Five Ways SGA "Misplaced" a Team Member
The first time it happened, it was an honest to god mistake. John dialed the gate and followed Teyla and Ronan through, with Rodney right behind him muttering in his ear, except that Rodney wasn't really behind him because he never did come through the other side. Elizabeth redialed and John's mind retold the story of Teal'c stuck in the wormhole and told him now was as good a time as any for panic. Turned out, Rodney had never left. They found him sitting crosslegged on the steps to the side of the gate with his computer in his lap.
"Are we going yet?" he asked as they approached and, since Rodney hadn't even realized he was missing, John decided this one didn't count.
The second time (the first really, since the actual first didn't count) it might have possibly been the slightest bit intentional. Rodney was complaining about his feet again and if John heard one more sentence he was going to do something he'd regret, so he rolled his eyes and walked away, quickly and with stealth. He knew Rodney wouldn't notice or keep up if he did, so he stopped when Rodney was on the edge of earshot and waited.
He didn't expect it to take an hour, but Rodney ranted loudly the whole time so John knew he wasn't in any danger. Rodney spent the next week threatening dire revenge, but he wasn't talking about his feet, so John called it a win.
The third time was Ronan's idea. They were exploring ancient underground ruins and for the first and probably last time, Rodney went down first. John was about to follow when Ronan stopped him, a finger on his lips. Beside him Teyla was bemused but silent. He pulled them a few feet back from the entrance and they waited until suddenly Rodney shrieked like a girl and their radios stuttered frantically to life. John thought that was probably time to give it up, but Ronan held him back. Ten minutes later, Rodney's head popped out of the ground and he could see his teammates three feet away.
"Thank god the Wraith didn't get you," he gasped as he dangled, "Now I can kill you myself."
The fourth time, John was deliberate. Rodney stepped into the transporter and John asked Atlantis to send him somewhere unknown. Atlantis, enamored with John as she was, did, and then shut down the power to the transporter to keep him there. John waited the appropriate amount of time then reported him missing to Carter and asked Teyla to organize the search party. Naturally, John would have gone himself but they were on their way out on a very time sensitive mission that couldn't wait. He grabbed Zelenka and Lorne instead and went to blow up the Wraith. When they returned, Rodney was waiting for him.
"Are you trying to lose me?" he asked.
"Not you this time," John said. Rodney was quiet for a moment then understanding spread across his face.
"Oh, you mean…" His hands waved vaguely near his stomach, like he couldn't quite bring himself to say it.
"Well, I guess that's all right then," he said, so John lost him three more times before Teyla disappeared.
The fifth time was John's turn.
They left him on a desert planet, simply disappeared before him. John wasn't sure how that could be possible, but it obviously wasn't the Wraith, so he poked carefully at the ground they were on, then turned around to trudge back to the Stargate. They were waiting for him under the shade of a tarp, drinking what looked to be lemonade. Rodney was nearly white with sunscreen and Ronan was wearing sunglasses and looking cooler than John ever could. Rodney smirked and flipped a small badge of technology at him, carefully tagged and labeled "Transporter" in Rodney's scrawl. John had to admit, that was cool enough to be worth it. Plus, he added to himself, he probably deserved it.