Summary - Terra thinks things over, takes place between 'Betrayal' and 'Aftershock Part 1'
5. Hurt
It hurts. Hurts to think I mean nothing to them – to him. What we had, didn't it mean anything? But then, I don't even know what we had. Were we just friends or something more?
I think I love him. Or maybe it's loved, I'm not sure. What's scarier is I think he loved me back. But he lied to me. Twice. He said he'd never tell anyone about my unstable powers, then he turns around and tells Robin. I trusted him with my secret, the only thing keeping me from becoming a Titan, and he betrayed that trust.
I know they would have turned me away because of them. Would have thrown me out if they found out I couldn't control my powers. So when Robin said they knew, I flipped. He'd told them, so I left. I went to Slade because he was right. Beast Boy couldn't keep his mouth shut forever and Slade was the only one who could help me control my powers.
Training was hard, but he was always patient and kind. He didn't have any powers as far as I could tell, except maybe a brilliant (yet a bit evil) mind, but he seemed to know what he was talking about. I owed him so much for his help.
So when he told me to infiltrate the Teen Titans, I didn't argue. It was when they actually started to feel like friends, like family, that I started to question my loyalties. But then... but then he... I was about to tell him everything, every terrible thing that had ever happened because I couldn't get control of my powers. He'd said he'd be my friend no matter what but went back on his word, stating I had none when he found I was working for Slade.
It hurt, having him say that. It still hurts. I can never forgive him for those things. Never forgive any of them. I know it sounds wrong but I know now that none of them were really my friends.
It's true that I've lied and betrayed them, but mine was justified, theirs wasn't. I never did anything to them when we first met and Beast Boy lied to me. So I went to their archenemy for help because I know they wouldn't. But then... A part of me knows they would have, knows they would have welcomed me with open arms no matter what. But I was scared and I ran.
I can't think like that, though. I have a mission to complete. I must destroy the Teen Titans. I must destroy Beast Boy. I loved him once but those feelings are gone, just like his must be.
I hurt but I have no regrets.
A/N: Sorry this took so long to upload. It's been finished for awhile, I've just been to distracted with other things to post it. Again I apologize. Anyway please enjoy. Oh, and it's the 11th one completed. (Sorry, thought it was the 9th.)
*Edit* Edited a couple spelling mistakes and moved author's note but nothing else. I remembered what I'd wanted to say. Regarding Terra's comment on Beast Boy spilling her secret, I know he didn't actually tell Robin but she thinks he did. And I don't think that issue was ever resolved. At least not on screen. That's it for the edit.