Not Anywhere

First, I don't own Don't Trust Me. That's by 3OH!3, to the people living under a rock. I don't own I don't own Star Wars, Hayden Christianson, or Michael Jackson either. Actually, he probably would have owned me two hundred years ago. Poor guy. Yeah, so, this chapter was gonna be sorta like a blooper reel type thing, but I started writing it and it didn't work, so I'll be saving that for another story. I tried very hard to make this the absolute most sweetest story for a big finale, and I hope to God I didn't fail. Oh, yeah, and before I forget, this chapter is dedicated to SPARKLY-VAMPIRE-WANNABE for telling me the name of a biological catalyst. I got a 'B' on the test, which is really good for me, anyway. I love you, baby!! Okay, now go enjoy the last chapter.

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"She wants to touch me, woo-hoo! She wants to love me woo-hooh! She'll never leave me woo-hoo! Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo-ooh! Don't trust a, never trust a, don't trust a, don't trust me!"

Chad was rocking out. Blue fuzzy socks adorned his feet and provided ample sliding material as he zoomed down his hallway, a large wooden spoon in his hand. He was wearing his favorite four-leafed-clover boxers that most of his guy friends seemed to find hilarious, and his wife beater was clinging to his very nicely muscled chest. He shook his head back and forth rockstar style as he continued to dance around in his kitchen.

"ex-es, on the back of your hands, wash them in the bathroom to drink like the bands, and the set list, you stole off the stage, had red and purple lipstick all over the page!"

Chad did a Michael Jackson and twirled around in a very manly way, landing with his right hand in the air and the left splayed out over his thigh. Then, for no explainable reason at all, he lost his balance and fell, flat on his face, managing a short 'uh-oh' before he collided with the cold, hard tile. He would have stayed there, too, because of how badly his poor head hurt, but at that moment he happened to hear giggling.

Girl giggling.

Chad's head snapped up, and his eyes caught a shadow that seemed to be hiding behind the kitchen door.

"Whose there?" he called, slightly frightened. He hoped it wasn't another crazy fan girl who had managed to break into his condominium. (It was even worse when they snuck into his room at night and took pictures of him sleeping.)

"It is I – Darth Vader," the girl said in a low tone, and Chad smiled. He recognized her voice. "I have come to announce the wedding of Chad Dylan Cooper and Tawni Hart."

"Really?" asked Chad, getting up now and grinning broadly. He rose onto the tips of his toes. "When did that happen?"

"Well it all started the day that his eye started twitching," she said, and he saw the edge of her nose poke out from behind the doorway. His insides began to flutter, but it wasn't because the tip of her nose was incredibly cute or anything like that. "And it all went downhill from there."

"What kind of ring did he use?" Chad asked, creeping around to the other wall silently. He smiled even bigger when he looked around the edge of the wall that divided the kitchen from the sitting room and saw her shiny brown hair cascading down her back as she peeked out her door.

"It was solid platinum," she said, dropping her deep voiced act and returning to her normal pitch. "With an emerald-cut four carat diamond that cost him three month's salary. She loved it, and wouldn't stop showing it off to everybody, and they spent the next few days making out whenever they saw each other."

"Ew," Chad said, right behind her now. "What makes you think I'd wanna make out with Tawni?" She let out a squeak of surprise and whirled around, grinning up at him impishly. He smiled and scooped her up, flinging her over his shoulder and walking happily over to his balcony, whistling.

"That's the last time you break into my house, Monroe." Chad said cheerfully.

"Chad! Put me down!" Sonny cried, giggling crazily.

"Okay," he said, out onto his balcony now. He leaned forward, tilting her so that she was halfway over the edge.

"Chad! Stop it!" She screamed, laughing and pounding on his back. He tipped her back and set her on her feet lightly, where they stared at each other for a second. Then, they both rushed over to the sliding glass doors. Sonny was the first one inside and promptly slammed it in his face, locking it with a huge grin. Chad gave her a look as she disappeared into his kitchen.

"Sonny!" he yelled, knocking on the glass. "Not funny, Sonny, now let me in!"

He heard the banging of various pots and pans, and then the radio turned up all the way. Curious, he stood up on tiptoe to be able to see a little better. She was standing at the stove, and he could see her grilling something over the fire.

"If you weren't so cute, you'd never be able to get away with this, Monroe." Chad muttered to himself.

Fifteen minutes later, he found himself sitting at the foot of the door as the lock clicked open and he fell backwards inside.

"Dinner's ready," Sonny said good-naturedly. "Go wash your hands."

Chad glared up at her, rubbing the back of his head. "You never fail to amaze me, Sonny," he informed her in a hostile voice. He knew his lips were twitching, though.

"Really? How so?" Sonny asked, smiling and standing back to let him pass. He stood up, moving into her face and holding up his hand.

"One," he said, sticking up his index finger. "You break into my house. Two, you impersonate Hayden Christianson. Three, you lock me out of my own house, and four, you cook me dinner while I'm locked out of said house!"

"What are you talking about?" Sonny scoffed. "It's not just for you only- I'm hungry too. Now, go wash your hands so we can eat."

"You're weird," Chad grumbled as he trooped into the bathroom. He came back with sparkling clean hands, and sat at his table expectantly. The kitchen smelled delicious; warm aromas of cooking chicken and stirred vegetables filled the air, and Chad could feel his mouth watering. Sonny set a big plate in front of him that contained a grilled slab of meat and some really amazing looking green things. He began to promptly stuff his face.

"Wow, look at that, dinner and a show," Sonny chuckled, and speared a baby corn onto her fork. Chad's mouth was too full to retort, so he just settled for an 'mmph!'

"You'll never guess what I found today," he said, once he had managed to swallow everything in-between his cheeks.

"A love letter?" Sonny joked, and he laughed at how close she had been.

"Almost," Chad said cheerfully. "Do you want me to tell you?"

"Yes, Chad, tell me. I'm dying to know." She said, chewing on a piece of her deliciously grilled chicken breast. "Hey, this is pretty good," she said to herself, helping herself to more.

"Well, it starts off like this," Chad said, shoveling in the other half of his plate, yet still finding room to talk. "Chad's a complicated guy,"

Sonny froze: her fork was still halfway to her mouth, and the broccoli that she'd been about to eat slipped off her fork and landed with a plop on her plate. "Chad, you didn't," she whispered, horrified.

Chad ignored her. "But he seems to have caught my eye,"

"Chad," Sonny said loudly. "You went through my stuff, didn't you?"

"I can't help but fall for his smile," Chad said, grinning broadly, getting up from the table; he could see her turning red.

"And maybe after a little while," he continued, backing up a bit as she advanced towards him, a murderous look on her face.

"You're dead, Chad." She said in quite a terrifying voice. "That was private.

"We could finally be something more," he recited, his hands behind his back and a big smile plastered on his face as he backed away from the advancing Sonny. He decided to make a break for it.

"Than what we already were," he said, and ran for it, leaping over the couch and running towards the stairs.

"Come back here, Cooper!" Sonny shouted, running after him.

He ignored her again. "I would kiss him in every scene," he said, as he leapt up the winding staircase two at a time. Sonny was hot on his heels.

"I'm gonna kill you!" Sonny roared, snatching at him. Chad dodged her, and continued with the poem.

"And I kiss him in my dreams." Chad continued, turning around to face her. He still had that annoying smile on his face, which was pretty brave of him since he was at a dead end.

"I would kiss him in my car," he said, ducking under her outstretched arms. "And I'd kiss him near and far."

Sonny groaned, frustrated. "Chad!"

"I'd love his lips on a train," Chad said, now raising his voice so that it was slightly singsong, flowing together the poem. "I'd love his smile in the rain."

Sonny called him a name that his mother had spanked him for when he was five years old. He jumped down the stairs and ran over to the coffee table, springing up onto it.

"I would hug him with a fox," he called to her, for he could see her face peeking out at him from behind the banister. "I'd embrace him in a box."

She grunted, and gracefully swung herself on top of the railing, and began sliding downwards to him in a very skill full manner.

"He makes me giggle on the news," Chad said, jumping off the coffee table and running into the kitchen, with one side of the island for his protection.

"He makes me laugh while wearing shoes," he said, leaning towards his left. Sonny, who was on the other side, leaned to her right, preparing to chase him. She looked so adorably cute with her lips bared in a scowl.

"If I could I'd kiss him here," Chad said, making a mad dash out of the kitchen and running full speed into the sitting room. Sonny followed.

"And I'd kiss him over there," he said, dashing behind the wall divider before she could see him. Sonny ran into the sitting room, and looked around to see he wasn't there.

"Where'd you go?" She yelled, clenching her fists.

It was now or never; Chad crept up slowly behind her again, and grabbed her wrists, spinning her around. She looked slightly shocked, and her lips formed a silent 'oh!'

"Even when I'm worse for wear," he said softly, looking into her brown eyes. "I'd still kiss Chad anywhere."

"You're so dead, Chad," Sonny said angrily. "That was my private – mmph!"

He'd silenced her with a kiss. She was quite fine with that.