Disclaimer : I do not own any Cullens, But I wish I did. Everything belongs to .
Ok so this chapter is Bella POV. I have tried to research the medical condition that is in this chapter and think that it fits well with the story.
Chapter 2: In My Daughters Eyes
Bella POV
I had been 16 when I was diagnosed. 16 years old and finding out that you will struggle to have kids is hard to digest, I had always known that I wanted a family and to have that taken away at a young age was hard to find out.
I can remember sitting in the doctors office and feeling like I was going to be sick. My hands were shaking and the tears were pouring down my face. The doctor had handed me a sheet of paper and sent me on my way home, there wasn't much that they could do for me.
I still have that research paper and I still look up my condition on the internet. Polycystic Ovary Syndrome. It sounds a bit complicated but it is really isn't. It means that my ovaries are abnormally large and never grow to full development. It means that I am infertile, don't get me wrong I do have a chance of conceiving but it's slim. It's like 10% or something.
I looked up the symptoms one day and I couldn't work out why I had this...... thing. I wasn't overweight, which is what the doctor has said was the main cause of the condition. My periods had always been late but I just put that down to the fact that my mother was the same. She had late periods all the time and she was still able to have a child. What had made me different?
Why did I have to have something wrong with me? Why was my chance to have children robbed from me?
I have never understood it or had the reason explained to me. I did get pregnant once with my last boyfriend. Jacob and I were so happy, we thought that we would never have kids naturally. When I had seen the test show positive I couldn't believe it until my doctor confirmed it. Jacob was over the moon and immediatly got to work on getting stuff for the baby.
I should have known that the happy feeling was going to last though. I was over 5 months pregnant and thought that everything was ok.I had been at the nursery where I worked and had been having stomach cramps for 15 minutes. I had ran to the toilet and noticed blood on my underwear. It's a bit of a blur what happened afterwards. I can remember getting to the hospital, the nurse had me lay down on a bed and had started to give me an ultra sound.
Flashback
The monitor was moving around so quickly that I couldn't see any of the images on the screen. There was no sound coming from the machine. No heartbeat could be heard in the exam room.
"Why can't I hear the babys heart?" I cried
"I'm sorry Miss Swan, there is no heartbeat would appear as if you have suffered a miscarriage. I'm so sorry for your loss"
I could hear screaming coming from somwhere and it took me a few seconds to realise that it was coming from me. My baby was gone and it was all my fault. I had made this happen. My body had rejected him and killed him.
The nurse comforted me and talked me through my nurse had told me that he had been dead for about 5 days because he was too small. This was not supposed to happen.
The nurses and doctors admitted me to hospital and gave me suppositories to start my labour. I was giving birth to my baby. My baby that would never laugh or cry or speak. My labour started on Thursday evening and I finally delivered my baby boy on Saturday morning. He was perfect, he was 3/4lb and 7.5 inches long, his small toenails were long and he was resembling me already. I got to hold him for a while. I suppose it helped me cope a bit but I still felt guilty.
End Flashback
I named my son Nathaniel David Swan. Nathaniel meant Gift from god and David meant Dearly Loved.
Jacob and I had held a small service for him. It was beautiful, we realised 5 white balloons outside the church after the burial and played a song by Israel Kamakawiwo'ole called Somehwere over the rainbow.
After that Jacob and I fought more and more.I blamed myself for Nathaniels death and he couldn't convince me otherwise. It was also too painful to even be in the same room as each other, and since our sons death we hadn't even slept in the same bed as each other.
We loved each other very much but could not get over the loss of our son. We parted on good terms and stayed friends. He now lives with his new girlfriend Leah. They have a son who is 1. His name is Seth. He is adorable, but everytime I see him I feel a pain in my chest.
I visited my sons grave every Saturday and laid fresh flowers down. I would sometimes see Jacob there as well. I think it's too hard for him to visit. He would much rather remember him through Seth.
Sitting in this exam room is bringing back all my memorys of the Nathaniel. I was 22 when I lost my son. And now at 25 years old I am ready to try for another child. It's not as if I am getting any younger and the longer I wait the harder it will be get pregnant.
I have tried IVF numerous times and can only hope that this time has worked. I had chosen artificial insemination as the way to get pregnant. I chose the sperm donor that sounded the best on paper and prayed to god that I would pick a strong type.
I had chosen donor # 145. He looked great on paper. He stated that he was a piano teacher, same age as myself and loved classical music. His favourite piece was Clair De Lune by Claude Debussy. It was my favourite as well. I had known straight away that this was who I wnated to father my child. I had felt drawn to this particular donor more than the rest.
The door opened and in walked my doctor. She sat down at the desk and smiled at me.
"Congratulations Bella, your pregnant" she beamed at me.
I felt soo happy I could choke. I knew this time though that I couldn't get my hopes up too high. I was going to be very careful and not work too hard. I would rest and not get stressed and Doctor Stanley would give me constant check ups.
8 months later
Oh God did this pain ever stop. I had been in labour for 1 full day and my baby was nearly ready to come out. I had been given an epidural and was told that I couldn't have any more pain relief and would need to get by on gas and air alone now. I had tried demanding a Caesarean but was told that I would need to watit. I was fully dilated and was told to start pushing, even though I didn't really feel the need to.
I moved about in different positions and tried rocking forwards and backward on all fours. Something must have stirred because the babys head started to descend. The midwives told me that they could see the top of the head.
I was then told to pant and not push for a few seconds. After a couple more pushes the baby was out and crying. I was told that I had a daughter. She was placed on my chest and immediatly stopped crying. She was healthy and strong and most importantly mine.
She weighed 8lb 10ozs and scored 10 on the Apgar scale. The best that she could have. I had decided to name her Aimée. It was French for Loved. She has a touch of beautiful bronze hair which I assume must come from her father.
The name suited her well, she would be the most loved child in the world and would want for nothing. She would have everything that she wanted. I knew that I would never be able to deny her anything.
A.N For this chapter I listened to a few songs. Mainly three.
Israel Kamakawiwo'ole - Somewhere over the rainbow
Sarah McLachlan - Do What You Have To Do
Martine McBride - In My Daughters Eyes