"Because you still aren't sure if it is right to love me." Kaname picked up his glass and swirled the contents before finishing it off. "Because I am your brother." He set it down and gave her a level stare, taking in the tense set of her mouth. "I thought you had accepted it, so what has caused this distance between us?"
Yuuki shook her head, reluctantly opened her mouth to say something and then closed it again.
Zero, of course, she answered in her mind, thinking the words she couldn't speak to the man she loved.
Unable to withstand Kaname's steady and intense scrutiny, which gave Yuuki the distinct impression that despite her silence he could read the answer to his question on her over-expressive face, Yuuki rose from the couch. She was keenly aware of his eyes upon her as she padded her way over to the window to try to think of a way to respond to him.
Her wine-red eyes unfocused and hazy, she gripped the frame of the window trying to make sense of the past few weeks, unaware that she was splintering the hardwood due to her abstraction and new vampiric strength.
What has caused the distance? So much has happened… nothing makes sense anymore. It's so hard to figure out who I'm supposed to be, my human upbringing and my vampire beginning… the only common thread is him, the only thing that I can see clearly. He is to me…
And then… that's right, what happened with Zero, made me doubt him.
Three Weeks Earlier
Yuuki leapt off roof, Artemis still clutched in her fist, as she followed Zero. She saw him sprinting away at a great distance into the forest and she put on burst of speed to catch up, ignoring the sounds of battle coming from the surrounding buildings. She kept her attention fixed on his slim form. The vines bursting from his skin were waving like seaweed under water as Yuuki kept pace behind him. She hoped he his haste meant he knew where their target was.
Her respiration light and effortless, she registered a wave of nausea as she thought of who they pursured. Rido, Oji-sama.
She stopped short when she reached a small clearing in the dense trees and saw Zero standing absolutely still in the center, the creeping, thorny vines no longer visible and the Bloody Rose once again in his hand. What are those things? Are they part of his gun? Like the scythe is now part of Artemis?
Picking her way through the snow covered leaves on the ground, she approached his bare back. "Zero? What-"
"Shh," he lowered his head and Yuuki saw a puff of his breath form a cloud in the cold air. He remained that way for a few moments and Yuuki did her best not to shift restlessly on her feet as she waited.
Zero half-turned his head, a deep frown etching his face. "I don't know where he is. I heard him and just now I thought I felt something-"
He clutched his gun, making his knuckles whiten. "-but now it's gone. My attack, I know it didn't finish him, so where is he?"
Zero turned his full attention upon Yuuki, his violet eyes too bright. "He doesn't seem like one to hide, so what's he doing?"
"You're asking me like I know what he's thinking," Yuuki countered, gripping her own weapon tighter.
"Don't all of you Purebloods think alike? he asked, loathing evident in his tone as he gazed upon her new preternatural beauty.
Yuuki took a steadying breath to keep herself from bursting into tears at the coldness in his tone. When she replied, her voice was surprisingly calm to her ears. "Are you going to stand hear and insult me or are we going to try to find him?"
Zero sighed. "No."
"'No', what?" Yuuki asked, exasperation evident in her tone.
"I'm going to find him; you're going to stay here," Zero stated in a flat voice, not meeting her eye.
"No!"
"We don't have time for this," he gritted out.
Yuuki felt a tightness in her chest at being swept aside. "I'm tired of sitting somewhere safe while everyone protects me and suffers. If I don't go with you, then what was the point of staying behind, of not going with-"
"Kaname-sama… ?" His said in derision, as he finished her thought. He took in her tormented expression at the mention of his enemy's name and then continued. "You stayed to protect the school, didn't you? To keep on being a Guardian, right? So, do your job then. I'll find him… it's my job."
He saw she was wavering and he felt a hot bubble of bile burning his throat at his next words, but he kept his voice even. "Stay and protect the Night Class. You know it's what Kuran would want you to do."
"And I said I'd stand at your side. I promised," Yuuki stated calmly.
"And I don't want you to." He saw her stricken expression and felt a painful, but intense exhilaration as he uttered his next words. "Your promises mean nothing now, Yuuki."
He turned away from her without another word and was obscured under the dark canopy of oak trees. A slim line of white and silver in the gloom was visible to her perceptive eyes for a moment before he was gone.
Not even a 'goodbye'. Yuuki's lips trembled and her vision wavered as tears blurred her eyes. Holding her temples, she swiped at her eyes with rough movements. Finally, after taking some deep breaths, she squared her and hurried back towards the Academy grounds. He's right in a way, if the Night Class is lost than the chance for peace will be gone forever. If that's true, then that's definitely where I should be.
As she considered this, leaping down an overgrown path, she was unaware of a pair of disembodied eyes watching her avidly.
One was blue and one was blood-red.
"Yuuki? What's wrong?" Headmaster Kaien Cross questioned, trying to settle himself comfortably under his patchwork quilt. It was difficult; however, given his multitude of lacerations and his fractured wrist.
But his aches and pains seemed unimportant as he watched his adopted daughter's desolate expression from the chair by his bed.
"Huh?" She realized she had been staring off into crackling, fireplace for some time and forced her lips into a cheerful smile. "Nothing, Chair… father." She tentatively touched the back of his injured hand which was lying on the coverlet, his white bandage bright against it. She felt a wave of love for the man who had fought so bravely (and fiercely) for his school and his beloved students. He had turned into a different person during the battle with the invading vampires and hunters, he had seemed younger, stronger and strangely sad.
Now meeting his warm amber eyes, she reflected he had returned to his former paternal guise complete with his old-fashioned spectacles and lumpy cardigan.
"Yuuki, I'm not blind. I can see you're troubled." He winced as he shifted and one of his aches cried in protest. "You can tell me, if you'd like."
"Is it those we lost?" he ventured after a time.
Yuuki thought of the members of Night Class who hadn't been as lucky as the Chairman and gave their lives protecting their Day Class counterparts. None of them had been close to her, but they had been a familiar presence each evening when the gates had swung open from the Night Dorm. She wondered what they had been thinking when they died and how their families felt. She regretted that their beautiful faces were forever lost to world.
She shook her head, knowing that wasn't what the true problem was. "I'm worried," Yuuki finally answered, staring out the window where snowflakes were swirling in the night sky. "It's been days."
"Zero-kun will return, of course." He registered a look of remorse in her luminous eyes and continued, guessing that their parting was difficult.
The Chairman shot her a shrewd glance. "Kaname-kun will, too. He's the most capable young man I've ever met.
Yuuki nodded too quickly and gave him a brief smile. She studied his face for long moments. "Did you…?" She released his hand and made herself busy with smoothing the blanket around him. "Never mind."
"Yes, Yuuki?"
Watching her shake her head, showing her unwillingness to speak further, the injured man leaned over and lifted a basket of yarn off his nightstand. He pulled the needles out and carefully began looping strands of green wool about them. "I do love to knit. It's so relaxing," he announced pleasantly.
Yuuki listened to the comforting sounds of his needles clicking together and watched in fascination as neat woven squares of fabric emerged from the mess of thread, though not as quickly as she knew he was capable due to his injuries. It was commonplace magic that never failed to soothe and delight her.
Clack-clack. "Did you know everything?" Yuuki found herself speaking, not taking her eyes of the whirring needles.
"Yes, I knew," he said, choosing a new color and weaving it into the previous herringbone design. "He told me everything, although with reluctance."
He thought back to the day when Kaname Kuran had arrived on his doorstep with a little girl clinging to his side.
I know who you are and what your relationship is to our family, Hunter Kaien Cross. You said if there was anything you could ever do to repay her you would and this request makes a certain amount of sense given what you took, don't you think?
Despite his youth, Kaname's words and bearing held the unmistakable ring of confidence and authority as he addressed the Hunter with his proposition. But when the Pureblood's eyes shifted to the terrified child watching them blankly, his stern expression disappeared and contorted into one of sorrow. He led her into the next room and and placed her on a squashy sofa and did his best not to see the lost, pleading look on her face as he shut the door on her with a quiet snick.
Kaname had returned his attention to Cross and his next words held a soft, humble note which surprised the ex-Hunter and the man realized despite what Kaname was, who he was, was a young boy who was very much alone and was now praying he could rely on the kindness of a stranger.
So, will you do what I cannot? Will you take care of my sister, please? The quiet dignity of his plea touched Cross and while Kaname waited for an answer the older man's heart opened to him.
"Does it bother you that I never told you?" he asked now as he rummaged through his yarn basket and pushed his glasses up his nose.
"Sometimes," Yuuki answered, not quite meeting his eye, as she plucked a spool out she liked and offered it to a pleased Cross, "when I was younger I would have given anything to have known where I came from… who my family was, if they loved me." She said this slowly, remembering the look on her mother's face when she hummed her a lullaby, her father's rich voice when he read or a story (or better yet made one up for her on the spot), and most clearly, the feel of Kaname's hands rubbing soothing circles on her shaking back when she awoke from a nightmare, all the capering terrors of her dreams disappearing into nothingness as he enfolded her in his arms.
She looked back into the intent eyes of the Chairman, who had stopped weaving and thought, Maybe it was better not to remember. How could I have gotten through those years knowing what I had lost?
Yuuki saw the downward turn of her adoptive father's eyes and knew he was probably guessing what she was thinking. "But most of the time I was too happy to think about it," she said with a small smile.
The Chairman's eyes lit up and he clasped his hands together under his chin in a gesture that would be more familiar on a teenage girl than a grown man. "Thank you, Yuuki." For a second, it looked like he might spring from the bed and display one of his fits of exuberance by hugging her, but since he wasn't well, he instead settled for squeezing her hand for a moment. He took up his needles, a warm smile playing on his lips.
She watched him affectionately, understanding the sudden need to weave an afghan was a clever ploy to make her comfortable enough to speak. "I think I'm going to go for a walk, if you think you don't need anything else."
He flapped his hand at her to go, but as she rose, he cleared his throat. "Yuuki, I was tempted to tell you and came close a few times when you seemed-"
He looked at the ceiling, searching for the word and then returned his attention to her. "-bewildered by the spell placed upon you. I was concerned about your mental state, but I held myself back because the only person who had a right to tell you was Kaname-kun."
Yuuki thought about it and nodded. "Yes, I think I understand that." She crossed the room and heard him call after her to put on a coat and shook her head, smiling. Like I can catch a cold now.
As she stepped out into the night, she was immediately coated with a cold frosting of fine snowflakes, which clung to her hair and thick eyelashes. She folded her arms across her midsection more out of habit than in discomfort and was unable to stop herself from recalling how many times she stood in this very spot in front of the cottage waiting for Kaname to show up for one of his rare visits, bouncing up and down on the balls of her feet in impatience and straining her ears to hear the soft crunch of footsteps on the blanket of snow. It was almost always snowing when he came.
It was snowing then, too. Her thoughts turned to the night Kaname awakened her on the precarious ledge of the Night Dorm. Though half-conscious and experiencing a growing confusion that she knew would have eventually led to madness, she could remember each sensation as if it had been burned upon her mind, the way after gazing at the sun you could still it for a few moments when you shut your eyes, except her memory of his bite didn't fade as the after image of the sun on a retina.
Yuuki choked on a sob, and fell to the cold ground allowing herself to give in to the despair she was trying to hide from Cross and everyone else she had to see on a daily basis around the academy. Holding her knees to her chest, she prayed for the first time she was a little girl. Please, I don't know if you will listen to a creature like me, but if you could, please let Kaname-sama come back… I would do anything to see him again.
She turned her face to the sky and let the snowflakes fall on her face and melt where they mingled with her tears, knowing that it must be the deepest blasphemy for a vampire to ask God for anything. She wasn't entirely sure if she believed in his existence anyway. But we have souls and I don't feel evil and I know Kaname-sama isn't, so is it so wrong to ask for help? she questioned the indifferent sky.
As the snow fell and long moments passed, Yuuki realized she was listening for footfalls and felt incredibly foolish that she believed that her prayer would be answered, that really a part of her was still girl enough to believe if she wished hard enough she could make Kaname appear and race into his warm embrace as she did so many times in the past.
She wiped her eyes on the sleeve of her dress and snorted bitterly at her childishness, but her eyes widened as she heard the sound she wanted to hear most, the scrunch of snow underfoot as someone approached.
Yuuki whipped her head around and saw through the falling snow a tall figure walking towards her down the path of birches. Her heartbeat sped up as she saw his hair framing his face like a dark corona and she stood up and sprinted forward meet him, her happiness and relief lifting the heaviness of her heart to the point that as she ran, she wondered giddily if her feet were touching the ground.
But as she neared the now still man-shape, she stopped herself short, her glad smile vanishing as if it were never there.
"Hello, Yuuki," Zero greeted, holding his torn shirt together at his pale waist. An icy smile twisted his lips. "Sorry I'm not who you expected."
A guilty expression appeared on her face as she wondered how she could have been so mistaken. The wrong face, the wrong hair… his hair's darker because of the snow. That's why I believed... No, it's because I wanted it to be Kaname-sama so much I made myself see him.
"Don't be stupid, of course I'm happy you're back," she said more stiffly than she wanted. She longed to put her arms around him to make his words a lie, but his hostile expression and his cruel words to her at their last meeting, held her at arms length.
"You're a horrible liar, Yuuki." His violet eyes looked through her as if she wasn't there.
"Fine, Zero. So, why don't you tell me what happened?" she asked trying to keep her voice steady.
"I found him, your uncle," he answered after a moment, looking off into the distance.
"And?" She crossed and uncrossed her arms, trying not to appear nervous.
"I killed him." He glanced at her momentarily and saw she was waiting for more. "I shot him and then I ripped his heart out of his chest and then he-″
Yuuki's eyes were huge in her face as she imagined one of the thorny protrusions shattering through Rido's chest cavity and crushing his still beating heart into pulp.
Zero continued, "-he vanished... turned into dust."
He held his breath, clutching his fists at his side.
Yuuki watched him closely as the snowstorm intensified around them. "He's gone then." Relief was evident in her features.
After a quick nod, Zero exhaled and relaxed his hands.
Yuuki shifted her weight from one foot to the other, debating on whether she should try to touch him. Gripping his tattered shirt about him, he looked more lost and alone than she had ever seen him. After a long debate, she decided against it, both because she was afraid he would push her away roughly and because she admitted she would be forcing herself to do it, making it something false.
"Thank you, Zero," she said simply after minute of heavy silence, her eyes shining. "Why don't you come inside with me and get warm?"
His expression thawed momentarily, but he shook his head. He studied Yuuki, his eyes narrowing into cruel slits as his eyes roamed over her painfully beautiful face and traveled downward to take in her small breasts. He was unaware of his eyes shifting from violet to red as he stared at her.
Yuuki caught his glance and fought the urge to cover herself from his gaze and take a step back.
Zero swallowed and released a wavering breath, but then a smile completely devoid of humor appeared on his face. "Kuran should really thank me as soon as he gets back, too."
"What are you talking about?" Yuuki was immediately suspicious, knowing Zero's opinion of Kaname. His hatred was clear in his clipped tone and his omission of an honorific after Kaname's name.
"Because he's finally gotten what he's always wanted. Now, there's nothing to stop your dear brother from taking you whenever he likes," he stated this in a false light voice that could have been as used as easily to talk about the weather.
Yuuki drew in a shocked breath at his abrupt turn in mood and choice in words, her tender feelings for him disappearing as he hurt her in the most effective way possible. "Zero! It isn't like that."
"Heh, that's exactly how it is and you know it, or why would you be so upset?" he asked, pleased to see the uncertainty in her face.
Breathing rapidly, Yuuki's voice trembled. "We're engaged. It isn't the same with Purebloods as it is with humans."
"Oh, really? Listen to yourself, Yuuki. You can't even call it what it really is--incest." He paused for effect. "And you said what we did was unforgiveable."
"Kaname-senpai doesn't see anything wrong with us being together," Yuuki retorted, now crossing her arms defensively.
"You're such a fool, Yuuki." He pressed on, grinning at her stricken face, enjoying the pain he was causing her as much as his own. "If that's true, if Kuran is so pure in his intentions, then why was it necessary for him to force you into being his lover before he told you the truth?"
His smile broadened as he saw her flinch at his words, truly considering them. "Yeah, if he knew you would accept it, why didn't he just tell you first? Instead of just being honest with you he put a price on the information you wanted most. And if that weren't enough, instead of telling you like a person who really cared about you would, he selfishly turned you into a vampire so you wouldn't have a choice but to do as he wanted."
Yuuki knew he was oversimplifying and distorting the events of the past few weeks through his lens of anger and disappointment, but inside a worm of doubt ate away at her calm assurance in Kaname's devotion.
"But he loves me," Yuuki protested with the best argument she had to Zero's compelling logic, but she hated how weak her voice sounded to her ears.
"Maybe," Zero granted, "but how different is his love compared to your Uncle's, Yuuki? It's the kind of sick, twisted love that eats the thing it lusts for until there is nothing left."
Yuuki's hands flew to her face like frightened birds as she remembered her uncle's hot breath in her ear and her revulsion as he confessed his desire for her, for her mother… his sister.
"It's n-not the same!" Two hectic patches of red stood out high on her pale cheeks. "My uncle was evil, Kaname isn't."
Zero felt a deep disgust and frustration at her complete blindness concerning Kaname's character, but he tried to keep his face hard and impassive to the miserable look on her face. "Kuran has already taken away your humanity, and once he returns he'll take your virginity, right?"
Yuuki shook her head in negation, her breath coming in harsh gasps, and then turned on her heel and dashed away as fast as her feet could carry her into the forest, unable to look at Zero's knowing face any longer. She still heard his voice following her and she quickened her pace in order to escape it.
"He's using you, Yuuki. It's what he does best!"
She clapped her hands over her ears to drown him out as she pushed through the thick undergrowth.
Zero watched her progress, his grin fading as he clenched his fangs and fought back salty tears.
A deep, delighted voice spoke up in his mind. You're a good boy, Kiryuu.
Shut up, monster.
Deranged howls of laughter echoed in his thoughts.
Yay, another chapter finished! I think this installment answers some of the questions from the first two (I hope). And it was a lot of fun writing Zero.
I did miss Kaname, however. :( He'll be back soon though. In fact, the next chapter is pretty much done.
Here's a sample. :)
"Yuuki?" Kaname's voice, thicker than usual, floated over from the couch.
She turned and caught her breath at rings of scarlet revolving in mesmerizing, not quite random, patterns in his dark irises. He can smell it. Abruptly removing her finger from her mouth, Yuuki was painfully aware of the sexual act she was miming. She clasped her hands behind her back guiltily, looking like a little girl who was playing with something she shouldn't.
Yuuki saw his nails score the back of the couch as he watched her, and she waited for him to give in and take her blood with which she was cruelly tempting him...
Erm, once again, I didn't get a chance to get this betaed, so hopefully I didn't abuse the English language too badly (I'm sorry if I did).
Most importantly, I want to thank those of you who once again took the time to review this story. I think I thanked everyone individually but if I missed you I apologize and... I thank you now. :D It really does motivate me to keep going. I write for me, but also for you, so hearing that you enjoy it really means a lot.
Thank you so much for reading!