission. But I quickly shook the thought from my head, I was given everything I asked for so why did I need to ask for anything anymore?
I smirked a bit at myself. Perfect plan. That is until I felt my phone ring and then heard it, so much for hiding from the vampires. I knew everyone had heard it but when no one came parading in I was perplexed. Maybe someone had finally figured out that I wanted to be alone, thank God for Uncle Emmett sometimes. He was the only one that would have thought my running off might mean I didn't want attention, not that I was seeking more as I am sure that is what Rose thought. I shifted my weight around a bit more now that I didn't have to worry about being heard because my hiding was known but not disturbed. Looking down at my phone I giggled a bit, it had been Emmett who called me probably trying to figure out if I was still in the house or had crawled out some window. Yes, I am still in the house they could stop worrying about my running off for tonight at least.
My grandfather's office was warm and welcoming with its light browns, reds and cream colors. This particular office didn't look like the one in Forks this office was more Frank Wright with open space, high ceilings, fancy log cabin in the redwoods. I wasn't sure yet which office I liked better, I remembered the other office like it had been and as the place that I had almost watched my mother die. I shuddered, as it was a memory I didn't like it was a bit haunting to know that I had killed my mother. My father and Jacob had fought with me several times when I had let the feeling overcome me that it wasn't my doing at all. My father was fierce in his convictions that he shouldn't have allowed it to happen, but it was my mother that always calmed me down. She would wrap her arms around me and tell me that she had made the decision and that I had brought her two things. The first something that she had wanted since she had met my father, for him to make her like him a vampire. The second being myself, a baby, a combination of her and my father that neither of them ever thought they could have but did. It was amazing how calm my mother was about her death, she pretended she didn't remember the pain of it all for my father's sake but everyone knew she was lying. Well almost everyone, I think that my father and Carlisle might still believe she really didn't remember the pain but I couldn't be sure.
I hated to admit it but I might miss my parents. I had been away from my mother for three days, when I had been born and that was it. I had never been away from my father. So today it had been bothering me all day and it was starting to grate my nerves that I missed them. This was really messing with all my thoughts of being independent. Maybe I wasn't as old as I thought I was, well that is an understatement. My life was a jumbled mess of ages, because I knew I was actually only seven years old. Sometimes when I went out with Jacob I would beg to go to a park where I would watch the "regular" seven year olds. Those little girls wore multi-layered skirts and princess t-shirts with ribbons in their hair. They read books with more pictures than words and thought of nothing outside of sand castles and princesses. Well at least that is what it looked like. But me, as a seven year, wore designer jeans and fancy tank tops with jewels that were from the mid 1920s. I read Anne Rice books about Vampires, CS Lewis books about religion, Shakespeare novels about love and other such classics without any pictures in them at all. And my world was filled with thoughts of immortality, death, purpose of life, longevity of love, and so much out of the realm of a seven year old. But here I was, sitting in my grandfather's office curled up missing my parents.
I must have fallen asleep, exhausting myself with my overloading emotions. Not sure how long it was that I was curled up on the couch, but however long my neck didn't appreciate it. The lights flickered around me and my eyes flapped open unwillingly. I hated being woken up. I blinked and stretched out my body from my fetal position.
"You've had Rosalie in an uproar for a few hours now." My grandfather laughed a bit at me. My eyes took a second to re-focus as I looked towards the desk where he was sitting. Carlisle sat relaxed at his desk looking over his papers as calm as ever without even looking up at me.
"Why?" I groaned. He smiled lightly but still didn't look up.
"She does not like to be ignored, you know how Rosalie is." I sighed and pulled my legs up to my chest comfortably.
"I believe that Jacob has called you a few times." Carlisle stated quietly. I slipped my hand into my pocket and pulled out my little silver phone. Looking at the screen I noticed that Jacob had called more than a few times, he might at this point be near panic.
"He is sitting downstairs playing something on that new Wii with Jasper and Emmett." Carlisle added, probably noticing the panic now on my face. I glared at him at that moment.
"Why?" I snarled a little bit. Carlisle looked up at me this time surprised by my anger.
"When you didn't answer he called Emmett, worried. Emmett told him that you were asleep in my office and they didn't want to bother you. So he came over to wait for you to wake." Carlisle was intently starring at me, studying my face with his kind old eyes. I was glowering at him now upset over his calm, over his all-knowing look, over the smirk that I sensed at the corner of his lips. I crossed my arms at him and settled myself into the chair.
"So much like Edward." I heard Carlisle grumble a bit before sighing and turning back to his work. "What is bothering you Renesmee?"
I snarled again, though he ignored it. My grandfather sat there smug in his wisdom. Why would he say I was like my father, if I was like my father I would be able to hear his thoughts now. But I had my talent, though I loved, wasn't as handy as my father's mind reading abilities. And then there was the fact that my grandfather refused to pet me as much as the others, he referred to me by my name and demanded that I act for myself. He called me Renesmee when he was questioning my spoilt nature, as my parents put it, and challenging me to stop acting like a baby. At least that's what it felt like he was doing.
"Nothing." I growled a bit my anger was almost electrifying.
"Nessie, you seem cranky and tired. Are you feeling all right?" He asked suddenly taking a different tone with me. He had stood up in a fluid motion and was at my side. The back of his hand on my forehead within seconds while his other hand was settled on my wrist.
"I feel fine Carlisle." I snapped trying to shake him from me. He could not be shaken though, I might be strong for half human but I was weak for half vampire.
"You seem agitated." He frowned, trying to decide if my heartbeat was normal. I touched his hand transferring thoughts, rapidly to make him understand and hating to speak anymore. All my thoughts from the afternoon went fluidly into his mind, my fears of being without my parents, the feelings of missing them. Then there were my questions about what age I was suppose to act and what I was suppose to be like, and then came why I wanted to be so independent and why my parents didn't want me to be. All these visions transferred as memories, as thoughts, as visions that had yet to happen but I had imagined in my mind. He smiled knowingly.
"Yes that is normal." Carlisle suggested.
"Normal for what I am, normal for children, or normal for young vampires?" I almost screamed at him and his calmness.
"No need to scream." He suggested, his eyebrows shooting up. Carlisle was against raising one's voice, and didn't approve of uncontrolled temper but I didn't seem to care at the moment. I grabbed his hand that was slipping away from my wrist and transfer another vision, this one of annoyance over his patience that was never ending.
"Yes normal indeed." Carlisle said quietly this time. I screeched a second and jumped to my feet.
"We all miss them, you have never been apart from them. We have been separate from each other before. So it's something we have experienced and we know how to deal with it, no matter how old you look or how old you want to be, you must understand that you have yet to have such experiences. You are still young, so much you don't know about and haven't seen. Renesmee you are still a child in that aspect and we just want to protect you, let you experience your life in a safe environment with people who will take care of you." Carlisle smiled down at me kindly. His smile seemed mocking to me though and I felt my cheeks burn in a way that was unfamiliar to my vampire body.
"Maybe I don't want your help?" I shouted as I stormed out of the room. I heard him softly laughing behind me and mumble the word teenagers. I slammed the door behind me, feeling his calmness break for a second because he hated slamming doors but he made no attempt to follow me. Just let me be, and I stomped my feet along the floorboards of the hallway. As I was tumbling up the stairs to my tower room, warm hands crept along my waist and I was engulfed in warmth. The smell of dog, motor oil, sweat, and dirt with a light aroma of peppermint and soap was around me and before I could even truly react. Jake was whispering in my ear. His face was nestled into my hair, his arms tighten around my waist and his warm breath danced on my cheek. I couldn't think of my anger, I couldn't remember where I was and I forgot that I had been tormented by my thoughts all day.
"You've been hiding from me all afternoon." Jacob whispered but as he sensed my body tense at the words he changed course. He kissed my neck lightly before speaking again to distract me I'm sure.
"What has been bothering my sea monster?" He laughed at me. My nose scrunched at his nickname for me, it was not one that I was fond of. Jake didn't really wait for my response as in seconds he moved one of his arms to behind my knees and cause me to fall ever so gracefully into his arms. I laughed and he carried me up the rest of the stairs telling me about his day, again not waiting for the answer to his question.
"I had my philosophy class this morning. The topic reminded me of Edward and you. Sometimes I wonder if you know how much you really are like him. Don't get me wrong you're like Bella too, those eyes for example are just as angry with me now as hers ever were." Jacob laughed as he set me down on the bed. I scurried a bit to sit before he attempted to throw himself on top of me.
"So are you going to tell me what's eating you?" Jake caught hold of my foot and held it steady in his grip.
"Nothing can eat me." I spat at him, crossing my arms. He laughed heartily before grabbing my other foot and pulling me down. He pushed me down onto the bed, holding me, making me look him in the eye and I couldn't help but smile. Stupid Jacob always smiling it made it almost impossible to be mad at him for anything. As I smiled, he winked at me and waited. Holding me down as a prisoner in my own room. I didn't mind much though I had missed him all day. I took in each breath of his scent around me and focused on the heat of his hands as they held my wrists. It was something of a wonder to me how I had grown up these years, learning Jacob, knowing Jacob, and loving Jacob. In turn he had learned everything about me, Jacob reacted to me almost better than my very parents and I didn't understand if it was something to do with the mythical imprinting of his tribe or because he loved me. I stared at him now and found myself haunted with the thoughts that had occasionally crossed my mind. Did Jacob love me because he had to, or did he love me because he wanted to, I was never sure exactly how imprinting worked. I had tried to study, I had attempted to ask, but an answer had yet to come.
"You're family heard your tantrum with Carlisle. You shouldn't yell at him like that." Jacob finally sighed.
"Are you going to lecture me about yelling at people?" I challenged. He let go of my wrists and shifted his body to be next to mine, but he held one of my hands.
"Why is it bothering you so much?" Jacob whispered. I shrugged and pulled his arm to become my pillow comfortably. I stared at the patterns his skin made at the inside of his elbow, noticing the same scars probably from fights he had with one of his many wolf brothers years before I was born. Everyone I knew had scars from the fights of yesterday. So many things I hadn't experienced, the words of Carlisle echoed in my head. My phone vibrated in my pocket again.
"That's them." Jacob nudged me his voice was sluggish. Jacob's ability to fall asleep anywhere at any moment was cause for envy. I flipped open the phone and slid it to me ear.
"Princess is something wrong?" Came my father's voice, a silky combination of concern and persuasion. I choked a little bit, and I knew he had heard my hesitation when I answered the phone and now the emotion in my lack of words.
"Nessie?" His voice became sterner than it had been moments ago. My father didn't often practice patience.
"Nothing is wrong." I sighed. I heard his soft rumbling laughter on the other side of the phone.
"Renesmee." His voice told me every word he was thinking.
"How is the island?" I asked trying to swayed his thoughts.
"How are you?" He replied back. I giggled at his focus, my mother was easier to distract.
"Do you think I need to have more experiences?" I whispered, though I knew he could hear every word. There was silence between us for a few moments while Jake stirred in his sleep next to me.
"What type of experiences?" His voice was careful and planned.
"Carlisle and I were fighting…" I started.
"Renesmee you were fighting with Carlisle?" His voice was angry now, damn my choice of words.
"Talking maybe. It was nothing. Just something he said, can I talk to Mom?" I asked desperately.
"Yes, we will speak about this later. I will be calling Carlisle, you know." He warned before instantly my mother's voice was on the other end.
"Princess why are you fighting with Carlisle?" She asked. I groaned, why couldn't they just drop things I didn't want to talk about.
"I think I was just in a mood." I replied back. "He woke me from a nap."
"Well you should get some sleep tonight. We miss you very much. Get some rest and be good." I smiled and nodded.
"Can daddy sing to me?" I whispered. I heard his laughter in the background again. The humming was soft, familiar and lulling me into a peaceful sleep. Not sure how my phone got put away, Jake probably woke up and put it away for me. He must have woken up several times during the night because when I woke up, I was under the covers and he was spiraled across the bottom end of the bed.
"Breakfast?" Jacob mumbled to me, I saw his eyes fluttering resisting the urge to be awake. I rolled over and looked at the blinking alarm clock on the night table and knew there would be no time for breakfast.
"Late!" I screeched as I sped past Jacob's limp body and changed quickly into the nearest outfit. As I was pulling a pale purple cable sweater over my head and slipping into a pair of gray converse, I threw a shirt at Jacob.
"Why are you in such a hurry?" He groaned as he sat up and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes.
"Time. Late for class. Both of us." I spat the words out and threw my hair up into a half bun and put on long pocket watch that had my family's crest on it.
"Even half disheveled you are the most beautiful woman I've ever seen." Jacob's eyes were wide now, sparkling almost. I smiled laughing at him a moment before winking and walking out of the room. I lost my footing on the stairs and found myself looking up at my Aunt Alice.
"Carefully." She smiled. "Sometimes the Bella in you just comes out." Her graceful swan like arms pushed me back onto my feet. She smiled, her glittering teeth almost blinding me in the shimmer of the morning sun. Jacob came jogging down the stairs after me, dressed perfectly to match my attire. I wonder if he did that on purpose.
"Rose and I thought you might want to go hunting with us tonight?" Alice asked. I nodded grateful at the opportunity to hunt the very thought giving me a painful stab of dryness in the back of my throat.
"We better get going though." Jake nudged me, running to the door. I touched Alice, asking her how my day was going to go, without using my words. She smiled at me and shrugged.
"Still a little unclear. Maybe stay away from stairs." She laughed and skipped away from me probably to find Jasper. I ran out the door and jumped onto the back of Jacob's already moving motorcycle. I noticed this was one of the first mornings someone didn't wake me up, without my parents the rest of the family seemed less noticing of the time. Did they expect me to get up by myself for school, would they have let me skip the day had I wanted? I might try to see how the idea would float tomorrow, or maybe I just wouldn't get up. I transfer thoughts of what to do with our afternoon to Jacob as he drove speeding most of the way. Of course our Victorian family house was far away from the rest of town. Granted with the way that most of the people I knew drove it mattered little as it only took us ten minutes to get anywhere no matter the distance.
Most of the day at school passed like a blur much like everyday of high school. I paid attention to about one tenth of my high school experience and truthfully it was slightly mundane and petty. The hallways and classroom were filled with popularity contests, lust-love relationships, demonstrations of strength and power though I suppose those are typical in the real world too outside the walls of Hanover High. I usually picked one class a day to really pay attention to, sometimes the same class for the week and other times a different class a day. Often times it would be my history class, the teacher was animated and the subject was just so much more interesting than English or Math. But lately I had been only paying attention in my Spanish class, trying to really learn another language because I was determined to go to South America. If I could spend this week alone without my parents, a few weeks maybe months wouldn't be hard. Right?
Today though sitting in my Spanish class, nothing could keep me focused on the lecture. A lesson in travel vocabulary, how to ask for directions what phrases would come in handy. No matter how relevant the lesson might be to my future plans my eyes wandered to the map of South America. It mocked me, with its bright colors and Spanish named cities. Suddenly the anger that I had about not being allowed to do anything, about my predicament in age and experience bubbled inside me. Why wasn't I allowed to do anything, I gritted my teeth letting the anger settle. How could I age as Carlisle had said I would with experiences if I wasn't allowed to have any of my own devices? Hadn't my entire family had their own experiences made their own choices? They had lived their lives and their choices had been theirs, hadn't they? My fists were clenching and everything in my body seemed to ache with stress of anger and then came the scent around me. I was caught off guard by the desirable way the scent of human blood danced around me.
Suddenly the venom gushed into my mouth and the back of my throat burned fiercely. What had happened, nothing was different. I had sense the blood before, I knew all the people in the room. I was rarely so affected by the scent of human blood, had I spent too many days without hunting? I tried to focus on the causes but was taken again by the intensity of desire. I tightly closed my eyes.
I could feel the slower beating hearts around me. Noticing the boy in front of me had a stronger scent and a stronger heart than the coughing girl behind me. I could easily overtake the boy in front of me, a track runner that I could outrun. Maybe before practice I would see if he would carry my books to a quiet place, show interest in him. I had never really thought of a plan to kill anyone, I had never had human blood that I had gotten for myself. Was this what I was missing, the real step to being a vampire I wondered. The pain was overbearing and my vision was distorted by pain. The bell rang and I didn't even know what to do with my emotions, my desires, and my natural instincts but before more debate my phone vibrated.
I answered without thought, without looking at who it was.
"What?" I barked.
"Emmett is coming to get you, now." Alice's voice was steady calm.
"But…" I started.
"No, I suddenly saw something. You have to stop thinking about it, go straight to the office. He will sign you out. Understand?" Alice was firm in her authority, very unlike her usual self.
"Yes ma'am." I said softly, the dryness in my throat was subsiding. I walked without much thought to the office trying not to listen to the beating hearts around me. Such a fancy collection of noises, the faster beats belonging to clumsy couples made nervous by each other and slower beats of students asleep with eyes open. I opened the door to the office, taking in another breath and with every millisecond of it I could sense the blood again. How hard could it be to kill someone, it couldn't be hard? It had to be natural, something with how to lead them away, using my instincts I could seduce them and sink my teeth into them to slowly experience something. I was thinking these thoughts as I mindlessly signed myself out and responded to questions from the front office lady.
"You don't look good Renesmee." The woman commented, and I could feel the flush in my cheeks and knew I must look sick.
"I'm not sure I feel well." I replied faintly. I had only one more period left of the day, English. Had Alice seen something that I did in that class, she sometimes had murky visions of me. Her visions might be getting stronger as I get older, Carlisle was convinced that another few decades and she would be able to see Jacob and myself just as well as she saw them. But if Alice had seen something, if she had sent Emmett to get me, had she seen me finally being a vampire. Had I fallen subject to the gushing venom the intense desire of my body, as I thought about it again my stomach began to knot in hunger. Never had I wanted blood so much, in my short seven years, well that I could really remember. I believe that when I was an infant I demanded the blood that my family willingly gave to me, but there was a difference here. I wanted to hunt. As my eyes began to swim and my mind to wander on some type of action plan to have the woman in the office, I felt the strong grasp of my Uncle Emmett. His giant hand was sitting on my shoulder and I looked up to see him smiling and ever so slightly shaking his head at me.
"I'll be taking her home, thank you." Emmett said to the office lady, before forcefully pulling me out of the office with a guiding hand. I don't know if he expected me to fight him, or if he was just use to being precautionary because of Jasper but he had one hand steady on my shoulder and his other bear arms wrapped around my waist.
"Emmett." I coughed my throat was so uncomfortably dry.
"How did you even get this thirsty?" Emmett's voice seemed disgruntled. I shivered and my eyes prickling with tears as they looked up at my uncles face.
"No I'm not mad at you." He sighed, seeing my face. He seemed annoyed at my pace all of a sudden and had me in his arms as he walked speedily towards the car.
"Emmett?" I questioned again as he placed me in his jeep, quickly strapping me in.
"You don't look well, flushed as if something was wrong. It's so hard to tell if it's normal for you, I think I might call Carlisle." Emmett suggested. Now I understood, he was worrying about me. His strength and impatience was because he didn't understand or have control over the situation. Emmett was never one for patience and he didn't like situations where he couldn't fight a way to his solution. He was driving unbearable slow for him, especially in his jeep. I watched as he shot glances at me and fidgeted with the temperatures in the car though I knew that heat or cool didn't matter to him or to me.
"Why are you driving so slow?" I demanded. He looked at me, his eyes focused on my face before speeding up and not answering my question.
"How was school?" He asked instead. I gritted my teeth annoyed at his ignoring me.
"Great until that last bit there, where I felt like I was…" I stopped, clutching my stomach that was churning again like it had been on campus. My eyes snapped to outside the window, a lemonade stand was sitting on the street corner with a group of grade school children. Emmett caught my action and the car roared as it sped away from the scene.
"What is going on?" I demanded.
"I think you're thirsty." Emmett laughed. He fished in his pocket and pulled out a tin water bottle, my nostrils flared, as I knew what was in the bottle.
"Here." He shoved the bottle towards me, commanding me to drink. Not that I needed to be commanded to drink anything currently. I clutched the bottle, sucking like an infant on it, calming the churning and the burning. Emmett chuckled near me and I hissed at him.
"Slowly princess, Rose and Alice are going to take you hunting tonight. You want to make sure not to over do it with the little bit in that bottle." He commented. I hissed again at him, but I slowed my sucking. I savored the blood that now mixed with my own venom.
"You still look strange." Emmett frowned. The car had stopped and I felt so much better, the dryness gone. I studied the house, smiling at the soft colors and the wrapping porch enjoying the sight of the house in the late afternoon light. The beauty distracted me for a few seconds only snapping back to attention by noticing the mumbling besides me.
"Maybe a bit paler and definitely flushed. She seemed dazed, eyes partially glazed like she was thirsty." Emmett was mumbling into his slim black phone. I threw off my seat belts and threw myself at Emmett, clawing for his phone.
"Renesmee!" His deep voice grumbled from his chest, where I had landed and was sitting clutching at the phone.
"I don't need any attention from Carlisle!" I shouted. Emmett was shocked for less than a second before grabbing me around the waist and lifting me like a toddler over his shoulder. Effortlessly grabbing his phone back as he held me tight, my head and arms over his back as he kept talking to Carlisle.
"She sort of lunged at me." He started saying into the phone.
"Emmett! This is absurd. Put me down, I feel fine!" I shouted at him. He closed the phone, without finishing the conversation I think. I was so anger at him, why couldn't he just ask me before calling Carlisle. Why was everything about me everyone else's business? Couldn't the big brute notice I was obviously feeling better and there was no need to alert everyone else.
"What is wrong with you?" Emmett set me down on the porch, his arms holding me down by the shoulders.
"Why couldn't you talk to me about how I felt instead of calling Carlisle!" I shouted, stamping my foot a bit. I wrapped my fingers around one of Emmett's wrist and transferred thoughts, sick of speaking. My visions were filled with annoyance over everyone watching everything I did, everyone making decisions for me, so much anger was building up in me as each vision passed. Emmett was frowning, but watched each vision that I gave him.
"We are worried. And you still don't look well." He sighed. I snapped again, something about his tone and his weary look made me so mad.
"Stop worrying! I don't need you!" I shouted at him, flying into the house. My fists were clenching and the knotting in my stomach came back. I went to my parents' room, slamming the door as I entered hearing the voices underneath me.
Rose demanding what Emmett did wrong. Alice agreeing that I was acting strange. Emmett grunting he did nothing to deserve being yelled at and how the women in our family were a bit too high strung on occasion. I turned on my father's stereo, turning up the sound and playing his recorded version of my mother's lullaby. I curled up on the large black couch the same one that had come with us across country from the old house. I pulled out my phone to text Jake.
"I yelled at Emmett." I sent the message and sighed. Maybe something was wrong with me. I had never felt the venom gush in my mouth as it had today. The desire to kill had never been as strong as it had been today. Was there something different about me, I jumped to look in the mirror. Little changed noticeably about me these days, my face was the same rounded with the pointed nose and chin like my father's. I ran my hand along my ribs and around my waist, was I taller? Pressing my hand to my head, I didn't think I had grown anymore. I twirled my bronze ringlets that fell down to my waistline. Seth said my hair always reminded him of a Roman Goddess. I smiled at my reflection thinking how other people didn't control a Goddess. My phone went off again and I flipped it opened.
"Having a bad day?" Jake responded back. I smiled, always understood me. I floated my fingers over some letters, responding before really thinking.
"You'll be here later?" I questioned. There was a light knock on the door.
"Nessie." Rosalie cooed to me from the other side. I rolled my eyes at the sweetness mingled with the pleading in her voice. She didn't wait for me to answer the door, but rather glided into the room. I sat down on the couch not glancing towards her but reading the text Jake had sent back.
"Of course :D." It was impossible not to smile thinking of his goofy smile to me. The text version did him no credit. Rosalie started playing with my hair, gliding her hands over each lock as she picked up parts of it in a fancy style above my head. It was soothing to us both when she played with my hair. I rested my head against one of her arms, resting my eyes.
"Is something wrong princess?" She asked quietly, persuasive. I frowned and slide my hand into hers and without speaking I sent her my day. Thoughts of thirst, everything that had made me angry, my desired trip to the rain forests of South America.
"Edward said you were to go to South America next summer darling." She petted. I gritted my teeth. I shook my head frustrated that no one understood how I wanted to go alone on my trip, alone with Jake.
"And for your thirst Alice and I thought we might all go hunting." She ignored my shaking head. I sighed, knowing I wouldn't be able to hide from my family the entire afternoon again like yesterday. Rosalie was looking at me with the same concern as Emmett had in the Jeep and I growled a second.
"Come on then." She grabbed my hand and pulled me up, her concern being changed to a different emotion maybe a combination of shock and excitement? I let her lead me out of the room, she chattered about going on a shopping trip tomorrow afternoon.
"We were thinking you might want some new outfits? For your trip to Forks, and maybe we can find some gifts for Charlie." I let Rosalie gone on, as I watched Alice dance towards me. Her feet seemed to never touch the ground as her toes pointed and her hips swayed. In seconds she was in front of me, her tiny hand sliding into mine. At one point in my life I thought that I would never be as tall as Alice, now I realized what I silly thought that had been. If I was going to be taller than anyone it was going to be Alice, not by much, my parents of course weren't that tall but I was just a bit taller than she was now.
"We will have such a fun time hunting tonight! And then tomorrow you don't have to go to school, we'll have our nice shopping trip and maybe get makeovers." Alice was just as chatty as Rosalie it seemed. They were trying to distract me, make me feel better, spoil me into forgetting whatever it was that was bothering me. Not to mention that by keeping me close they would be able to watch me.
"Alice what did you see?" I said as we got to the bottom of the stairs. I heard my voice echo, it was firm but I knew I was scared. What was I scared of, the answer? Maybe that Alice wouldn't tell me? Or was I scared of what she saw?
Emmett and Jasper were in the living room, playing that stupid video game again. This time it seemed they were playing something that involved guns, some kind of war game. Just up Jasper's alley, he enjoyed anything that involved strategy. I am sure that Emmett was not enjoying the game as much. But the moment I spoke and we reached the bottom of the stairs, my uncles stopped playing. The computer score was quickly changing, higher and higher as Emmett and Jasper dropped their controllers to stare at us.
"I didn't see anything that bad, just a precaution you understand to send Emmett. You know my visions are subjective." Alice hushed me. I felt calmness come over me and I let Jasper have control of my emotions. I looked up at him and smiled, though I knew the look in his eye too well by this point. But there was something different in Jasper, something more like understanding than just worry and concern. I made a mental note to talk to Jasper later, though I knew from the way he was starring at me that he intend to speak to me as well.
"Don't stay out too late. Esme worries you know." Emmett said more to Rosalie and Alice. Again another one of those instances when I wasn't the adult in the room, forever the rest of my family would be the older and wiser. I really didn't think they would ever stop treating me like a child.
"You're wrong, we might." Jasper whispered to me, before sending another wave of calmness. I sighed and smiled at him, he winked but didn't say anything else.
Rosalie and Alice pulled me to the outdoors and let go of me as we reached the edge of the woods, the darkness of the night coming in on us. I took a deep breath of the night air around me and took off in a run towards more darkness, and let the instincts I had fought so poorly this afternoon take hold of me again.
The night went by quickly enough, I think I might have overfed. I felt drunk with fullness, a feeling my parents had taught me to stray away from. We came back half past midnight and I climbed into bed, where Jake was already well asleep waiting for me. I curled up into him easily, letting the annoyance and uncomfortable thoughts from the day melt away from me with his heat. He mumbled questions to me that I didn't really respond to wanting to let him sleep. He hummed out of tune and poorly into my ear, hoping to lull me into sleep I'm sure. It didn't take much tonight to do that, my eyes were closed before I hit the pillow and my dreams had a jump start before my breathing even slowed.
No doubt I fussed a lot during the night, twisting and turning. My dreams were full of dark allies and unanswered questions. I felt myself stretching even in my sleep to grab things just out of my reach and I was exhausted when my eyes fluttered open as the morning light came in. Jake was caressing my face, softly pushing my hair off my forehead. He bent down to kiss my forehead when my eyes fluttered awake.
"Go back to sleep." He sighed into my skin. I wiggled underneath him, further into the covers feeling unnaturally cold for half a vampire.
"What time is it?" I yawned, squeezing my eyes shut again.
"Too early for your shopping trip quite yet. And besides you slept terribly last night, I almost called Edward at one point to sing to you. God knows him and Bella were going half mad that they didn't talk to you yesterday." Jake laughed to himself and I opened my eyes to stare at him. He was getting dressed, changing his shirt near the window.
"Do they…" I started, worried for the question because I feared the answer. He smirked at me without looking down.
"They don't know anything about yesterday. Though I would let Carlisle look you over sometime today it would make them all feel better." The words came out softly, mocking almost in a Jake like way of pushing me to make the right decision. I groaned into the covered and threw them over my head, curling into myself already missing Jake's body from my side. He came over once more, his heat making his proximity known and I poked my head out from under the covers.
"Be nice today?" He questioned mockingly. I gave him an innocent smile, outstretching my hand to wish him a good day. No words were exchanged and he winked before disappearing out the door. I stayed in bed, starring at the ceiling not sure what to do or what to think. I felt tired and knew my dreams had given me nothing but a restless night and I had no desire to return to them currently. I grabbed my phone from the night table, starring at the text message from my mother telling me to call when I awoke. I debated my options, go back to sleep to hopeless dreams, or stare at the ceiling, or get up and face the day, or call my parents. I decided for the last of the options being the least desirable. I pressed the speed dial button, listening impatiently for someone to answer.
"How was the hunting trip precious?" My mother answered. I felt calmer with her voice on the other end. It was terrible how much I missed my parents with them only gone two days. How infantile of me to want them to be home, I knew if I asked they would be back by sunset but I wouldn't.
"Well enough." I replied. "Are you enjoying yourself?"
"Well yes darling, maybe we will send you and Jake here one day." She said back to me. I heard my father grunt in the background, he didn't seem as inclined to that idea.
"Maybe." I laughed. We were silent for a few moments, what seemed like ages but it wasn't.
"Are you getting ready for school?" She asked me suddenly. I wasn't sure how to respond, should I be telling them I wasn't going? Would they ask me why? I didn't want to explain my day yesterday, and I wanted to deal with their reactions even less.
"I was going to go on a shopping trip with Rose and Alice today. There is this sale in town we wanted to hit, and there is nothing important going on at school." I said. It was a true enough statement. My mother didn't respond this time though.
"You should be going to school." My father stated. I laughed a bit.
"You miss school whenever it's sunny, can't I take sunny days?" I demanded. I found myself getting angry with him, the hypocrisy of the situation making me annoyed. He chuckled into the phone and my annoyance subdued knowing he was not going to make me go to school.
"Yes well, fair point then darling. But try not to miss too much school. Remember we don't want to draw attention to ourselves. You are behaving yourself?" He demanded the last part.
"Of course." I smiled into the phone. "Daddy?"
"Yes?" He responded back. I wasn't sure that I should ask the question that had just come to mind, but I really wanted to know the answers I had been seeking in my dream.
"Why did you decide against Carlisle so long ago?" I asked quietly, shuddering at his possible response.
"Decide against?" He was confused.
"His lifestyle, his diet?" I asked more forcefully this time.
"Why do you ask?" Now his voice was alarmed.
"I had a dream, it was a question I had." I tried being as honest as I could about the situation. But I didn't want to tell my parents, not my perfect mother and tortured father about my thirst yesterday. Not about my dreams where I was sure I had wanted to also kill humans, take their blood and give myself that vampire rite of passage. I knew my mother had been a vampire for seven years. Just as long as I had, and had never had a drop of human blood expect what Carlisle had brought home from the hospital before I was born. But she had never killed anyone and I had heard that my father had killed humans, plenty actually, but all criminals and even those he regretted.
"Princess I can tell you the story when I get back if you really want to hear it, but you know that it took me ten years to think about going against it. I believed in him, in his words and lifestyle, and I do. But there was a moment when I thought I was made a monster to be a monster, I was wrong though." My father hesitated with each word but he told me anyway.
"Yes. Wrong." I repeated the words.
"Is something wrong?" He asked me.
"No, no. I just had a dream." I responded.
"Was it a bad dream?" My mother had taken the phone from him. I shook my head, realizing mid shake that she couldn't see me.
"No. Just made me think." I responded. At that moment there were footsteps coming up the staircase to my room, my mother could hear the steps in the phone and laughed.
"Enjoy your shopping trip. Do be good?" She begged and it was strange that her and my father seemed to think I was being anything but good.
"Yes. Have a good day. Love you." I sighed into the phone before hanging up. Hopefully when my father called one of my other family members, because there was no doubt he would. No one would tell him about my day, please don't call Alice was all I could think. Alice was never very good at keeping things from my father, even over the phone. Alice came prancing into my room, likely not thinking I would be awake yet.
"Oh you are awake!" She sang. I smiled, as it was nearly impossible not to smile at Alice.
"Yes, I am." She danced around me, pulling open curtains and sorting thru clothing piecing together an outfit for me. Though it annoyed me to no end that Rosalie and Alice still picked out my outfits as if I were an infant, I didn't have the heart to make them stop. They loved dressing me. I was just hoping that they might stop doing it soon.
"Aunt Alice?" I stretched out a hand to her, smiling sweetly. She looked over from my clothing, suspiciously walking towards me. She outstretched her hand towards mine, knowing what I wanted to do. I took hold of it lightly lacing my fingers into hers as I started transferring some of the questions to her. Visions of my memories from yesterday, the conversation we had on the phone and the ride with Emmett. I wanted answers. I held onto her fingers tightly even after I finished transferring my questions. Alice sighed and moved onto the bed, sitting down next to me not even trying to pull her hand free.
"I thought I saw something." She started. "But I'm not sure you should worry about it, I have yet to talk to Edward. I didn't want to worry him and Bella while they are on their trip. They were already so worried about leaving you home." Alice rambled for a few seconds, while I sat patiently. I let my visions persist in my questioning.
"It was very cloudy, you know how your future is still very unclear to me. But I saw us, Emmett, Rosalie, Jasper and myself searching for you but I couldn't see why or what had happened. I did see your hunger at school, so I thought you might be tempted and maybe would have to run off. It was a precaution you see, just because I couldn't see. Carlisle has never thought you would be overpowered by hunger like any of us have been." Alice looked at me, with those worried eyes. Something was still bothering her, she was still anticipating something but Alice rarely spoke about her visions unless she was positive they were accurate. Because of her difficultly with Jake and me, she rarely shared her visions about us. Well at least she rarely shared them with me.
"Alice?" My voice squeaked. When I had her attention on my face, I asked her if she had ever been overpowered by hungry but without speaking again. She nodded her head, acknowledging the question.
"No. I always knew of Carlisle's lifestyle. You know my visions are what kept me from becoming a savage, as Edward puts it." Alice smiled at me, moving to get up. But I held her tight to me, asking her silently about my Father's thirst overpowering him and his fight to keep my mother alive despite his desire.
"You should ask him." Alice sounded nervous. I shook my head, determined to find answers.
"I'm not going to tell you much about it. I can tell you it took him ten years to defy Carlisle's way of life. Mostly because Carlisle was so sincere in his beliefs, it was hard not to follow them. It took Edward ten years to defy Carlisle and even then he still tried desperately to honor human life by only killing killers. It is a strange thing to have morals as a killer. And that's all I will say on the subject, ask him when he comes home." Alice was determined on that subject, so I decided to ask about the others. She might not want to disclose my father's follies and discretions as a vampire but maybe the others she would tell me about.
I went to send her more questions but she pulled her hand out of mine.
"Let's get you dressed, if you have more questions you can ask them out loud." She stated simply, helping me out of bed.
"What about the others?" I questions begrudgingly out loud. She started picking out accessories for me as I changed into the outfit she had chosen.
"The others, well Rosalie you know fell to preying on humans only once really. It was a bit vengeful, and again you can ask her for the story if you must know. And well Jasper was part of a different family before he found Carlisle and myself. He preyed mostly on humans for a long time, but that is what Vampires do, we are different because we believe and know that we can live differently. And Emmett, he's only faltered a few times on accident and never intentionally. Yes, Edward and Jasper are the only ones of us that have preyed on human blood for long periods of time intentionally." Alice nodded finishing the statement as she was clasping a necklace around my neck.
"Was your thirst confusing?" Alice questioned. I shrugged.
"I hadn't ever really felt anything like it." She nodded understanding.
"Jasper and Carlisle have their theories about it, no need to worry princess. You just remember what you've been taught." Alice smiled at my reflection in the mirror, a perfect combination of color schemes and accessories. The rest of the morning was uneventful in the house as we waited for the cloudy afternoon that Alice had foreseen. It was a few hours of sitting with Esme, Rosalie and Alice planning the stores we would hit and what we would buy. Making a list of clothing items needed for each family member, and so forth. It was nothing that really interested me, but my family was very enthusiastic about shopping and I enjoyed the spools of being babied and spoiled on all shopping trips.
As the overcast weather set in we left for town in Rosalie's convertible red mustang, a new indulgence she had been working on. I had a feeling the car was something she had been working on for me, after I had commented I might want a mustang as my first car. The shopping trip went by quickly enough, nothing out of the ordinary for us until we arrived at the last store. Esme and Alice had gone a bit overboard in the antiques store, which was to be expected and we were waiting for Jasper and Emmett to come out with the Jeep to help us take our purchases home. While we were waiting, Rosalie dragged me over to a little boutique shop where she loved the coat in the window for me.
"Rose I don't need another coat!" I whined. They had already bought me three coats, four tops, and six pairs of shoes today alone. I was weary of trying on outfits and parading them around for my aunts and grandmother to coed at me.
"This one would be perfect with that adorable purple scoop neck that Alice bought you earlier." Rosalie squealed at me as we entered the store. I dragged my feet a bit, frowning at my predicament. I was tired and wanted to see Jacob and maybe Seth, I hadn't spent time with them in days at their apartment and it was coming to the point where I needed time away from my family.
Standing in the store for less than ten minutes, Rosalie had piles of clothing and shoes for me to try on.
"I don't want to try anything on!" I whined, shaking my head vigorously. Rosalie waved her hand at me.
"Don't be silly, look at all these precious outfits. You will look splendid in this color, but we should make sure they go well together…" She mumbled to herself some more as she picked out a few more items. The sale person was delighted with the prospect of a huge sale, but I just grew more and more frustrated as I stood in the middle of the small store refusing to help with the shopping.
"Go on try everything on." Rosalie pushed me towards the fitting room.
"I don't want anything else today." I gritted my teeth. My patience had disappeared and my temper was flaring.
"Renesmee, be a good girl and try on a few more outfits then we will go." Rosalie petted my shoulder and I could feel the blood rising in my cheeks. The sales person was excitedly running from the pile Rosalie had assembled to the dressing room. In her passing, I caught her scent. A delicate mixture of honey and lime, sweet but not too sweet and I craved her. I wanted the sales girl's blood and I wanted to shout at Rosalie, I wasn't even sure what desire was stronger.
"Stop being difficult." Rosalie snapped at me. My attention got taken away from the scent, even as the venom pumped into my mouth.
"I'm not being difficult! Stop treating me like a child!" I screamed at Rosalie.
"Hush now, don't scream." Rosalie grabbed my hand, I saw a flash of a mother grabbing an unruly toddler and I became livid. I bite down on my lip and transferred my thoughts, my indignation to her "loudly" and vividly. She let go of my hand, upset by my sudden bombardment on her own thoughts. I ran out of the store leaving Rosalie behind with her piles of clothing and shoes. Rosalie was going to be livid with me because she wouldn't stand for my behavior. Storming off the sidewalk I slammed into Jasper, hard enough to make an unnatural crashing noise.
"Nessie?" He questioned, grabbing hold of my shoulders. I didn't look at him as I tried desperately to shake him off.
"So much anger." Jasper whispered. He was measuring the emotion in me, and probably noticed the most prominent was my anger.
"And thirsty again?" He seemed confused by that one, but before I could respond or resist him anymore he washed me with chilling peace.
"Jasper." I choked his name, in a whisper.
"You and I should talk. You get into the jeep, I will have Emmett go with Rosalie and Alice." Jasper commanded me. There was no question in his direction, he wasn't recommending we should talk but demanding it. That was the different between Jasper and Emmett, Alice and Rosalie. Jasper treated me lovingly, cared and spoiled me but also had a firm and forceful tone with me when needed. He was a quiet man, so when he spoke it was commanding and well thought. He could see the resistance in my eyes but shook his head and changed my mood to being agreeable, He signaled to Emmett. I walked quietly without meeting Alice's eyes to the jeep and seated myself in the passenger seat knowing I wouldn't be able to convince Jasper to let me drive after my outburst.
Here I was sitting in the jeep, like a naughty child, in the middle of one the busiest streets in Hanover. My arms crossed over my chest instinctively as I glared out the window towards my family. The five of them looking more like a page out of catalog, rather than four college students and a housewife. Leaning forward on the dashboard I stared at their beauty and their grace, each of them stood with perfect posture. Rosalie's golden hair curled flawless into the nook of her back as she carefully swayed while talking rapidly to Emmett. Emmett's broad shoulders towered over Rosalie, protective and naturally, as the dimples formed effortlessly on his face. While Alice was like a painting in life, one of Monet's Ballerina's physically standing before me. She was standing on the tip of her left toe, while tucking her right toe pointed behind her left ankle it was one of the most graceful positions I had ever seen anyone stand in for long periods of time. Then there was Jasper standing with his arms behind his back, attentive and tipping his head like a gentleman out of the 19th century in the presence of a lady. My family was an artist's dream, standing together conversing in their timeless appearances.
It was like getting to watch one of those penny picture shows, the original movies, where it was just flickering pictures in front of a candle. Not hearing words but seeing the actions, being focused on the details of the characters and their surroundings. My family intrigued me with their movements and their appearances and mostly how their experiences affected their interactions with each other. My concentration was broken when I saw Jasper float towards me, moving like a toy solider. His smile was miniscule almost non-existent as he looked at me his eyes seemed ready for a battle in the distance. I caught myself looking behind me, wondering who was silly enough o fight with Jasper. Seeing nothing it took me a second to realize he was heading to me, was I the battle he was ready to fight?
Jasper jumped into the car, he was much louder and purposefully less graceful than the rest of my family something about his military and political history. He was quiet, probably planning his conversation before speaking as he started the car. I waited, fidgeting with my hands lightly worried about how determined Jasper looked. I never truly knew what to expect with him, it wasn't often that I had merited being in trouble with Jasper. I wasn't even sure that I was in trouble with Jasper now, but it sure felt like it.
"Care to explain what you've been feeling?" Jasper asked. Lovely, no beating around the bush.
"Feeling?" I squeaked. His eyes didn't move from the road, even though he didn't need to look at the road to drive, as I knew.
"Alice said something about you asking about our possible transgressions." Jasper prodded. When I didn't respond, mostly because I didn't know how he kept going.
"And Emmett commented you got angry with him in the car, and the other night with Carlisle you seemed to lose your temper. Then there was the problem you had with the thirst, were you thirsty in the store there after getting angry at Rosalie?" Jasper asked, now he looked at me. His eyes bore into mine, his golden eyes that flickered with specks of red unlike the others eyes. Battle scares even in his eyes, Jasper wasn't someone you lied to easily because he would know.
"Yes." I whispered. Why did I feel like I was receiving a scolding? Jasper wasn't speaking harshly or any louder than usual, his words were anything but angry and I was confused.
"Have you noticed any increase in strength?" He asked. We had reached the house and Carlisle was speedily heading towards the car. Esme must have called him, or one of the others alerting him to our arrival. I scanned the area around us looking for Rosalie's car but it was nowhere to be seen.
"They aren't here. Answer the question." Jasper commanded, though there was little need as he ensured with his abilities that I would answer him.
"I haven't noticed." I shrugged.
"Why haven't you paid attention?" He baited me. I snapped my head to look at him now the tone in his question, the authority and paternal nature snapping me out of acting contrite.
"I didn't know I was suppose to." I spat the words slowly and spitefully. He nodded and looked towards me now, his eyes piercing into mine.
"Has there been venom?" He asked. Carlisle had reached my door and was opening it in time to hear the question, not that the door would have prevented him in hearing it.
"Yes." I whispered this response, my voice losing its power as Jasper guessed all of my symptoms of the last days. "What is happening?"
"Jasper seems to think…" Carlisle started.
"I'm almost sure Carlisle." Jasper inserted.
"Yes well, I'm not quite yet. The strength hasn't been apparent, and well it seems unlikely. I wish that I had heard back from…" Carlisle didn't finish his thought before I exploded.
"Will either of you care to explain to me what is happening to ME?" I demanded. I was not about to sit there like a chastised child without so much as inkling to what my condition might be according to my family. Carlisle and Jasper exchanged a knowing look and I become more livid as the seconds passed.
"You might be developing as a Vampire." Jasper started.
"What does that mean?" I was desperate for answers now, for something to explain the odd sensations of desire and anger that were controlling my current existence.
"Well you've spent the last six years developing as a human child would. You have grown, gone in and out of phases, learned in a process faster than normal children but still learning. But you are in what we believe to be your last year of true development, and you are half vampire." Carlisle explained calmly. I stared at him, not understanding what his point was and getting impatient.
"WHAT DOES IT MEAN?" I demanded again, my high pitch not startling either of them though I saw Jake look down at me from my balcony window.
"It means that you might be experiencing some variation of newborn years for vampires." Jasper stated simply. Why couldn't they have said that to begin with, why the long drawn out explanation? It wasn't as if I really understood what either meant to me but the later was something more of what I could grasp. Newborn years, I had remembered the first few months with my mother and myself. Jasper had been worried, hovered a bit about her fearing her newborn cravings and strength. What else did I know about newborns but that?
"Maybe try actually answering my question this time." I snapped at Jasper, I kicked my foot a bit at the floor of the jeep. Jasper watched my every movement and I could tell he was monitoring my every breath.
"I don't know what it means." Jasper shrugged. That was it, I had spent all this time in the car listened to all that exposition not to get my answer. Wonderful.
"You are ALL impossible!" I shouted trying to jump out of the car, only to jump into Carlisle who held me steady in mid jump.
"Renesmee, you must listen to me for a second." He demanded, and I was paralyzed with an imposed desire to remain. I glared at Jasper who moved slyly to Carlisle's side. I said nothing, though not by choice, but again by Jasper's doing.
"If you are experiencing newborn years, you might be dangerous to not only us but also to humans. You must be careful, you must try to control yourself though we are not sure you can. Also we don't know what this means for you, I have tried to get a hold of Nahuel and his family to discover the tendencies they have experienced but I have yet to hear word." Carlisle was saying to me.
Explanation that told me that my family had known something might happen. They had known what was happening to me and not told me. Again I was left out of the very things that involved me, I was not a child. They had to understand! They meant to keep me from developing as a Vampire!
"What if I want to be a Vampire!" I shouted. Carlisle and Jasper looked confused at each other, I thought for a second, but then decided that it was a knowing belittling glance they shared about me.
"You are half vampire." Carlisle sighed. I fought and as my anger grew my strength did as well, but it seemed that Jasper had been prepared for that. As I wiggled out of Carlisle he took hold of me, in a battle stance I had never seen before. I was aware of my surroundings suddenly overtaken with the emotion of anger.
Get away! Get away from these people, they were wrong. I struggled against my attacker. I wanted to run. Run and find blood, human blood. The scent of the honey, the lime, all the scents of earlier were now vivid and controlling. Every thought I had was about the blood that I had smelled, the blood I could almost taste in my mouth. I was trashing against the attacker strongly, trashing but unable to shake him. I was stuck, what was wrong?
"Nessie? Jasper what are you doing!" I heard the screaming around me. Names, faces I should recognize. Another set of hands pushing me to the ground, harshly.
"Renesmee!" More voices, frantic. I clawed and let my fangs out harshly biting into the flesh near me. Then I heard a heartbeat, pumping blood. I wanted blood but before I took a bite into another arm, I heard a second heartbeat faster and closer. That's when I remembered who I was and where I was and who's heartbeat I had heard. The red that had overpowered my color scheme for the last few minutes was gone and I stopped struggling.
"Jake!" I whined and before anyone could stop him he was over me, his arms protectively around me.
"Be careful Jacob." Jasper warned, hovering near my arms. I was sure he was ready to wrestle me back to the ground if he needed to.
"She's fine aren't you?" Jake asked me tenderly. I nodded nestling into his chest, not wanting to look at my family's faces. I noticed that Emmett had been the other arm that had thrown me to the ground. Rosalie, Alice and Esme stood at a distance but near enough to have helped. I slipped my hand under Jake's shirt, feeling his warmth and knowing I was safe while transferring thoughts. Letting him know I wanted nothing more than to be removed from this place, this moment, and my family.
"I'm going to take her upstairs. She's tired." Jake announced.
"Is that a good idea?" Emmett's voice was questioning, I'm sure the question was directed to Jasper.
"I'm unsure. She can't hurt Jake. We would know if he needed our help." Jasper was torn, his voice was unsure of what he should do next.
"Let him take her." I heard Rosalie's voice crack from somewhere. I could imagine her hurt face that went with her voice, she would have rather torn her own arm off than let Emmett push me to the ground and I knew it. No one stopped Jake or questioned us more after that moment, I could feel my anger towards Jasper and Carlisle rising. Why were they so unhelpful, why couldn't they have just informed me about what might happen?
I left my hand under Jake's shirt, my head resting comfortably in his chest. When we entered my room, I had formulated a plan. Without a word, with all the power to persuade that I had from natural instinct and talent I transfer the idea to Jake. I knew he would try to resist but I also knew he would do anything I wanted and it was against his nature, against his ability to deny me things.
We would leave. We would run away. Just for a little while, away from my prying family. We would go to find answers, to where I wanted to be, to let me become more independent and vampire like. I wanted this so much, I transferred as much desire as I could with the visions of us leaving, catching the plane and landing in the jungles of South America.
"But how?" Jake looked concerned and hesitates but not denying me. I looked up pleading with him and not understanding what the problem was.
"When?" He asked, though he knew I meant now.
"They think I am taking a nap. If we go out, if I go out the window and you let them know I want to hunt." I suggested.
"Jasper would never let us hunt alone." Jake shook his head.
"Convince them." I replied.
"How?" He was desperate now, thinking only of failure.
"Somehow. I will collect money from my parent's petty cash safe. I have the American Express that daddy gave me for emergencies and the fake papers mom made for us are in the safe. We can go to the airport and catch the next flight and be gone before they could even think to look at an airport." I whispered the words, breathless knowing that someone was probably listening intently for me.
"But how?" Jake looked unconvinced by my plan.
"Convince them, tell them I must get some fresh air. That I want to hunt before sleeping that I was overly upset. But I don't want them to come." I squirmed, demanding.
"Figure it out!" I demanded. Jake stared at me and nodded putting me down.
"This might not be a good idea." He mumbled.
"It's what I want." I replied, not daring to concede he might be right.
"And your parents?" He tried the last angle he had left.
"Are on some island off the coast as well. They shouldn't have to worry about me, we will come back sooner or later." I responded without looking at him long I turned to head down the stairs to my parents' room, to the safe that held the key to our escape.
"Grab the stuff, hide it well. Then come downstairs, STAY CALM." Jake commanded. "If you want this to work."
I nodded prepared for the show we were about to put on to get out of the house without them. It would work. It had to work. I wanted nothing more in the world than for it to work, and I got what I wanted always.