Now that everything is pretty much settled, the girls pretty much forget about Link's thing for Nabooru. She tries to make a quiet getaway with Link. They get in her car.

"Phew, we're safe from those sluts…" said Nabooru, relieved. Right then, the car stopped and the engine completely exploded, making a noise that all of the girls could clearly hear.

"They're getting away!" screamed Malon at the top of her lungs. The three girls run out to the car and surround it.

"Shit…" whispered Nabooru. Link casually walked out of the car, as if nothing was going on. Nabooru pulled him back into the car by his hair. She screamed, "what the hell are you doing!?" He gave in, and walked back in the car.

"Um… so what do we do now?" asked Ruto.

"Uh… yeah. I really have no clue. I guess we'll make Link come out somehow," responded Zelda. She used her magic to pull Link out of the car, hovering in the air. Nabooru continued to pull Link by the hair.

"Nabby, let go!" screamed Link in pain.

"Not until the slut lets go!" she responded. Ruto goes behind Nabooru and touches her with her slimy skin, causing her to let go of Link. Link comes flying out of the car, landing on his back. The three girls surround him, and start to take away his masculinity, all at the same time. Nabooru is busy dealing with the slime on her skin.

After about a few minutes of hell, the three girls look up, scream, and run away. Link stays there, only to see Rauru flying towards him. "Shit…"

"Mwahahaha! I gotcha now, Link!"

"Get him off of me! Help!"

Ganondorf, Darunia, and Sheik appear. Ganondorf immediately aims and shoots Rauru. "We got him!" yelled Ganondorf. Darunia and Sheik start to dance with each other in happiness.

"Oh my! You're a great dancer!" said Darunia, half-sarcastically.

Sheik responds, "I did ballet in third grade." The two continue dancing, with Darunia's arms around Sheik's waste and him holding Sheik in the air, and that sort of stuff.

Meanwhile back inside, Saria asks Impa. "what was going on earlier?"

Impa responded, "well, we'll have to find a new Sage of Time…"

"What did he do!?"

"I'll tell you when you're older."

After about a minute, Saria realized what she said. "I won't get any older. Fuck you."

Impa's eyes light up. "A young girl like you shouldn't use such language. I guess that means you're older now."

Back outside, the three guys are walking back inside. "That was great, just like old times," said Darunia.

"Come on guys, pick up the pace. I got some steaks and beer! Everybody's pretty much gone, so no one will ever know!" said Ganondorf.

"Woot!" said Darunia in excitement. "This is the best night of my life…"

Link is still on the ground, scarred for life from the three-way rape and the homosexual rape back to back. Nabooru, now safe, goes out to see Link. "Come on, let's go. It's gonna be alright. I'll give you something to make up for all of that." Link lays there, emotionless and scarred. Nabooru picks up Link on her shoulders and starts walking away. "I can't go back there, those sluts wouldn't stop annoying me there," she said to Link.

The three guys make their way inside. They see Saria on Impa's lap, with Impa touching her in… you know, not good places. "Impa… what the hell is this?" said Darunia, frustrated.

Impa quickly puts her hands to her sides. "I was just doing her hair. She's had the same hairstyle for hundreds of years, thought I'd change it up a bit."

"Okay, we all knew you were a lesbian, but this is just absurd. Do we have to find a new Sage of Shadows too?"

"Um… no! Of course not! I wasn't doing anything anyway! I'll do anything! Anything!"

Ganondorf said, "we'll decide on that later. For now, don't tell anyone we got drinks and smokes and stuff."

"Hold on Ganondorf," said Darunia, "I think we need to make Saria feel a little better."

Ganondorf stands there, confused. "You don't want me to do magic, do you? You hate my magic."

Darunia looks back at him, and screams, "just do it!" Ganondorf puts his hands up and runs back to gather his magician materials.

A few minutes later, Ganondorf returns in costume. "Ladies and gentleman! I will now perform my most original trick! I will cut someone in half, and then put them back together!" The small audience claps. "I will now ask for my lovely assistant!" No one shows up. "…ahem!" Still no one. "Sheik, you're a friend of mine. I really don't want to have to hurt you." Sheik comes out in a sparkling red, women's suit looking very unhappy. He has a large booth on wheels which could fit a person. "Sorry man, but you look most like a girl. Besides, we all know you're Zelda."

"Pshh… I'm not Zelda. I probably have a bigger dick than you. How would that be possible anyway? You've seen us separately."

"Look, we've all played Ocarina of Time and saw that you were actually Zelda. You also have boobs that you like to cover up. Stop hiding it, you're Zelda."

"Oh yeah!" screams Sheik in a deep voice, "what the fuck do you call this, then!?" as he grabs his crotch.

"A potato."

Sheik, infuriated, readies a punch at Ganondorf.

A machine gun is heard. Sheik and Ganondorf look to their side to see Impa with it in her hands. "Enough is enough! I have had it with these…"

"Impa, no. Just no. I already heard you the first time," interrupts Saria. Impa sits down, angrily.

"Anyway… who would like to volunteer?" asked Ganondorf.

"Me! Me! Me!" said Saria, excitedly.

"No, Saria," said Darunia.

Nobody volunteers. "Uh…" sighed Sheik. He lays down inside the booth.

"I shall now cut him in half, and then put him back together!" Ganondorf gets a saw and cuts through the box. Next thing you know, Sheik is screaming in pain as Impa, Ganondorf, Darunia, and Saria rush him to the hospital.

What will happen next!? Stay tuned! R&R.