This one is a little out of whack with the timeline. It should be before the second installment, but oh well. This was originally going to be just a two-part story, but I got the idea for this and now… BANG! This is pretty much just a series of fics that can stand alone but probably will make more sense put together. Congrats to my damsel in shining armor (yeah, right) Caden, who supplied the nickname of Fuzzhead and the idea for both pranks. Also, Привет is Russian for hello. Enjoy just like I did. ~Callum!~
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Horatio Caine woke up with a gasp at around five AM Monday morning. It had been a long time since he'd stopped having nightmares about Tim Speedle's death, although they usually involved his own gun misfiring instead. His right hand was subconsciously checking to make sure the left one was still there, because it wasn't an instant before he'd awakened. He noted that it was still attached to his arm and then realized how quiet it was.
Horatio had recently gotten two (very hyper) dogs- a Great Dane named Apollo and a German Shepherd named Ranger- who both thoroughly enjoyed keeping the house's occupants up at night. He also noticed the absence of the person who usually filled the spot on the bed beside him and suddenly felt very alone. Eric Delko woke up at four thirty most mornings and went for a thirty minute run with the dogs along the beach behind their house. When he came back, he would get a quick shower and go back to sleep until it was time to get up for work. Horatio sighed quietly and didn't have to wait long before Apollo had jumped onto the bed and stretched out in Eric's spot. Ranger didn't bother and just flopped down beside the bed.
"What are you doing up?" Eric asked when he finished his shower. His hair was long enough that, when it was wet, it would hang down over his deep brown eyes like it did at that very moment. Apollo grudgingly got up and Eric sat in his place.
"I woke up and couldn't get back to sleep."
"Well, duh. That's how people stay awake," Eric replied, gently kissing his boyfriend of two years. "What I meant was 'what woke you up'?" The redhead shrugged, a sign that just told Eric to drop it. "Fine. Be a mean person." Eric pouted childishly and went to lie back, but fell off the side of the bed instead. He saw bright pink stars for a moment and was brought back to reality by Horatio's laughter.
"Thanks for the laugh, Eric. I'm hungry, how about you?"
"Hell yeah, I just ran six miles chasing after two speedy dogs. I'm starving."
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Eric did a triple-take when he was leaving the morgue after talking with Alexx on Tuesday morning.
"Cade? What the hell are you doing down here?" A pretty woman with black hair and lightly tanned skin made her way down the hall and stood with her hands on her hips before she hugged the Cuban man in a friendly greeting.
"That's so rude, Eric, don't you know how to say привет anymore?" Eric sighed, knowing the girl wouldn't answer until he said hello.
"Привет, Caden. What the hell are you doing in the morgue?" Caden rolled her emerald eyes.
"I work here, silly. I'm Alexx's new assistant. Didn't someone tell you that?"
"No, obviously I didn't know. You certainly didn't tell me, considering it's been over a year since I've seen you last. How are you?" For the past year, Caden had been in Ireland with her oldest brother León. He had broken both his ankles and needed help until he could walk again. Her time there certainly showed because her accent was a lot more pronounced than it was since she'd left.
"Good, I'm really good. It was fun with León, but I'm really glad to be home. How are you? I heard you were shot." He winced slightly and pointed to the scar the bullet left.
"Yeah, right there. Not very fun, but I'm okay now." Eric jumped slightly as his phone beeped on his hip. It was Ryan, telling him to go check out his 'funtastic' car. He raised an eyebrow and led Caden outside, where his hummer was parked, covered in plastic wrap.
"What the hell happened to your car, Fuzzhead?" Caden asked, trying (and failing) to hold back her laughter.
"Ryan Wolfe is dead. Metaphorically speaking." He tried to pry a piece of plastic wrap off, but it was stuck. Unknown to Eric and Caden, Ryan had help- Calleigh used her hair dryer to shrink it on. Eric pulled out his cell phone and dialed a number.
"Horatio, if that's how you're gonna be answering your cell, you better make sure you know who it is," he laughed.
"I knew! It's called caller ID."
"Sure you did. You just guessed lucky."
"No I didn't! Well… yeah I did, but I was still right!"
"Would you do me a favor, since you're so much better at intimidation than I am?" Caden laughed at Eric, who made a face when he couldn't get any plastic wrap off.
"Is that supposed to be a compliment?"
"Um… yeah. Would you mind telling Wolfe that he's a dead man?" Eric could practically hear Horatio rolling his eyes.
"What did he do?"
"Come look at my car. It calls for retaliation times six."
"Is that the guy?" Caden asked innocently when Eric slid his phone back into his pocket.
"What guy?"
"The guy. You know. The guy you're fu-" Eric quickly covered her mouth.
"Shut up, Caden!" he growled, wide-eyed.
"Aw! It is! But the peeps here don't know, do they?" She gasped. "That makes you a liar! Didn't Jake teach you not to lie anymore? You didn't learn your lesson!" Jake, Caden's twin brother, had punched him in the sixth grade for lying to Caden and making her cry. It was something involving a boyfriend, but neither of them really remembered what it was about. By now, Caden was going into full-on lecture mode, and being a hyper ball of fluff probably didn't help her be not irritating when she did that.
"Caden!" Eric finally yelled, making her stop mid-word.
"That's my name! And yours is Fuzzhead."
"Fuzzhead?" Eric and Caden both turned to see Horatio with a teasing smile on his face.
"Don't ask. H, this is Caden Finlay, my best friend ever and Alexx's new assistant. Cade, this is Lieutenant Horatio Caine."
"Nice to meet you," Caden said, politely shaking his hand. A though struck her suddenly. "You're that guy!"
"What guy?" The red-head gave Eric a confused look.
"Cade, you say a word and I'll kill you. Then I'll go kill Ryan." This only made H more confused.
"Why are you going to kill Ryan?"
Eric stepped back to let Horatio see the plastic-wrapped hummer. It was nearly five minutes before he finally stopped laughing.
"He got you good, Fuzzhead," Horatio teased. The Cuban smacked his forehead.
"Oh dear lord. Cade, I'm going to kill you."
"It could be worse, Fuzz," Caden reminded with a sly grin. "I could've said something about when Stacy k-"
"Say nothing about that! Dear god, woman, are you trying to embarrass me to death?" Caden grinned innocently.
Eric rolled his eyes for the millionth time that day- being around a very hyper Caden Finlay can do that- and noticed writing on the plastic-covered hood of his car.
It's getting boring around here, Delko. Let's start a prank war to shake things up. I'm thinking me, Calleigh, Frank, and Natalia against you, H, and Alexx. Sound good? Good. Your turn. =] –Ryan
"That's not fair at all," Caden pointed out. "Alexx sure as hell won't be much help and they have an extra person!"
"So join our team. After all, your evil genius is double that of a normal person. Plus, Alexx will help. I think..." Eric shrugged and Caden shook his hand.
"You got yourself an evil mastermind. Although... This one'll be hard to top. Don't they know you're supposed to end with a bang, not start with one?" Eric shrugged once more and raised an eyebrow at the red-head who was apparently a mute.
"We're taking turns?" Horatio finally questioned in disbelief. "You don't take turns in war!"
"Good point," Eric said slowly. "Alright, I've got an idea."
"What're ya thinkin, Fuzz?" Eric smacked the back of Caden's head lightly and told them his plan.
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Caden smirked to herself as she crept into an interrogation room that was occupied by a sleeping CSI- Ryan Wolfe. From what Eric described, she knew that he would freak out when he woke up. Eric was, at the moment, setting up phase two of the retaliation. She paused when she thought he was about to wake up and then continued forward.
"Payback's a bitch, Mister Wolfe," she said with a grin. Ryan sat up straight and squinted, trying to recognize the person in front of him while still being half-asleep. "I'm Caden Finlay, Alexx's new assistant. I wanted to introduce myself. Also, on behalf of Eric's team, I wanted to do this." She promptly dumped a bucket full of chocolate pudding all over him and ran into the hall, laughing her ass off.
"What the hell?" Ryan yelled, following her out into the hallway. Basically everyone had come there to see what was going on and they all began laughing hysterically as well.
"That is funny," Eric said with a smirk, snapping a picture of him on his cell phone. "Payback's a bitch, huh Pudding Boy?" Ryan rolled his eyes (which seem to happen a lot when Caden Finlay is present) and stormed off to the showers.
"It gets better," Caden reminded with a grin.
True to her words, it got better. When Ryan finally washed all the pudding from his skin and hair twenty minutes later and came up to the lab, everyone was still laughing at him.
"You got me, Delko. Good job." Eric and Calleigh both looked up from their work and both failed epically at holding back laughter. "What now?" Calleigh handed him a small mirror and Ryan gaped at his hair.
His neon blue hair.