The Infiltration

Itachi and the pickle

By Musique-Admirer

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Part II

Day One

"Tell me why we are standing in the middle of some expensive boutique for men?" Itachi questioned Deidara's moves.

"Because we need to acquire a fashionable and expensive taste for clothing, un!" Deidara replied enthusiastically.

"You seriously think that you are going to design a spring outfit to compete in this Spring Fling?"

"Yah, what else can we do, un?"

"Don't let the prospect of designing and creating art sway you. We are assassins. We scheme. We kill. We get the cash. Comprehende?"

"Un...then what do we do Mister I'm-so-smart-that-I'm-gonna-be-a-model?"

"Hn..." Itachi glared at him, obviously sensitive about the model situation.

"We do what assassins do. Kidnap and get a designer and their model out of the way. Steal their design and pose as them. Simple."

"So I guess we don't need to stand here any longer, un?"

"Hn." Itachi briskly walked out of the posh boutique.

Deidara classified that 'hn' as the 'what-do-you-think-airhead?' hn. It was rather insulting.

"Hey wannabe-model! Don't go off to somewhere stupid like McDonalds and ditch me, un!"

"...Firstly, I wouldn't give a second thought about 'ditching you', and secondly..." Itachi replied in all seriousness, over the back of his shoulder, "Don't. Diss. McDonalds."

***

"So when do we hit this fashion show, un?" Deidara asked Itachi while they lined up in a fast-food queue. It was McDonalds of course.

The young cashier looked at the two men with amusement. The two men were going to go to a fashion show? The blond one looked likely. But no matter how far the cashier could stretch his imagination, the stoic, dark-haired man couldn't possibly be the type to go.

"Tomorrow. We kidnap today." Itachi answered Deidara, oblivious that they had reached the counter.

The cashier paled significantly. Kidnap?

"Er...sirs, did you just mention kidnapping?"

The two Akatsuki members quickly snapped their attention to the quivering cashier.

"Yeah. We're kid--"Deidara started.

"Napping today. We're babysitters who look after kids and--" Itachi carried on.

"Teach them how to nap--" Deidara joined on.

"So they don't whine profusely. Got a problem with our occupations?" Itachi ended, glaring at the cashier, daring him to argue with his perfect logic.

"N-no! Not at all sir!"

"Now be a good boy and take our orders." Itachi demanded.

***

A few minutes later, the two partners in crime arrived at the building with a large read "The Department of Fashion". They entered, dumping their McDonald's wrappers in rather elaborately designed waste bins.

"Sorry, the department is busy at the mome--" a receptionist wearing a low cut shirt started until she looked up to meet the faces of two handsome men.

"Hey there Handsome and Hot! What can I do to help?" the receptionist was on full flirt mode, batting her thick mascara covered eyelashes at them.

Deidara twitched at her 180 degree change in attitude. Itachi groaned inwardly. Not. Another. Fangirl... However, both men had a lot of experience a manipulating these types of situations to their advantages. Probably too many times.

"Yes, we understand that the designers and models for the SFACS event are staying in apartments provided by department of fashion." Itachi started, staring intensely into the melting receptionist's eyes.

"We would like to go to the apartment block to interview the stylists and models. We are reporters, un." Deidara carried on flashing a smile. "And we might mention a beautiful and charming receptionist who helped us."

The receptionist gushed over their attention.

"Of course! Like, I would totally loooove to help!" she immediately agreed, blushing excessively. "Just let me check which block they are staying in! It won't, like, take more than a second!"

Deidara looked at Itachi. They both smirked. It was always easy to get what they want when dealing with these air-headed fangi-...types of people.

She excessively bent down to look at the computer screen. (This action was not necessary, mind you. Normal people sit down to use a computer.) It was obvious that she wanted to flash the two men. However, she only achieved in flashing an evidently over-padded bra.

This produced the opposite effect.

"You poor darlings! Are you, like, okay?" she asked a violently coughing Deidara and strangely shivering Itachi. It was, after all, a warm lobby. She ran over to Deidara and patted his back for longer than she needed to. Unseen by her, Deidara made a disgusted look and stuck out his tongue.

"You poor, poor thing! Did you, like, choke on something?" she asked worriedly.

Deidara wanted to answer with "You think? Yeah, I just conveniently choked on air, un!" But no, he had to play the role of a suave gentleman... He just gasped for air and continued coughing.

"Oh! You definitely need help!" the receptionist carried on.

Deidara was emitting a huge killing aura and wanted to blow her up. This urge was very inviting when he felt her enclose him, wrapping her arms around his waist. Apparently, she was attempting to perform the Heimlich Manoeuvre on him.

"I'm fine! I really am fine, un!" he cried out, all symptoms of coughing gone.

The receptionist looked more disappointed than relieved, seeing as she had to release Deidara from her deathly hug. The blond looked over at the other Akatsuki member, who was not even attempting to hide his evident smirk.

That is, until a horrified expression crossed his usually stoic face for a second.

The cause of this? The enthusiastic, eager-to-please receptionist had turned her attention to him.

"Are you okay? You are, like, shivering in this warm room!" she said, walking up to his stiff figure, "Do you want me to warm you up?"

***

"Well, that was torture, un." Deidara said solemnly to Itachi. The Uchiha prodigy only nodded his head, a dark eye twitching with obvious discomfit. After guiding them to the apartment rooms, persuading her to leave was harder than it seemed.

It was almost as hard as of asking Itachi to smile.

They knocked on the door of the selected target.

"Huh? Whose there?" A bleary eyed man with unusual flamingo-pink coloured hair opened the door, looking like he had just woken up.

'Oh the hair! The monstrosity!' Deidara thought.

'Definitely a designer. Check.' Itachi deliberated.

"Good afternoon sir, we are here to interview you on your coming debut in the SFACS." Deidara smiled enthusiastically.

"Urgh. Sure. Come in."

"So, your model resides next door?"

"Yeah. Why'd you need to know?"

Itachi smirked evilly. The designer's half-lidded eyes widened immensely.

FWUMPHItachi pressed two points on his neck and he immediately fell like a rag doll.

"That's convenient." Deidara commented offhandedly.

***

After injecting the unconscious man with a sleeping drug, which would knock him out for over a day, they 'took care' of the model next door. However, Itachi realised a dire mistake, an unforgivable miscalculation, an erroneous move they had made, with horror.

They forgot to select a target with a male model. For the unconscious model was a female. And Itachi was, if you hadn't noticed, not a female.

"Well we're in a bit of a pickle now, aren't we, un?"

The temperature suddenly dropped drastically.

Author's Note: Hope you enjoyed that~

Unfortunately, I'm rather discouraged by the number of reviews...

So review, pretty please? Cherries on top? *deadly puppy-eye glare*