Chapter 5: The Non-Canon Chapter
Hermione walked into the common room she shared with Draco and was stunned to find who she found there. Who she found was not the sexy blonde Slytherin she had been searching for but the sexy dark-haired Gryffindor she had not been searching for. He was sitting on the couch playing with one of the pillows that had a lion and a snake playing together on it. He jumped up and ran toward Hermione.
When he reached her he grabbed her by the shoulders and stared at her. He took a deep breath and said, "Thank God I found you, Hermione!"
"But…you didn't find me…" she said. "I walked into the room and you were sitting on the couch playing with that pillow…" She looked over at the pillow on the couch. "Did you bewitch the lion to eat the snake?"
"That's not important right now!" Harry yelped, slapping her across the face. "Hermione, I have to confess my undying love for you!"
"But…what?"
"Yes, I have to tell you that I'm completely in love with you," he said quickly, "and I always have been even though I've never showed any type of romantic interest in you and even though we have a plainly platonic brother/sister type relationship. And although all the canon interactions point to the fact that you and Ron like each other and I clearly know this as a fact I just have to tell you that I'm in love with you."
He exhaled and shook her slightly. He looked at her expectantly with raised eyebrows. She closed her eyes. Then she opened them again. Then she closed them again. And then opened them yet again.
She paused and then said, "Alright."
"Well, I suppose this is the part where we…kiss," Harry said, gulping.
"Yes, I suppose it is," Hermione said shakily.
Harry shifted a bit and looked at her. She looked back. He moved his head closer to her. She involuntarily moved hers back away from him. She was just about to tell him that maybe it wasn't such a good idea for them to kiss when he connected their lips.
This kiss was very short. Probably only point zero zero zero zero zero three seconds long. The reason it was so short is that right when the kiss started, both participants pulled away and vomited onto the floor.
Harry and Hermione looked at each other.
"That was…" Harry began.
"Disgusting," Hermione offered.
"Exactly."
"Well, I'll be seeing you," Hermione said to Harry.
"Yes," Harry said. "I do love you, you know. But only as a friend."
"Same here."
"Why do people insist on saying that we like each other then?" he asked.
"We may never know, Harry," she said. "We may never know."
With a nod he opened the door and left her alone in the common room. She lay on the couch in a provocative position and waited for Draco to return.
I know this chapter is super short. And it's not funny. But I needed to update and as I'm completely against the H/Hr ship it was quite hard to write about it. The next chapter will be longer and hopefully funnier. I'm thinking either "The Angsty Chapter" or "The Déjà Vu Chapter" (which will be about the Ginny/Harry ship). Please review and in the reviews tell me which one you'd rather have.