Title: You didn't screw up
WWC #: 3
Rating: PG
Parings: none
Characters: Tony, Gibbs
Genres: gen, other than that, I'm not really sure
Warnings: mild spoilers considering the boat in S5 through S6
Summary: Tony shows up at Gibbs place late at night, not knowing really what brought him there.
A/N: Originally written with a second person POV, but since that is not allowed here I changed it to first person POV for this site.
I am sitting on the bottom step in the basement, a cup half filled with bourbon in my hands. I'm not completely sure of why I', there, I haven't even given Gibbs a real reason to show up at his house at this hour. None of us have said anything since I arrived, except when Gibbs asked me if I wanted some bourbon and I accepted, right after I stepped through his door. Besides that, not a word has been exchanged between us.
I take a sip of the strong liquor and glance over at Gibbs. He is completely focused on the work he's currently doing on the cabin of his boat. It looks like it's almost finished now. The boat itself has been finished since months back, and since it's not in the basement anymore, I'm wondering how the hell he got it out. I wonder if I could ask him, but I decide not to. I'm not even sure if Gibbs would tell me anyway.
"You gonna sit there all night, DiNozzo?" Gibbs asks without taking his eyes off or pausing what he's doing, making me snap out of my thoughts.
"I don't know, Boss", I say honestly after a moment of thought and take another sip from my cup. "Why, do you want me to leave?"
"Your choice, DiNozzo."
I pull my lips up in a dry smile but become serious just as fast again. I'm seriously considering to leave, but I find that I can't make myself put down the cup and stand up and walk away, so I stop trying and accept that I'm not going anywhere soon. I don't even know if I really want to walk away. Something made e go to Gibbs tonight, but I don't want to face the real reason just yet, so I just sigh and stare down into the cup, the silence settling between us once again.
"Hey, come here."
I look up at Gibbs again, hesitating for just a moment before I stand up and slowly walk over to him. He stands up from the stool he has been sitting on and pushes me down on it, taking my cup from me before putting a tool in my hands, and while standing behind me with his hands on mine, he shows me how to use it.
"Nice, light strokes, Tony", he says softly in my ear and I can feel his approval when I do as I'm told after he has let go. "Thats it", he continues a few moments later. "Keep that up."
I give him an affirmative nod and focus on the task at hand, barely taking notice of Gibbs moving away from me and stepping over to the work bench. I am filled with a bit of pride that he trusts me enough to let me help and I make sure that I'm careful so that I don't damage the cabin. It's far from as easy as sanding, but I still find that this kind of work isn't as hard as I thought it would be, and I let myself get lost in it.
A hand on my shoulder brings me back to reality and I blink in surprise when I feel Gibbs take the tool away from me.
"You did good, Tony", he says with a rare smile and puts the tool away.
"Thanks, Boss", I reply and stand up, stretching my stiff back and shoulders. I look down at the cabin and carefully run my fingers over the spot I worked on. The wood feels smooth under my fingers, but I figure that it still needs some sanding too. Just a little.
"I couldn't save him, Boss", I say then, even though I didn't plan to. The words just popped out of my mouth before I could stop them. They probably needed to be said.
"You tried", Gibbs says and I look up to meet his eyes.
"I should have tried harder", I retort. "If I had done things differently he would have been alive now."
"You don't know that, DiNozzo. No one does."
"I do, Boss. If I hadn't...." My voice trails off and I look away. I know that Gibbs is right, I just don't want to admit it yet. "I screwed up, didn't I, Boss?".
"You didn't screw up", Gibbs says. "You made the wrong choices, but you didn't screw up. Trust me, I know. Come on. You can sleep on the couch tonight."
I open my mouth to protest, but a glare from Gibbs stops m so instead I just silently follow him up the stairs. I think about what Gibbs has said and decide that he is right, so I take a deep breath and start to prepare myself to move on. Maybe I won't do it right away, but I will eventually. I just have to take it one step at the time.
Gibbs hands me a blanket and some pillows, then he shows me to the couch. As soon as I lay my eyes on it I feel how tired I am. Sleep suddenly sounds like a very good idea.
"See you tomorrow, Tony", Gibbs say and before I can reply he has left to go to his own bedroom. I sigh and then I make myself comfortable on the couch. Sleep doesn't come easy to me, but when it does it is free of dreams and it allows me to rest undisturbed by nightmares.
I will get my share of those, but not tonight.
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The End