A/N: Yes, I know. This has taken forever and a damn day. I've decided that I'm no longer practicing for NaNoWriMo. Perhaps putting length restrictions on myself was a bad idea. This may mean more frequent updates, but shorter chaps.
Thank you so much everyone who has continued to read, review, and support my slow self. Each review, fav add, and alert add was a guilty plink in my heart. I write for all of you who have been so encouraging!
I owe this chapter and its eventual completion to my personal support group. Melia, Charlotte to my Vandetta, I loves! Sam, my favorite hermit and fellow outcast, I can only say that it's so nice to be understood. To my FANTASTICAL betas Tnuccio and Ava Sinclair (Avalonia)…I swear there would never be any more updates without your beloved nagging. Lastly, but bestly, Kate. This one is for you. Actually, they're all for you…
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Disclaimer: All characters and some dialog belong to Stephenie Meyer.
When All Else Fails, Go Home.
Why are you so late?
Muffled conversation from the kitchen reverberated through the stiflingly silent space between my perch on the staircase banister and Edward's stealthy stop in the doorway. When I'd seen he had planned to arrive late to avoid talking to me, I'd parked myself here to catch him as he tried sneaking in. My bath had been filled with my grand plans of the conversation we would have had, since no visions of our conversation had shown themselves. The excitement had been akin to Christmas, and now, with him here being stubbornly close-mouthed, I saw why nothing ever appeared.
I'm sure the petulance oozed in my thoughts, my voice would have been dripping with it if I dared to speak aloud. I can't believe you're doing this to me…you knew I would have wanted to talk to you when you got back. Eighty-something year old vampires didn't stomp their feet and run off to their rooms, but for one crazy moment, I actually contemplated it. Rosalie was the definition of overindulged, but I would have to admit I was rarely denied anything. He raised an eyebrow, daring me to react in a way that would draw attention to the two of us. His face, tugged and pulled in a battle between exhilaration and self-loathing, softened slightly in amusement at my considered fit. The rational part of my mind told me to get used to his "struggle" face; it wasn't going anywhere soon. After everything I did for you Edward, I'm...I'm crushed. I didn't even bother with the pout. It just didn't get me anywhere with anyone these days.
It was my perceived betrayal, no doubt. We had always shared everything; he has enjoyed all the privileges that my ability brought since we had met. He knew now that I had known she would whisper his name and that he would be effectively intrigued. It was no coup de foudre though; Edward was too ratiocinative for love at first sight. He would tumble his thoughts over and over through his analytical sieve until all emotion was carefully separated from reason. It wouldn't matter that he may love this girl; what would matter was if he felt himself worthy of the contentment that love brings. Knowing Edward, he would find a way to twist this around and make it about Bella.
Jasper came from his office and looped an arm around my shoulder, undoubtedly feeling my acute disappointment. I raised my head and threw him a bright smile he surely saw right through. Ducking from under his arm, I slid off the banister and walked down the stairs, past my traitorous brother, to the car. I hurt. I don't know why he had chosen not to confide in me, but now I must have become as untrustworthy as my own ability. The Volvo was already filled with Rosalie's happy chatter. Emmett had taken her for the entire day to an auto show in Seattle and loaded her mind with ideas and the BMW with parts. She sat in the front, leaving the back seat for Jasper, Emmett, and me. They piled in behind me, and aside from Rosalie, we sat lost in our own thoughts.
"Alice, I found the new engine I want." Emmett poked a finger into my side yanking me from my self-indulgent pity. "I've ordered it already. Once it gets here Rosalie should be able to drop it in. Hands off my baby after this, eh? Truce?"
The wicked gleam in his honey-toned eyes contradicted the offer. I sighed and shook my head, in no mood for Emmett's teasing. The smile on his face faltered and his eyes jumped from mine to the back of Edward's head then to Jasper's tense jaw and closed eyes. He shook his own head and reached up to gently squeeze the back of my neck, then put his hand in his lap. I thanked him with a weak smile.
Emmett, Edward. Emmett is comforting me. Why are you pushing me away?
His eyes met mine in the mirror, and I was shocked at their hardness and intensity. I felt it then, the pull in the back of my head. The school parking lot wavered in, damp and puddled from the heavy morning mist. Edward walks by her side, a genuine smile warring with his typical scowl for position on his face. I hear it then, the reason for this vision, "Do you want a ride to Seattle?" I couldn't hold the scene any longer and it whispered away to nothing. Our eyes were still locked, his gaze softening somewhat with disappointment.
You were hoping I would have her answer?
His nod was barely there, a slight tilt only I would read. My heart soared. He had made the decision to ask her out on his own. His distance was a push for uninfluenced decision-making.
I'm sorry I couldn't give you her answer. Will you walk me to class today?
His eyes flashed to Jasper then back. The relief radiating from me had drawn Jasper's attention, and his hand lightly squeezed my leg. After all these years he could almost read my mind as well as Edward, and I smiled at his subtle encouragement.
Wait for me, I'll see Jasper off to class then I'll meet you back at the car.
Edward parked, cut the ignition, and climbed out to wipe imaginary dust from the hood. The rest of us followed, albeit slower and with none of the anxiety. Jasper unfolded his long frame from the backseat and stood slouchy, half-smile on his face. Rosalie took one look at Edward, raised her eyes to the blaringly loud Chevy pulling into the lot, and bared her perfectly gleaming teeth in a snarl.
"I should have known you couldn't be trusted, Edward." Her voice was just loud enough to hear over the roar of the ancient truck.
He didn't drop his eyes from her glare, no longer intimidated by the decision that he had needed to make. I realized then, it wasn't Rosalie or Emmett that he had been afraid of, it was this tiny human girl and his own emotions. It may not be love yet, but his concern was now glaringly obvious. I could only imagine the thoughts running through that ridiculously logical mind. Oh the difficulty in maneuvering with the mind what can only be navigated by the heart. Without saying a word to Rosalie, Edward turned his eyes to Emmett. My bear of a brother smiled, then winked and slid his arm around his beauty-in-fury bride. Luckily for Emmett, Rose hadn't seen the wink and she allowed herself to be led away. Her parting jab floated low and hazy through the morning mist.
"I'm done with you, Edward. You'll see what a bad idea she is." There was a thread of hurt twisting through Rosalie's angry muttering, "I don't care what you've seen either, Alice. It could all change in a blink."
Emmett pulled her close and kissed the top of her head, then dropped his head to whisper in her ear. She shook her head before settling herself closer against him and resting her cheek against his shoulder. Jasper was right; Edward and Rose were more alike than either would ever acknowledge. Neither would ever admit weakness, and from her tone and Jasper's saddened eyes, Rosalie was hurting here. Only Emmett ever saw that side of her; she was very careful to keep the rest of us on the periphery of her turreted heart. Both Rosalie and Edward saw emotions as potential liabilities, and they could be frustratingly stoic as they crumbled inside their walled castles.
Edward's fingers were pressed into the bridge of his nose, his eyes screwed tightly closed.
Bonne chance, mon frère.
He opened his eyes and offered us a weak smile. "Stereo again, you two…Alice I'm beginning to think you're doing it on purpose."
I turned to Jasper and punched him lightly on the arm. "Why is it that you'll speak French to Edward, but not to me?" I pulled him toward the building to give Edward a bit of precious privacy.
Jasper's hand tightened on mine, and he grinned. "I wished him good luck in Spanish, not French. You always tell me my accent is atrocious."
I rolled my eyes. "Since when do you think with an accent?"
"Touché, cherie." We walked in typical companionable silence, lost in our own thoughts. The images flitted and flashed, then suddenly centered. The elusive keyhole vision returned, but this time the obstructed view was cleared. The now-familiar tune floated around an Edward I'd only seen a few times in our half-century together. He radiated happiness as he softly swayed with the bridge of the song, and then I saw he wasn't alone. Bella sat next to him on the bench, eyes shining and a smile ghosting her lips, as the melody waxed and waned around them. I felt the now-familiar jumble of emotions tumble into my fluttering stomach. She is coming to the house! The jumble untangled enough to let fly a spark of jealously to singe the edges of the happy scene. Not my song... A deluge of disappointment doused the flicker of resentment and tried to pull myself from the vision before the snarl of confusion got any worse. I felt Jasper's hand cupping the back of my head and I leaned into his palm. His fingers lightly flexed, the soothing strokes belied the questions in his eyes.
"Jazz, I don't want-" I started, shame flooded in to extinguish the spark. His fingers stilled and tightened, and he pulled me close. I felt the green-tinged disgrace seemingly slip from me, surely leaving oily puddles along the damp asphalt. Guilt would have surfaced next had Jasper not been censoring my emotions. I would have welcomed the shame. It was far more honorable than jealousy. Especially when, for some inexplicable reason, what I wanted more than anything was what made me jealous.
"You won't be losing him, you know." His voice was low as he turned to face me. He took both of my hands in his and squeezed gently. "I haven't lost you, have I?" My eyes flashed to his, and, before I could stop myself, I frowned.
He had intended comfort, but there was guilt instead. I struggled with the frown and my emotional mis-cue but his eyes were already confused. I rose up on my toes and kissed him lightly.
"I have to go back Jazz…I'll meet you after class?" I made my tone light and forced the lingering remorse into the pit of my stomach, focusing instead on our clasped hands. The unease drifted away. When I raised my head again, Jasper smiled slightly.
"Go on. He'll be waiting and you two don't have much time."
I nodded and turned back towards the car. Walking as quickly as I could, I made my way to the English wing of the building. Edward stood, his face again a battlefield for conflicting emotions: agitation had the high ground, but elation was flanking.
How did it go?
"I shouldn't be doing this, Alice." He took my books as I approached and we turned slowly towards the doors.
I rolled my eyes. "Did she say yes?"
He huffed, tone incredulous and nervous at the same time. "Yes, she did, after accusing me of having a personality disorder." He stopped abruptly and put his hand on my arm. "I don't think I can do this. I could kill her so easily. Part of me wants to kill her and get myself out of this hell on earth. The thirst, Alice, you can't possibly understand it…Alice?"
I'd stopped listening after yes. That was all I'd wanted to hear. My mind raced ahead, peeking into the dark and swirling corners of my mind. Saturday, Saturday, Saturday…The sun burst into my sight, its cloudy mantle cast aside. The forest had reclothed herself in her flower-sprinkled, spring-green finery. Edward's groan cut through the verdant, vernal delight and when I refocused I saw that his initial nervousness had exploded into full-blown panic.
"We're supposed to go to Seattle." His hand plowed up through his hair then returned to its familiar stress-induced nose pinch. "I can't take her to Seattle in that kind of weather."
Uh, so take her out at night? I almost laughed at the absurdity of the situation. First-date nerves: it was laughable how the gorgeous unregionally-sunny spring day could equal a vampire's waking nightmare. I could barely believe it; century-old Edward regressed into adolescent freak-out at the mention of a little solar appearance.
"I can't! The whole point of this excursion was that I told her I'd drive her to Seattle so she wouldn't have to drive her truck. She wants to go to a bigger bookstore or…" He mumbled on, something about wasting gas, and having a few errands to run himself. Bored, I went looking again, but all my efforts were rewarded with another glimpse of spring in Forks. We were cut short by the bell.
"Oh no!" I snagged my books from Edward's hands. "This is the second time this week. Banner is going to kill me. I'll see you after fourth."
I practically sprinted to Bio, leaving Edward open-mouthed and tardy. He could fend for himself.
If you are listening, it was for your own good. Your drama was beginning to annoy me.
I switched my thoughts to my own situation. What excuse this time? As I pushed through the door, I was briefly considering a forged note when the smell hit me.
Oh God it was exquisite. Oh no… oh no ohno.
My mouth flooded with anticipation, and the battle for my brain began.
Deep breath and hold it, Alice, stay still.
I pulled Carlisle's advice to the forefront of my mind in an attempt to bind the feral desire with his calm authority. My eyes darted around the room, instinct working out a kill-plan while reason kept me frozen in the doorway.
"Glad to see you could make it, Alice." Mr. Banner raised his eyes just long enough to see who had so rudely interrupted. "Take your seat and we can discuss your tardiness after class." He straightened and held up a white card with four circles and a tiny razor.
I hadn't heard a word that tumbled out of Lunch's mouth; it took all of my focus not to create a screaming appetizer from the seated snacks.
"After you pierce your finger with the lancet, be sure to place it immediately into the safety receptacle so no one acciden…" When Banner realized I hadn't moved, he stopped his lecture on razor etiquette long enough to give my stationery form a thorough once-over. "The sight of blood makes you faint, Cullen?"
Cullen. I'm a Cullen. It was a counter-trigger, a safe word. Like the shock of freezing water to warm flesh, it pulled me from blood madness and the classroom from impending doom. In spite of my internal struggles, a giggle threatened to surface at his words.
Oh Mr. Banner, if you only know what the sight of blood did to me, you wouldn't be so smug.
I nodded slightly and forced my tensed muscles to relax, leaning into a slump against the doorframe.
"Down to the nurse with you then. Can you make it by yourself?" He walked towards me with a prewritten pass and I nodded again. I pulled the yellow slip of paper from his hand with fingers that convincingly trembled, albeit with restraint and not anxiety. I offered him a weak smile that I knew didn't match the predatory gleam in my downcast eyes, and turned to stagger slightly down the hall. The latch clicked as he returned his attention to the class, the drone of his instructions on proper application of blood to the typing card rang in my ears. I took a test breath, then a full, nose-clearing gasp and headed for the other end of the building.
I dug through my bag and found a pad of blank hall passes identical to the one I had been given, minus the written destination and scribbled signature. I needed to get notes to everyone else, especially Edward. The others had already taken bio, so they would just need to avoid the bio rooms in the science wing. For Edward, this could be a catastrophe of epic proportions.
I wrote out four passes, and then stashed my bag in Rose's locker. I didn't have time to cross campus to my own. I made my way to the Language Arts wing and dropped off the notes for Rose and Emmett, Edward's AP American history class was second. I knocked on the door to Murphy's chamber of tortures and waited, rocking anxiously from side to side, as his monotone voice grew louder at his approach. The door swung open and he stood silent, annoyed eyebrows raised in question.
"I have a note for Edward, Sir. May I speak with him?" Internally I rolled my eyes, but externally I toed in my left foot and tugged, mock-nervous, on an errant spike of hair above my ear.
"He's presently occupied, Miss Cullen. I'll deliver your message." And before I could respond, the door shut in my face.
Ooo, it is NOT the morning to mess with Alice Cullen. I yelled the next thought, hoping that Edward had seen me and was listening now. Blood typing in bio today, I'm going to go get Jasper. See you at the car.
I turned on my heel and headed out the side door shortcut to the math corridor. Have to turn on the charm here, girl. I'd like a little face time. The click of my shoes echoed in the institutional hallway, drawing the attention and dismissal of several hall-sequestered students. Tyler Crowley smiled at me hesitantly, and against my better judgment, I winked at him. The smile turned into a wolfy grin as he elbowed the nameless boy next to him and nodded toward me. I sighed. Gotta nip this in the bud. Bad idea, being so friendly. I stopped in front of Crowley's extended legs and faced him. The goofy grin lingered and he leaned forward, eager to captivate me with whatever teenaged, hormonal drivel that sloshed between his oversized ears.
"You look, um, really pretty today, uh, Alice." The phrase was naturally punctuated by his cracking voice and ducking head.
I had two options and little time to execute. I could string this along à la Rosalie or end it now with a step and a smile. Tyler made my mind up for me when he turned his foot to rub down my calf. I raised my eyebrow and his upturned mouth stretched to become almost cartoonish in its audacity. Before either he or his companion could react I dropped into a crouch so we were face to face, and I let any tolerance for him drain from my eyes as I returned his ogling stare. I matched his grin with one of my own. The better to eat you with, my dear.
"Jasper wouldn't like you touching me."
It came out a purr, a threat incognito. I watched the wheels in his mind lurch and grind, their attempt at processing almost painful to behold. Fight or flight, fight or flight, I could see the banner marching across his eyes like the ticker at the bottom of Jasper's beloved all-news channels. The vision descended without my request: he wisely will choose flight, and drag his comrade along for the dash. I see that they will both mention to their fellow flock of sheep that Crowley had the balls to hit on Alice Cullen, and that she had hidden behind the threat of her monster boyfriend. What will not be mentioned is the strange wet patch on both boys' pants. I straightened after Tyler graced me with his absence and continued along my way to Jazz's class.
The towering man who answered my knock wasn't the normal Calculus teacher. Lady luck was on my side as I handed him the pass and he gazed at it perfunctorily before sending out Jasper out with all of his books. I shook my head slightly at his worried, questioning look, as I led him out the back doors toward the parking lot.
"What are we doing?" His voice held a note of concern despite both of our calm and collected exteriors.
"Well, initially I had intended on just leaving you a note, but when that sub let you leave I figured it was time to christen Edward's car." I smiled wryly as I pushed him against the Volvo. "I think this car is as pure and unsullied as its owner."
"You pulled me out of class so that we could have sex in Edward's car?" Jasper pursed his lips around his skeptical tone.
The giggle came before I could stop it, and I wrapped my arms around his waist to bury my face and laughter into his stomach. His arms came up slowly to rest on my shoulders, confusion thick as mud around us.
"I'm sorry Jazz, I couldn't resist." Disappointment swirled in to thin the confusion. "It's blood typing day in bio, and I had to get word out to everyone. No one else could get out of class."
As I finished my sentence I caught a glimpse of Edward at a cafeteria table alone. He waits, nervously, eyes roving over the milling students in the lunch line. The vision flickered out as quickly as it had come.
"Well, I had assumed we were all going to go home, but I just saw Edward sitting in the cafeteria by himself at lunch today." Jasper's thumb brushed lightly over my scrunched brow, smoothing out the confusion.
"Do you think it's wise to leave him here, alone, on a day where the blood of his obsession will perfume the halls?" His fingers slid down my cheek, and his thumb caressed lightly along my jaw. I closed my eyes and turned into his hand.
"No," I sighed, "Not wise at all, but neither is all of us staying and potentially annihilating an entire high school."
"We can all skip after lunch. I don't have a science class until last period, Emmett's is right before mine, and I think Rosalie will handle herself just fine," I could see him weighing the options, "He'll only listen to you though, Lis. If any of the rest of us suggests that he may, perhaps, lose control, he would stay to spite us."
I grinned. It was true. Edward might have been one hundred-something years old, but sometimes his illogical adolescent brain kicked out a teenaged reaction. We moved to the passenger side of the Volvo and crawled in to ride out the remainder of first period in the relative quiet of the car. I curled myself in Jasper's lap and mulled over Edward's date. He and I were supposed to go hunting that weekend, and he had forgotten. Jealously bubbled up before I could cloak it with another emotion. Jasper's arms tightened around me, and he kissed the top of my head.
"What's going on in that purty little head, darlin'?" He exaggerated the drawl to pull a smile from my frowning lips. I smiled, but more out of habit than happiness. "I think we need to talk this out. I don't like seeing you unhappy, plus you're making the inside of this car feel like Easter mass at a Catholic church."
I turned to him, perplexed.
"Actually, you've got enough guilt to start your own religion, Lis. What's going on?" His arms shifted to pull me closer. I remembered his words from just an hour ago. I haven't lost you, have I? Was the question merely for my comfort, or was it double-edged?
"What you said to me earlier, in the parking lot, was that a question to me, or for me?" My middle twisted in anticipation as time stopped. He stroked my arm reflexively, but for once, it wasn't soothing.
"If I had asked that question fifty years ago, it would have been to you." His response was solemn and distant, as if he had to focus to remember. "My hesitation in joining the Cullens wasn't because of their lifestyle."
The pause lasted a lifetime. Never…I had never considered any other reasons for his initial reluctance except that his eating habits were too ingrained to quit . Again, I was shocked and saddened by my ignorance. First, my assumptions about his reasons for wanting Edward and Bella apart, and now this.
"Jasper, there will never be anyone else for me but you-" He surely had to know. "There has never been anyone else but you." I reached into my mind for that first image, my raison d'être. I'd known immediately that we would be together forever.
"I know, darlin', but I wasn't always so confident in my ability to keep you." He leaned forward and nuzzled his face into my neck. "You were like nothing I had ever experienced. I met you at the lowest point in my life, and I couldn't imagine why a beautiful someone with your joie de vivre would have wanted to be with someone as conflicted as I had been," He pressed his lips against my neck, sending shivers down my spine, "You talked about them constantly. Your excitement was contagious, but it was yours. I fought hard to avoid drowning you in my fear and insecurity; I didn't want to influence your decisions with my emotions."
"Wh-why didn't you ever tell me this? I would never have suggested we come if I had known you were so upset by it." I pulled away and shifted sideways to face him. "Why is this all coming out now?"
"Alice, love , you haven't been you. Your visions have become uncontrollable and incapacitating. You've barely touched your sketchbook with Je Crée; when you were doing C.J., I could barely pry it out of your fingers. And well, you've been hiding…from everyone. We've all noticed that you are hiding, just not what you are hiding. It puts Rosalie on edge, brings Emmett down, and frustrates Edward and myself to no end."
I sat in shocked silence attempting to digest one surprise after another. It was unsettling. Jasper sighed and pulled me closer, undoubtedly feeling my uncertainty and distress.
"I just wanted to tell you, wee one, that I think it's perfectly acceptable to be jealous. You've been one of the centers of his universe for half a century. I thought that by telling you that I had felt, and occasionally still feel, jealous of the relationship that the two of you have, that you would see that your reaction was normal."
I heard the bell ring and the milling herd of the adolescent Forks population lowed and brayed in the hallways behind us.
I've got them all worrying, Jasper feels that he has to confess envy to make me feel better, and I still can't focus on anything but my own wants.
"Enough feeling guilty. Edward is going to need you now more than ever. I don't know why he's doing that though, his refusal to have her be one of us. It's not like she can know about us without joining, or the Volturi will for sure be on us. Have you seen anything new about her?"
The hesitation was habitual; I'd grown accustomed to censoring my comments. I knew that the idea of a potential relationship between Edward and Bella made Jasper uneasy, but that he trusted my sight. "I see a radiant Saturday afternoon, and since Edward offered to drive Bella to Seattle that day, he's in a bit of a fix. As far as specific Bella premonitions, none."
Second period had already started, and when I looked ahead I saw that there would be no chance of me talking my way out of another tardy today. Even Mrs. Cope was going to hold her ground against my charms. Jasper grumbled about missing a heated debate in his poli-sci class, but I was more than happy to get out of English. The charade was beginning to wear thin, but with my untrustworthy head, I couldn't risk immersing myself in what was to come. I was going to have to spend all my intentional seeking with Jasper or Edward. Maybe if Edward got a glance he might be able to tell me what was going on with the abyss.
We burned the rare hour alone with wandering hands and wayward kisses; there was no actual christening but at least the Volvo was indoctrinated. After straightening clothing and rushing off to third period class, I spent the next two hours brainstorming scenarios for Edward. Each were based on decisions I, personally, would make. I fervently hoped he hadn't been listening, or I was sure he would call the whole thing off. In spite of the blinding sunshine and botched plans, Saturday still hummed with significance. Something would work out, I was confident.
"So, made it out in the nick of time?" The whisper in my ear made me jump, and I would have elbowed Edward had he not jumped out of the way in anticipation. I stuck out my tongue and shoved my books into his arms. "I see that Crowley survived. He's pretty proud of himself, you know. It's a good thing Jasper can't read minds."
I smirked, and headed towards the cafeteria and our regular pre-lunch meeting place. "I saw you this morning, sitting by yourself at-" In that instant the vision returned, but Edward had company; the long mahogany tresses were a dead give-away. Exhilaration, like fire, shot through the scene melting it from my eyes. I felt Edward's hand tighten on my elbow, his body diverting the flood of students flowing around my stopped form.
"Don't you just love when people think they can just stop in the hallway?" Lauren Mallory sniffed as she walked by, hand in hand with Tyler Crowley's unremarkable hallway buddy. Edward stiffened, and stared daggers at her back. I would have bet that the poison running through that girl's head was twice as bitter as her words. There was no doubt that her hateful thoughts were directed towards me, because otherwise Edward wouldn't have bothered to spare her a glance, much less a killing glare. I ignored the remark and turned to face him.
"You can't stay. It's too dangerous. Plus…" I closed my eyes and turned my attentions toward lunch and Edward's latest surprise: Rosalie's anger is palpable and Jasper, tormented by her fury, grows frustrated at what he deems a lack of consideration on Edward's part. Emmett looks torn between soothing Rosalie, and walking over and grabbing Edward from his secluded lunch table.
"I'll just keep her there a moment. I just want to tell her that I won't be in biology," His eyes were scanning the cafeteria for the perfect table. My patience was pulled thin by his defensive justification then dismissal of my warning.
"You listen to me, Edward Cullen!" Carefully keeping my mind clear of any happy, hopeful thoughts concerning his contrarily-clandestine lunch with my, no, our Bella, I focused on Jasper's tortured face. "Not here. You'll have another chance; we should leave now."
He shook his head. "I can't go now. I need to tell her why I won't be in biology. Just stay with me here for lunch and then I'll be ready to go. I'm still not confident in my control. Please, little sister? I need your eyes." Begging? How very un-Edwardian.
"Just go sit down. I need a few minutes to mentally prepare myself for the hell that will be our table." I stared at his retreating back and hurled a powerless threat. You had better come back to our table once you've told her. He made no sign of hearing me.
A quick flash of Jasper approaching, and I reached back to take his hand as he reached for mine. "Let's leave after lunch?" Jasper nodded, bracing himself for surging thirst. Through the line, past the cashier, and into the cacophony of blood and voices our fingertips touched. I tried to push any strength I had through the contact to ease the burn that undoubtedly ignited at the off-limits buffet laid-out before us. Rosalie's furious gasp and Jasper's tightened grip confirmed Edward's seating choice.
"What is he doing?!" Rosalie's hiss carried easily over the gossip and backstabbing of our so-called peers.
You can hear her. I know it. I'm going to give you five minutes once you get her to sit down. After that I'm done running damage control. "He thinks that maybe she's suspicious of his frequent absences, and wanted to tell her himself that he wouldn't be in Biology today." The lie slid off my tongue with ease, thickening my tension with oily unpleasantness. "He said he'd be right back over."
I finished with gritted teeth and a pointed glare. Again, no acknowledgement. I fought against my softening heart as I saw his foot nervously tapping as he scanned the crowd with both eyes and nose. I watched as relief transformed his face as she hesitantly entered the room. Her disappointment was obvious as she glanced, surreptitiously, at the empty spot at our table. I dropped my face to hide the smile I couldn't stop.
I withdrew into my head, desperate for Saturday to clarify. Sun and green streaming, but still nothing. I pushed deeper until the ominous inky blackness forced me to retreat. Half of our hour had passed, and Edward still hadn't returned from his sequestered table.
The future was a great place to hide from the present, and my attempt at discretion was soon trumped by impatience and curiosity. No one else was hiding the fact that they were eavesdropping. I hope Edward appreciated my efforts.
"Aren't you hungry?" Edward's question was dull and safe, his mind obviously somewhere else.
"No, you?" Her voice held a hint of concern.
Emmett snorted with aborted laughter and clapped Jasper on the back. Rosalie shared her glower equally among us. There was no way I was going to hang around for this entire lunch hour.
"No, I'm not hungry." Edward's tone was maddening, the line obviously for Jasper and Emmett's amusement. Bella would have had to have been a simpleton to have missed it. Don't blow it. I tried to be loud, so I would carry over Rosalie's certain threats.
"Alice…" Oh that infernal hissing, Rose. "I'm going to go over there and drag him-"
I stood up and grabbed Jasper's hand.
"We're leaving now. See you two later." I could feel Rosalie's eyes on us as we walked out of the overwhelmingly sanguine air. The run home would clear my mind, plus Jazz and I needed some alone time.
We're going, Edward. I can't listen to Rosalie any longer. Don't taunt fate anymore than you already have, ok?
Chaos and conflict still reigned in my head and heart. I wanted so much. Did I want for me or for Edward? Did I want what was best for Bella? The recent, unexpected twists and turns that my life and emotions have taken, left an unprotected patch on my soul. An unwelcome triumvirate had been looking for a new stomping ground, and they quickly set up camp in my heart. Envy. Greed. Guilt.
Where was my redemption?