A/N – Hehe...hi

Shane's POV

19th April, Saturday

I had nothing else to do so I went for a drive...

I was driving around random neighbourhoods, thinking what it would be like if my parents were here... if I had a real life, lived in a beautiful, happy energy home, with a loving mum and a workaholic dad. We would have a dog named Pill and Kristen, Nate, Jason and I would always argue about who has to take the dog out for a walk. Nate would always lose because of his bad arguing skills...

...Kristen and I have given this a lot of thought. She actually keeps an imaginary diary, of her everyday life with her family. Her imaginary family. She has a house picked out and one time she brought me to it. She showed me where my room was supposed to be. She gives it so much imagination and thought that she actually believes it... sometimes when she'd come to my room and start telling me about her imaginary day, I'd really wish it were true. Life sounds so easier her way. None of us have to work, that's what our parents are for... Jason isn't a strict asshole, Nate doesn't hog the bathroom all the time cuz he has his own, Kristen has a boyfriend cuz Jason isn't a strict asshole and I am scared of death like a regular person... that's what our life is supposed to be...

I found the house Kristen showed me that time, and parked my car in front of it. I stared out at the house and wondered what the inside of it looked like, when I noticed the open curtains... The house was supposed to be vacant... Then I noticed the For Sale sign gone... Sold. Kristen's house is now lived in by some other family...a regular family.

I looked up at 'my room' and locked eyes with a teary eyed girl sitting on the window sill... she looked surprised to see me and wiping away her tears moved away from the window. That was queue for me to go...

As I was driving back my mind stayed with the crying girl. I wondered why tears covered her cheeks...what ever bothered her? That house seemed so cheery when Kristen talked about our life there, but who knew what it was really like. Maybe her diary is only a story after all, maybe that house doesn't have the same happiness in it...maybe the people living there have bigger problems then we do, but that never seemed likely.

I stopped the car in front of our house and got out, not bothering to lock the car. Who cared if someone steals it, I might as well do them a favour and leave my keys in the car, that's how much I care...

I went inside and spotted Kristen sitting on the couch next to Nate, with her feet on the coffee table, staring intensely at the TV screen...which happened to be turned off...

She saw me staring at the blank screen with a questioning look and pointed at Nate. "Nate broke it"

"Did not! It was you!" he yelled slapping her pointy finger away

"What?!"

"You were the one who threw that stupid hairdryer at it!"

"Yeah cuz the kettle did no good!"

"Oh yeah, and the hairdryer did a lot of good!"

"Hey! You promised not to rat me out!"

"You promised not to blame me!"

"True but-"

"Kristen" I interrupted their little family conversation "Your house is sold"

"What? I have a house?" she asked raising an eyebrow

"Your daydream house" I explained, walking over to the fridge and taking out a bottle of water.

"Really!? To whom?" she insisted

"I don't know, I'm not psycho enough to break in and ask" I told her taking a sip of my water and heading upstairs.

"What were you doing there, anyways?" Kristen asked

"You care?"

"Not, not really"

I went into my room and lay down on my bed.

What would happen if I died, but went to hell...? It couldn't be that much worse than it is on Earth... It ain't that much fun, but what does hell have to offer... I could jump out a window right now and go to either hell or heaven, but I couldn't bring myself to it. It was like I was scared. A scared little boy, looking for his end, but afraid to do it himself.

I don't feel human anymore, it's like I'm already dead. It's as if this is my punishment for all the times I ran away from Jason calling him an asshole. I live a life amongst scared little humans enjoying every day as if it were their last, when it might really be my last...

What if I really jumped off a cliff? Would I regret it before the second I hit the ground? Would I sing hallelujah? Would I ask myself why? I have the reason why, it's not my life... My life is waiting somewhere in the afterlife and I want to start living it, but I can't bring myself to it. I am scared of life in so many different ways...

...What if there are more people like me, who feel they are called to be born and then die... who only start living after they die... the last and final beginning... On earth you begin so many different things but you barely ever finish them...you just start again at something else....even when you die, you begin again...a new life. But for the last time you begin, but there will be no finish you have to reach, because the beginning is the end...

Like Socrates once said "To fear death, my friends, is only to think ourselves wise, without being wise: for it is to think that we know what we do not know. For anything that men can tell, death may be the greatest good that can happen to them: but they fear it as if they knew quite well that it was the greatest of evils. And what is this but that shameful ignorance of thinking that we know what we do not know?"

If a person hasn't discovered something that he will live for, he isn't fit to live, so why bother? If I am not supposed to be here with the knowing of something I haven't yet discovered or maybe never will... I must I?

I try to figure life out, but it is much harder than it seems and I don't want to do that anymore...

Oh, I know all of this doesn't make sense to you, it dosen't make sense to me or even to Shane himself, he just feels...weird. and so do I! :D Ideas most welcome! :D

Q time!

Story Q: How do you imagine Alison? Her looks? And what would you like her to wear for her first day of school? Link? & What should happen on the day?

Random Q : If you could be invisible for a day, what would you do?

Normal Q : Fave artist and his/her/their fave song?

Hehe I'm weird :D

R&R

P.S – sorry it's short, I couldn't think of anything else to write. :D

P.S.S – If you want to ask me anything, ask! Cuz I luv answering questions. Even random ones like "what shoe size are you" hehe. I'm weird.

P.S.S.S – If you don't R&R I will kill you! :D Bye! :D