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Hey bright eyes. It's his standard greeting as he sprawls out beside her. The afternoon slowly falls to evening and the quiet settles around them like a blanket. She was meant to reply, answer it in kind; instead she tells him this is wrong, they have to stop, move on. This can't go on anymore; sooner or later they're going to get caught and then what? He sighs, tells her that she's right, and she makes the mistake of meeting those thunder cloud eyes. And then she's gone, resolve lost, all her good intentions vanquished and swallowed up in smoke.
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Lily was always a bright baby, a bright girl, a bright teenager, a bright lady. A bright witch with a bright future…and a baby. At seventeen. She tries to breathe and vomits into the sink. She washes her mouth, grips the sides as her head spins. She begins to count aloud, gets to ten, starts again. At last, the roaring in her mind seems to quiet, and she stands, back straight, motionless in the mirror as a plan painstakingly takes shape. Saturday, she will fix it, and until then she will desperately ignore her inevitable thoughts of
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James, or Sirius?
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It's the summer holidays and they're staying with Remus. Lily's hot and sticky and desperate for a cold bath. She slides into the water and sinks below the surface, cool and soft and silent. When she opens her eyes, there's someone undressing by the door. She shoots up out of the bath with a gasp and sees its Remus, about to shower. She wraps her towel around her and laughingly kisses his cheek, tells him to enjoy himself. When he comes to dinner, the bright rush of blood to his cheeks is the only outward sign that maybe he did.
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Later on, she imagines wrapping herself around him in the bathroom, wet and naked. Imagines kissing him, helping him out of the rest of his clothes, imagines fucking him in the shower, or in the bath—her fantasy bright and vivid. She closes her eyes, pictures James instead, berates her disloyal mind, her unfaithful body. She's already had one best friend and she refuses to ruin the other. James would never forgive her, and Remus would never forgive himself. She and Sirius, on the other hand, forgive most things. They don't have much choice, when you really think about it.
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It's their first anniversary, and they're eighteen. James made a picnic, spread out around them on a red blanket. The dusk is deepening and he kisses her, tells her she'll love this even more in a second and covers her eyes. When he lets her open them, its dark and they are surrounded by hundreds of fireflies, lit up bright against the night sky. Between the fireflies and the stars, Lily feels like they're floating in space. She's giddy from the sensation and the champagne, and holding tight to James's hand, feels aeons away from all that's earthly and mundane.
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Its Peter's birthday and they're all rather drunk. Lily wonders if he's having fun and hopes Sirius is behaving himself and leaving Peter alone. Wishful thinking, she realises as she spots the two of them in a corner, Sirius with an arm around Pete's shoulder, laughing hysterically, utterly oblivious to his crestfallen face. Not for the first time, she thinks how awful it must be for Peter, always behind the others. He's not as bright as James, as bold as Sirius or as clever as Remus. She sees him watching her, wonders what he's thinking as he turns and flees.
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She wakes in the night, gasping for breath, that same dream back again. A black haired baby, eyes bright grey; crawling on the ceiling like in that awful movie, deathly pale and wailing. James stirs beside her, but doesn't wake, thank Merlin. She doesn't want him to worry as usual, when she's woken him with her panicked cries in the night. She can't stand telling him the same lie over again, pretending that she can't remember this particular dream. She knows what it means, even though James hasn't a clue. She's pregnant again. Hello Harry, she whispers into the dark.
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Marlene turns up on their doorstep at three am, tears streaming down her face, lip bloody and the beginnings of a bruise blooming on her cheek. Lily pulls her inside and hugs her tight. She's going to kill him. Marlene pleads with her, tells her it will be the very last time, he'll behave better tomorrow. Her eyes are bright and her fingers are digging into Lily's wrist, little half moon crescents. Lily relents, and smooths Marlene's hair from her forehead until she falls asleep. Then she sends a message to Gideon, and tells him to hunt down Derek Wilkes.
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James proposes to her one morning, shortly after graduation. They're making breakfast in the kitchen, when he drops down on one knee, in scarlet boxers. Marry me Lily. She laughs at him, tells him to stop being stupid, they don't need to get married. The second time she refuses he doesn't come home that night. The third time, he leaves on an Order mission, leaves her pregnant, although he doesn't know it; leaves without saying goodbye and she realises her life isn't worth living without him in it. When he walks in the door, she asks him to marry her.
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She wakes on her first morning as Lily Potter, and thinks that she's never seen a dawn so vibrant in her life. She lets the warmth shine upon her and she's never been as sure of anything she's done before, because she's never been this happy. She smiles as James stretches beside her, hair rumpled, eyes sleep-shuttered and she leans over and kisses him thinking mine, mine, all mine.
Good morning Mr Potter, she whispers against his lips.
Top of the morning to you, Mrs Potter.
They are together and they are young and alive, and the future is bright.
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Note: Props to those who can guess the movie I referenced! Chocolate cookies to those that liked it. And lots of Marauder love if you review and tell me what you think! Next chapter will be up tomorrow :D
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