Not In a Box

Based on a true story. That's all I can say.

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Chad Dylan Cooper did not usually help.

Nor did he usually care.

Because caring would mean having to help, and helping meant showing that you cared. It was a two-in-one, deal, really, so he just decided long ago to give up his caring and helping nature, if it ever existed.

Because caring was too much work.

But when he passed the cafeteria sometime around ten in the morning on a Sunday, he couldn't help wondering what the giant cardboard box was doing in the middle of the hallway.

Or why it was yelling.

It was a very wide box, and it took up the entire space between the two walls. But it was extremely short, and it stood about as high as his two-year-old cousin. He stared at it for a while, wondering what it was doing there. It couldn't be a present for him could it? They usually left those in his dressing room. Maybe it was a spy from So Random, here to snatch ideas from Mackenzie Falls. He turned around, wondering if anybody was with him in the hallway with secret hidden cameras.

"Hello? Hello!? Is anybody out there?" said the box, and it began to tilt from side to side. Chad stared at it for a while, and then began to cautiously walk towards it. Something like this had happened in a Mackenzie Falls episode: Mackenzie's half-brother had given him Chloe as a birthday gift, and he'd hog-tied her and stuffed her in a box, then proceeded to wrap her up and throw her into Mackenzie's window.

Very professionally, Chad tapped the side of the box, and it immediately stopped squirming.

"Hello?" the box said again. "Who's there?"

"This is Chad Dylan Cooper," Chad Dylan Cooper said in a very Chad Dylan Cooper-ish way. "And who, may I ask, are you?"

"Chad?" the box said, and then it began to rattle again, rocking back and forth from side to side.

"Chad, it's me, Sonny! Can you help me, please? I think I'm stuck in here," said the box. Chad scoffed.

"How do I know you're really Sonny?" he asked suspiciously. "You could just be an ordinary talking box trying to sabotage my show."

"What?!" The Sonny-box screamed. "Chad, that's insane, alright? It's me, Sonny, and I'm stuck in the box! Just help me get out of here, okay?"

"Prove it," Chad said in a testing voice. Sonny sighed.

"You dressed up as Eric for me, you told me once I smelled like ham, and after Santiago left you said we should hang out sometime." The Sonny-box replied in an irate tone.

Chad was stunned.

"Well, okay then, I guess that proves it. Save that costume for Halloween, kay? I'll see you later."

"Chad WAIT!" Sonny yelled after him. He turned back.

"Could you please get me out of here? I really need to go to the bathroom," Sonny called, her voice pleading. Chad sighed dramatically.

"Well, alright. What's the magic word?"

"Please?"

"Wrong."

"Pretty please?"

"Try again."

"You're a great actor?"

"Oh, so close."

Sonny then said something that Chad would tease her about later, and I cannot mention it because I rated this thing K and it is staying like that.

"That's the one! Here we go," he said, clasping his hands together and rubbing them. He walked over to Sonny's box, and began to try and pry it open with his fingers.

"It's sealed from the inside," Sonny said serenely.

"Not helping," Chad said through clenched teeth as he tried to lift it. "How'd you get in here anyway?"

"I – I sat on it," Sonny admitted ashamedly.

"You sat on it? You sat on a box? What are you, crazy? Who goes and sits on a cardboard box, then seals themselves in?" Chad asked, his voice straining.

"You know what? I don't have to sit here and explain myself to you, okay Chad? You have no right to even-"

"You were playing hide-and-seek with Zora again, weren't you?" Chad asked slyly, though quite breathlessly, as he began to push the box holding Sonny down the hall.

He could almost hear her blush and bow her head as she mumbled "Yes."

Chad rolled his eyes. "Hey, where are we going?" she asked from inside the box.

"To go find something sharp. I'm cutting you out of here." Chad replied, shoving against the box.

"Oh," Sonny said: she sounded relieved. "Thank you, Chad, I've been in here for hours."

"Really?" Chad asked, stopping to take a short break. He assumed she was nodding.

"Yeah, I fell in here this morning around six and ever since nobody wanted to bust me out."

"That sucks," Chad said, looking for a place to sit down. "You're so lucky you have me."

Being extremely tired did things to Chad Dylan Cooper's head. He couldn't think straight, he ignored everything around him, he forgot what was happening at the present time, and he could only focus on places to rest. So, Chad Dylan Cooper did a very stupid thing, but in later years he would confirm it to be the best choice of his life.

He sat down on top of the box.

"Yes," Sonny said sarcastically as he crashed onto her, his calves dangling out the side of the box as he tried to catch his breath. "What would I do without you?"

"Good thing you're so soft, otherwise I would have broken my nail or something," Chad tried to joke, but his smile slid when he saw the furious expression on her face.

"You idiot!" Sonny cried, and she began to whack him with her free hand. Chad tried to shield himself, but girls are the world's most talented hitters. They can cause you any kind of pain they want to inflict by just elbowing one simple spot. In this case, she nailed it head-on.

"Now we'll never get outta here!" she screamed. Unfortunately, she didn't notice the dying Chad who was whimpering with overbearing pain.

"I'm sorry, Sonny," Chad managed to choke out. "I wasn't thinking."

Sonny sighed, apparently over her violent mood swing. "Whatever," she muttered, still glaring harshly at him. "So what are we gonna do now?"

"We could make out," Chad offered, puckering his lips. Annoyed, Sonny flicked the pair of them and laid back down, staring up at the roof of the box.

"At least it's open now," she said, looking at it thoughtfully.

"Yeah, but neither of us can move, we're so squished together." Chad said, looking up at the wide square of light.

"Well, maybe if I just jiggled a little," Sonny said, then frowned when Chad started laughing uncontrollably.

"What?"

"You said jiggled," Chad hooted, and Sonny he could tell she was resisting the urge to roll her eyes.

"Chad, move over a little bit."

"I can't. I'm pressed against the side."

"Can't you turn on your side?"

"Can't you?"

Sonny groaned. "Ugh, this is never gonna work. We have to wait until someone comes by again, which is probably not gonna happen since it's Sunday."

There was silence for a few minutes, in which Chad entertained himself by blowing on Sonny's hair and Sonny enjoyed herself by sending him murderous glances. In the end though, she turned back to him, their faces surprisingly close, although that might have had something to do with the less than minimal space inside the box.

"Does your offer still stand?" she asked, in a let's-get-this-over-with tone.

Chad blinked. "What offer?"

Sonny spent the rest of the hour reminding him what he'd said before.

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Sorry if it wasn't that good. I just couldn't think of anything else. A new idea for a new fic was on my mind. Anyway, I have to go eat cuz I'm STARVING, so goodbye for now. Next chapter will be called Not On The News. Hehe