EPOV
I dreaded this moment from the first time I looked at her and realized that what I felt for this intriguing human was nothing more, nothing less than love. Even from that moment, I knew this second would come, and that it would crush me.
Bella was dead. Alice said so. She said that one moment, she was safely in her bed and the next she was gone. Try as she might, she just couldn't see her anymore. She couldn't even see how she died. She said that maybe it was either some sudden health issue or a natural catastrophe-but none of that had happened recently, we checked, for what reason, I do not know. They all tried to comfort me that it was an accident, and that it had been fast, else she'd have seen it. When I heard that I was furious that it didn't matter to me what or who was responsible for her demise. I was seething and I wanted revenge. I wanted to avenge Bella's death. Whether it was a Doctor that gave a faulty diagnostic or some sort of other medical error, my Bella was dead. And I wanted nothing more than to obliterate the being that took her away from this world. I had just made that plan when I heard it. It was crystal clear and as loud as if she were in the same room with me.
"Don't, Edward. You said you didn't want to be a monster."
I spun around, hoping for a miracle. The room was empty. Yet it did sound like her. I'd just imagined it. Or maybe my tormented mind was merely trying to cling to her memory so hard that I began hallucinating. I pushed that thought in the back of my mind. I listened intently and realized that I really was alone .When had they all gone away? It didn't matter. Nothing mattered anymore. My Bella was dead. A new idea occurred, only to be quickly forgotten since Alice was never wrong, as much as it pained me to admit it. She'd stopped seeing Bella, no matter how hard she tried. I was alone, in a world too empty without my angel.
Still, there was one thing I absolutely had to do and that was say goodbye properly. I closed my eyes, trying to summon the strength I'd need to be able to get close to her lifeless body and gaze at the shell that had remained of my very heart and soul. She'd be whiter than ever and stiller than I could ever manage to be. Of course, my first impulse would be to extend my arm and touch her beautiful face. Touching her like that always made her blush. I'm sure the last pieces of my already shattered heart will crumble to dust at the feel of her ice-cold skin. Most likely, she'd be colder than me. This image of a Bella devoid of her blush made me release another sob, first of many. Up until now, I have been furious, hurt, and anxious for revenge.
Now, I realised that not only will I not want to live without my Bella, but that I won't be able to. The sole reason I survived after my departure was that I wanted to wait until my love passed away, to go to her grave and confess my everlasting love to her spirit, ask for forgiveness and say my last goodbyes before I too left this world. My only chance was that maybe, just maybe, Carlisle had been right. If I had a soul and if there really was a God out there, He wouldn't part me from Bella in the afterlife. As soon as I'd have said my goodbye, I'd have flied to Volterra and done anything in my hands to be slaughtered. There was no other way. I have lived knowing she was miles away, carrying on with her life, thinking that I didn't want her. That I didn't love her. But to know that she was not amongst the living anymore, that I could not bear. I refuse to live without her in this world.
I heard a sob and stopped any movement. It must have been mine, since it stopped immediately. Still, it reminded me of something. Memories flooded my brain, breaking my unbeating heart once more.
Bella lying on the ground in the forest, crying. I have been afraid of what might happen to her if she were to remain in the shadows of the forest and stayed, watching over her from a safe distance, not that she ever lifted her head to look around. I spent hours listening to her cry, and sob when there were no more tears to shed. Still, I couldn't do anything. I was afraid that being out in the rain for so long would get her sick, but there was nothing I could do to get her out of harm's way without alerting her of my presence, and I knew for sure I couldn't look into her crying eyes and lie to her again. It killed me to see her suffering, but I prayed with all my heart and soul that she'd forget about me soon. She'd be much better without us, without me. After all, what could I have given her? I would most likely have ended up killing her or damning her for eternity. Or, in the least possible case, I could have spend a lifetime with her, giving her anything a woman could want except what all women want more than anything. I had seen firsthand how both Esme and Rosalie reacted when they saw a pregnant woman or children. Rosalie never let it show, but I saw in her head how envious she was of the woman. I even imagined Bella leaving me at some point in order to create a life with someone who could give her that. I also imagined her resenting the life she spent with me due to that absence. I had thought about everything and anything about her until the dog found her. He knew I was there, and realised what I was doing. He somehow knew I could read minds, for he addressed me in his mind. Maybe the Quelleute elders really had told their children everything about us.
"Go now. She will be taken care of."
I nodded my head at him in acknowledgement, just as he was picking Bella up. After one last glance at her, I turned around and ran as fast as I could.
My reminiscing stopped when I heard a sob. My family still wasn't anywhere near home, for I couldn't hear any thoughts. Still, the sobbing didn't stop, it only got louder. Then, for the second time that day, I heard something I never thought I'd hear again.
"Please, Edward, don't do anything reckless or stupid."
Her voice again, repeating my words. The words I'd said to her only seconds before leaving her. She was mocking me. Could she be there? Did she come back to haunt me? I didn't believe in ghosts, but still... vampires weren't supposed to be real either. I spun around, not knowing what I was looking for. Maybe some sort of a hazy form, some foggy version of the love of my life? I've heard of lots of ghost sightings, but I'd never given them much thought. There was nothing to see. I still had to find out if I was going crazy or not. I called out into the silence.
"Bella?"
"Yes..."
She sounded a bit playful, like she was mocking me, saying something like: "Who else?" Still, her tone wasn't harsh. It sounded even closer. I saw movement to my right and turned. There she was, beautiful as ever, looking just like she did the night of our prom, excepting the fact that now she didn't have that ugly cast. I suppose that to human eyes she would have looked real, but mine were able to tell the difference. It was as if she was made out of something similar to water. Her movements were fluid and gracious. She was no longer tripping on her own two legs. I missed that, since it meant I had to catch her, to save her. I raised my hand and tried to touch her face. It shouldn't have surprised me that it went right through her skull, but it did. Our eyes locked and I could still see the beautiful soul I fell in love with. The amount of emotion in her gaze warmed my dead heart for a moment.
Soon, the moment passed and I couldn't decide if I was happy or sad to see her. On the one hand, it could only mean one of two things: either I was going crazy, or my Bella had died and somehow her spirit managed to find me. I hoped for the latter, even though it intrigued me. Why would she do that? She must have hated me for leaving her. After all, she did believe all the lies I told her. I could see it in her eyes. On the other hand, I feared what she might want with me. Would she want to torment me or to help me survive her loss? Or maybe this was some sick game Fate was playing on me? To get paid for all my sins by being hated, even after death, by the one I loved most? Or to just be cursed to be able to see her and hear her sweet voice, but not to be able to hold her, kiss her, caress her ? If that was the case, fate, or God, or whatever force ruling the Universe had got it dead on. Eternity with Bella and still without her would be excruciating but it was enough to keep me alive. My suicidal plan was soon forgotten. She hadn't said anything for a while. I remembered all the times in which we sat in silence, lost in each other's gaze. I reminded myself those times were lost and that I'll never see her again. That was the only moment I felt I was blessed for vampire memories. If I managed to convince her to stray with me, I would carry on living. I had to make sure.
"Love, are you going to stay with me?"
I asked, hoping that I would never be bereft of her again.
"Always."
There I had it. Bella was dead and her spirit intended to remain by my side. If I could, I would have cried at the notion. I had to tell her the truth.
"Bella, love, I'm so very sorry. I ... I lied to you in the worst possible way."
"I know why you left. I forgive you. I love you too."
She sounded calm, peaceful. There were no longer tears in her voice. She must have known that I no longer contemplated suicide. But I didn't tell her anything about that. And I was almost completely sure that I planned my demise in my mind, without uttering a single word. The irony of the situation hit me. She could do the one thing I would have given almost anything to be able to do to her. She could read my mind.
"Yes".
A soft giggle reached my ears. She sounded so much like so much time ago, in those short respites between the life-threatening dangers she could always place herself in. She sounded...happy. I smiled a bit at the thought. I decided my family should not know of all this. They wouldn't understand. And they'd probably think I had gone crazy. I knew they loved me, but I still feared their reaction. Crazy vampires were usually considered dangerous and extreme measures were usually taken to exterminate them. I knew they would do it if they thought I was a danger to myself and to the secrecy of vampirism. I had to get away from them as soon as possible. I just had to see if Bella, my Bella, would want really follow me anywhere.
"Love, we need to get away from the family. They wouldn't understand."
"You're right." She lowered her gaze and continued. "They wouldn't..." Seeing the pain in her eyes sent a knife to my insides. I was at a loss as to what I could possibly do to comfort her now. She raised her head and smiled. "I'm with you, Edward. I'll see you soon."
Right then, I started to hear my family's thoughts somewhere getting closer. They would soon be home. Fortunately for me, Alice wasn't with them. I had to go before she figured out my plan. Still, I couldn't leave without letting them news of what I planned. I walked to the desk in Carlisle's study and grabbed a pen and a piece of paper. For a moment, I contemplated what to tell them. I settled for the truth, or at least that part of it that wouldn't have freaked them out.
"I'm sorry for leaving in such a hurry. I just wanted to be alone. I love you all, but I just can't live like this anymore. Please forgive me.
Edward."
I grabbed the keys and jumped into my Volvo. I hadn't driven it for so long... since we left, more exactly. Actually, the Volvo had been the only car we've shipped over here, instead of selling and getting a similar, improved model from here. I was reminded why the second I got in it. It still smelled like Bella. The minute I thought her name, she was on her usual seat, in my right.
"Where to?"
She sounded impatient. I smiled at her enthusiasm. Then, I realised I didn't have any idea where we were heading. I remembered a time when I told her that I'd like to take her to see the whole world. Apparently Fate gave us that opportunity.
"Wherever you want to go, love." I answered, truthfully.
"I don't care."
"Wherever the car will take us, then." I answered. She smiled again. God, will I ever tire of seeing her smile?
I started the engine and let destiny happen. My life had meaning again.
Hello again. I'm really happy since I had the time to finish this chapter and update really quickly, since I've had the idea for it since God knows when. I only hope that you'll like it enough to review and tell me that. Or if you hate it, review and tell me what you don't like, maybe I can fix it. Anyway, you get the gist of it: :) . Have a nice day, everyone.