(A/N): Thanks Meesh/immzw4, you just rock.

Feel free to leave any comments, all of them are welcome.

It's mostly going slowly for now, but I promise mucho action, blood, love and death :) in the eventual future.

"If there is no struggle, there is no progress." – Frederick Douglass

Chapter VII

Bella's POV

I walked back to Billy's home with Jacob under the full moon, casting a silvery hue on the tree lines and the road.

The forest that felt so mysterious and frightening when I was alone now felt mystical and secure. I knew the wolves were keeping and eye on us. I couldn't see them, but I could feel them.

Well, not really. I felt Jacob's uncomfortable glances toward the trees every few minutes so I knew we were being observed.

I felt glad for the respite, as we walked side by side in silence. I had time to go over why I rushed here in the first place tonight. Jacob walked slowly to accommodate my slower than usual walking speed.

I still trembled slightly from the shock of my nearly fatal accident. He had held me for what felt both as an eternity and a moment. After my question about Seth, he told me we would talk about it back at his place, and he held me again.

I didn't push him away. I had needed to feel secure, and I had needed to feel appreciated. Frankly, I had needed to feel loved.

There, I had to go and do it, and now I felt like shit. Seriously, I had to consider the fact I might have been mentally unstable.

Anyway, after the question he held me for long minutes, and I calmed down enough to walk on my own.

I looked up and stared at Jake, he was trying to hold back a smile.

"What is so funny?" I inquired curiously.

"You are, when you go into your head, you forget everything around you and I can see you actually arguing with yourself," he replied still smirking.

I bit down on my lower lip, crossing my arms in mock frustration.

"It's cute, in an insane kind of way," he added looking up at the sky.

I continued to chew down on my lip, holding back a smile.

Why did everything he said to me send a jolt down my spine and explode into butterflies in my stomach?

Without really thinking about it, I uncrossed my arms and I gently grabbed his hand in mine, interlacing my small delicate fingers in his rough, callous strong ones.

I felt his hand, and then his body tense after we locked hands. I tried to unclasp my fingers but he squeezed them gently, relaxing his whole body.

I cleared my throat as we approached his house as I could see the lights on.

"Hey Jake, do you mind if we go for a walk on the beach?" I asked timidly.

He peered down at me, uncertainty written all over his face for a moment. He caught himself and rolled his eyes, smiling.

"Sure, whatever you want Bella," he replied.

I saw Billy look at us through the window as we passed near the house and we headed down toward the beach.

It was dark now, but Jake led the way, still holding my hand, and guided me. I could hear the sound of the waves, but all my attention went to Jake.

I focused on him. I didn't want to fall flat on my face and injure myself, depriving me of my time with him.

It had taken me days and a near death experience to get him to talk to me. I wouldn't ruin this with my clumsiness.

As we cleared the last trees and ended up on the beach, the view took my breath away.

The gentle silvery rays of the full moon danced across the water and glazed gracefully over the sand giving it a warm tone as the rhythmic slow sound of the waves played like a lullaby in my ears.

We stopped as Jake took in the sight himself, and I felt his eyes on me as I closed mine to feel the fresh cool wind caress my face and send my hair rocking gently in the air.

After a moment he guided me toward a rock and he sat down still holding my hand.

We stared at each other for a long while, and I felt pulled toward him but I held my spot in the sand. We looked like magnets, trying hard to fight the pull.

I twisted my hold on his hand, using my other hand to pull at his legs and sat down on the sand between his legs.

He hesitated, but he slid down from his rock and I felt his heat surrounded me like a blanket. For a moment, it felt like when I was a kid and my father held me in his arms with a blanket and rocked me to sleep.

Weird, I hadn't thought about my memories with Charlie and my youth in a very long time.

I nestled closer to his bare chest, seeking warmth as the cool breeze from the water provided a nice balance with his heat.

I knew I would need to start the talk, but I was afraid to break the silence.

"So, Seth huh?" I asked to break the ice.

"Yeah, everything happened in a space of a couple of day for the Clearwaters. With their father, and then soon after, this happened," he responded, shaking his head slightly.

"Poor Sue, poor Leah," I added in a whisper.

He snorted.

"You are right about Sue," he voiced.

I turned my head to look up at him stunned.

He didn't look down at me, but I knew he felt my eyes on him.

"Look, you didn't come here and crash your truck to talk about the pack right?" he asked, effectively closing this line of questioning for tonight.

I nestled back into him with a frustrated sigh. I could feel the train derailing.

He shook his head, and let out a sigh of his own. I felt his warm breath in my hair.

"I didn't crash it. I just took it for a spin, ok!" I exclaimed squeezing his fingers and poking his calf with my free hand.

I felt the chuckles from the vibration in his torso.

"Nice pun there, Bells," he retorted, absently running the fingers of his free hand down the length of my arm.

I still felt like hell about it, but I was alive and killed no one. Not even the furry thing that ran in the middle of the freaking road.

I didn't want to think about my truck right now. Tomorrow would come soon enough with all the problems.

I lived in the moment. I had my Jacob. Now I had to press the issue. I hadn't come all this way to simply hand the pack another reason to laugh at me.

At least I knew Seth wouldn't laugh about it.

"Look Jake, we can't keep dancing this stupid dance. I thought we were over this," I started, pausing for a moment, "I can't have you turtle away without telling me. Last few days were hell," I pronounced with a trace of edginess of my voice.

My voice wouldn't break tonight I commanded to myself.

I felt him tense behind me, and he stopped running his fingers on my arm also.

"I am not sure what I did wrong, but we need to be able to talk about things like that. We talk about everything else, so if I do something to piss you off you have to let me know!" I intoned, gradually building mental momentum.

And then I felt cold in a flash, like a cold snap as he withdrew completely away from me in a swift but delicate motion, rising up to his feet.

I shivered from the change of ambient temperature but I kept my hold on his hand. Well, it's more that he didn't try hard to pry his fingers away not wanting to bruise my hand.

I stared up in his eyes, and I gave him my resolved face. It must have had some effect because it stopped him and he shook his head.

"Fine, if you really want to go into this now," he announced, taking a couple of steps and sat down in front of me.

"What is it Jake?" I inquired firmly.

"I don't know how to make it right anymore Bells. I promised you things, but I feel like I can't keep up those promises anymore," he replied, his voice shaking slightly.

I recognized suddenly that he had a lot bottled in, so I kept my thoughts to myself and held my tongue.

"I promised we were only friends again, but it's tearing me inside out. I see it in your eyes that you want more out of this, but you don't. And I promised I wouldn't push again," he added, slightly trying to unlace his fingers from mine.

I didn't let him. I felt like my bones would crack if I continued to hold onto his like this, but I felt if I let them go he would leave too. He stopped after a moment, and looked at our hands then up at me, his jaw hardening.

He looked away avoiding my gaze.

"God, you're such a kid. Just tell me what's on your mind, Jacob," I intoned, a bit harsher then I intended.

He was so aggravating. Worse than the stupid judging shirt.

He turned and faced me, gently lifting our interlaced hands.

"I may be a kid", he spat down the last word, "but I know what I want, Bella. Do you?" he asked seriously.

And that train was clearly jumping tracks now and would crash soon if I didn't do anything to stop it.

Why was everything so complicated?

And there, in this moment I heard him again, but I didn't understand. I wasn't in any danger.

Be happy Bella. Be honest with yourself.

Wait what? Where was the sharpness and anger in his voice? Everything was just wrong right now.

I must have made a face that Jake wrongly interpreted because he looked hurt.

Stop holding on to your pain. You deserve more than misery, my love.

Neither of them made sense right now, and usually when I heard that beautiful angelic voice I would shut everything else out.

Nothing else mattered when he had shown up, but I realized I was pushing his voice away without really thinking about it.

Would it kill me later on when I was alone again?

Would I crash back down to hell?

I couldn't think about it, but a voice in the back of my mind proclaimed that I didn't feel like I would die.

Maybe I would be ok. Maybe I needed to stop holding on to things that were hurting me.

Or maybe I was just really going insane and I needed to be interned.

I could hear that train in my head, next stop: straightjacket.

"Look Jake, I need you to be a little more patient with me. You are only right about one thing though," I finally retorted after what felt like a very long pause.

"What?" he asked, uncertainty marred on his face.

"You are a kid, no denying that," I joked smirking.

He sighed and took his hand away, and rose in a swift motion. He towered over me, the moon hung over his head as I looked up at him and he gave him a cherubic look as the silvery astral body crowned his face like a halo.

"Jake stay, I was juts kidding." I said offering him my hand once more.

I could see his body quivering from anger, my hand gently rested on top of one of his. My touch calmed him it seemed.

Just be happy. Free yourself from all your pain Bella.

Ok, this had to stop for a moment right now. I couldn't keep a straight conversation with Jake or Edward, let alone two at the same time.

That's weird; I had said his name without hesitation, and no fear of an oncoming emotional backlash.

Not the time for introspection. All hands on deck for Jacob.

"Okay, you are right. I am not sure what I want. But I want you in my life, and I care for you," I stated seriously.

"Why?" he replied between his clenched teeth.

"I don't know why Jake," I stammered back.

He shook his head.

"Not good enough Bella," he retorted softly.

"That's not fair Jacob," I whispered back, fighting the tears that were welling up at the corner of my eyes.

"Tell me, Bells," he whispered back, taking a step forward his body a sliver away from mine, the heat hitting me like a tsunami.

Tell him.

I closed my eyes, this was unreal.

"Just tell me, Bella," he purred in my ear.

Just tell him, Bella.

My mind was taking a leave of absence and my body was betraying me. I could feel it shivering all over, and this time not from the cool breeze.

I didn't know if this was right, but right now it's the only thing that felt real. I needed him. I don't know if I felt as strongly about him as he felt about me.

Did I like him this way?

Did I love him?

I took the plunge, everything about this felt right. Maybe the voice was right. Maybe I had held on to misery for too long.

I owed Jacob to try. I owed him that much.

I looked up at him and felt the longing in his eyes. I felt the magnetic pull from his body to mine.

This didn't feel like magnets, the parallel wasn't strong enough.

I felt like a planet being pulled by a sun.

My sun.

Mine.

"Kiss me," I whispered at him, pushing up toward him on the tip of my toes, eagerly.

I saw the hesitation in his eyes and when he felt me pushing myself into him, I witnessed the birth of a star. His face lit up from everywhere.

And then, all hell broke loose.

A piercing wolf howl followed by a chorus of howls broke the silent night.

Jake's head whipped toward the forest.

"Danger," he muttered before looking back at me, a growl rumbling in his chest.

I felt him crumble before me, the pull of two forces tearing him apart.

I didn't know was that all about? My hormones screamed at me to embrace him and keep him away from whatever threatened the wolves.

But if I did, then I would keep him from being what made him Jacob.

And that was my Jacob.

"Go, I know my way back," I said to him, taking a step back.

My mind, my body, and my sanity screamed no.

I saw him take a step backward toward the forest, looking at me.

"Go!" I intoned with the remaining courage I could muster.

He smiled back at me, and then broke in a run toward the forest his whole body quivering.

I fell down on my knees, tears pouring out.

I heard a chorus of howls in the night, the strongest one the nearest from me.

My Jacob.

My wolf.

"Kiss me," I whispered through my sobs.