A/N – Sorry I haven't been updating, it's cuz I moved and my internet got disconnected. :D

R&R

Shane's POV

April 18, Friday

"Shane! You ready to go?"

"Go where? Kristen, when I am lying in my bed with my hair a big bush of blah and my eyes are closed, that happens to be when I am sleeping. See you learn something new everyday."

"Shane, we really got to go"

"Go where?!"

"School idiot!" shouted Kristen trying to push me out of my bed but failed with a sigh.

"Great, so I wake up alive again" I muttered sitting up and running my fingers through my tangled hair. I looked up at Kristen who was hovering above me her hands on her hips and her gold nails digging into them. She really got to learn to be more patient, life is long can't have everything going your way when you snap your fingers, you gotta learn how to work with it...or just end it.

"Out" I ordered pointing my finger towards the door and Kristen skipped out impatiently.

I slammed the door after her without getting up off my bed. That's how small my room was. Four short greyish-white walls that I decorated with a picture of a snail, surrounded me and suddenly I felt claustrophobic. I scanned the room as if to figure out what to do next.

I got dressed and trailed towards the bathroom in the hall. I tried the handle but it was locked.

"Occupied!" shouted Nate, as if I'd never figure that out myself. I placed myself against the wall and slid down to sit on the carpet. I was ready to wait, since Nate likes staring at himself with a towel wrapped around his head. He says he looks funky.

1... 2... 10... 15... 24...

I got tired of waiting and just went downstairs. I wasn't planning to live much longer anyways, who cared what I looked like.

Jason was sitting at the table with a cup of coffee in his hands and Kristen staring intensely at the door.

"Can we please go now?" she begged Jason.

"Wait till Nate get's here." He said sipping his coffee.

"Why?"

"He's your brother"

"Well yeah, but why do I have wait for him?"

"He takes you to school" reminded Jason, giving me a kinda 'meanish' look.

"Shane can take me" she shot up smiling at me

"Yeah right" I scoffed and grabbing my keys went out the door.

Damn it, another day. Why can't they just stop and let tomorrow come. Everyday there's a new tomorrow. It's so stupid. Whoever came up with this tomorrow crap really needed something better to do, not make people's heads want to explode. Why can't it end and let me drown in nothingness, where it'll be quite and dark and away from life and everyone in it. No more light, no more happiness, I could die clutching that missing piece that instead of trying to find it I'm giving up and ending the game. It's like a puzzle. When you have 1000 pieces and you worked so hard to make it, then you realize that one little tiny piece is missing so you tear apart the rest. Just like me, if I can't have the full thing, a reason to live, why should I bother?

The day was so bright it disgusted me. I wanted everything to be dark and gloomy, so I could have yet another reason to want to be dead and gone. It was pointless. Just living and doing stuff. Where's the point. Do we get a prize after all of our hard work at the end of life? Is that why everyone is so crazy about living?

I got into my car and stared ahead. I clutched my fists together using all my strength to keep them down, and not break the wind-shield into a thousand glittery pieces and enjoy the way the blood from my hand stained my white shirt. Give it pattern.

I exhaled the breath I realized I was holding and started the car. I was on the road and hating life once again. If I had a better life, would I still want to be rid of it? That missing piece, if I found it would I stay and would my perspective on everything change full on.

Stupid questions. So many questions that no one ever bothered to answer, and if I ever told anyone how I felt and asked one of those questions, they would give me the number of a good crazy-people doctor they know. I collect them now, cuz someday (if there will be a someday for me) I knew I will need one. Maybe then no one will think what I said's crazy cuz I will be. I preferred dead than crazy, I preferred dead better than anything.

The school building was a yellow and brown medium sized building, but for a school pretty small. The windows were long and big covering most of the outside wall in each of the classrooms. That distracted most of the kids cuz you could see everything that goes on outside too clearly. Nothing distracted me, life didn't hold my interest. I didn't pay much attention in class either, just enough for me to pass a test or something, to keep Jason happy. I didn't need to know much, I wasn't planning to use the knowledge cuz where I was planning on going didn't ask for knowledge.

I parked in my usual parking space, at the very back corner behind a shiny black Audi owned by one of the popular girls of the school. If I had time to drive the car, I would be drooling over it. If...

I made my way towards the front doors staring at my feet and begging –in my head- for the wind to die...take me with it. It seemed so free like if it wanted to go anywhere it could, and I silently muttered to it to take me where I wanted. I kept that psycho-doctor's number in mind, might come in handy some time soon.

The principle was going around the classes telling us, that a new student would be 'joining' us on Monday. I was –like usually- not paying attention, just parts of some sentences got through to my mind that I couldn't help but think about.

A girl

Alyson Pane

Monday

This class

Be nice

Welcome

Alone...

Blah Blah...

That's all I could understand, and it drained out as soon as he left the room. Meaningless words don't get stuck in my head, barely anything does it's just the way my brain works. I don't give a care, nothing surprises me. I might be a murderer and the thought just came to me like it was an ordinary day thing. Might be for me. Everything is ordinary for me. Nothing special. The only special thing for me is death.

School days went by for me just like anything else. For some people school is a place of boring books, for others a place to socialize, for me think of better ways to reach death. Got nothing so far and that's a problem.

"Hey Shane"

"Hey"

"Give me a lift home?"

"No"

"But-"

"Kristen, get lost, leave me alone, and get lost." That shut her up. I never seem to be alone. Always talked to, looked at, heck I'm stalked most of the time. I don't know is it for the music in cafe's thing or just that I seem interesting. If I looked at myself from the side I would think I'm creepy, why don't other people? I try so hard to get a reputation so weird that people wouldn't wanna touch the stuff I touch, why does it work the opposite. Why does it attract even more attention? When I'm sitting at math doodling lucky dead birds, I'm asked something just cuz I look like the type a person who would know the answer, but obviously I don't. When I'm sitting alone at lunch or with Kristen, who seems very attached to me, (unlike Nate who is one of the populars and he likes it) these random girls just sit down next to me and flutter their eyelashes. I get up and walk away...the weird thing is they follow me and every day it's a group of never seen before girls. Maybe it's cuz I don't notice anything around me that everyone in this school seem so...not there. I have to admit it's not that big of a school. It's weird, but when I look at those girls I seem to notice their eyes. I like the way girl's eyes glitter at me, but I still turn away. Even though I find life so annoying and stupid, I am still alive...

This story is very hard to write so please if you have any ideas for it tell me cuz I am clueless of what I am doing, that's why the chapters are so short. Sorry again of it sucked but please review. :D