While she drives I concentrate on her breathing over the phone, slow and rhythmic, I try matching mine to her pace. It's soothing, and the sobs slow but the tears just won't stop flowing. I feel like I could just lie here and cry forever, as long as she was with me...
She wasn't sure where I was, and it was dark, so when I saw her headlights I told her to stop. The car jerks to a halt and she jumps out, sprinting the whole way to me. I'm not sure what she saw first, the bruises on my face, or the tears, but her face twisted in agony as she approached. My heart stopped. I hurt her, seeing me like this is hurting her, I shouldn't have picked up the phone... what if she hates me now?
When she finally reaches me she embraces me, and the waterworks start all over again. But Holland is patient with me, holding me in her arms slowly rocking me, while she promises that everything is okay now, because shes here now, she'll take care of me. We sat there for a long time, until my tears stopped, and my breathing evened out. Then she spoke to me.
"Cece... baby what happened?" She brushes her hand along my bruised cheek, and I press my face into her chest. "Cece?" I just shake my head. She doesn't press, but I'm pretty sure i hear her sigh. I peek up at her and shes staring at me with piercing eyes. I quickly look away, but I start talking to her. "I just don't want to hurt you Holl. And I know if I tell you it'll hurt you, and you might-" My voice catches in my throat. Holland just pets my head, silently telling me to take my time. "You might not like me anymore..." I feel her body stiffen next to mine, and I tighten my hold on her. "Please don't leave me, don't hate me, I'm so sorry!" Her body doesn't relax, but she lifts my chin and glares into my eyes. I flinch away, but she doesn't release me. "What are you talking about? There's no way I could ever hate you..." Her gaze shifts a little and she continues. "Cece, I love you. There's probably nothing you could do to make me hate you." She laughs humorlessly, and her body stays rigid. I shake my head, and try to release my chin from her grasp but she just holds tighter. I sigh, and settle with closing my eyes.
"My tires were slashed again today. I tried calling my brother, but before I was able to..." The rest of my story came out in whispered sobs, and the tears that never really stopped, poured down my cheeks as my memories were brought back to life with my words. As i spoke, I watched her. I watched as her blazing eyes turned from angry to tortured, from tortured back to angry, and finally to devastated. As i finished, tears were now pouring down both of our faces, and I found myself wrapped in her arms, both of us trying to comfort the other.
I'm not sure how long we sat there, but after a while we decided that we should get home. Home...
I'm sure Holland could tell I didn't like the idea of going home, cause before I knew it she was on her cell telling my mom that I'd be staying at her place. My mom agreed and Holl hung up the phone. Then she stood up and brought me with her, since I was clinging to her. We then walked silently to her car, me more limping then walking.
During the ride Holland kept her arm wrapped around me. Like she knew that she was keeping me from falling apart... and that's how it was. I didn't want to be alone, I needed to feel her there with me.
When we reached her apartment she held me the whole way to the door. But once we were there we didn't know what to do. The night was ruined, everything was ruined... What would we do now? What could we do?
Holland turned me so I was facing her, "we should call the cops, they need to get the evidence now while its still... fresh." And without really realizing it, I started screaming at her. "No! No you can't! Holl they took pictures! And he knows, I don't know how, but he knows about you! About us! He'll hurt you, he'll hurt you too and I couldn't stand that." She quickly put her finger to my lips, "Ok... Cece i wont tell anyone if you don't want me to... It was just a thought, Ok?" I nod and she hugs me again. Wrapping me in her warm embrace. And all of a sudden I feel dirty, disgustingly dirty. So I softly push her away. "Can I take a shower? I need to..." I didn't finish, but I know she understands. She grabs me a towel and leads me to the bathroom. Then we stand there awkwardly. Me clinging to her like my life depends on it. So she walks us in, and shuts the door behind us.