Sorry it's been so long guys! ButI am afraid you guys are gonna hate me once you read it; but remember…READ THE AUTHORS NOTE AT THE BOTTOM!!! It explains stuff. Happy reading guys xx_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
It was today. Today I was telling everyone that I was pregnant and I wasn't sure how they would take it considering Rosalie just informed us that she is five months along. I felt like a copycat. I didn't want my friends to think that of me as well."Edward; I don't know if today is really the right time to tell them" I mumbled as we walked hand in hand from the hospital. Today was also the day that I had my routine check up to make sure the baby was fine. However it was my first so I don't really know if you can call it routine. "Bella, come on. It'll be fine" He whispered exasperated. I'd been putting this day off for a week now and as of now I was three and a half months along. We'd given it an extra week just to be sure."What if I stutter?" I asked; trying to find any excuse not to do it. Edward stopped in his tracks and glared at me. It was the single scariest, deadly, hottest thing I had ever seen."Why don't you want them to know Bella? Are you ashamed to be having a baby with me?" he hissed and I had to take a step back. I dropped his hand as the tears welled up in my eyes."Never" I whispered ad he laughed humourlessly. "Whatever. Then why do you keep putting off telling everyone? You take the car; I'll find my own way back to the house" he grumbled and stalked away before I had a chance to argue with him. Belligerent tears flowed down my face and I recognized the feeling: loss.I drove back to the house in sorrowful silence. I missed Edward like crazy and when I got home; my heart broke twice more. Edward was loading up his car; with suitcases. He was leaving me just like everyone I ever loved had. He heard my car and turned his head to stare at me. As I watched on; his face portrayed, anger, then pain, then anger again. Before I could get out of the car; he'd said goodbye to his family who weren't looking at him; and he was gone. I got out of the car with shaky legs and made my way inside whilst avoiding the sympathetic gazes of everyone. Edward had left me just like he'd said he never would.I climbed into our bed and just stayed there; ignoring the searing pain I felt when I breathed in his smell. I cried for what felt like eternity but must have only been a couple of hours. Emmett came and checked on me every once in a while and his gaze held nothing for his brother; but every ounce of sympathy for me. Great, I thought miserably, I'm back to being that type of person. Eventually; I had to take a shower. I sat on the shower floor and let the water run over me; hiding my tears. When I got out and changed, I looked in the mirror and hated what I saw. I saw the old me; the one who would cry non stop for days because she had lost someone she loved. I'd lost too many people in my life and now I'd lost the one that was supposed to help me bring another person into my broken life. I suddenly had inspiration to write a poem; only god knows why.The Aching a poem by Bella Swan. (Actually; it's a poem by Briony Morgan HAHA! that's me by the way)I cry weakly for him,because i loved him so much,every cell in my boy is aching,to be back in his warm all the dry tears in the world,I beg him to come back to me,because I miss him profusely,he makes me the girl I want to life contains nothing of interest,it's dead without him here,and it hurts just to breathe,I need him right here.I honestly thought he loved me,that someone I lived what stay,but after I life of sadness I've learned,with happiness there is a price to price to pay was losing,the only man that I love,and I wonder what I did,to anger God above.I miss him so much it hurts,I want him to come home,and without him in my life,I am all Edward please come back to me,these words in this poem are true,I want to have this baby so much,but not as much as I love with that I folded it up and ignored the tear stains that made the paper clear. I put it in an envelope and went downstairs to give it to one of my friends."Hey Emmett?" I asked and was shocked at how raspy my voice sounded."Oh Bella" he whimpered and came to hug me. It wasn't his normal bone crushing hug; it was gentle and loving and made me want to cry. So I did. I cried on Emmett as he stroked my hair and I knew that everyone else was watching."I miss him so much" I whispered once I'd stopped crying."Why did he go Bella?" he asked and without thinking I said it."He thinks I am ashamed to have the baby with him" I said and then mentally smacked pulled back to look at me and he had a look of pure rage on hi face."He left you and you're pregnant!?" he bellowed and I nodded weakly. He let go of me and stormed out of the house and then I remembered the poem."Emmett!" I called as I ran after him. He stopped dead in his tracks and turned to look at me."Bella, don't stick up for him. What he has done is unforgivable" he growled and I rolled my eyes."I'm not sticking up for him. I just want you to give him this" I said handing him the envelope and his face softened."You have a good heart Bells. It's just a pity my brother had to break it" he said and took the poem. He walked to his car and got in. Without so much as a glance in our direction he was gone as the difference is; Emmett wasn't leaving his pregnant girlfriend.I was completely numb and cried myself to sleep for days. Edward still hadn't talked to me or come to see me. I hadn't seen him in four days and I was beginning to get desperate. I'd found out that he'd gone to Forks to live with his Aunt and Uncle. He'd left town to get away from me. I was laying in my bed listening to one of the saddest songs in the world. And yes; I was crying. I sang along to the sad lyrics which were really only sad if you felt sad already."I'm not a stranger,no, I am anger,and tears that still drip sore.A fragile flamed etched,with when our eyes meet,I know you see.I do not,want to be afraid,I do not,want to die inside,just to breathe in,I'm tired,of feeling so alone,relief exists I find it when,I am cut.I may seem crazy,or painfully shy,and these scars wouldn't be so hidden,if you would just look me in the eye.I feel alone here,and cold I don want,to the only anaesthetic that makes me feel anything,kills inside. I do not,want to be afraid,I do not,want to die inside,just to breathe in,I'm tired,of feeling so alone,relief exists I find it when,I am cut.I am…I am not alone,I am not alone.I'm not a stranger,no I am yours,crippled anger,and tears that still drip sore.I do not,want to be afraid.I do not, want to die Inside,just to breathe in,I'm tired,of feeling so alone,relief exists I found it when.I was cut"I was in hysterics by the end of the song and decided I couldn't do it anymore. This life was meaningless without Edward; without my parents; without Zach. I decided to go for a drive and seeing as it was midnight, I could easily sneak into his house. I drove for hours and hours and never once did I stop crying in that time. A few days ago; Emmett had given me directions to the house; 'just as a precaution'. So I followed the directions and I saw it. A huge mansion with a glass wall. I stopped the car and got out and decided to walk around and find his room. As I did so; his was the first I saw. By the looks it was the only bedroom on the ground floor. He was asleep and he looked so peaceful. It hurt my heart to see him only through a window. So; I slowly opened the window and climbed through it. I had my bag of supplies and walked over to him. I kissed each eye lid and tried to ignore the feeling when his lips turned up at the edges."Bella" he breathed and when his breath hit my face; I momentarily forgot what I was doing here. But then I remembered. I walked over to the closet and opened the door and the smell was heavenly. It was Edward. I stepped inside and left the door open a smidge so that when he woke up; he would see me. I tied to noose's end around the pole where you hang your dresses or suits. I slipped the circles around my head when it snugly hugged my neck. I stared at him and just as I let myself go; he opened his eyes.
DON'T KILL ME! BELIEVE ME IT GETS BETTER! This is just setting up for a better story line ( I hope you don't hate me too much. Keep reading; you won't be disappointed. The song is called 'Cut' by Plumb and it is VERY good. And I wrote the poem )