A/N: To make this chapter a little easier to understand, I put dividers between past and present events. Hopefully, it helps. *crosses fingers*
Present
Yuuki rested her head against the cold glass, her warm breath condensing into a fog upon it.
Her last conversation with Zero repeated in her mind, the painful words which filled her with confusion about Kaname's intentions retained all their power now as when he had first uttered them weeks ago. But the shame he made her feel even worse about her love for her brother, whom she knew was--at this moment--watching her from the couch at her back.
She remembered her strained reunion with Kaname, winced, and gripped the window frame tighter. It had been a few days after her encounter with Zero. She had made an effort to avoid him so she had officially moved into Kaname's suite, much to the relief of Kain and Aidou, who were still taking their guard duty of her seriously.
Two Weeks Earlier
Kaname had come striding across the grand entry way, stray snowflakes strewn in his black hair like diamonds. He had scanned the room dismissing the awed refrains of 'Kaname-sama' from the Night Class and fixated on Yuuki, an unrestrained expression of happiness lighting up his face.
"Could you give me a moment?" he had requested at his follower's pleas for information, taking the most direct route for his sister. They had subsided, although Aidou shifted on his feet.
If Kaname noticed he didn't give a sign as he wrapped his arms around Yuuki and pressed his body to her much smaller one as if he couldn't get close enough. He murmured quietly enough into her hair so the others wouldn't hear, "I was so afraid I would never see you again."
She had tentatively slid her arms around his waist, smelling the delicious scent of clean, chilly air clinging his clothing. She inhaled more deeply, also catching the fragrance of night-blooming flowers, sandalwood and something less definable…darker and masculine. Yuuki closed her eyes. His unique scent...he's here, he's alive, she thought disjointedly, relief filling her being.
She felt his lips stroke her hair as he breathed. "My sweet, brave Yuuki." Without thinking about it, she molded herself closer to his lean frame, reveling in his solidity. They both sighed in unison, but when Yuuki felt the urgent press of something growing hard against her abdomen, she swallowed, feeling her knees go weak, as a curious awareness stirred to life between her thighs. "I hope we can be alone soon," Kaname continued in fervent whisper.
Her heart hammered against her breastbone when she dropped her arms awkwardly at her sides. "Kana-Onii-sama, I missed you, too," she muttered into his overcoat. Zero's angry face seemed very clear to her at that moment, though she hadn't seen him in days. The grey-haired hunter's voice rang in her mind, "...when he comes back he'll take your..."
Kaname had pulled back, sensing her hesitation, his hands resting on her shoulders as he studied her face. There was no hint of his previous smile present. Yuuki looked down to escape the force of his gaze and the flicker of sadness she read in his eyes before she dropped her own.
She looked around and blushed as she remembered the she and Kaname were surrounded by a loose circle of waiting vampires. Most of them were studiously looking elsewhere as if they didn't want to seem to be witnessing something private, but Yuuki noticed that Ruka, from her position near Kain, looked especially uncomfortable.
One of the onlookers didn't avert his eyes, however. Aidou was bestowing an unfriendly stare at the young Pureblood, his aquamarine eyes unusually cold. Yuuki shifted her glance away in confusion.
From his side, Kain's eyes flicked to Kaname, testing the emotional water. Not liking the increasingly frosty glare Kaname was directing at Aidou, he shot his cousin a warning glance and then addressed Kaname.
"Kaname-sama? I know you must be tired, but we have much to discuss... the Council and Rido-sama."
He cleared his throat, his usually unruffled demeanor belied by the slight unsteadiness of his tone. "We also thought perhaps Ichijou might return with you. Did you see him?"
Kaname's eyes returned to Yuuki for a moment, who had subtly distanced herself from him. Removing his hands from her shoulders, he answered Kain's last question. "I saw Ichijou." He paused, speaking more to himself than Kain, "I don't know if he will return."
Kain digested this in silence, then finally stated in flat voice, "Your uncle is gone."
"Yes, I know," Kaname answered, his attention returning to Yuuki when she hugged herself. "I would have sensed him if were here." Kain was curious about this last remark but remained quiet, a habit he wished Aidou would practice more often.
"And I spoke to Kiryuu," Kaname finished, not missing Yuuki's flinch at hearing his name.
He saw from the corner of his eyes Aidou opening his mouth to say something, but restrained him with an upraised palm. "I think I will retire. We can discuss this later, if you wish."
Kaname held out his hand, and fixed Yuuki with a meaningful stare.
Yuuki hesitated briefly before taking it and she felt a film of sweat forming on her forehead as he led her up the curving staircase to his suite.
Present
As Yuuki recalled what had happened in his bedroom, a single tear slipped from beneath her eyelid and her grip on the window frame tightened convulsively as the images played out in her mind.
She hissed in surprise when she felt a large splinter pricked her index finger and sucked at the fat bead of blood welling up automatically.
"Yuuki?" Kaname's voice, thicker than usual, seemed to float from the direction of the couch.
She turned and caught her breath at rings of scarlet revolving in mesmerizing--not quite random--patterns in his dark irises.
He can smell it.
Abruptly removing her finger from her mouth, Yuuki was painfully aware of the sexual act she was miming. She clasped her hands behind her back guiltily, looking like a little girl who was playing with something she shouldn't.
Yuuki saw his nails score the back of the couch as he watched her, and she waited for him to give in and take her blood with which she was cruelly tempting him. She held onto window, now in order to brace herself, as she saw him rise and stalk over to where she was standing, his fangs visibly elongated over his lips making his normally gentle face look cruel and predatory…terrible and beautiful.
Yuuki kept herself still as he circled her wrist and bent over her wounded finger, feeling his breath bathing it as he inhaled and exhaled. Closing her eyes, she felt the tip of his tongue touch her skin and then glide over it while he made a deep sound in the back of his throat.
She felt the tip of his incisor and closed her eyes, knowing well that his bite would come next…but her eyes flew open in surprise when she instead felt the splinter delicately pulled out of her flesh with his fangs.
Yuuki stared at the top his head, which was still bowed over her hand, in wide-eyed amazement. He produced a pristine white handkerchief from his pocket and carefully wrapped her finger though the cut was already healing thanks to all of his potent blood she been drinking lately. It made her painfully aware of the angry looking wound on his neck.
He fastened the bandage with a tidy knot and straightened, turning his eyes upon her, where the previous fire had burned down to embers. "There, all better." He stroked her palm with his thumb briefly before he released her hand.
"I'm sorry, Kaname- Onii-sama," Yuuki said, her voice quavering.
"For what?" he asked, his eyebrows rising in perfect arches.
She shifted and covered her face.
He placed his hands on hers and removed them, holding them for moment before letting go, when she didn't reply. "Are you sorry about the window, or because you don't trust me?"
He shook his head at her silence, and ran his fingers through his hair in his familiar self-soothing gesture at her silence. "What did you think I was going to do to you just now?" he finally asked, his face a study in misery.
"I… don't know." Yuuki replied, her voice cracking entirely on the last word.
"Yes, you do. You think that I was going to attack you because you pricked your finger." He shook his head slowly. "Or… what? Something worse? Kiss you? Try to make love to you? Now, that would be really unforgiveable, wouldn't it?"
Kaname felt despair filling his being like black water at her shocked silence. Nothing he had done in the past few weeks to gain her faith had worked, sharing his quarters with the woman he desired while keeping discreetly distant had been a quiet exercise in torture, but he had accepted it as necessary in order for her to move beyond whatever fears she had.
He found it ironic that after everything they had shared before his absence, that they were now truly living as brother and sister.
The only time they shared any intimacy was her furtive, shame-filled feedings.
He stared out the abused window, remembering her tentative welcome after his annihilation of the Council and how he had desperately tried to hide his distress. His feigned expression of calm assurance had taken all of his considerable willpower to maintain in front of the onlookers and even more so for Yuuki. It had gone far beyond hurt.
He had been shattered.
Two Weeks Earlier
But fresh from his return from the council, he couldn't believe that the closeness they had finally achieved before he had departed was now gone. He had taken her to his room, hoping she could relax enough away from the watchful eyes of his followers to tell him what was wrong, but to each of his questions she had only stammered, growing more and more agitated.
She had finally burst into hysterical tears and he had gathered her into his arms, trying to ignore her shaking, believing if he held her long enough she would calm down, but she had remained tense and rigid against him. He had pulled back, trying to control his racing emotions when she flinched away from him, her fearful dazed look reminding him of rabbit in a snare. He hesitated before sinking to his knees in a fluid motion and laid his head on her lap in exhaustion.
He felt her gasp of surprise and then the tension leaving her body, as he knelt at her feet, mutely asking for her to trust him. Sighing, he let his eyes slide shut as her small fingers smoothed his hair. Her hands moved lower and hesitantly stroked his neck and shoulders, stopping briefly before she started lightly massaging them, kneading the taut muscles.
It was all the invitation Kaname's weary, desiring heart needed. He had placed his hands on her knees, gently coaxing them apart so he could insinuate himself closer. He stared into her eyes, so much like his own, for a long moment before he brushed a soft kiss on her lips.
She had let him, her lips pliant and tasting of her drying tears beneath his, parting them when his tongue swept across them, pleading for entrance. He had felt exaltation when the tips of their tongues had tentatively touched; thinking with difficulty through the red haze of his desire that he should have kissed her first, it would have made things much simpler.
But then she had drawn back, an unmistakable look of fear in her tight features.
And then she had wiped her lips, as if to wipe away the kiss. He didn't think she did it consciously, but it had made him feel deeply ashamed for trying.
Present
She made me feel filthy for loving her. He thought now, staring out the window with unseeing eyes.
Kaname took a deep breath despite the tightness in his chest and gazed upon Yuuki's streaming eyes, willing himself not to be moved and failing miserably. But he forced his expression into cool, neutral lines. "I don't know what happened to change your feelings toward me while I was gone, although I can guess."
Her mouth opened in a surprised 'o' at the turn of his words. He knows what Zero said. "Kaname-sen-…Onii-sama-"
Kaname held up his hand before she offered a defense, or--even worse--started lying for Zero. His hatred towards the vampire hunter twisted and writhed in his gut and he felt the tight reign he kept on his anger slipping.
Kaname relaxed slightly when she subsided. He said after a moment, "It doesn't matter, does it? Because if the doubt wasn't there to begin with, nothing anyone could say would change your feelings towards me. Just listen to yourself, Yuuki. You're so confused you cannot even figure out what to call me."
He waited counting of the seconds his clock dutifully measured, as she wrung her hands and finally nodded.
Kaname's heart thudded dully in his chest at his next words. To have seen a glimpse of what it could have been like with his love to have it yanked away was far worse than never knowing, of hiding in the shadows and wondering. "Yuuki, if you trust me so little. If you find me so-"
He swallowed and hesitated as she shook her head violently enough to make her hair fly, but forced himself to continue. "-repulsive, then I think it would be best if-"
Kaname's eyes widened when her hand shot forward and covered his mouth. "Please don't say it."
"I know I don't have the right to ask but please, d-don't make me-″ Yuuki choked out, her hand dropping to her side.
Kaname inhaled sharply as he watched her mouth work and her eyes fill and overflow. After a moment, her head slumped against his frame as she buried his face in his chest, her hot tears quickly soaking into his shirt.
A/N again: Phew, sorry about the delay on the update. I have been crazy busy and to top it off I accidently deleted the file which contained this chapter from my hard drive so I had to start from scratch. That really sucked. I know I left this off in mid-emotional breakdown and I apologize for that but I wanted to get something up before I got completely discouraged about my lack of updates.
But here's the good news: This is only the first half of this chapter. I didn't post the rest because it still needs work and it was turning into a book in itself. Very soon (I really, really hope) I'll have the rest posted. To those of you who are wondering where the M rated content is, it will start rearing it's head more in the next chapter and progress from there. Believe me, I'm impatient, too.
Thank you time. :D
First, to Kate, thank you so much for taking time from your busy schedule to look this chapter over for me and give me some great suggestions. :D
Second, I don't like singling reviewers out because every review, I cherish, but I have to thank you, Sagakure, for your support of each chapter. You do so much for the VK community so it really touches me that you take the time review my story. Thank you so much for that and everything you do. *bows*
Third, there were some anonymous reviewers who left some amazing reviews but I feel really bad that I can't thank you personally because there is no way for me to reply. I make it a point to thank each reviewer so I feel like you were shafted. So to 'mermaid' and 'just a fan', I thank you profusely for amazing words. I was really touched.
Fourth, I once again thank ALL who took time to review. You make my day and keep me motivated to continue. You make this all worth while, actually. :D :D
Til next time, much love, Arret.