Part II
"My Blue Heaven"
Six Months Later
i. Two sides twist and then collide, you're calling off the guards... I'm coming through....
It had been awhile since I'd felt this comfortable. With a shrug of my shoulders and a shaking of my legs, I raised my hand to grasp the brass knocker. Although the regular security guards knew my first, last and middle names, these new ones refused to believe I'd known Michael since I was eleven.
When the door swung open, I saw the butler and the maid looking all disheveled. "Mr. Matthews. We haven't seen you in a long time," Broderick rumbled in his loud baritone instead of saying good afternoon.
"Yeah, I've uh, been really busy. You know... with the producing of the movies and the band. Plus, my wife and I are about to-" Suddenly I was listening to Broderick's earthquake of a voice again.
"Mr. and Mrs. Barrett are upstairs," he interjected, finally letting me inside.
"Thanks," I replied hastily, walking through the foyer and up to the foot of the seemingly never-ending staircase. I knew Michael had an elevator around here somewhere, but I felt like running off some energy today. Taking the stairs two at a time, I jogged up until Michael saw me rushing past from the third floor entertainment room.
"Yo Chase!" He yelled, and I poked my head in. Lisa was about to take a shot at the purple ball on their pool table.
"What's up, Michael?" I shouted back, walking over to shake his hand. "And how is the lovely Mrs. Barrett doing these days?" I asked, watching as she hit the ball, pushing the orange one and the blue one into two holes on opposite sides of each other.
"Hey Chase. I'm doing great actually. And I hear you are, too." She smiled, setting her pool stick down and walking over to Michael's side of the table.
"Do you want a drink, Chase? Maybe some fine red wine, imported directly from Italy?" Michael offered and I nodded. I really need a buzz. So much had happened in the last six months, but at least he was my friend again.
"Look Chase, I know after what happened with you and Zoey... you and Michael kinda fell out. I just want you to know that I'm here in case you want to discuss your marital problems. I know that Michael would be doing the same for Zoey, so I'm doing the same for you." Gosh, Lisa was amazing. She placed her hand on top of mine in a friendly way. Her smiles were always so warm. Michael was so lucky to have her. I knew that he would never ever in a trillion years even dream about doing to her what I did to Zoey... and I just felt that much worse. Everything was all my fault.
"Yeah, I know exactly why Michael felt the way he did. He had a right to. I lost all respect for myself when I... had an affair," I said, finally finding the right words. This had to be just as awkward for Lisa. Discussing my sex drive like it couldn't hear us. "As for my marriage, it's kind of hanging in the balance right now. I love Zoey so much, but I'm not sure she'll ever trust me again."
"That's really unfortunate, Chase. I wasn't there to witness the falling off the bike scene, but I remember when I first met Zoey. She was such a good friend to me. And of course, you're an amazing friend to Michael. That's why you guys made such a great match. Your friendship blossomed into a relationship right in front of my eyes. It was so magical. I know that she still loves you, and she always will. It's just hard to get over being hurt by someone you love so much." I loved Lisa's kind words and advice, but did she really understand what Zoey was going through right now? Did I understand what I'd put Zoey through? Probably not.
"Of course. I was devastated when she didn't appear to be catching on to my advances early on. Little did I know, all I had to do was be patient. And then I ended up getting impatient about a lot of things and now...." I trailed off, not knowing what to say. All I felt like doing was getting my hands on that red wine.
Michael returned with a full bottle. Running my tongue over my top lip, I smiled at Lisa, who walked over to Michael and took a glass from him. She filled my glass to the brim, seeming to know I had an on/off relationship with alcohol – especially when I was being shunned. Alcohol was the one thing that wouldn't ever shun me, no matter how I was feeling at the time. "Thanks, Leese."
"No problems, Mr. Matthews. How about a toast?" She proposed, just as I'd raised the glass to my lips to take my first sip.
"Sure," I replied, being careful not to slosh any onto the very precise russet colored carpeting below. Damn, if she didn't hurry the fuck up I was going to melt into a puddle here.
As she finished pouring herself a glass, Lisa raised her hand into the air and Michael and I followed suit. "I think we should toast to... love," she announced. "To finding it, keeping it, and holding onto it for dear life." We clinked our glasses together very carefully, and then I felt like I had ants in my pants. I was finally going to get drunk! Hell yes!
"Chase, can I talk to you for a moment?" Michael asked, gesturing with his eyes. He wanted to speak with me privately.
We walked into the adjoining sitting room, but neither of us took a seat. How did that make any sense? A sitting room with no asses on chairs? I mean, come on. "Yeah?" I said, clutching onto my almost half empty glass.
"I just wanted to say I'm proud of you for stepping up and telling Zoey that you cheated," Michael congratulated me, as if I was supposed to be proud of myself. He had no idea how long it was going to take the guilt to wear off. Probably an eternity. "You really did what was right after all. You're back to your old safe, Chase." Michael patted me on the back, and I cleared my throat awkwardly. Not because of the encouraging slap to my shoulder blade, but because he was so wrong.
"Definitely. Thanks man," I mumbled, taking a long gulp and finishing off my wine. "Got any more where that came from?" Michael grinned and we returned to the entertainment room to join Lisa.
Even though Michael wasn't pissed at me anymore, I felt bad about accepting his compliments. After all, everyone knew that I'd cheated... but not who I'd cheated with.
ii. Adulteress conditioned to a spin cycled submission you know sometimes it just feels better to give in....
"Reese!" I greeted Logan, who was sitting on the same bar stool he sat on every night he came here.
"Matthews!" He shouted in return, getting up to shake my hand and slap me on the back. "How's it been going lately? I know things are different these days, so you gotta fill me in."
"Well, I don't think Zoey ever wants to see me again as long as she lives," I told him, as he ordered a Sex on the Beach for himself and a rum with coke for me.
"Annie's definitely going to grit her teeth when she sees me on TV with Quinn after we get divorced and I marry my true lady love," Logan slurred. Damn. His alcohol was so strong I could smell it on his breath. It came out in shallow puffs. At ten thirty, Logan was already completely wasted. Not even I could pull that off and I was the one with the conscience to drown.
"Of course. I mean, you were cheating, dude," I reminded him.
"And look who's talking. The hypocrite of the century, Chase Matthews."
"Yeah, whatever man. Look, what should I do if she asks me to sign the papers in a week or so?" I asked, figuring Logan would know what to do. He'd seen his dad get divorced a plethora of times, so I was sure he would know all the ropes.
"Uh... you sign the fucking papers and move the fuck on with your life," Logan said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.
"But... I don't think it's going to be that easy man," I admitted, rubbing my hands over my eyes. Damn. Was I totally fucked or what?
"It was that easy to cheat on her with Lola, so you're going to have to make it work, Matthews." Tracy came over with our drinks and Logan blew her a kiss. "You're my MVE – most valued employee." His words ran together, and Tracy batted her eyelashes.
"Any time," she said, before returning to her end of the bar.
"Do you know how sleazy you look, Reese?" I wondered, and Logan nodded. And kept on nodding. Taking a long slurp of his cocktail, he pointed a finger at me.
"Do I look like a give a flying fuck?" He whispered, and I held my breath. Onion juice, sweat, tears and blood all mixed together in a bowl couldn't smell – or taste – as bad as his breath.
"Nah, not really. But you are plastered, which means your eyes are bloodshot and you look really pissed...."
"Can it, Matthews." Pushing the tumbler of rum and coke towards me, he heaved a great sigh. "I didn't treat you again so you could sit there and not get hammered. Don't be a bitch. Take a drink and get lost, like me." Raising his glass, he smirked and emptied the rest of it into his mouth. "Seriously, if you don't take that up in a nanosecond, I will drink it."
"Hell no you won't!" I shouted, snatching up the glass so fast some of the rum and coke sloshed onto my dress pants.
"Shit, Logan! Look what you made me do!" I yelled in frustration, setting down my drink and dabbing at my pants with a napkin.
"Ha! Now it looks like you pissed yourself," Logan teased. "Or got your period."
"The menstrual cycle involves blood," I said, making a face.
"And what exactly is that supposed to mean?" Reaching for my rum and coke, Logan smiled. He was getting ready to take a sip when I grabbed his hand.
"Seriously. I'm not your mom or your designated driver, but no more. You will not be able to drive home."
"That's what chaffeurs are for," Logan explained, trying to set down the glass and bite my hand at the same time. I'm pretty sure we looked like two children about to get into a fight over a popsicle or something. Not that anyone was really in here at this time. Besides, Logan seemed to always have this place rented out. I wouldn't have been surprised if he admitted to having slept with Tracy a couple of times, too.
"Okay fine, have your cake and eat it too. Just remember that Quinn hates drunks. You told me all about what happened to your father-in-law."
Setting the glass down, Logan stared me dead in the eye. "Yeah, sure. I guess."
With a sigh, I ran my hands through my thick black curls. I really needed to get a trim. Of all the things on my mind, that was the most innocent thing I could focus on. "I don't know what the hell is going on anymore!" I shouted angrily.
Logan's eyes widened and he smirked again. That same cocky upturn of the lips that he'd always revealed when someone else was feeling the most miserable they could possibly feel at one time. "Since being a dad isn't going to happen for now, you're pretty much off the hook, bro." Snapping his fingers, he smiled when Tracy brought him another Sex on the Beach. He pressed a kiss to her hand. "Thanks doll."
"Not really. I'm not sure I'm not a father," I said slowly, trying to grasp the words myself. Fuck. Was all this shit really just hitting me?
"What do you mean?" Logan asked, gulping down his drink. "Wait a minute. Lola was really knocked up? I thought you were just kidding!"
"I wasn't, dude. I wasn't." Now I was really freaking out. I didn't know if I was a father or not because we all know that Lola had changed a lot since PCA and slept with like three guys at once. Plus, what if she'd aborted the little bitch? Then I wouldn't have to worry about a damn thing.
"Well, have we got a real mother fucker over here!" Logan yelled, pointing to me. "He doesn't know if he's a daddy and he doesn't seem to give a shit either!"
"Shut up man," I said, running my hands up and down the nape of my neck. I hadn't exactly thought of this seriously until now. Fuck.
"Well my man, I think you need to get a DNA test or something... then come back to me," Logan suggested, taking another sip of his drink. "'Cause seriously... that's just so fucked up, I couldn't even trump it!" Now he was cackling, and I wanted to punch him even though he was sort of my friend. I mean, Logan Reese had actually just given me advice that I could use. What a revelation!
"I guess that's a will do," I grumbled, rising from the bar stool. I hadn't even touched the rum and coke, except to pry it out of Logan's greedy hands and he was sitting there dumping more toxic into his mouth. Now I was the hypocrite. Everything had gone wrong and it was all because of me. How could I ever redeem myself in Zoey's eyes? "I have to go."
"See ya, man!" Logan shouted, and I waved a hand at him.
I was not a happy camper.
iii. And it's all too familiar, and it happens all the time. All the cards begin to stack up, twisting heartache into fine little pieces that avoid an awful crime... but it's you I can't deny....
Pushing the thick stack of papers towards me, she mumbled, "Sign where all the exes are."
Swallowing hard, I unfolded my hands and sighed. "I wanted to talk."
"Chase, you proved yourself already. You proved what a man you aren't and how much of a pussy you are," she spat, and I folded my hands again. Zoey could really be a bitch when she wanted to be.
"I just... I had to finally be honest with you," I tried to explain, fully aware that I sounded like an asshole.
"Yeah, thanks a lot, Chase." Turning away, Zoey tapped her freshly manicured fingers on the table top. "You really made me feel that much better by telling me every detail of your affair. I appreciate it."
"Fuck it, Zoey. I know what sarcasm is. I get it, okay? You hate me now. You have a right to, and I can accept that. You don't have to shove it in my face." Now I was upset. Zoey was really trying to claw at my heart, and I was already feeling pretty down. Of course I was still in love with her, but she didn't want to hear it.
"You know what, Chase? How about you go fuck yourself! Obviously being intimate with me wasn't enough for you and I think it'd be best if you stopped sticking your dick everywhere before you get an STD." Trying to mask a smirk and failing, Zoey blinked. Although she'd always been a very sweet Southern belle, now I saw the coldness, the hardness. She really didn't care about me anymore. Not after what I'd done to her.
"So you think this is funny?" I shout back, slamming my fist into the table. I'd had enough. Zoey couldn't act like we hadn't had all those good times together. She couldn't pretend that I meant nothing to her after only three weeks apart.
"It is, Chase. And you know why?" She raised her eyebrows and ran her tongue over her top lip. I didn't know why she'd be trying to seduce me, but that would never ever not turn me on. "Because you were so full of yourself you thought that I had no idea. Well buddy, I'm just not that innocent."
"Good for you, Zoey. I hope you have a nice life with that attitude." With a sigh, I began massaging my scalp. She was making this awkward and difficult on purpose and it wasn't funny.
"I hope you have a nice life after your dick shrivels up and dies," Zoey retorted, pushing the papers closer to me. "Please sign them so I can mail them back in. I want this divorce to be official by the end of the month."
"But it's the twenty-fifth! How the hell could that be possible?" I wondered incredulously. "And plus, are you sure about this? You kicked me out roughly three weeks ago Zoey-"
"And it was the best thing that ever happened to me," she cut in, and I stopped short. Zoey was really working hard to convince both me and herself that she was over me... over us.
We'd pretty much been a packaged deal since we were thirteen and I'd gone and fucked that all up. The thing is, I can take responsibility for my actions. I can apologize over and over and still want to apologize more. At the end of the day, Zoey made the choices about this divorce and I just obeyed and went along with it to make her happy.
A few moments passed and then Zoey rose from the table. She walked over to the cupboard where I kept all of our expensive wines. Pulling out a bottle, she returned to the table. "I don't miss you. In fact, the reason I want to get this over and done with is because someone's moving in here once your sorry ass stops showing up every other day."
"Whoa, whoa, whoa. I still own part of this house." Pausing to hear what'd she said echo in my mind, my jaw dropped. "Besides, who could that be?"
"You'll figure it out sooner or later," Zoey said, popping the cork off the bottle and grinning. Maybe alcohol was one of her demons, too. I wouldn't be surprised if she'd also kept things from me during our marriage. After all, she was the one who was always trying to refrain from asking me questions when she knew she wanted to ask them anywau. Everyone else knew she was imperfect, but for some reason she couldn't see it.
"Well, I hope you're happier with him than you were with me," I mumble in the most sarcastic way possible. "Our times together will be pretty hard to beat."
"You're not going to convince me to shred those papers with those kinds of words!" Zoey yelled, narrowing her eyes "You can recall when we first met, our first kiss, our first date, the first time we had sex, our wedding day... everything and I would just roll my eyes because you did it all in vain."
"Hold the fuck up, Zoey! You know that that is not true and I would never lie and cheat on purpose just to make you look stupid." I could feel my cheeks heating up. Zoey was really working her way under my skin.
"All those politician's wives who stand behind them smiling when they're telling America that they're gay or they've had an affair or whatever... I'm not like those women. I'm not going to stand behind you even though you've cheated." Her voice was low now. "I still love you, Chase. It's because we've been close for almost ten years. You were my first everything. And now... you've become my first big mistake." My breath caught in my throat as I watched two tears slide down both of her cheeks.
She really was not going to give me another chance. No amount of flowers, jewelry, clothes or shoes would get her to take me back. All the plans I'd had for us would never be. And it was still all because of me and my stupidity. Why did I deserve this? Everything was going so well, and now... it was just all down to shit.
"I'm sorry you feel that way," I whispered, taking the pen in my right hand and looking for all the places I had to scribble my signature. I couldn't avoid it. Zoey and I weren't even legally separated and she wanted this divorce to be final as soon as possible. I had no one to blame but myself. "I still love you, Zoey. And I always will."
She didn't look at me. She just stared at the wine bottle like it was going to start giving her answers or something. Like it could tell her what to do next. Hopefully she wouldn't use drinking to get her head straight like me. Because it usually doesn't work.
After I'm done filling out the paper work, she walks me to the door. "Goodbye Chase," she says, and I sniffle. I'm not exactly about to start bawling on our – her – doorstep, but I'm close to it.
"Goodbye Zoey," I whisper, pulling her body into mine. She doesn't object. When I pull away, I kiss her long and hard on her perfect lips. Our mouths always knew what to do when they came together.
She kisses me back with the same passion and I want to kick myself in the balls. How come she didn't do that? I mean, I wasn't going to ask her to, but she'd never tried to physically harm me after I told her. Damn. This was it. I turned away and I thought I heard her say, "I'll never forget you," but I wasn't sure. Maybe she was talking about forgetting something else. Maybe she wished I'd never existed.
iv. A dull heat rises from the sheets, I'm both a patient boy and a jealous man. Am I coming through? My double standardized suspicion is remedied, oh my blue heaven, sometimes it just feels better to give in....
Pressing number one on my speed dial, I am startled when I hear a female's voice answer the phone. Was this still his number? For all I knew, he changed his number once a week. "Hello? Do I have the right number?"
"Hiya! It's Annie!" Wow, Logan's wife sure was chirpy.
"Oh, my bad. Is your husband around?" I bite down on my bottom lip as she thinks about it. I had a feeling she was blonde now, even though we'd only met once and her hair was brown back then.
"That rat bastard. You're talking about Logan, right?" She wondered and I had to bite down on my lip harder to keep from laughing. Who else could she possibly be legally married to?
"Yeah, not unless you have five other husbands in the back," I joke, letting out a nervous laugh.
"No, I could never commit bigmy or adultry." She sighed. "Or whatever they're called."
"Okay, well that's good. Is Logan around?" This girl forget to answer questions rather easily.
"Actually no. He's hanging out with his friend Michael. Apparently they're looking at sports cars." I can imagine her pouting and thinking hard about everything she says. It's rather hilarious.
"Oh really? And I wasn't invited?" I'm trying to crack a joke again, let's hope she gets it.
"Apparently not," she says and giggles. "Don't be mad, though. I wasn't invited either."
"Do you and him still live together?" I wonder aloud randomly. I hope she doesn't take offense to this question, because I'm really trying to get to the bottom of something.
"No, but all his stuff is still here. I begged him for the house. And we still have sex sometimes. But only if I want something." Wow. What a confession. And over the phone? Did this chick have any class?
"O-kay," I reply, licking my lips. Annie was a slut. No wonder Logan wanted to duck out the back door and just forget about her ass.
Wait a minute! Who was Logan to be laughing and calling me a hypocrite? He was fucking both Annie and Qu-
Shit, my mistake! Quinn cut off the sex until the divorce is ruled official by a judge. No wonder! He's not getting the great sex he wants, so he's going back to the old fuck he only used for pleasure. Props to him.
My thoughts are running wild. "When's the court hearing?"
"We're going to court in maybe, oh, I don't know... two months?" My jaw drops. "I heard about Logan's new girlfriend and how she's not putting out until we're officially over... so I'm trying to make sure he's not getting laid. Well, except with me."
"What about publicity? I saw you guys on Access Hollywood last night."
"Er, yeah. I told my publicist to make it seem like we're just working through a rough patch. So when we get divorced, the paparazzi will show me plenty of sympathy and just label Logan a rat bastard... which is exactly what he is."
"So why are you still sleeping with him?" I ask, hoping I get the answer I'm looking for.
"Because his dad won't have sex with me... so I figure he's the next best thing." Okay. Stop. Are my ears working? What the fuck did I just hear? Has Annie slept with Malcolm, too? He's almost sixty fucking years old! What the-?
"Wow. I think that's enough of that." I hope she doesn't think I'm rude for wanting to change the subject. And I hope she doesn't assume that I'm not going to tell Logan. Because I sure will. This is some fucked up shit that he definitely needs to know about. I'm tired of hearing about other people's sex lives and not having one for myself.
"Can I take a message?"
"No, but I did want to talk to him about my wife and I," I tell her, hoping she doesn't ask any questions.
"Well, you can talk to me about it," she offers, and I wince as if I'm in pain. The way she talks about her personal life... I don't exactly trust her. I try to keep my family out of the tabloids.
"I know you're going through a divorce, too... but I'm not sure you can really relate-"
She interrupts me with a cough. "Sure I can. Just tell me what exactly the problem is, and I'll do my darnedest to give you a mighty fine solution."
Now she's adopted a Southern twang. Did she have a split personality, too? "Okay, so... I cheated on her. With her best friend."
"Hold the phone!" She yells, and then I laugh. "Yeah, we both are. Um, you're Chase right? The cute one with the curly black hair?"
"Sure, I guess I'm cute," I respond, and she giggles again. We could be best friends.
"I'm afraid cheating on your wife with her best friend makes you a rat bastard, too." I can picture her frowning and then staring at her nails. Bitch.
"Yeah, whatever. I kinda understand," I responded, unable to keep the edge out of my voice. No wonder Logan only wanted to fuck her when she was happy and nothing else. Just listening to her voice for five minutes would be like enduring an entire country album.
"You know what would be funny?" Annie chirped. I laughed to myself, thinking she could read my mind. What would be funny is her dying by attempting to take a whiff of a scratch-and-sniff sticker at the bottom of the fucking ocean.
"Nah, what?"
"If we got married, just for fun... you know to make Logan....?" She paused, and I figured this was an insert-name-here kind of thing.
"Zoey," I supplied.
"Yeah, right. We could get hitched to make Logan and Zoey jealous!" Now she was probably clapping her hands together. Thinking that I'd actually agree to this ridiculous bullshit plan and that would be it.
"Are you serious?" I sputter, even though I know she is. Why would she joke about trying to make Logan jealous? She knows she'd never find a sugar daddy as hot and Viagra-free as Logan. "I mean, using someone to get revenge is one thing... but actually getting married to make your estranged spouses jealous? Now... that's just an entirely different ball game."
"Well, duh. Since I moved on so quickly and you moved on so quickly, Logan and...."
"Zoey," I mumbled.
"Yeah, right. Logan and Zoey will get oh-so-totally jealous and want to find new spouses, too. Then we'll be like, oh ya know... it was all fake, get divorced within a week and they'll take us back. We'll be the happy couples we once were!" Now I see her smiling face, her bright green eyes and freckles staring back at me expectantly. This is how a six year old girl looks when she wants you to buy two cups of lemonade instead of one.
"Uh, I really don't see how that could work. I mean, getting married was something I took very seriously-"
She coughed, and I stopped short. "Um...?"
"No you didn't. You cheated on her. So much for 'til death, right?"
"Okay, you're being a hypo-"
"No, I'm not. Logan cheated on me." Maybe she's angry now, or getting all feminist on me, I can't tell.
"Well, just drop it, okay? Let me explain myself." When she remains silent, I continue. "Yes, getting married takes balls." She giggles.
"I don't have any...."
"Hardy har har. You're a riot."
"Don't be sarcasmic."
"I think you mean sarcastic, but just let me get to the point already!" I'm banging my hand like a gavel on my desk. This girl couldn't get any more annoying. How had Logan put up with this for a week let alone three years? "It wouldn't work because they'd probably know it was all fake, it's not that easy to get divorced - we're both going through one right now so we should know - and lastly, why would they take us back if they knew we'd gotten married after we divorced them?"
"Huh?"
"Listen, Annie, it's been nice talking to you and everything-"
"You are not hanging up on me, Chase!"
"Fine, fine."
"I mean, my daddy knows great lawyers and they could arrange quickie divorces for us and take care of even the most tiniest of details."
"Sorry, Annie. I have to go."
"Wait!"
"Look, I'm not from a world with rich daddies and sugar daddies and baby daddies, okay? It's just not my scene."
"Tell your wife you're sorry."
"What?"
"Tell her you're sorry and that you never used flavored condoms with the other chick."
"What the fu-?"
"Just do it. Trust me, it always works. That's what my dad always told his new twenty-five year old girlfriend after his current wife turned forty. He's a very intelligent fellow."
"Okay, whatever you say. Bye."
"Bye!" Shutting my phone, I shook my head a little bit. It was like I'd just stepped out of a time machine or something. Had Logan's soon-to-be ex-wife really just given me decent advice?
v. Is this all too familiar? 'Cause it happens all the time, I'm just askin you to hear me. Could you please, just once, just hear me? More than anything you wanted to be right, still it's you I can't deny....
Counting up the scripts for the fifth time, I ran my hands through my hair. This job was getting more and more frustrating. I was glad I was working with seasoned veterans. If everyone in this movie was a newbie, I don't know what I'd do.
"Chase!" Someone called out to me. I recognize the rough, gravelly voice as Mr. Reese's. He was pretty old now, but of course he still gave great direction to the actors he worked with.
"Mr. Reese!" I replied heartily, turning around to shake his hand and slap him on the shoulder. "How have things been going?"
"Fine, just fine. Vienna and I aren't splitting up after all." Nodding slowly, I tried to count up all the divorces he'd gone through in my head. Surely Logan would know... or maybe he'd lost track, too.
"That's great. Um, about the set-"
"I heard that you and Zoey are going through some marital problems yourselves," he cut in.
"Here you go, Malcolm." An assistant came by holding a tray of coffees. He took two off and handed one to me. I had no idea how that girl called him by his first name like that. I was always so afraid that if I did he would stick his hand out and strangle me in about five seconds, and I'm the producer.
"Yeah, about that-" I began, but he's known for saying what he wants to, when he wants to. Hmm, like father like son, huh?
"Step into my office, will ya?" He ushered me into one of his three offices and closed the door behind us. "So tell me. What's up?"
"Look, it's really nothing. I mean, it's already too late to save."
"How do you mean?"
"Well, we were going through some problems because another woman got involved, but I already signed the papers and I'm pretty sure she's already mailed them off."
"Did you ask her?"
"What?" I looked up at him. "No. Why would I?"
"Then how do you know she's mailed them off already?" Leaning forward in the chair behind his desk, Malcolm reached into his candy jar and pulled out a butterscotch toffee. "Chase, you have to think about what being a man means to you. It should mean getting what you want and having the balls to deal with your mistakes."
Boy, how many times had I heard that one from the boss himself? Yes sir. I understand that quite well. It's just-"
"Falling in love is hard, so falling out of love can't be easy, right?" I thought the question was rhetorical, but he widened his eyes and bowed his head at me so I cleared my throat.
"I guess so."
"Then tell me, why haven't you tried to get it across to her that you're still in love with her?"
"I have, sir. Trust me, I have. But she won't hear the positive things anymore. She can't get over the fact that I lied to her and cheated on her and told her I was never planning for our baby."
"Look, I am very sorry about the baby. But...." He held up an index finger. "Don't you think she has a right to be this upset with you?"
"Of course she does. I was a terrible husband to her, we barely saw each other these last couple of months, I was screwing another chick, getting plastered with-" This time I cut myself off. I didn't know whether or not Mr. Reese knew about his son's drinking problem. I couldn't drag Logan into this and expose him like that. It wouldn't be right. He'd been a great friend to me in the last couple of weeks.
Mr. Reese raised his eyebrows. "So drinking was involved, too?"
"Yeah, I developed an alcohol problem... sort of. But I'm not really an alcoholic. I only crave it when a lot of shit is happening in my life."
"Hmm," Mr. Reese said softly, putting a finger to his chin. "Sounds a lot like Logan with his wife."
"Yeah, we've been talking more lately because of our similar situations."
"That's good to know that you and Logan have been friends for such a long time," Mr. Reese said. "But Logan isn't the greatest example. I knew he always loved Quinn, but he always goes back and makes a choice that he should have made in the first place."
"I understand that, Mr. Reese. But we all make mistakes and live to regret them, ya know?"
"Sure, it's true. But you know what I think you should do, Chase?"
"What?" I asked, hoping it wasn't something negative.
"I think you should apologize to your wife again and see what she says. Remind her of why she fell in love with you in the first place." I nodded slowly, already knowing that that would never work. Zoey was already sleeping with another guy, she really was over me.
"I'll try," I agreed, trying not to make my voice sound too deflated. Who was Malcolm to give me marital advice? He'd only walked down the aisle six plus times.
"You know, I always saw potential in you. Mainly after that filmmaking contest in your sophomore year."
I chuckled. "What, were you so pissed that I kicked your son's ass that you started to like me?"
"No, it wasn't that. I just saw your unique, raw talent. And how you captured emotion so easily. I fell in love."
Weird... but okay. "Erm, thanks."
"And right after that I got divorced again. That was my last failed marriage. I figured I'd put Logan and his siblings through enough. All of the different step-moms and half siblings that came into play gave them a distorted view on family life."
"Yeah, that's true," I said, even though I had no idea what it was like to deal with divorce at such a young age. My parents are still married.
"I finally made the choice to settle down... for real." Ha! Guys only did that kind of shit when there was great sex involved.
"That's great. I'm happy for you and....?"
"Vienna," he supplied, starting to laugh. I was prepared to jump up and pat him on the back in case he started wheezing. Ew. He probably had Viagra in his briefcase.
Just then, his cell phone buzzed. Checking to see who was calling him, he rose from his chair and I did the same. "Well Mr. Matthews, I'm glad we got to have this nice little chat."
"Yeah me too, Mr. Reese." I shook his hand again and smiled wide. He'd always said one of his favorite things was a Crest white smile.
"You're doing so great on this movie right now; I'm loving how it's coming together!" He pumped his fist in the air and I cringed. People stopped doing that after Howard Dean ruined it.
"Thanks sir."
"So, I'm offering you another producing job."
"What? That's amazing!" I said, feeling my face light up. Was he serious?
"Yep, I don't care what Logan says. He was always jealous of you." He winked at me, and I kept quiet. I didn't want to say the wrong thing.
"Thank you so much, Mr. Reese!" I pulled him into a father/son type hug and I felt him smiling over my shoulder. He had a really long chin.
"No problem, Chase. And don't forget to do what I told you," he reminded me after he pulled out of the hug.
"Sure thing," I agreed, and left his office so he could take the call. Maybe my life wasn't over after all.
vi. We swing and we sway as this tiny voice in my head starts to sing, "You're safe child, you are safe, You're safe child, you are safe"....
Ringing the doorbell I shoved my hands deep into my pockets, I bowed my head. I hadn't seen her since that last time we'd had sex and she'd told me she thought she was pregnant. Now I was going to find out if I was really possibly a father or not.
I heard footsteps and then the door swung open. Now that I was single, she looked more beautiful than ever. She'd died her hair black, and her features looked more striking. Maybe she'd had some kind of surgery done. But wasn't she too young for Botox....?
"Uh, hi," I said, waving at her.
"Hello Chase," she whispered, as if she was ashamed. Maybe she didn't want to see me. Maybe she'd rather be a single mother. She motioned for me to come inside, so I did.
Shrugging out of my coat, I put it on a hanger in the closet and rubbed my palms up and down my jeans. "So... where's the kid?"
"Our son is upstairs sleeping. His nap is almost over, so I guess I can go get him."
"Are you absolutely positively sure it's mine?" I asked, biting down on my bottom lip.
I looked down and saw that her fists were clenched. She probably wanted to slap me, but she just turned and began walking towards the staircase.
Taking a seat on the couch, I studied the pictues on the wall. Lola modeling or whatever, pictures of her with celebusluts, Dustin... Gosh, he probably wished I was dead right now. Fucking his sister over like that. Her and Vince... wait, what the-? That one looked recent!
She came back downstairs holding the baby in her arms. She approached me slowly, and once I got a good look I knew. The jet black curls, the hazel eyes with obvious flecks of green.... I took him in my arms. He opened his eyes wider and I sucked in a breath. My bottom lip began trembling, so I bit down on the inside of my cheek.
I'll never forget when Zoey came and told me she'd gotten her period. She was already four months along and I never thought she'd miscarry. She was relaxing a lot, eating right, taking her pills... I was just shocked. Our child was never meant to be. And now we'd never have a child together and instead I was the father of Lola's baby. Life really was unfair.
"Um... what's his name?" My throat was dry, but I didn't want to ask for anything to drink.
"Alexander Martinez," she told me, "or Alejandro in Spanish."
"What about... my name?"
"Look Chase, you weren't fucking there. At all. You came to see me once when I was pregnant and that was after Zoey...." Her voice dropped, and I looked away. She and Zoey were still friends as far as I knew. "That wasn't until after Zoey lost the baby."
"This is my son." I swallowed hard. "He needs Matthews in his name somehow. Can't you at least add it on?"
"I'll have to think about it." I began rocking him in my arms and she turned on the TV. "I know you told her."
"Excuse me?"
"I know you told her that you cheated... but not with me," she said, leaning back into the couch.
"Yeah, I did. And we're getting divorced." She clears her throat rather loudly.
"I know. I saw it on Entertainment Tonight."
"When was the last time you talked to Zoey?" I wondered, watching my little boy curl and uncurl his fingers.
"When was the last time you talked to Zoey?" She shot back, so I figured she didn't want to answer the question.
"Um, since we're parents of this little boy... maybe you'd be willing to give me another chance. I mean, it'd be easier on us if we tried to have an actual relationship instead of just sex. And it'd be easier for him, growing up with both of us and not having to worry about going to mommy's house and daddy's house." I grinned, and played with some of his curls. After all, I was the one who had passed them on to him.
"While you were busy being a husband again, Dustin got a real girlfriend. And then I got my real boyfriend back... Vince called." I looked up and fixed my eyes on her, but she wouldn't look at me.
"And....?"
"He explained a lot and asked me for another chance. And I took him back. We're actually about to move in together." Shaking my head, I pressed a hand to my forehead. How had all this happened so fast?
"Um, that's... great," I said, not really meaning it. After all, I was the one who was going to be left out in the cold now. Lola had a boyfriend and I was a soon-to-be divorced father of a bastard child. Great, just great.
"Look I know about you and Zoey, and how hard it's probably been on you...." She trailed off, biting down on her lower lip.
"It's okay, you don't have to pretend to feel sorry for me." I knew I sounded bitter, but I couldn't help myself. Six months ago, I'd had the best of both worlds. A woman who could please me between the sheets and another who could be my best friend and everlasting companion. Now I wasn't going to be getting my brains screwed out or my hand held in public. I had no one.
"Chase, don't be upset. I... I want you to know that I hope we can still be friends," Lola said softly, muting the television. Her own face was on it, and all I could do was avoid her eyes. Now they looked pitch black for some reason, like they could swallow me if I stared too hard.
"I don't really know, Lola. I mean, you don't want my son-"
"He's not your son, Chase."
"Yes he is, Lola! I helped create him. Without my sperm, he wouldn't be here." I thought I saw her blush, and then I remembered how immature she'd always been. We were not in seventh grade health class, but she was sure making me feel like we were.
"You never acted like it before. Why did you wait six fucking months to come see him if you cared so much?" Her voice cracked on the last word and then I realized how angry she was. Her eyes shone with angry tears. "I mean, it's probably better if you stay away from him... from us. Vince is moving in, and he's already been around him more than you have."
"What the hell does that mean? That I don't have the right to be in my son's life just because you say so?"
"Chase, you came in here and what was the first question you asked? If he was your son in the first place! Don't act like you're a good person because you fessed up about me to Zoey and Michael and whoever the hell else! You were just as bad as I was, using somebody for sex like that!"
"Lola, you know what? I think you oughta-" I stopped short as the baby started to cry. He wailed and began wriggling my arms.
"I think I deserve all the rights when I was the one who carried him, gave birth to him, and has been taking care of him for the past half a year!" She took him from me and rushed into the kitchen, presumably to make him a bottle.
Leaning back, I stare up into the ceiling. Everything had been turned upside down in a matter of hours, days, weeks, months. She was the one that had started this and she knew it. This was in no way my fault. After she came back into the living room, she held Alexander in her lap. "So, when do I get to see him?"
"Um, Chase. I'm not sure if that's the best idea. He's used to Vince and you're just no kind of example."
"Are you saying this because you're not sure I'm the father?"
"No, Chase. Get it through your thick skull! I wasn't fucking Vince when I was fucking you. I learned. You were a mistake." Zoey's words exactly. "I want my son to grow up with a wonderful father figure who will always be there for him. You stray at the slightest bit of discomfort. I can actually trust Vince. You, I'm not so sure about."
"That's not the point, Lola! The fact is, we had a sexual relationship, you got pregnant... and I am the father. You already said you're sure of that? So what else is there to discuss?"
"I just... don't see what you have to offer Alexander. He needs a positive male role model in his life. That's just not you, Chase."
"Whatever, Lola. I can always just take you to court. You know that what you're spewing is ridiculous."
"Chase, you're just bitter 'cause nobody gives a shit about you anymore."
"Gosh, just shut up Lola. Let me say something for once." I was surprised when she remained silent. I had a feeling it was because she didn't want the baby to start crying again because of our yelling. "Why didn't you just have an abortion? I would have given you the money."
"That just solidifies my disdain for you. How can someone just have an abortion? That kind of decision actually takes time to make, ya know. You see, I actually have a backbone. I don't need to stand behind anybody else in life. I say what needs to be said, when it needs to be said. I knew I had to be strong, even when you avoided me. I knew I'd feel hypocritical afterwards if I killed my child because of selfishishness. Like because I realized I hated you. Deep down, I was sure that I was going to be a good mother beause I'd learned so many lessons through getting pregnant in the first place. I knew this child would inherit my wisdom. I knew this child would be in good hands with me. Because I'm strong and I don't crack under pressure. He doesn't need you Chase."
After her little rant was done, I sighed. "I just wanted to know why you felt the need to put yourself through pain to be a mother when you didn't have to."
"Don't you understand, Chase? I didn't care about your money, your life, or anything about you. I did this all for this little guy right here." She patted Alexander lightly on the head. "This wasn't about me at all."
"So what about child support arrangements?" I shrugged my shoulders and sat up straight in the chair.
"Well, like you said, we can handle all of that in court, right?" I nodded slowly, staring at my son. I wasn't sure if I still wanted to get a paternity test done. He was probably really my child. I was just too afraid to admit it.
Lola rose from the couch. "I'm going to go refill his bottle." As soon as she walked into the kitchen, the doorbell rang. I wasn't sure what to do, so I just sat there. "Chase, can you get that?" She yelled, so I walked over to the door and swung it open.
Standing before me was Zoey, her mouth agape. She looked into my eyes, and I stared right back. Lola walked towards the door to see who it was. She was cradling Alexander in her arms. The black curls, the eyes, me and Lola... everything. Her face crumpled up into a ball and she turned around and ran down the stairs. For some reason, I didn't run after her. I didn't turn to look at Lola, either. At that moment, I was sure Zoey knew.
I never anticipated my life would turn out to resemble a soap opera, but here I was the dashing bastard of a leading man.
End.
I know this wasn't what you guys were expecting, but I had to shake things up a bit. It had to be tragic. This would have been up last Sunday, but I was typing and then lost some information when I was almost done so I needed time to recapture all that was going on. I hope you enjoyed it! Please review and tell me your thoughts.