Characters: Kirk, McCoy, Sulu. With appearances by practically everyone else.

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THE FIRST THANKSGIVING - as told by James T. Kirk

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"The very first Thanksgiving," Jim starts his story as his friends and crew begin to fill their plates. "Was held in Plymouth in what would later be the colony, and then later still the state, of Virgina in the early 1600's. So, jeez, over 500 years ago."

Jim pauses here to look around the table. It's a tight squeeze but they've managed to make enough space in the Briefing Room for everyone. The briefing table can fit his senior staff comfortably but with over twice that many people sitting around the table now, it's a bit crowded. Only a few of those present grew up in the area of the North American continent that used to make up the United States of America. Most of the rest are from different parts of the world and a few are from other planets entirely. Jim has been looking forward to sharing this old American tradition with them. And he knows Sulu and Bones, despite his grumbling, have been excited for this night as well.

"The Pilgrims had been in the area for about two years and they were in real bad shape. Their first harvest had been total shit-"

"Jim. Is this a Thanksgiving dinner or a bar?" Bones says, scooping a generous amount of mashed potatoes onto his plate and then waving the spoon under Jim's nose in a menacing manner. "No cussin' at the table."

"Their first harvest wasn't good," Jim says with emphasis. When Bones nods his approval he continues. "The Indian tribe in that area-"

"Captain-"

"Jim, Spock. We're off duty."

"... Jim. I was under the impression that this event took place on the North American continent." Spock says, one eyebrow quirked. "However, you mention Indians. The former country of India, if I recall accurately, was on the continent of Asia. Would you please clarify?"

"They weren't actually Indians, Spock." Uhura says, looking at Jim, highly amused.

"Right, they were Native Americans. The people who lived there before the European settlers came." Jim explains. He waves his hand as he tries to clarify. "But people called them Indians because, um..."

"Because Columbus was a moron." Bones says, "And all the rest that came after weren't any better."

"What happened to no cussing?"

"'Moron' ain't a cuss."

"I'm unfamiliar with the individual named Columbus." Spock interjects.

"Oh, well, he's the guy who discovered America." Jim supplies offhandedly.

There's a moment as the table processes this statement.

"Wait... how does that work?" Gaila says, a fork full of cranberry sauce paused in front of her mouth.

"I concur," Spock adds, "If there were people living on the continent before his arrival, how can it be said that Columbus discovered it? Surely the Native Americans must have noted it's existence prior to his arrival."

"Nyet!" Chekov says, grinning over his glass of wine, "It was discovered by the Russians!"

The table dissolves into laughter. Jim raises his glass to the ensign. Trust the young navigator to bring humor to an otherwise embarrassing conversation.

"Yeah, okay. Columbus didn't discover America, but he's the first European who went there so-"

"No, it was the Norse." Chapel says, buttering a roll. "In the 10th century. They landed in Canada."

"What, the Vikings?" Jim asks.

"Nyet! The Russians, over the Bering Straight!"

"But surely the Native Americans-"

"Oh my God!" Sulu shouts, laughing. "This is so crazy, but Pavel's right!"

"Thank you."

"How do you figure, lad?" Scotty speaks for the first time. Until this point he's been watching the conversation like it was a particularly entertaining game of rugby.

"Most of the people who first migrated to America came over the Bering land bridge, from Russia to Alaska." Sulu explains. Chekov takes the opportunity to steal something off his plate and pop it in his mouth. "I mean, it wasn't Russia back then but that's where they were coming from, mostly. There were also people island hopping and traveling along the coasts in rafts and canoe like things from the Pacific islands but – did you just eat my pickle?"

"All right, all right! Let's get back to the story, okay?" When everyone has quieted down Jim continues where he left off. "Okay, so the first harvest was bad because a lot of their crops died. So the local Indians, Native Americans, decided to help them out. They told the Pilgrims how to raise corn and fertilize their crops-"

"Jim-"

"Yeah, okay. What is it this time?"

"Why did these Pilgrims travel to a location far from the aid of their own people without a proper understanding of basic agricultural techniques?" Spock asks, taking his first bite of the baked stuffing. He blinks at it, chewing slowly then takes another bite.

"I don't know-"

"And I want to know how they told them all these things." Gaila adds, serving herself some more sweet corn. "They couldn't have spoken the same languages, not on Earth and back then."

"Squanto translated!" Jim jumps on that question, relieved that he knows the answer. "He was a chief and he knew English-"

"How?" Uhura says, directing her full and undivided attention at Jim. He feels himself gaping at her like a fish. He doesn't know.

"He wasn't a chief, James." Comes the New England accent of Lieutenant Commander Maedde from down the table. She smiles at him indulgently, the low lighting softening her laugh lines and highlighting the white in her hair. "And his name was Tisquantum. He and some others from his town were kidnapped by explorers about 10 or 15 years prior and taken back to Europe. He learned English while there and managed to get back, by talking his way onto an expedition ship to somewhere in New England I believe, and then walking the rest of the way on foot."

"Right. All the experts need to be quiet now," Jim says holding up his hands, palms out. "Your historical accuracy is messing with the story."

"So, you don't want to know why the crops failed?" Patrick Matthew, the head of Xeno-Biology, asks innocently (though Jim has come to think, after getting to know Scotty, that it's really impossible to sound innocent with a Scottish accent) while investigating the contents of the scalloped oyster dish.

"Yes-"

"Later!" Jim says firmly, then continues the narrative before anyone can interrupt. "So Squanto -Tisquantum- and his friends helped the Pilgrims with their crops the second year and when they got around to harvesting they had a lot more to eat. So they had a feast to celebrate! And everybody brought something for the feast and they all ate lots of turkey and mashed potatoes and pumpkin pie. The end!"

"Well, not potatoes. They weren't a European staple until the mid 1700's and- " Matthew manages to get out before Jim pegs him with a bread roll.

"Fascinating..."

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