Yuuki held her breath as she registered the strange and erotic sensation of his fangs moving under his velvety lips. She closed her eyes, waiting for Kaname to profane the ritual...
The antique clock's pendulum swung back and forth, ticking off the seconds with its usual mechanical precision.
Yuuki was dimly aware of it, even now, as she felt the points of Kaname's incisors pressed against her fluttering pulse. She could see them in her mind's eye, exerting just enough pressure to dimple the vulnerable skin of her neck, but not enough to penetrate. As she waited for his fangs to slice into her flesh, Yuuki questioned in growing incoherence, the clock's mundane assertion that time was passing as always when they remained poised there.
Another second droned by when she wondered how Kaname was keeping his viciously sharp fangs in such a precarious position without actually puncturing her flesh, Yuuki's eyes opened in surprise when she felt them sheathed once again behind his lips. She exhaled a breath she didn't realize she was holding.
Kaname drew the tip of his nose up her neck and paused behind her ear to inhale deeply. After a sigh, he murmured into her ear, making her shiver, "No, I won't do this. I'm sorry that you believed that I would." He released his hold on her, dropping his hands to his sides. He clenched them together for moment then relaxed them. She had gone along with his ploy to see how she would react to him forcing her. He had held her still and she had submitted to him, making it so easy to act like a beast. Though it hadn't been a close thing, he had nevertheless wavered for a fraction of second, desperate to taste her fragrant blood and get close to her warmth. No different than Kiryuu.
His mind fell all too easily into a well-worn rut, his obsessive questions and rage-fueled imaginings about what Zero had done to her during the past weeks. How many times? Did he hurt you? Did he slam you against a wall, push you into a corner, drag you into some broom closet smelling of dust and bleach? Kaname gritted his fangs together from the safe position behind Yuuki, as an especially vivid image of Zero throwing Yuuki down her bed, grinding his hips against her as he clamped down on her neck with an animal's greed and viciousness.
But the worst part of this image was that as Zero sucked down her blood was the clear picture of Yuuki moaning in pleasure beneath him.
Of all these questions that repeated with nauseating frequency, there was one that gnawed him with its own sharp fangs. The fear about whether Zero brutalized his love during the 'feedings' (and though he hated to admit it, sometimes more), occurred to him yet again.
Did you like it, Yuuki?
Unaware of Kaname's bitter line of thought, Yuuki pushed herself awkwardly away from his lap, swallowing when she heard an almost inaudible hiss at her movement. She looked down, plucking at her nightgown, and finally asked in a small voice, "Why won't you?"
Silence made her turn her face towards his and her heart clenched at the subtle lines disappointment drawn on his fine features and was forcibly reminded of one of the many differences between Kaname and Zero. Zero's every emotion was conveyed on his face, in his eyes, the timbre of his voice. With Kaname, feeling was tightly controlled behind the calm aristocratic mask.
However, sometimes the mask slipped. His downcast eyes, the thick crescents of his lashes casting long shadows on his cheeks in the flickering candlelight and a tendon in his jaw flexing almost imperceptibly, affected her far more than an obvious display of hurt.
Finally, enunciating every word clearly, he said, "I don't want to be fed by you," He met her gaze for a moment, and as if to prove this point, he retrieved his wine glass filled with man-made blood and took a drink. Turning his countenance away, he trained his eyes on the large wall of intricately etched windows looking out on the dark, well-manicured grounds. He placed his chin on his palm and was silent.
The clock ticked off another precise and logical minute. I'm starting to really hate that clock. Yuuki thought, hugging herself and finally blurting, "But isn't that what I'm doing to you? Why is that okay, Onii-… Kaname-senpai?" Tell me I'm wrong, please!
Without turning from the window, he said in a more gentle tone. "You have just been reawakened to your vampire nature and have been deprived for too long. You will want only fresh blood for some time, so don't feel guilty." He glanced at her from the corner of his eye. "And I want you to come to me."
Yuuki was forgiven, no, not even that, because he didn't see there was anything to forgive and that made it worse. I don't think I'll ever understand why he loves me so much, even now that I know everything, after the way I've been pushing him away lately.
An abrupt desire to crawl back into his lap and wrap her arms around his firm chest was disorientingly strong. She could see herself doing it, pressing her lips to the wound which marked where she had recently bit him, not to feed but to soothe.
A surprisingly rational voice spoke up through her messy mental and contradictory mental state which she had become used to recently. To be with Kaname-sama, that is your wish. It would make him so happy and it's what you want more than anything, so why don't you?
But instead, Yuuki drew her knees up to her chest and folded her arms overtop them. "I'm such a disappointment as a lover, aren't I, Kaname-sen-…Onii-sama?" Laying her head down and closing he eyes, she mumbled, "I just wanted to give you something since lately I have given you nothing."
"Yuuki, look at me," Kaname asked in a tone that was impossible to disobey. Yuuki opened her eyes and forgot to breathe when she saw his face hovering inches from hers, his eyes impossibly dark and fathomless. She thought incoherently she could drown, lose herself entirely, if she gazed into their depths too long.
"I can see I'm going to have to make this very clear to you." He ran his hand distractedly though his hair, inadvertently making it look more unruly than usual and sighed. "I don't want anything from you that that is given out of a feeling of obligation, a payment for something that I offer freely, because that, Yuuki, would cheapen it."
"Vampires bite each other for many reasons and it is almost never a matter of simple hunger… that's what humans are for-" A hint of a smile appeared on his features at her shocked expression. "-except for the Night Class, of course."
"They do it, we do it out, out of boredom, loneliness or desire-," He stopped short and a pained expression contorted his features as he read the recollection of his use of Ruka in Yuuki's blush. "-or other reasons," he finished in a curiously flat voice. Like desperation, Kaname finished silently.
Yuuki watched this expression, forcibly reminded of the night she had seen him with Ruka. He wore the same look of misery now as he did then and she wondered at it.
Kaname, meanwhile, moved away to take another unenthusiastic drink from his slowly emptying glass. He set it down and fixed his regard on the milky blue vein pulsing under the fragile skin of her neck. To Yuuki, the stare was so intense she almost believed she could feel it like a weight on her skin.
Lifting his eyes, his irises now swirling with crimson sparks, she found it difficult to fill her lungs with air and felt the same spreading warmth in the pit of her stomach she had experienced when she drank his blood. He just has to look at me and he can make me feel-
Yuuki derailed her thoughts before they could go further and pulled her eyes away from his hot gaze, dropping her chin. Her already flushed cheeks now felt like they might actually go up in flames when she noticed her dusky nipples clearly visible against the thin cotton of her chemise. She quickly yanked a fistful of fabric away from her chest, a gesture which drew more attention to her aroused state than rather than less. And though she still kept her eyes focused on the vicinity of her feet, she did not miss his slow grin out of her peripheral vision.
"But most of all a vampire craves the bite of their lover," Kaname said huskily, brushing his index finger over Yuuki's cheekbone and moving downward to trace her lips, applying a slight pressure to part them slightly and glide over the smooth surface of her fangs.
Yuuki was too shocked at this strange caress to react, suddenly remembering touching his fangs in much the same way when she was a little girl with no memories, or even speech to help fill the vast silent blankness of her mind. She had been fascinated with the beautiful boy who had saved her.
Yuuki scrunched her eyes closed and her pulse quickened as his finger skated over the curves of her fangs, she reflected that the same touch could be so innocent once and now be incredibly seductive.
He continued, close enough so that she could feel the cool silk of his hair against her ear. "Then it can give sublime pleasure. You know that I do when I feel your fangs, don't you?"
She clutched her hands together on her knees, recalling during one of the evening feedings she had felt the hard ridge of his arousal pressed against her thigh, and after telling herself she needed to stop and failing, she had made the contemptible compromise of being careful where to position herself when she bit him in the future.
Now, still afraid to look at him because she was nervous about what she might see on his face, she kept her eyes safely shut. She didn't know if he wanted an answer, so she settled for a nod, which was all she could trust herself with at the moment.
"When you want me as I want you, when you truly receive me as your lover, I will, Yuuki," he promised in a fervent murmur. He became very still, ceasing his gentle exploration when her eyes opened and she shrank away from him to the other corner of the couch.
Kaname felt unusual tears stinging his eyes and he quickly turned away, placing his palms over them in order to hide his reaction to her rejection. I'm tired. That's why it's harder to control myself around her tonight. He took a few measured breaths, inhaling through his nostrils and exhaling through his mouth, to regain his equilibrium.
When he was satisfied his face was composed and his voice wouldn't shake, he lowered his hands and stated in a peaceful tone, "But since you now find my touch shameful, I won't."
"Because you still aren't sure if it is right to love me." Kaname picked up his glass and swirled the contents before finishing it off. "Because I am your brother." He set it down and gave her a level stare, taking in the tense set of her mouth. "I thought you had accepted it, so what has caused this distance between us?"
Yuuki shook her head, reluctantly opened her mouth to say something and then closed it again. Zero, of course, she answered in her mind, thinking the words she couldn't speak to the man she loved.