Recordings
Tali lay in her bunk staring at the ceiling. She really should be sleeping but thoughts kept running though her head as she listened to her collection of recordings. She knew she shouldn't be torturing herself like this. Hanging on to ghosts of the past. Listening to his voice always made her heart clench in pain and longing. Still, she had been the one that had put herself in this situation and she would deal with it. After all, she was an adult now.
It had been some time since someone had brought something back that would be of large significance to the Flotilla. The data disks that Tali had brought back would still take years to decrypt but everyone could see the potential value they had. Tali had her pick of what ship she wanted to join. She chose a medium cruiser, the Natoyya, and was made an engineer.
On this ship she didn't get the special treatment she had received on the Rayya and for that Tali was glad. The Natoyya was an older vessel and so Tali kept rather busy. She would allow herself to get lost in the daily life of a Quarian ship.
She'd wake up in the morning and go to the mess to eat breakfast. Then she'd meet with the rest of the engineering team and they would hand out the day's assignments. At first Tali got given the easier tasks to handle but she soon proved herself to be exceptional at her work. Now it was a matter of course that she got the somewhat harder jobs. Her days of work were only broken up by lunch and dinner and a quick shower at the end of the day. Then it would be back to her small corner of the sleeping area she shared with several other single females on the ship. And the cycle would repeat itself.
It wasn't always so dreary for Tali. In the beginning she really did enjoy being back amongst the crowds and noise that she had grown up around. Being able to hear her native tongue and eat Quarian cuisine was an absolute treat. The best part was not having to always wear the damned biosuit. In the year she had spent away from the Flotilla she had grown. Not too much but enough that the suit was starting to get uncomfortable around the hips and chest. If things hadn't ended when they had Tali would have been forced to ask Shepard if they could find her another biosuit somewhere on the Citadel.
Tali could feel she cheeks warm up with blushing. If things had come to that she would have been hard pressed to come up with an acceptable excuse to ditch Garrus. She didn't know how it started but whenever they had time off on the Citadel she and Garrus would go off by themselves. After the first few times it just was expected that they would wander the Wards together. Even shopping wasn't a deterrent to Garrus who rarely ever offered an opinion but would dutifully carry and bags that Tali accumulated. So going shopping for a biosuit to fit her growing figure without the stoic C-Sec agent wouldn't have gone without notice.
Tali knew that Joker had a betting pool going about Garrus and herself. About what exactly she didn't know. She did know that no one would talk to her about it, always skirting around the subject every time she brought it up.
Tali wondered idly if Garrus knew about the betting pool. Garrus would have known Tali decided after a moment. He was an ex-detective. It was his job to find out things that no one wanted to be made known. And he was very observant. On many occasion she had caught him looking at her. Not in a lustful way like some of the crewmen of the Natoyya did or in the strictly tactical sense that Wrex or Ashley used to do. It was a more measured look, like he was appreciating a scenic view.
That thought made Tali blush again. Ancestors help her she knew Garrus would have noticed her figure and appreciated it. She wasn't vain or anything but Tali knew she had an appealing figure. Wide hips, narrow waist and ample sized breasts packaged in a small frame. A pretty face with expressive large eyes made Tali popular among the males of the ship. It was never hard for her to find someone willing to help her out if she needed it. Still she didn't accept help all that often. She didn't like the company of the men on the ship. More specifically the way they looked at her. If she wanted anyone to look at her with a lustful look in their eyes it wasn't one of them. That person wasn't even Quarian. Or even in this part of the galaxy. That person was somewhere in Citadel space probably working at C-Sec again.
Tali let out a groan of frustration. She really, really should be sleeping and not torturing herself like this. He was just a friend. That she had spent all her free time with. And kissed. A lot. And loved. Tali shook her head as if to get the thought of him out of her head. Why couldn't she stop thinking about him? Was there something wrong with her?
That must be the case. She had to be broken or something. She'd been back with the Flotilla almost 2 years and she was still single. She kept to herself to such a point she was almost a ghost on the ship. It wasn't that she didn't find her work interesting, she just didn't find any of the males interesting.
They were all just a little taller than her, not towering over her like him. All their eyes were big like hers, not hawk-like and sky blue like his. No one had his commanding presence. His smooth, silky voice. Sure he had hard ridges on his head instead of hair. And razor sharp teeth. But his lips were soft and very kissable. He had talons yes but he could be very gentle with them. Just like when he would run his hand through her hair.
Tali quietly swooned at that particular memory. On very, very rare occasion they would sneak off to the medical bay after Dr. Chakwas had turned in for the night and Tali would take off her helmet. Then they would "make out" as Shepard had once said. Garrus was particularly fascinated with her hair since Turians didn't have any. Since Tali never took more than her gloves and helmet off they never ventured further then kissing. Still, given her constant lack of actual physical contact, whenever Tali did get to touch Garrus it was almost orgasmic. Scratch that, it was orgasmic. He was a very good kisser. On more than one occasion Tali had found herself straddling Garrus trying to strip his armor off. Garrus always stopped her, being the ruthless rational bastard he was but in hindsight Tali was always glad he kept his head.
She didn't know what the Turian's body looked like since he was always incased in armor like she was. Tali didn't even know if they would "fit" together. If he were a Quarian sure. If he was a Quarian his height and everything was in proportion… Tali blushed. She wasn't all that innocent. She hadn't done anything personally but she had heard the stories and of course there was always Quarian porn. She'd stolen one of her dad's porn OSDs when she was about 13 and been thoroughly scared. Extreme bondage is not something that should be seen as an introduction to porn.
Even if everything did work out, Tali really didn't want to lose her virginity in a hasty lustful romp that could potentially be interrupted at any moment if there was a medical emergency. Garrus would always say, "You'll thank me later for stopping us."
She never did thank him. Not even once. Maybe it was his fault she was like this. Maybe if he hadn't stopped them all those times she wouldn't be lying in her bed listening to that recording of his voice and wondering just what it would be like. With him. It had to be with him. No one else would do or deserved that gift.
Garrus had most definitely earned her respect, admiration, and love. Yes she loved him. How could she not? He was always there for her. Even in the very beginning. When Fist's assassins scattered from her tech mine and she had hid by that crate, he had come rushing up and placed himself between harm and herself. He made her feel comfortable on the Normandy and watched over her on the few missions they had been on together.
On her last one, Thermire when they had rescued Dr. Liara Tsoni, Garrus had saved her life. The Prothean ruins were coming down around them and they were all running for their very lives. Tali had taken a misstep, twisted her ankle and fell. Garrus had been running alongside her up to that point. His gait forced him several paces past her but he double backed and scooped her up in his arms. Clutching her close to his chest and hunched over to protect her, Garrus carried her out of the ruins. Tali later found out that Garrus earned a few cracked ribs from rocks falling on him during their flight.
Tali shuffled through her recordings until she found the recording that Garrus had given her. It was the songs they had danced to at Flux. It had been during one of their rest and resupply stops at the Citadel and the crew had gone to Flux. Shepard had been dancing with Liara. Tali had been watching the fledging couple at that time and stealing glances at Garrus. The glances hadn't gone unnoticed. After a few more songs Garrus finally got up from his seat and asked Tali to dance. Later Shepard would tell Tali that the two looked so good together when they danced. Who knew that Garrus could "cut a rug" like that? Seriously, just how many Turians do you see on the dance floor at Flux? Humans; yes. Salarians; sure. Asari; a dead given. A Turian? It had to have made the news. Given the quality that the elevator news spewed out it wouldn't surprise Tali.
The next recording was her most treasured one. It was the one of Garrus cooing right after his blow up with his father. Tali had spent a good 10 minutes in Garrus's lap with her head against his chest listening and feeling the vibrations of his satisfaction. If she could have, Tali would have cooed right back. It had made her so happy because she knew she was enough for Garrus. Up until that point they weren't officially seeing each other. It had been more a game of hit and miss. After that though Tali knew she could make Garrus happy. And that thought just made her sad and back where she began; pining over something she had left behind.
Garrus had picked her over his family. That was just about as blasphemous as you got as a Turian by putting one's self over the collective body. She had meant that much to him. And what does she do? She had only stayed long enough to know he had survived the Citadel siege before leaving to return to the Flotilla.
Tali blinked several times to try and get rid of the angry tears that were forming. She had been such a coward. She ran away without a proper goodbye. No last talk. No note. No nothing. Just emptiness to return to. She had her many recordings of him to remember him by. He had nothing physical to remember her by. Maybe it was better that way. Make it easier for him to move on.
Tali turned over and buried her head in her pillow. Who was she kidding? She had been scared and had used her pilgrimage as an excuse. She could have sent off the geth data disks at any point instead of hand delivering them. All because she was scared of what she was feeling. She knew she was in love but he wasn't QUARIAN! What was wrong with her? She had kept dreaming of a life with him, a life not on the Flotilla. Such thinking was insane.
Tali always knew that some never came back from their Pilgrimages but she had always been taught that they had met unfortunate ends. Never had she considered that they might have found happiness outside of the Migrant Fleet. A Quarian not returning to the Flotilla was as likely as a Turian being happy at being disowned.
Tali rolled back over to stare at the ceiling once more. She had been afraid. Afraid that she was somehow different. Afraid to be in love so deeply. Afraid that she didn't want to return home. Due to that fear she had made a mistake. She must have. Otherwise why was it she wasn't happy here? The solution was easy enough to see but the execution of that solution posed problems.
First she had to convince the captain to drop her off at some Citadel world or spaceport. Then she had to make her way to the Citadel proper. Then find him. Simple enough but first she had to convince the captain that she wasn't crazy. Most Quarians didn't leave the Flotilla again after their pilgrimage. It happened but not very often. Second she had to get transport back to the Citadel. She had a credit card with some credits on it. Garrus had helped her get a Citadel account opened in her name, with him as a co-signer since as a Quarian she was considered a second class Citadel citizen. He gave her a few credits every pay day since he was still on the C-Sec payroll due to clerical oversight (political muscle and backdoor politics made it so that Shepard had a Turian keeping an eye on her, though not once did Garrus do his job and report anything on Shepard). Shepard also saw that Tali got paid by the Alliance since she did work in Engineering in an official capacity. So Tali had credits.
Finding him should be simple. Just walk into C-Sec and ask about him. The hardest part would be actually facing him. What would he say? How would he react? Tali would be basically asking to walk back into his life after 2 years. What if he had moved on? Then what? Tali supposed she could return to the Flotilla then. Maybe if she had a solid rejection she could then find a nice Quarian boy to settle down with.
On the other hand, what would she do if he did take her back? There were some serious practical obstacles to overcome. She'd have to clean his living area like crazy and turn him into a clean freak at home just to be safer. At least that way she could be out of her biosuit at home. That's another thing. She'd have to wear a biosuit everywhere. Could she handle that? What if she got pregnant? Did they have maternity biosuits?
Tali placed a hand on her flat belly. What was she thinking?! Could she even get pregnant by him? What it possible? Or was she dooming them both to having no kids? Could they deal with that? At least Shepard and Liara had a shot at being complete cross-species family. Maybe they could adopt, if Turians did that.
And what about work? She'd have to find a job at some point. She supposed that Garrus might be able to support both of them but she would go stir crazy confined to just an apartment. Just like she as going crazy with all these thoughts in her head. She couldn't keep going on like this, indecisively drifting through her life. She needed to make a choice and stick to it. Life on the Flotilla or off of it?
Tali sighed and turned onto her side. She closed her eyes and tried to go to sleep. She'd make her decision in the morning.
A/N: Anyone want to take a stab at what Tali will decide? Also what do you think; are Turians and Quarians compatible enough to have viable offspring?
Apologies for any grammar and spelling errors. I had to pull CQ again which meant staying up for 24 straight hours on duty. By the time I uploaded this I was at the 27 hour mark. However, to make up for the really short two chapters last time I'm giving you two chapters with some real meat to them. Especially this Tali chapter. Until next time. I'm going to sleep now.