Disclaimer : Characters don't belong to me, although I wish Alice did. Y'all can have moody old Edward! Hooray for the awesomeness that is Stephenie Meyer!

Heartache

They all looked at me expectantly, but I was in no mood to elucidate.

"Alice, what's going on? What happened?" Rosalie sounded concerned. It took me a minute to realize that the concern was uncharacteristically for someone else. I shook my head at her, doubting I would be able to clarify without dissolving into tearless sobs.

"Let her go Rose, she'll explain to all of us at the house. No sense in making her tell it twice." I smiled thankfully at Emmett, knowing Rosalie would listen to him. In an effort to keep the mood light, he swept Rosalie up, kissed the pouting frown from her face, and then challenged us to a race home. Everyone tried to play the part, but I could tell no one's heart was in the competition. I started to run, but the scenes that started to flash in my mind were so intense that I had trouble keeping up with the others. Jasper noticed I had slowed, and he dropped back to stand with me.

"Alice, what can I do?" he begged, "I can't handle you feeling like this without wanting to soothe you, to take it from you. Can I do that for you just this once?"

I shook my head, although the offer was so tempting. I didn't know how his emotional control would affect my sight. I couldn't afford to lose track of Edward now. Jasper sighed in resignation. I could see that our evening plans had changed as well, I just hadn't told him yet. Jasper will be hunting without me tonight. I will be camping out at the Swan residence just in case Edward changed his mind.

"Jazz…I… I'm not coming with you tonight." I said, all in a rush, "I need to watch over the Swan girl. I do see that Edward is leaving, but I just don't trust my mind enough after my screw-up this afternoon."

His dejected look broke my heart a little more. Edward was capable of bruising me, but Jasper could make me bleed. I couldn't handle the strain anymore: Edward leaving, Esme's coming reaction to the news, Jasper hurting, first by my grief, now by my rejection. The visions continued to parade behind my eyes, and I just let myself crumple. Jasper caught me up in his arms before I could touch the ground. The sense of calm that flowed through me as I leaned into him was blessed relief.

"Boy aren't we touchy-feely today," I tranquilly observed," I wonder if anyone else noticed."

"I can't help it when you're sad, Alice. Your unhappiness is like a thousand days of aching thirst for me. When I touch you, it's lifted, and I feel good again."

"You can stop with the calm stuff now though, I think I can handle the real world again."

Jasper smiled wistfully. I still felt serene, even as I see Rosalie and Emmett will be at the house in a second, wondering where Jasper and I are. They will wait for me to tell Esme without Jasper present. We all know how sensitive he is to the emotional undercurrent, but he is especially vulnerable if I'm involved. I will order him straight to the hunt, Emmett in tow. Rosalie will be stoic enough to lean on until Carlisle arrives. I see him leaving the hospital now, claiming an emergency at home.

"We need to get home, Jazz."

He frowned, but nodded in agreement, and laced his fingers with mine. The rest of the run was quiet; I had the sneaking suspicion Jasper didn't ease up on the Mellow-aide. Oh well, I thought, Let him do what he needs to get by. The guilt I was feeling about this whole day was starting to catch up with me. The house came into view and Emmett, Rosalie, and Esme were waiting on the massive wrap-around porch. Esme looked at me concernedly. Jasper tensed by my side as we approached. The atmosphere on the porch was so electric it was tangible. I watched as everyone started to visibly relax, and I squeezed Jasper's hand.

"I need you to go now, Jazz. Take Emmett with you. After today we will still need to continue our daily routine, and I know the toll your abstention has taken on you. Go, hunt, and come back to me. I'll be at the Swan residence until she leaves for school tomorrow."

After an attempt at a halfhearted protest, he agreed. He leaned down to whisper in my ear, his lips brushing butterfly kisses against my neck.

"I love you, Lis. Please be careful."

The endearment curved my lips into a worried smile. Be careful…I wasn't the one who needed to worry about being careful. Just thinking about my brother, alone and desperate to outrun his demons, made me shudder. Oh Edward, why did you leave? We could have helped you; we could have protected the girl. I dragged myself from my anguish long enough kiss Jasper goodbye. The tension returned to Esme's face, and even Rosalie's calm beauty was ruffled.

"Carlisle is on the way, let's go inside and I'll tell you everything I know."

Esme could read the pain in my eyes, and her maternal instincts were at war with her desire to hear me out. She reached for Rosalie's hand, and wrapped her arm around my shoulders. She's bracing herself I thought, She already knows it's Edward we're going to talk about. You didn't have to be a mind reader to see she was anticipating the worst. We walked through the front door and into the formal "dining room" not that –we- ever dined there. Esme loved restorations, and she tried to ensure that we lived in a home, not just a building. Esme briefly squeezed me against her side, and then allowed Rosalie to lead her to an empty chair around the mahogany table. I had seen that no matter how well I explained what had happened, Esme doesn't handle it well. I attempted to organize my thoughts in spite of the whirling dervish in my head.

"Esme, Edward had to leave. He is worried that he will put us all in danger if he stays. He's going to Denali to be with Tanya and her coven." I spit it out in a rush unable to say anymore, waiting to see if her reaction differs from the one I had seen. Esme held out her hands to Rosalie and me. I could see she was trying to be strong for us, and the fact that I was barely holding myself together wasn't helping the situation. "There's something about the new girl, Charlie Swan's daughter, that has set him off. If he didn't leave, I saw him hunting her in her home. He almost killed her in school; I don't know what saved her. I thought Jasper was the problem…I didn't see who…" I was babbling now, and Esme squeezed my hand.

"Alice, you can't be perfect. We know you aren't perfect, yet we still put enormous pressure on you, don't we? "

Her words eased my mind some. My family's unwavering faith in my ability to see problems before they arise has occasionally backfired. I have told them that the future isn't static; it takes only the breeze from a butterfly's wing to change the course of a plane. I can't always see that the butterfly will make that breeze. When I do, sometimes it's too late. Plus, there are a lot of butterflies in this world; I can't watch all of them.

"Is he coming back? Will it be soon? Do you see us going to Alaska?" Esme gently pressed me for more information.

"He hasn't made a decision yet, I can't see clearly." I bite my lower lip in concentration, "I will let you know as soon as I see."

While my eyes are closed, I see that Carlisle will soon be pulling into the drive; he and Rosalie will take care of Esme. They will express their relief that Edward hasn't done anything to jeopardize the family, or hurt anyone from town. Carlisle will agree with me when I tell him it would be best if I go to Chief Swan's house and ensure the safety of the daughter. Jasper will meet me there and we will keep vigil until the coming sun shines the stars from the sky. I knew we would stargaze tonight, I saw it. I just didn't know it would be while acting sentry for a human girl.