My first fanfic!! YAY! I may be the youngest MASH fan out there…

Disclaimer: I don't own M*A*S*H… too bad

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Hawkeye and BJ where drunk, again. No not again, OVER AND OVER AND OVER! Night and day, it was either drunk or hung over, thank blessed god we have not had any casualties in the past few days or the undertakers would get overload!

"What the hell is wrong with you too!" I screamed bloody murder in their red and puffy hammered faces,

"Wert's wrong,sweety? Yoush ash funny ash a cattler prod~" Hawkeye blubbered, spilling his glass of poison on his bed, he looked at the mess in disappointment.

"What's wrong! WHAT"S WRONG?" I screeched. "You too are sitting on your messing flipin' beds drinking flipin' booze after you've already drinking how many freaking glasses?"

"Dono, I'm not keppin' track," BJ snorted at his 'hilarious' joke, Hawkeye poured himself another glass.

I shook my head and was just about to smash their ugly faces together when my friend and fellow nurse grabbed my hand and pulled me out of the tent.

"Seriously, Mandy," Yolanda shook her head, "your not exactly one to tell them off for drinking to much."

"Not as much as those potlicking creeps!" I growled, "AND WHAT ARE YOU INSINUATING! THAT I DRINK TO MUCH??"

"I'm not all that sure that you aren't hammered right now." She said pulling me to the nurses tent, me screaming the whole way.

"What the hell is going on here??" We both froze,

"Nothing, Major Hoolihan…" I muttered,

"It dosent look like nothing!" the silver haired major shouted, "You know I wont allow any intamite contact between my nurses and the surgeons!"

"What? You thought… Oh God No! I didn't, EW! YUCK! No no no no, nothing like that!"

"It sure looked like that!" She frowned, "Get to the nurses tent immediately! I don't want to here a PEEP out of you!"

As she turned a away, I couldn't help myself,

"Peep!"

And so that's how I got stuck with bedpan duty all week.

"Shew, whatsh you doin' tonite?" Hawkeye grinned, nearly tripping on his own feet,

"Are you hitting on me?" I snarled, "Buzz of drunk."

"Aw, don' be like dat sweety!" He stumbled, his arms outstretched, I spun around, grabbed the collar of his shirt and slammed him to the floor,

"Stay back, fool," I spat, letting him up, I shook my head and sent him out the door so I could, EW, continue emptying bedpans.

I couldn't stand around, I just couldn't! I'm a perfectionist, what ever, but their drunken faces where such an eyesore!

"SOBER UP!!" I screeched, BJ and Hawkeye stared,

"What?"

"You heard me, soon we'll have patients! Then what?"

"Winsheser ish here," Hawkeye complained,

"He's on R&R Hawk." I said, damn, I'm starting to call him Hawk!

"Oh."

I sighed; they needed to get of the booze. Good thing I had a plan. One with lot's of trickery, violence and stealing, as always!

Please Read and Review first chapter!