Bella's POV

Every doubt I had, every thought I had was pushed out of my head when his lips pressed against mine. I deserved to be happy, I deserved to be loved, I deserved to always feel the way I felt when I was in Jasper's arms. His lips moved down my neck, nipping gently when they reached the hollow. I moaned loudly, entwining my fingers in his blonde hair.

"I love you, Bella," he said before bringing his lips down to my collarbone.

He pulled away and with a mischievous grin, pulled our shirts off.

"Jasper, we're outside!" I protested. "Someone could see." My voice was as weak as my protests, however. He continued as if I'd never spoken, beginning his achingly slow descent down the valley between my breasts. My hands ran over his chest, now tracing the defined muscles there until I reached his hip.

Any hesitation I may have had about the outdoors was over the moment his lips grazed my nipple. This was sweet torture; he was everywhere all at once, and it was nearly more than I could bear yet would never be enough. He'd removed my pants at some point because now while his lips were covering every area – all but the one area I desperately wanted covered – with kisses, his fingers were tracing circles over the tiny piece of lace masquerading as panties.

His lips were moving lower and lower. "Such a pretty, flimsy little thing," he said against the offending lace, the vibration of his words making my entire body tingle. He ripped the delicate lace away, but before I could scold him for ripping them his mouth was there, and it felt like I lost all control over my body. When he moved his tongue for the first time, I nearly bit through my bottom lip trying to keep from screaming out. My hands clutched the ground underneath me so tightly; I could feel the holes my nails caused. It was the most intense pleasure I'd ever felt in my entire life. It didn't take long before I gave up on attempting to control the noises. They came as quickly as the air I breathed, so there was no use. The pressure was growing unabated, and finally it reached the crescendo. It felt almost surreal – the pleasure that came in waves, another one there before I even had time to recover from the last. I wasn't sure how long it last only that when it finally subsided, I was trembling and panting.

I didn't even realize my eyes were closed until Jasper whispered in my ear. "Open your eyes, silly girl."

I opened my eyes to find him hovering over me, his blonde hair falling into my face, tickling my cheek. He looked so happy, so joyous, so alive – I felt like I should say something, but I wasn't ready to say what he really wanted to hear.

"I'm glad you came back – to watch over me," I murmured as I leaned up to kiss him. I ran my hands through his hair and continued slowly down his back, stopping when I reached the edge of his jeans. I grinned against his lips as I felt him shiver.

I pulled away from him and arched an eyebrow. "Your pants are still on, Mr. Whitlock."

He chuckled and nodded. "So they are."

He moved back and a second later, there was nothing separating us. I loved this, the way I could feel every inch of his body pressed against mine. My hands twisted into his hair as he crashed his lips against mine for an impossibly passionate kiss. I moaned into his mouth when I felt him enter me and our bodies began moving together. I wasn't sure if I would ever get used to how right this felt, to how complete I felt when we were together. No words were needed; our bodies were completely in sync, each one knowing exactly what the other needed. Our kisses and movements growing more frantic until we both climaxed.

I was so lost, so completely intoxicated that I was scarcely aware of our surroundings. His hands softly caressed me as we lay there on the ground, oblivious to the dirt. The sun had disappeared, bringing clouds in its stead. I was lying with my head on his chest, trying to discern one sound in the forest from another when I heard a twig break followed shortly a whispered word.

"Bella." It was Edward. His voice was pained, hollow. My eyes flew open, and I jumped up, completely forgetting my state of undress. He stood there for a moment before turning and running back in the direction he came in.

"Edward, wait!" I cried as I hastily pulled my clothes back on. I didn't look back at Jasper, too afraid of what I might see – either hurt or anger. I followed his scent, running as fast as I could. I had the advantage of newborn strength, but Edward was fast – too fast. I gave up on catching him, his scent was faint now. I lowered myself to the ground where I stood. How had I managed to once again screw everything up? And why did he look so sad? He was the one who walked away from me, who always walked away from me. I pulled my knees up to my chest and buried my face in them. I was a terrible person, I hurt everyone I touched. Charlie, Jake, Alice, Jasper, him. Jasper said I wasn't selfish, but I was. I wanted Jasper – that part was true – but why had I run after Edward then? Why couldn't I just let him go?

"Tell me, Bella, did you ever love me?" Edward asked from behind me, his velvet voice pained.

Anger flared through me white hot as I turned to face him. "How could you ask me that?"

"Because your actions as of late tell me that you didn't

"My actions?" I asked, my voice shrill. "My actions?"

"I just didn't expect for you to move on so quickly."

"Quickly? There is nothing quick about this. Maybe you've forgotten the months I spent alone, thinking that you didn't love me, that you didn't want me. With absolutely no hope of ever being with you again. I still love you, but I cannot force you to want me. What would you have me do? Be alone forever simply because you don't want me?"

"Of course not," he said indignantly.

"Then what? We can't all be as self-sacrificing as you. I don't know what it is that

you want from me! Do you want me to be alone? If you don't want to be with me, don't want me to be with Jasper, what do you want?"

A second later he was in front of me, his lips pressing hungrily against mine. My mind screamed that this wasn't right, but something in my body remembered him, the way his lips felt against mine and began to react. I threw my arms around his neck, knotting my hands in his hair and pulled him closer to me. He ran his hands down my sides. I moaned against his lips when I felt his hands move under my shirt. Edward stiffened beneath me and pulled away.

"I'm sorry, Bella, that was completely inappropriate," he said. He ran his hands through his hair, his face aghast.

I felt the sting of rejection wash over me, but this wasn't new – no it was all too familiar. Images flew through my head, dozens of images – all of him pulling away, pushing me away. "Which part? Kissing me? Or pulling away like you always do?" I spat at him.

"Kissing you, of course. I should not have done that."

Anger flared once again. "I'm sorry it was such an unpleasant experience for you."

"Bella, it's not that – " he started, but I cut him off.

"Save it, I'm going home. To Jasper." I told him and walked away, leaving him standing there, watching me as I left. I was so angry – angry at myself, at him.

I couldn't even bear entering the house when I got home; I was so disgusted with myself. Only minutes after I was with Jasper, I allowed – and responded – to Edward kissing me. I was screwing up the one thing I had left, hurting the one person who still cared for me, who loved me even if I wasn't able to love him back. I sat on the porch swing instead listening to the sounds in the house. A car pulled into the drive, and Esme and Carlisle exited the Mercedes quickly. They both smiled at me as the neared the door.

"I'll meet you inside," Esme told Carlisle. She pecked his cheek and smiled at him. He nodded slightly and left us alone on the porch.

Esme sat down next to me on the swing, but she didn't say anything. We sat there like that for a while – neither of us speaking.

"Do you… is it wrong… gah!" I said finally, not able to finish either question. I took a deep breath and urged my voice not to break. "I don't know how to be here, to be around them – either of them – and not love him," I admitted.

"So stubborn, both of you," she muttered. "Why fight it then, Bella? If you love him so, why do you fight it?"

"Because he doesn't want me." I murmured so softly I wasn't sure if she heard.

"What? Who gave you that ridiculous notion?"

I shrugged. "He did. He's told me over and over again, in the forest the day he left, not even two days ago and then again now. That's what he says, Esme, but his actions… I don't know. He says he doesn't want me, yet he kisses me; He says he doesn't want to be with me, yet the idea of me with Jasper infuriates him. I don't know what to do!"

She sat there nodding as I spoke. It felt nice, as if she were my mother as well. Only I didn't have to take care of her like I'd had to take care of Renee and then Charlie. When I was finished, she placed her hand on my knee.

"I don't pretend to understand the…complex situation you are in right now, Bella, but I will tell you this. My son – misguided though he is – does love you. Why he will not allow himself to be happy, I will never understand, but that is neither here nor there. I cannot tell you what to do, Bella. This is your life, and you are the only one who has to live with it."

"It's just so hard," I lamented. "Jasper is wonderful. He truly cares for me. I never have to wonder with him. It feels so natural. But with Edward… I don't know. I have so much anger. When I see him, I'm never sure if I want to hit him or kiss him and most of the time, the desires are tied," I sighed. "It's a moot point anyway. He doesn't want me, and I'm tired of putting myself out there only to be discarded."

Esme smiled. "It sounds like you have your answer then. Do whatever will make you happy, Bella. You're my daughter now as you always have been. We are your family, and we will support whatever decision you will make. Perhaps we should head inside though. Carlisle and I have something to discuss with the family as a whole."