Summary: A collection of short, ridiculous stories that were previously known as Deleted Scenes in Time you go on. A collection of stories that would normally not be included in my story; mainly parody and silly humour.
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter characters; any resemblance is fictional. I do, however, own my OC characters. I apologize if you find these short stories offensive for they parodying common ideas found in different kinds of writing.
A/N: The first chapter is a cleaned up, whole version of What if... This is a parody of the original books, because there's really no reason that Dumbledore didn't go back in time [when he knew he would die soon]... Enjoy.
What if...
Dumbledore has used a time turner to go back in time and tell himself not to accept Tom Riddle into Hogwarts. He took proof of Riddle's future miss deeds and effectively convinced himself that Tom Riddle should have a magic-blocker placed on him so that he can't bully muggles with the bit of magic he has. Dumbledore returned to his normal time to find that no one had ever heard of Voldemort...
It was early morning, two years after the birth of his son, and James was wide awake. His lovely, redheaded wife was still asleep in their shared bed. James threw his legs over the side of the bed, slipping his feet into a pair of old, striped slippers. Shocked for a second, James' foot touched his son's favourite squeaky toy. It took him only a second to rid his slippers of the toy.
Quietly, James left the room and headed down the hall to Harry's room. Gently, he pushed open the door and peaked into the room. Harry was fast asleep, and his eyes were moving quickly. A smile floated onto James' face when he saw the stuffed animal that his son was holding onto with one chubby hand. Padfoot had bought the miniature black dog for Harry's second birthday. James quickly closed the door to the bedroom and headed down the stairs.
Godric Hollow was quiet in the morning. The only things that changed were the seasons. The peace in the small, sleepy village felt like it would never break. This is what James hoped for, and was the reason why he worked with the ministry from time to time to catch dark wizards. He was always thankful that the dark wizards seemed to keep themselves separate and had no common goal. He could only imagine a horrible world where dark wizards worked together under one leader.
"James?" Lily's sleepy voice echoed down the stairs, "it's so early. Why are you up?"
"No reason," James called quietly up the stairs, "I just thought I'd make you breakfast in bed, my love."
"Oh, okay," Lily seemed to pause for a moment, "don't forget that Gail is coming today."
"I haven't forgotten," James smiled at his bleary eyed wife, his heart pounding wildly for her, "I'll get dressed after I cook you some breakfast."
James brought the breakfast upstairs for his wife about twenty minutes later. Lily, who was already dressed in her robes, ate it gratefully. She had been quite tired after planning Harry's second birthday party. Quite a few of both Lily and James' Hogwarts friends had shown up to the party, but to Lily's disappointment Gail couldn't make it. She was quite busy at the nursery the previous night. The explanation she had given Lily was that more and more werewolves were coming to her on full moons, and it was almost pure havoc trying to find a spot for everyone. From what Lily had heard, the newly invented Wolfsbane Potion was a great help. They could group werewolves in the same vicinity without them attacking one another now.
James had changed into his his normal robes when there was a knock on the door. Lily set aside the breakfast tray, and got up. The two went to the door of their cozy house and opened the door. Standing on the porch was Gail, who positively beamed when she reached out and hugged Lily.
"Oh Gail!" Lily returned the smile, "how wonderful of you to come..."
James, who had been staring at Gail's companion, questioned her jokingly, "oh, so you've brought a date to our house, Gail?"
"Well, isn't he welcome?" Gail asked, tossing a wink at James.
Lily beamed at her two guests, "I'm so glad you two finally started dating! How wonderful!"
James sighed and stared back and forth between Gail and Remus, "I was just a little bit shocked that the two of you showed up together. Come in, both of you."
Gail had already followed his wife in through the door. They were chattering about things that only women could understand. Instead of following them, James turned his attention to Remus Lupin, who was standing awkwardly just inside the entrance. His apologetic gaze caught James' attention.
"Moony! Come in! My home is your home," James laughed, clapping his friend on the back, "but my wife is not your wife."
That brought a smile to Remus' face, "good, because it wouldn't do to be cheating on her with Gail. Listen, Prongs, I..."
"I know," James took his friend by the shoulder and kicked the door closed behind him, "you two have been making eyes at each other since our seventh year. Did you think I wouldn't notice?"
"What about Sirius?" Remus asked, nervously running a hand through his prematurely greying hair.
James laughed, "he's been thinking of settling down with Jo... You remember her, right? The dark haired girl that was on the quidditch team? She was in our year, too."
Remus nodded, "I'm glad Sirius finally found a girl that could put up with his whims."
"Wormy and I figured that Gail was the one," James laughed momentarily, forcing Remus to take a seat in the living room, "but that just shows how wrong we were."
"Oh James!" Lily came running back into the room, "look what Gail bought for Harry!"
James looked at the golden orb that his wife was holding. It looked exactly like a snitch, but was quite a bit bigger. Its size was probably so that a child, like Harry, wouldn't be able to fit it in his mouth and swallow it. The little wings on the snitch made the ball fly slowly around Lily. James grabbed the golden ball, noticing that the ball was squishy and cloth-like in texture.
"Wonderful!" James laughed, "we'll make a seeker out of Harry before his eleventh birthday."
Gail had joined the others in the living room, "Sirius said he bought Harry a toy broom for his last birthday, so I thought he'd like a snitch to play with... Since he takes after his father."
Lily flushed at the comment. She was still quite horrible at riding a broom, and preferred to apparate around. Even after marrying James, who was a wonderful flier, she still hadn't learned how to control a broom properly. James had been quite happy that his son hadn't taken after Lily, in those regards.
"Thanks you, Gail," Lily gave her friend a brief hug, "I'm sure he'll love it."
James heard the Child Charm go off, alerting him that Harry was awake and wanting out of his crib.
"Oh, Harry's awake," James handed the ball to Gail with a wink, "I'd better go let him out."
It took James a few moments to change Harry out of his pyjamas. Lily was always better at changing the kid's clothes. Harry smiled happily at his father the whole time. After he finished changing him, James scooped the kid up and tickled his neck. Harry squealed happily and attempted to catch his father's fingers.
"Time to go see Aunty Gail and Uncle Moony," James said to Harry, returning the boy's smile, "although I would like to keep you to myself..."
"Uncmoo," Harry's green eyes looked around the room, as if he was expecting to see Remus there. He pouted a little bit when he didn't see anyone.
James carefully walked down the stairs carrying his precious cargo. Happily tucked away in his father's arms, Harry made no movement to escape. As a father, James was proud when Harry greeted Remus and Gail with a coo, instead of crying. Lily had often said that it was odd that Harry never made strange with the friends of his parents.
"Happy Birthday, Harry," Gail smiled gently at the bending over so that she could be at Harry's eye level, "gee, you grew so fast. The last time I saw you..."
"You work way too much," Remus laughed at this, "the last time you made time to visit Harry was just after his first birthday."
"I can't help it that he's always asleep when I come over," Gail baulked at Remus, but her sweet smile didn't fluctuate at all.
"Here, hold him for a second," James handed his son to Gail, "I'm going to grab his broom."
"Oh, Harry's the terror of the sky, huh?" Gail cooed sweetly, using a free arm to tickle the boy's stomach. Remus smiled quite sadly behind her back, not wanting to show such a pained expression to his newly acquired girlfriend.
James dug through the cupboard for half a minute to find the toy broom that Sirius had bought the previous year. In triumph, he brought the broom back into the living room. Upon seeing his dad carrying his favorite toy, Harry's squeaked and held out his arms.
"Da! Boom!" Harry squealed happily at his approaching father.
"Yes, you get to ride on your broom today," James took Harry back into his arms and set the child onto the broom.
Within minutes, little Harry was zooming around the room trying to catch his new, cloth snitch.
"He's gotten better at not running into things," Remus remarked, causing James to beam proudly at his son even more, "and it helps that the snitch avoids contact too."
"So cute," Gail settled herself on the couch next to Remus, "it's just too bad he doesn't have red hair like Lily."
James opened his mouth in protest, but Lily beat him to it, "are you kidding, Gail? I think Harry's hair is just adorable."
"Oh?" One of Gail's eyebrows disappeared under her bangs, "so Lily was the one that chose the name?"
Lily giggled and sat next to her friend, "oh, we chose the name because he was born with more hair that the rest of the babies. Right, dear?"
James nodded, looking away from his son only for a moment, "hairy Harry."
"And his middle name is James, as a joke. Hairy James," Lily smiled fondly, before a look of shock crossed her face.
Harry crashed his broom right into the wall and fell off. James rushed over and checked his son for any damage. Luckily, Harry just giggled. The impact hadn't hurt him at all, since the broom had a charm on it to cushion a child if they fell off.
"Pow," Harry giggled, staring up at his father before reaching his hands up, "aden."
"Again, Harry?" James scooped his son up and placed him back on the broom, "just don't fly into any more walls."
"Wee," Harry giggled, again he was following the cloth snitch around the room.