Bella's POV

I brushed the fallen strands of blonde hair out of Jasper's face and traced the circles underneath his eyes.

"You're thirsty," I murmured before pressing my lips to his neck.

He sighed and pulled me closer. "So are you. We should go hunting."

I shook my head and continued to trail kisses down his neck. I was not ready to leave the sanctuary of the bedroom, of the happiness I found. I looked over at the discarded laptop next to Jasper.

"What are you doing on there anyway?" I asked him, playing with the buttons on his shirt.

"Forging papers for you," he replied as he closed the laptop and sat it on the nightstand. He kissed me softly before reprimanding me. "Don't change the subject, Miss Swan. Your hand hasn't moved from your throat in an hour, and your eyes are considerably darker. We should hunt again soon."

"That hardly proves anything, Mr. Whitlock. I just hunted yesterday. Besides, I'm always thirsty. I don't think going again today is going to make any difference."

He frowned, and I knew he was feeling guilty. He never stopped feeling guilty for what he did to me – no matter how many times I told him I didn't blame him. Two bliss filled days had passed since the day that everything changed. Since that day, we only left the room once to hunt. We'd spent a majority of the time lying in bed talking and holding each other. I was still trying to adjust to this new life – the hardest part seemed to be the thirst. It never ended. Even if I killed a hundred deer – which had not happened, incidentally – I would still be thirsty. Jasper swore it would get better over time, but somehow I doubted that. I wasn't sure I would ever get used to the enhanced senses either. To hear every word spoken in the house was still completely foreign to me. The loss of privacy – especially of my mind – unnerved me as well.

It still seemed so odd to me that Jasper could actually love me – me, plain ol' Bella – of all people. I expected to wake up and find out all of this was a dream, but seeing as how I can't sleep, that is doubtful. Part of me is insanely happy – well, as happy as can be expected right now. The other part feels incredibly, incredibly guilty. I needed to talk about it – to someone, anyone – but had no idea who to talk about it to. It didn't seem to matter how many times Jasper assured me it wasn't my fault; I couldn't help but feel it was. I broke up a marriage. Slept with my best friend's husband. I was waiting for Jerry Springer to call me and invite me on his show at any moment.

I pushed the thoughts out of my head and ran my hand down the alabaster skin of his chest, smiling to myself when I felt the muscles in his stomach clench at my touch. The half-crescent scars that covered his torso stood out on his skin just as the scar on my wrist did. I couldn't imagine surviving countless bites – the pain must have been nearly unbearable. Why would anyone do such a thing?

My curiosity was piqued, but I didn't want to ask him about them. Though he told me he would tell me one day, I didn't want to ask him again. It seemed like such a painful subject. As soon as the thought appeared in my head, it felt like I was in a dream almost. I could see three vampires. They were looking at a man – he was beautiful with blonde hair and piercing blue eyes. He was wearing a uniform of some sort. They approached him. They seemed to be having a conversation among themselves, but I couldn't actually hear what they were saying. Two of them left, but one stayed behind. She spoke to the man, and then walked closer to him. I wanted to scream out, but I couldn't move or speak. I was helpless. I had to stand by and watch while she bit into his neck. The man turned his head, and I saw that it was Jasper. The scene changed, and I saw a dozen red-eyed vampires attacking Jasper biting his arms and chest and shoulders – anywhere they could bit.

The dream was cut off suddenly when I felt someone shaking me vigorously. I blinked my eyes several times, and realized everyone was crowded around the bed looking at me and calling my name frantically.

"That was horrible!" I sobbed, launching myself into Jasper's arms. "I saw those women come up to you! I tried to stop them, but I couldn't, and then all of those other vampires were biting you!"

"Shhh, Bella. It was only… well, I'm not sure what it was exactly, but it's alright," Jasper said, trying to soothe me.

"It looked like a vision," Edward said. "But it was of the past. I think she was seeing the attack that led to your change, and then she saw newborns attacking you."

"Maybe that's her power," Alice suggested.

"Seeing the past?" I asked. My breathing was a bit calmer now that I could see Jasper was indeed okay.

"Hmm," Carlisle said. "It's possible. What were you thinking about before?"

I shrugged. "I just thinking about your scars and wondering how they happened when I saw this dream. It was so realistic." I pressed my face into his chest, allowing his scent to comfort me. I stayed this way for several minutes and when I looked up, everyone was gone.

"Come on," Jasper said, getting out of bed and pulling me out with him. "You need to hunt."

I wanted to argue, but Jasper had a look on his face that told me he wasn't going to budge. "Fine," I muttered, keeping my eyes on the ground. I didn't want to look Edward or Alice in the face. I quickly put my shoes on and followed Jasper downstairs. His arm circled my waist, and I marveled how natural it felt to be so close to him. Once outside, we took off running. Surprisingly, running was the thing I loved most. It was exhilarating to feel as if you could fly, to run without fear of falling. My newfound grace was by far the oddest aspect of the change.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Jasper asked when we reached a small alcove of trees.

"Talk about what?" I asked in a vain attempt to feign ignorance.

"Whatever it is that has you feeling so conflicted," he murmured. He lowered himself onto the ground, and I followed suit, leaning against his chest. It was such a strange feeling, not wanting to be apart from him even momentarily, the ache that resulted in our separation, no matter how brief.

"What we're doing… is it wrong?" I asked, allowing my hair to curtain around my face.

"Do you think its wrong?" he countered. He reached up with one hand and brushed the hair over my shoulder so that he could see my face. He titled my chin so that I was looking into his eyes.

I shook my head. "No, I don't, but I think I should."

"Isabella," he said, his voice stern. "You have done nothing wrong – other than being far too tempting than any one person should be." He leaned over and kissed me softly on the neck. "Even if nothing had happened between us, even if the last three days never happened, I wouldn't be with Alice. I love you." He continued trailing kisses up my neck before kissing my lips softly.

I sighed and looked up at him, taking in his appearance. His eyes were nearly onyx now, but I couldn't help but wonder what it would be like if they were still blue. I ran my fingers down his face, tracing his angular cheek bones. He was so beautiful. I couldn't believe he could want me, love me. I rested my head on his shoulder. The sun was shining through the trees causing our skin to sparkle like diamonds. I sat mesmerized, watching as Jasper's skin sparkled. The diamond-like quality to our skins brought with it a sense of deja vu. I had seen this before, but when? The memory was there, hidden just beneath the surface. What was it?

"I can't believe you're real," I murmured, turning my full attention towards Jasper – as if I could hold the memories at bay by surrounding myself with nothing but thoughts of him.

"I could say the same about you," he said. "I never thought it would be this way, that it could be this way. All those months I watched you, wishing, hoping, dreaming about this, but never actually expecting to experience it."

I stayed in his arms for several minutes, drinking in his heady scent that always seemed to calm me. A light breeze blew through the trees bringing with it a musky odor. I crinkled my nose at the grotesque infiltration. Jasper stiffened beneath me.

"Werewolves," he hissed. "We have to go."

"Why? It's probably just Jake. He won't hurt us," I protested.

Jasper gave me a pointed look. "I broke the treaty, Bella. If they discover it, it will be war. I can't risk your safety."

"Sounds familiar," I muttered.

His face softened as he sighed. "I'm sorry, Bella. We can stay if you want. He's your friend. I just want you to be prepared. The enmity between vampires and werewolves is strong. He may not consider you his friend now."

I didn't want to admit it, but I couldn't help but wonder if Jasper was right. Jacob never kept it a secret how he felt about bloodsuckers and the Cullen's in general. But he had promised to always be my friend. Had he put conditions on that promise? I'd seen firsthand how out of control a werewolf could be. I looked at Jasper; he loved me, wanted me. My safety was of no importance to me, but his? Could I risk his safety?

I grabbed his hand and pulled him up with me. "Let's just hunt and go home."

"Are you sure?" he asked, studying my face and no doubt sensing my emotions.

I nodded quickly. "Yes. Jacob is my past, you're my future."

He seemed to understand because he entwined his hand in mine, and we ran in the opposite direction of the stench. As we ran, I realized it wasn't only Jacob I was running from, but my past. Only I couldn't outrun it no matter how fast we ran because in the end we would return home. To Edward, to Alice, to the entire family, constant reminders of a painful past that I couldn't fully grasp maybe due to the holes in my memories. I was broken, and I wasn't sure if I would ever be whole again, wasn't sure if I would ever notlove Edward. Even if I cared for Jasper, even if Edward didn't love me, there would still be a part of my heart that belonged to him, that would always belong to him.

This left me to wonder: how selfish was I capable of being? I couldn't deny that I wanted Jasper, needed him, but I also couldn't shake the feeling that he deserved someone who could give him her whole heart. I wanted to give him my whole heart, but it wasn't mine to give. I wasn't sure if he would be satisfied – could be satisfied – with less than all of it, but I hoped with every fiber of my being that he could. I wasn't sure I could survive his leaving now, but I had to give him the option I was never given. He was just a part of this… whatever it was as I was, and he deserved the chance to decide whether he wanted me though I was possibly broken beyond repair.

We were deeper in the forest than I'd ever gone when we finally slowed our gait from a wild, frantic run to a human paced walk.

Jasper smiled reassuringly. "They won't find us now, Bella. Don't worry."

I took a deep breath and uttered the most clichéd phrase in the entire world. "We need to talk."