Chapter 4

Ashley's POV

I look around the apartment for Spencer and find her in the kitchen emptying the contents of the Chinese food bag. I go in the drawer and pull out two pairs of chopsticks. She bought me these on our two-month anniversary. They are really pretty, black with pink cherry blossoms etched onto the end of each one. I hand her a set and reach up and take out two wine glasses. I open the red wine that I had sitting on the counter and pour us both a glass. There was an eerie silence between us. I turn around and see Spencer sitting on top of the island, carton in hand feasting away. I chuckle and hand her the glass. She has LoMein hanging from the end of her chopsticks, "want some?" I simply nod and she feeds me the long noodles. I try to eat this seductively but realize I just look like a dork.

"Thanks," I say with a mouth full of food.

Spencer's POV

I know she was trying to be sexy but I guess she kind of gave up. It's hard to eat and be sexy at the same time, especially when you're starving.

I look down and start playing with the food in the carton. I take a deep breath and sigh. We have to talk about this sooner or later there is no sense in avoiding it.

"Spence.."

"Ash.." we say at the same time, we laughed uncomfortably.

"Why didn't you show up that night?" She knows which night I am referring to. It was the night before she left. We were both coming to terms with her moving across the country but she promised she would call me every night and that we would see each other again when I was on spring break.

That night I asked her to meet me at the same spot we had gone to after that stupid dance. The overlook with the breath taking view of the L.A. skyline. I had it all set up like a picnic with chocolate covered strawberries and I even got Glen to get me a bottle of wine. She never showed. I sat there at that spot until the candles had melted away to nothing. I called her for days every hour and all I got was her voice mail. Soon my pain and longing grew into angry and hatred. I stopped calling and started to try and move on. I glance over at Ashley and she has a tear running down her cheek.

"Spencer, I'm so sorry and no matter how many times I say that it will never make up for what I did to you. I didn't show that night because of my own selfish reasons. I couldn't say goodbye. I thought that by us not having a long and teary goodbye it would save me from the pain of being away from you but doing what I did to you just made me feel even worse. It tortured me the way I left things with between us. I tried to help myself by numbing the pain of losing you and I wound up losing myself."

"You could have called."

"I wanted to but I figured that since you stopped calling me you wanted nothing to do with me anymore. I used that as an excuse to keep up with my self-destructive path but I changed. I swear I've changed."

"Joshua? What... I mean.. how did.. how was?" she could tell I was nervous so she helped me out.

"Well, while I decided that drinking and hooking up with random people was the best way to forget you, I went out a lot. One night after a shit load of martinis and a few lines of coke I noticed this guy staring at me. He was obviously drunk as well. Spencer, he had the bluest eyes, just like yours," I swallowed hard. I don't think I want to hear this but I let her continue. She needed to get this out as much as I needed to hear it. She continues, "One thing led to another and we ended up in some pay by the hour hotel. We did it and I passed out after and when I woke up he wasn't even there. I have no idea who the father of my child is and at this point I really don't care. I got the greatest thing in the world out of it." She starts to cry, "Joshua is my second chance to do something really good with my life. I'm not asking you to forgive me Spence. I just want you in my life in some capacity, ANY capacity."

"Well, I am Josh's teacher," I say with a sly smile. I do want Ashley in my life. I want her the way she wants me but I'm just not ready. It's one thing to just be with Ash but she comes with a package. I love teaching kids but I'm not sure I am ready to be a mom.

"Ash, I want you," she has the hugest smile on her face, "but this," I gesture at each other, "and Josh, I'm just not ready yet."

"I will wait for you, it's not like I have anywhere else to go. So what do you want us to be right now?" I look at her and take a deep breathe.