Showers are better than sex

His will was gone but he didn't care. His shields were gone. Armor being stripped off piece by piece but he didn't care. He was worn out, tired, exhausted. Even without the weight of his armor Garrus only managed to stagger a few more steps before dropping to his knees. He hung his head and waited for the water to pour over him.

Garrus had to suppress a groan of pleasure. Nothing, not even drunken sex, came close to the rapture that was the after mission shower. The hot water washed away a month's worth of dirt, grime, and a rainbow of dried blood.

Red Human blood, blue Turian blood, orange Krogan blood, green Salarian blood. Most of it was other people's blood but some of it was his. The Turian blood was his this time around. Some Human had managed to hit him when his shields were gone and gave him another scar. His body was covered in them now. Turian skin was tougher than most other species but it wasn't impervious to bullets and knives.

Still, the wounds he sustained would heal and Wrex made sure he wouldn't die. No way was Garrus going to die while Wrex had bragging rights over him. Besides, Garrus owed the battlemaster several lap dances from Chora's Den and Garrus always paid his debts.

This last mission had been a little more grueling than usual. Garrus had been sent to investigate a crime syndicate that had somehow been running red sand to the Citadel itself in rather large quantities. Garrus took Wrex with him as had become his custom for the 18 months. It was a good thing he had. The welcome they received was rather hearty.

For the better part of two weeks Wrex and Garrus played guerilla war games on a small asteroid. They would take over a small section at a time, abandoning it a day or so later in favor for a newer home.

The game plan was a simple one. Shotguns at the ready the rampaging duo would blast anything that moved. This is where Wrex would have the most fun and rack up a sizable lead in their little standing bet. Then they would stay in the room or area for a time while Garrus sniped anyone foolish enough to try to retake the area from them. In the beginning Garrus was able to gain some ground back on his Krogan partner. These syndicate thugs weren't all that smart after all.

However, after the two week mark things got really serious as the leadership and the rest of the group arrived to try to root the Spectre out of their home. It really didn't surprise Garrus to be killing so many Krogan and Humans. The Salarians were a surprise though. They didn't tend to be in crime this hardcore. They did die just as easily though.

However, things did get to the point where even Wrex started to complain about all the killing. Well not complain, but the Krogan did comment at increasingly frequent intervals that a real meal would be nice, or a shower. They were men yes. Very manly men but even manly men can get to a point of such foul smelling funk that even other men can't stand the smell.

Eventually Wrex's nagging, but not whining, Krogan battlemasters never whined, got to Garrus. A week of constant bitching finally broke the Spectre and set him in "fuck it mode." Consequences be damned he was going to finish his job and then go home if only to shut Wrex up. His solution; borrow a play out of Wrex's book, blow up the whole freaking place. That's right, Spectre Garrus Vakarian added destroyer of entire asteroids to his list of things he did to piss the Council off.

The duo's agenda when they got back to the Citadel was a well rehearsed script. Shower for 2 hours, get on fresh clothes and then meet at Chora's Den for dances and drinks. Loser paid for dances, but the winner had to pay for the drinks. Garrus's was Turian ale. Wrex's was the human drink prune juice. "A warrior's drink," Wrex had said with pride when Garrus asked him about it.

As was his custom, Garrus didn't even talk to the Council when he got back to the Citadel. He sent in his report and went directly to his quarters and stripped off his armor and took a shower. A very long, hot shower.

He never even noticed his tail or that someone had entered his room after him.

A/N: I know it is short. And the muse was a shower. Have you ever gone a month without a shower? I've gone 8 days and not by choice. Field problems suck but it has convinced me that there is indeed nothing better than a long hot shower after. Give any infantryman the option between a beautiful woman or a shower after days in the field, and the shower wins every time. This just goes to prove that men can think and long about something else apart from women. Sorry girls.

Also, if anyone can tell me who I stole the one line of dialogue from then you are just as bad a trekkie as I.

To answer those that just want Tali to stop questioning her decisions about Garrus, I wish is was that easy. I'm happy to see we live in a world where anyone no matter what they look like or come from can be accepted and loved so easily. Unfortunately, Tali grew up in a very xenophobic culture that purposely isolated itself from the rest of the universe. The Pilgrimage, I think is, more for the finding of resources, then anything else.

Apart from the Asari, there are no mentions of any cross-species romantic relationship in the ME universe. So Tali is going to have issues with accepting the fact that she's attracted to someone not of her own species. Garrus might have some issues, but he grew up exposed to the idea of cross-species relationships so maybe not. So Tali will have some issues, she's making the bigger changes having to go against what she's learned her entire life. And I get to stall and try to come up with a believable way to make everything work.