Chapter 6 - Confessions
Blair had reached the end of the trail, which she discovered had circled them right back around to the house. Bridgette and Jay had disappeared a while ago behind her on the trail, leaving her to wander in the wilderness alone. Some aunt she was. As she walked across the luscious lawn of green grass, her feet sinking into the soft earth, she saw something on the porch. As she got closer, Blair realized that it was, in fact, her sister, slumped over the side porch railing. She was staring out at the woods to the right of the house, her hands clasped together thoughtfully raised to her chin. As Blair approached, Kahlen seemed not to notice her. Blair positioned herself next to Kahlen, feet glued to the wood porch floor. She cleared her throat.
Kahlen's head whipped to confront her. Blair stole a quick intake of breath. A barely visible purple bruise lay on Kahlen's cheekbone.
"Kahlen- what…" Blair wasn't sure what to say. She wanted to say something, but couldn't quite bring herself to. Kahlen stared back at her, a blank look on her face.
"I've been thinking." Kahlen stated plaintively, turning to stare back out at the woods. "About mom, you know?"
"Okay…" Blair motioned for Kahlen to continue. Their mother had died when Kahlen was only eight and Blair two.
"I don't know." Kahlen said, more to herself than Blair. "I mean, when we moved here, it was supposed to help me forget. Everything. And now everything's just resurfacing."
"How did you bruise yourself…?" Blair questioned, unsure of how else to respond to her sister.
"I didn't." Kahlen spat out, gazing intently into the woods as if she was actually focusing her attention on something.
"What… but-" Blair stopped in mid-sentence. She unwillingly watch a tear fall from Kahlen's cheek to the porch rail. Kahlen wiped a hand across her eyes quickly, convinced she was invincible. "Kahlen…" Blair droned out, attempting to be comforting. She couldn't even remember the last time that her sister had shed a tear. Blair stepped forward, prepared to embrace Kahlen in a what would prove to be awkward hug, but Kahlen backed up.
"I'm fine, Blair." Kahlen insisted, coming off somewhat convincible. But Blair noticed Kahlen's glassy eyes, waiting any moment Blair turned her back to break into tears. The corners of Kahlen's mouth quivered, and, the telltale sign that Kahlen was in distress, the sleeve pulling. Whenever Kahlen was nervous or upset about something, she would pull her sleeves over her hands, over and over. Just keep pulling them and grasping them there, in her half closed fist. And then she'd release them. And start yanking on them again. Over and over. It drove Blair nuts.
And Blair could see Kahlen walking down that dirt road again. The dusty, old dirt road that led nowhere. She had taken that walk four years ago. After she had pulled the plug. The first thing Kahlen had turned to was not Greer or Blair, no, the very first thing Kahlen had relied on was beer. And then wine. Every day. That turned to whisky, then vodka. There was an endless number of empty bottles at the end of the day. And then one day Kahlen broke. She had set the kitchen on fire and nearly destroyed the house. Greer put her through rehab. And Kahlen had turned around. But now it looked like she was going to take that lonely road again.
How could one day change so much? Blair asked herself, not knowing that she'd be asking many more questions in the future…
Dinner was quiet. Technically, it wasn't silent because the sound of clinking forks and knives was evident, as was the brisk chirp of Canadian crickets echoing outside the window in the waking darkness.
Bridgette kept sneaking food into her crumpled up napkin, Greer had cooked that night. It was more fun to annoy Jay, however, kicking his foot under the table every few seconds.
Jay was ready to kick his sister's foot back, but somehow, he couldn't muster up the effort. He had been out exploring the acreage behind the new house for about three hours, and it wasn't all just a walk in the park. His knees were sore, and he kept bending out his legs, shivering at the crack his knees made. As he shoveled another forkful of underdone rice into his mouth, he noticed his aunt looking quite nervous. Her eyes kept darting up, from Kahlen to Greer, and back down to be glued to her plate.
Blair cleared her throat again. Greer and Kahlen hadn't looked up from their plate once yet. An awkward silence had hovered for seven minutes already. But suddenly a loud, persistent jingle disturbed the silence. Everyone jumped a bit in their seats, including Bridgette, who removed a cell phone quickly from her pocket. Greer looked up for the first time, narrowing his eyes at her. It was the known "no phone at the dinner table" stare. In reply, Bridgette rolled her eyes. She pushed her chair back from the table and flipped open her phone.
Expected to get yelled at for leaving the table for a call, Bridgette almost halted. But when she looked back, her father and mother seemed to be lost deep in the pork cutlets.
"Hello?" Bridgette answered, barely above a whisper. She hated when people could hear her conversations. Turning the corner, she sat down on the staircase.
"Bridge?" Answered a familiar voice.
"Well, duh, you called my phone, Gretchen!" She replied sarcastically to her friend.
"Oh, right."
"What's up with you?"
"Nothing. Boring here. Sabrina's in the hospital again."
Bridgette's heart sunk. Her best friend, Sabrina, who she had known since she was two, had been in and out of the hospital many times in her life because of her weight.
"Will she be okay?"
"Yeah, I think so. She just passed out again because of her diabetes."
"Oh."
"So…"
"So what?"
"So how's life in Canada?"
"I've only been here for six hours."
"Well, how is it?"
"Cold."
"So's Connecticut."
"Colder."
"Well, someone's not on the chatty side today. Sabrina said she would call you when she got out. Keep your phone on."
"Thanks."
"Send me postcards."
"I'm not on vacation, Gretch, I live here."
"So? You can still send me postcards."
"Goodbye, Gretchen!"
"Fine, bye!"
"Bye!"
"Mom, what happened to your face?" Jay suddenly burst out in mid-chew. Kahlen looked up at him.
"Don't talk with your mouth full, Jay." Was all she said, sticking her fork into a piece of pork. Jay swallowed dramatically.
"What did you do?" Jay questioned again as his mother lifted her glass of wine. Kahlen refrained from responding.
"Mom?"
"Nothing, Jay, now would you finish your food?" She said persistently, downing half of the glass. Blair narrowed her eyes, shooting the look towards her sister. Kahlen caught it and glared back. "One glass of wine won't put me in an institution, Blair." She rasped.
Blair shrugged, staring into her own drink. Bridgette returned to the table in silence.
"What did I tell you about leaving the table for a call?" Greer spoke his first words at the table yet as Bridgette sat down.
"It was like, two minutes, Dad. Gosh."
Kahlen looked up at Bridgette. "Who was it?"
Bridgette stuck her fork into the pile of rice. "Gretchen." She mumbled.
"Oh? How about Sabrina? Didn't she say she would call you?" Kahlen questioned, chewing thoughtfully on her piece of meat.
"Yeah. After she gets out of the hospital." Bridgette sighed. She leaned back in her chair, abandoning her nearly full plate.
Kahlen swallowed. "Oh." She tried to contemplate what else to say, but she couldn't think of anything. Bridgette stared at the cracking ceiling.
"I'm not hungry."
Greer's face got red again. "Eat it, Bridge, I took the time to make it." He rasped angrily.
"Dad, I'm not hungry!" Bridgette insisted, raising her voice. Greer rose from his chair.
"Just eat it Bridgette, it can't be that damn har-"
Greer was interrupted by Kahlen heaving her chair from the table and slamming her hands on the table.
"GREER! Stop screaming at her like an animal! She's our daughter, Greer, what's wrong with you?!" Kahlen had lost her grip. She felt like for the last three hours she'd been holding on to it, but it was slipping. And now it had fallen. And she had completely lost it. Greer and her had a face off, eye to eye. Kahlen tore her gaze from him.
"Go upstairs, Bridgette, I'll wash your plate." Kahlen reassured. Bridgette raised her eyebrows at her doubtfully.
"But-"
"Go, Bridge." Kahlen turned to Jay, and, seeing that his plate was empty, grabbed it. "You too, Jay."
Jay said nothing, following close behind his sister out of the kitchen. Greer threw back his chair from the table, the kitchen table quivering as he exited in a stampede. Blair let out a breath that had been caught inside of her for the last fifteen minutes. She came up next to Kahlen with hers and Greer's plates.
"What was that all about?" Blair whispered, afraid that the house might echo her voice.
"Why are you asking me?" Kahlen rasped, scrubbing at the dishes intensely.
"I need you to tell me what the hell is going on, Kahlen. This isn't you." Blair reached forward, abruptly turning the water off. Kahlen turned in the other direction as the water stopped, letting the dish clatter noisily to the sink. "Kahlen." Blair said, almost scolding. Kahlen's back to her, there was silence as Kahlen simply shook her head.
"I..." It came out choked, as if she was struggling to produce the words through the threatening sobs rising in her throat. "I... can't."
Blair, hearing the unfamiliar strain in her sister's voice, moved to face her. Kahlen's face rested deep in the palms of her hands. "You know you can tell me anything."
"No," came back the muffled response, Kahlen unmoving from her current position. "You'll... kill him."
"What?" Blair responded in confusion. As Kahlen raised her head however, the dark bruise that lay across her cheek fell immediately upon Blair's eyes and the reluctant, bone-chilling truth crept into reality. A sharp coldness hit Blair's body like a freezing blanket of ice and her jaw barely clicked into place in order to form her astonished words.
"No, Kahlen." She whispered pathetically, trying to convince herself out of the harsh actuality. "Kahlen... he didn't... he didn't hit you, did he?"
There was silence.
"I'm worried about him. Something's wrong."
Blair shook her head. "He hit you?"
Kahlen slammed her palm against the counter. "Yes, damn it, Blair, but it's not his fault. This isn't him..."
"Greer? Greer purposely hurt you?"
"Yes, but, it's... something's wrong."
Blair sealed her lips tight, bit her tongue to hold the words she wanted to scream so badly back and left the room.
As Jay's feet padded up the stairs after his raging sister, he felt a sudden sense of distress hit him. Maybe it was delayed from the strange dinner they had just had, but it was immanent and prodding like a knife into him. He wanted to be anything but alone at the moment, so when Bridgette took a sudden right at the top of the stairs instead of heading towards their rooms, he trailed close behind her.
Bridgette threw open the door to her parent's bedroom and threw on the lights as if she had a set mission. Jay followed her in a daze as she began to throw open the drawers of the armoire.
"Bridgette... what are you doing?" Jay questioned hesitantly. His sister gave no answer, continuing to rifle through clothes and personal belongings. "Bridge, seriously!"
Bridgette ceased from her searching and whipped her head around to face Jay. "Looking, okay?" A long pause of silence followed except for the sound of Bridgette's rummaging hands through various items.
"Bridge, why are you doing this?" Jay expected her to ignore him, as usual, so her immediate, almost cutting response came as a shock.
"Because, Jay! Because... something's wrong. With Mom and Dad, like they're hiding something. She's hiding something. He's... he's... god, Jay, I just don't know, okay? Alls I know is that we've only been here for eight hours or so and already there's this rift between Mom and Dad like when... well you were probably too young to remember..."
"No, I remember." Jay nodded. "Do you think it's true that God has a plan for everyone?"
"I guess... what do you mean?"
"Like, everything happens for a reason. Maybe... what happened to Emilie... happened for a reason."
"I'm sorry, Jay, but I refuse to believe that. You can't say when a little girl is torn away from her family it's supposed to happen." Bridgette shut the drawers, defeated by the fear of what she might find.
Jay, not responding, had meandered over to the beautiful mirror that had caught his eye earlier. He gazed, captivated, at his image and felt compelled to examine every inch of visible skin. He was doing this when he first noticed the strange hue over his skin. He approached the mirror, peering more closely at his image. Now that he observed it, he noticed a light rash over his arms. He pulled his shirt collar down and discovered it was on his neck, too. The closer he looked, the more small red dots appeared. He could nearly see the red hue beneath the skin on his face, and he pulled back from the mirror in shock. He knew what this was, he knew all too well.
By the time Kahlen realized she had been holding onto the counter edge as a lifeline, her knuckles were ghostly white. She was on a raft, coming to a three way split in a river. The powerful current seemed confused, as if not knowing which way to carry her. She turned her head, could see Greer sitting alone on the couch. His head was collapsed in his hands, his anger muffled into his tired palms. Bridgette and Jay had each other, Blair had the peace of the aged forest to comfort her. Greer had no one right now, nothing. It may have been of his own consequence, but he needed someone. And so did Kahlen. She encouraged the current to bring her to him, hoping it wouldn't be a dead end.
She eased herself onto the couch, unsure of whether Greer even noticed her there. Slowly he lifted his head from his hands to look at her. His eyes followed the curves of her body as if he was first taking in the sight of her. He shook his head, opened his mouth to say something but realized that nothing would take back what had happened. He slowly reached up his hand and traced the bruise it had left on Kahlen's cheek. She flinched at his touch, but let him move his hand to slip a piece of hair off her face. He let his hand fall to her lap, and she reached for it, stroking its rough and callused surface. Kahlen let out a soft, abrupt sob at the memory of his soft, baby-skinned palm. She raised it to her lips, kissing it as if she was planting a permanent memory in his hand. For at least a minute there was an eerie silence that sat in the air.
"Oh, God!" Greer suddenly released, a sobbing roar breaking the still of the air. He took his hands away from her, suddenly afraid that the slightest touch of his fingers would leave a scar. His head returned to his hands, and he let out a loud sob. "How could I do this to you!?" He screamed, unable to control himself. The mood quickly traveled to Kahlen, who began to sob also. She moved to him, rubbing his back in slow, comforting circles. She collapsed into his shoulder, her cries muffled.
"I love you, Greer." She managed between sobs, her hand clutching and grasping his shirt.
Greer raised his head from his hands, kissing the top of her head. She rose her face to his, barely able to see through the thick streams of tears clouding her vision. He gently placed his hand on the unharmed side of her face, softly kissing her lips. Greer kissed her forehead, and as she pulled her face away from his, he suddenly had a desire for every part of her, something he had been unfamiliar with for quite a long time now. His eyes caught hers and he gave her lips another kiss, moving down to kiss her chin, her neck, letting his lips glide over her collarbone and down her chest as she clutched his head to her breasts. She ran her fingers through his short hair, stroking the scruff of his back neck. His fingers hooked through her belt loops, he kissed her stomach, laying his head gently on it. He lifted his head up, moving his fingers to tenderly stroke her stomach. "I miss her." He whispered. Kahlen nodded, lying her own hand upon her stomach, caressing it as if to rub away the hollowness she felt inside.
"Me too." Her voice cracked.