Dear Diary,

Today I learned that we are going to receive a new private. Hopefully he is a lazy, good for nothing, dirtbag. I want Sarge all to myself and if the rookie gets here and starts to hog Sarge all to himself, well, lets just say that my insanely high intelligence will be put to use as a horrific nightmare for him. Well, it's getting late now, even though the sun is still out. Seriously, it's never night here. Anyway, goodnight diary.

Love,

Dick Simmons

It was 1300 hours and Sarge was mad as he gets when he sees a blue. The transport still hasn't gotten here with the new private. I swear, Sarge is going to bust an artery if it doesn't get here soon. I am not looking forward to the new rookie. When he gets here Sarge is going to be all preoccupied with showing him around the base. He'll have no time for me anywhere within the next few weeks. Needless to say, no matter how nice the rookie is, his life is going to be a living hell. Speak of the devil, here comes the ship.

"Hey Sarge, the ships here."

"Simmons, for the last time, don't interrupt me during an experiment!"

"Sorry sir, it's just you should probably be up there with the commander to get some info on the private."

"Alright Simmons, I'm coming"

When I came back out I saw a yellow clad Spartan standing next to a pelican talking to an ODST officer.

"Excuse me sir, Is this yellow guy the new rookie?"

"Hey, I'm Orange, not yellow you retard!"

"Calm down soldiers. Simmons this is Private Dexter Grif. Since Sarge isn't here, I'm ordering you to debrief him and give him a tour of the Base. Understood?"

"Yes sir. But don't leave yet Sarge should be here any minute now, he's just finishing an experiment."

"What's he working on, how to make everyone in blue armor sterile."

"No, he's making a new bio-toxin that will make every one in blue armor miniature spider monkeys."

Just then Sarge comes up behind me and relieves me to go show the new private around. After about thirty minutes of a tour, we stop in the mess hall to grab a bite to eat.

So far, I've learned that he is lazy, stupid and apathetic, the perfect combo for me to keep Sarge's attention. When he took off his helmet, I was expecting some nerdy geek with glasses, but he actually looked like he was of Norwegian decent and looked fairly handsome…. From a professional view of course. We started to talk for a little while.

He told me he had a sister and how he hated work and how I seemed like a cool guy.

I'm liking this rookie a lot. He likes me and is lazy so he won't vive for Sarge's attention.

Forty minutes later, we finished the tour and Sarge was ready to meet Grif, as he told me to call him.

"Simmons, get your keister over here and introduce me to the rookie."

"Sir, this is Grif."

"What's up?"

"What did you just say soldier."

Uh-Oh

"What, all I said was what's up?"

"……"

BLAM!

"OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW"

"Don't ever talk to a superior officer like that"

"Sarge, maybe shooting him in the leg with a shotgun is a little bit over the top."

"Simmons, don't make me have you stay with lopez."

"Sorry sir."