Ick. Today is my last day of freedom. School starts tomorrow. Summer went by too fast. Im nervous. Is that silly? Anyways! I hope you all like this chapter. Im already working on Chapter Five so hopefully that will be out soon too.

In case some of you dont notice, this chapter is in Maryse's POV. :)

Thanks to Iz for putting all those stupid commas in their place and reminding me at the Lightwood Gang didnt sit at a table:)

Disclaimer: I still own nothing...just having fun with the characters and mixing them in with angst...

Chapter 4

Shock, embarrassment, anger and the feeling of being the worst person in the world was what I felt that day in the Accords Hall when Alec very publicly kissed Magnus.

Shock because my son whom I assumed was straight was here kissing a man in front of the whole Shadowhunting community, embarrassment because my son was kissing a man in front of everybody, then anger towards myself because that's when I realized that I was a terrible mother.

My eldest was gay and I never knew.

I never even suspected. All this time I just figured that maybe Alec hadn't found the right woman he was interested in enough to have a relationship with, that one day the right woman would come.

I wished I was one of those moms that said, "Its nothing. I always knew my son was gay", but the truth that I had to face was that I barely even knew my own flesh and blood.

I wished I could say that the kiss didn't look like anything important, that it could've just been another one of Jace and Alec's jokes, but the kiss looked too passionate and real for it to be a prank.

I'll always remember that day.

Robert and I were talking to the Penhallows when we saw very familiar head of dark hair darting through the crowd. I wanted to talk to Alec before the battle, tell him I love him, to be careful, and to choose his partner wisely, but before I could excuse myself and call to my son, he was almost sprinting until he reached Magnus Bane. He used both hands to cradle the warlock's face, turned his head slightly to the right, and kissed him.

The older of the two looked frozen in shock with his unique eyes wide until he realized the moment and his eyelids fluttered closed.

My eyes went wide and my hand went to my mouth. I patted Robert on the shoulder, albeit harshly, so he could turn and see the event before us.

For Robert, it looked to me like there was only confusion on his face.

The way they were kissing made it obvious that it wasn't the first time they had been together. The embarrassment passed sometime along with the shock and the anger started.

How could I not have known? Why didn't he ever say something? Had this been going on for long, or was it just Magnus that brought this on?

I looked over to where the rest of the family was.

Isabelle had a euphoric smile on her face, bouncing up and down with her eyes wide like so many others, but most likely for a totally different reason.

Clary didn't look shocked . . . just happy, with a small, shy smile gracing her features.

Simon Lewis looked indifferent, like this was nothing.

Jace had a smile itching to burst from his lips but he concealed it until he looked at me. Our eyes met, gold and blue, and his smile was brilliant. He quickly looked away and his lips were together again as if nothing happened and the stoic indifference in his face was back.

Jace and Isabelle knew. Even Clarissa Fray knew and she had only been in our family for three months. They were all happy for him.

Were we the only blind ones?

The scene passed and the on-lookers dispersed.

From the time that the scene ended to the time that the battle began, we didn't discuss the episode. We all acted like nothing happened. There was enough chaos and disarray as it was.

But then after much bloodshed and tears, the battle, the chaos, and the disarray was over.

I had lost my youngest. That was the most excruciating pain I had ever felt. No injury from battle, no heartbreak from the past, no dishonor the Clave could appoint us was as bad as losing Max.

When you lose a child, you lose a piece of yourself, a piece of the joy in your life, a piece of the spirit inside you. I lost one son and I wasn't about to lose Alec over sexual orientation.

The night before the festival in Idris, I decided that we had to stop beating around the bush. It was three in the morning and sleep was no where near a priority.

Robert and I stepped into the kitchen before going up to the room Alec occupied during our stay, only to find that he had already beat us there.

He was sitting on the counter in the dark and he looked up when we turned on the too-white kitchen light.

How did we never notice how deep the sadness in his eyes was?

He spoke first.

"I can't pretend anymore, it isn't worth it. I'm sorry."

Silence on our end.

"Forgive me."

Those last two words were whispers. Tears were on the rims of his eyes, threatening to spill over but I knew he was strong enough to not allow it, even if he didn't know it himself.

"How long?" Robert's voice rang through the silence but my son only momentarily closed his eyes and turned his head away, as if shamed.

"I knew when I was fourteen."

I didn't expect that answer. I expected him to say it only occurred to him months ago. The anger was back.

"Fours years of you lying to us? Four years of us being complete fools? How could you do that? How could you have done what you did back in the Accords Hall in front of everyone we know, and then some?"

His head was still turned away, looking out the window. The silence wasn't helping at all.

"Answer me, Alexander!" I was projecting my anger on the situation, but finally he faced us again.

"I knew you wouldn't react well. I was a coward. I . . . I'm . . . ," he sighed, "I'm sorry. I didn't want to hide Magnus. It wasn't fair for him anymore. It never was."

"But a Downworlder of all men, Alexander? It's not just that you lied to us about being who you are, it's the fact that you've been sneaking around with a Downworlder to top it off. And the High Warlock of Brooklyn? That took the cake."

I had never seen my son have so much determination and defiance in his eyes after my husband said that, but Robert was just getting started.

"We train almost our whole lives to rid this world of demons and that's what he is, a demon, not worthy of anything. We kill and destroy his kind. Our races hate each other and that hatred runs deep. You of all people should know that."

"He isn't a demon and he's worth everything! I don't give a fuck about the hatred between races. That happened way before I was born. The whole Alliance thing was supposed to let everyone ease up on this." He took a breath, his eyes glowing. "I care about him and what I have with him. I don't look at us as unequal."

Alec never cursed, only when the situation was extreme.

We were going about this the wrong way. We agreed to not lose another son, especially to something as stupid as him not liking girls, and here we were being hypocrites.

Isabelle and Jace were at the door of the kitchen; all the yelling woke them up.

Everyone was shouting now.

Robert was still arguing and Alec was saying he was 18 and didn't need our permission for anything anymore. Izzy and Jace were arguing with us, saying that Magnus was a good person and we were wrong.

Families weren't supposed to argue like this.

"Enough!" I screamed.

All was silent again.

Alec stormed out and the front door slammed shut. Where he went, we never knew.

"That's what you get," Jace said before climbing back up the stairs. Isabelle, my beautiful daughter, was on the verge of tears herself as she turned on her heel, whipped her hair up with a hand, and headed towards her room.

I was the only one who wasn't strong enough to hold back my tears.