Characters: Kirk, McCoy, Sulu. With appearances by practically everyone else.

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PIE AND CARDS

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"May I!" Chapel shouts, slamming her hand down on the table. Janice Rand and Albert Neullar from Astrophysics echo the same words just milliseconds after.

"Jim, you moron! If you're going to feed out cards, at least give me something I want." Bones shakes his head, completely exasperated, then snatches the card up off the discard pile. "No you may not. You're doing too well by half."

"If I'd known you'd be this abusive I never would have agreed to this." Jim grumbles, shooting Bones a dirty look. He's not alone in this. Chapel is giving Bones the stink eye from across the table.

They've moved their Thanksgiving celebration to a nearby rec-room for dessert and a game of cards. Jim had assumed it would be poker of some kind but when they'd finished lining the pies up on a side table Chapel had pulled out half a dozen decks of cards and enlisted Bones and M'Benga (who had bigger hands) to shuffle as she explained the rules. It was called Continental Rummy or 'May I', after the most common phrase heard during play (a close second being: Dammit Jim! Quit throwing play cards!). At some point in history, Chapel claimed, it had been a popular game among society ladies, who played it while their husbands retired to drink liquor and smoke cigars.

The table explodes with groans and cursing as Chekov lays out his three sets and tosses a nine of spades into the discard pile. He's the fifth to go down. The spectators among the group dole out points for the most creative profanity. Bones, in this at least, is winning hands down.

This game has come a long way since the good old days Jim thinks, Or, if it hasn't, the society men were defiantly missing out.

"Games of cards are a traditional activity of this holiday?" Spock asks as play continues. He, surprisingly, hasn't been doing very well. It's possible he just doesn't have the sort of petty malice required to really kick ass at this game. Or the four-letter vocabulary.

"In some families." Sulu says. He's opted out of playing in favor of nursing a beer and watching over Chekov's shoulder. "My Dad and my sisters and I usually go out sailing if the weather's good. But that's just us."

"Most people go to football games or watch them on the holo." Bones says, frowning at his cards. "I'm looking forward to the Egg Bowl myself."

"Is it traditional to consume a dish of calcium encased zygotes while watching the athletic contest?" Spock asks, drawing a card. He considers it for a moment before adding it to his hand.

"..." Bones stares at Spock over his fan of cards. "Are you shittin' me?"

"It's the name of the contest," Jim interjects before Spock can respond to that. "It's a rivalry between universities. Rival teams in a state play each other as the last game of the season, on or after Thanksgiving. All the old states have a big rivalry game and they've usually got some kind of name to go with it. Mississippi has the Egg Bowl, Florida has the Sunshine Showdown-"

"There's the Iron Bowl in Alabama." Bones says, watching as Uhura draws a card. "And the Lone Star Showdown in Texas."

"There's the Apple Bowl up in Washington, my cousin goes to school there." Rand says tapping her cards impatiently. "It's your turn, Captain."

"Jim." He replies, only half paying attention. What he really needs is a seven of clubs. He pulls a card from the deck, takes a peek and tosses it right onto the discard pile. It's a queen of hearts. "There's parades the day after too. I loved those when I was little."

"I've changed my mind, Jim." Bones says, snatching up the queen of hearts. "You're my new favorite person."

"Son of a-" The rest is cut off by the chorus of groans as Bones goes down (Uhura is starting to catch up to Bones' massive tally, getting bonus points for combining interesting curses from non-human languages).

"Black Friday!" Chapel coos when play resumes. "Now that's the real Thanksgiving competition."

"Black Friday, eh?" Scotty adds another queen to Bones' first set. The entire table sighs in relief when he discards a six of diamonds from his last three cards instead of playing out. "Now tha's an ominous name, right enough."

"Indeed. The color black is often used in North American societies to indicate strife and disaster." Spock comments, turning toward Chapel. "What sort of contest came to warrant such a name?"

"It must be particularly blood thirsty," Gaila says, looking up from her game of Kadis-kot with Keenser.

"Oh, definitely." Rand smiles.

"A particularly vehement set of rivals?" Spock asks.

"More of a free-for-all really." Chapel deadpans. "The rules are practically non-existent and the scoring is very detailed."

"Wow, really?" Gaila claps her hands enthusiastically.

"Why haven' I heard o' this game?" Scotty asks. "It sounds excitin'."

"Oh, for the love of- " Bones says, rolling his eyes. "It's just shopping!"

"Even better!" Gaila cries.

"The acquisition of material wealth? How can such an activity be considered to be a contest of skill and ruthless intent?"

"You've never been to a department store, have you?" Rand arches a wry eyebrow.

"Or Walmart." Chapel adds.

"Oh Walmart's the worst!" Rand groans. "It's barbaric."

"It's shopping!"

"I'd rather fight a horde of Klingons, barehanded and blindfolded than go to Walmart on Black Friday."

There's a moment of silence following this.

"Sulu?"

"Shut it."

"You know, we've still got that Klingon officer in the brig. You could-"

"Shut it, Kirk! Those little old ladies are fucking scary and they've got pointy elbows."

"Did your Mom and Aunts drag you out with them when you were little?" Maedde asks sympathetically from where she's relaxing on a recliner.

"Yes! Thank you."

"That's unfortunate," she replies, "Men really don't have the stomach necessary for Black Friday. That's why we leave them at home."

"How does the gastro-intestinal track factor into the activity?" Spock asks.

"Excuse me?" Bones sounds insulted.

"Please, Leonard." Chapel says. "You're too much of a gentlemen -don't argue, we all know it's true- you'd get plowed into the ground."

"Pie!" Jim shouts over the noise. "I think we've all worked up an appetite by now."

"Oh!" Sulu jumps up, heading toward the pie table. "Okay, guys! It's time for my family's tradition... Mystery Pie!"

"What is mysterious about pie?" Chekov asks, stashing his remaining cards in a pocket. He doesn't look particularly upset that they've stopped play on his turn.

"Well, I haven't told anyone what's in it." Sulu says. He uncovers his pie and starts to cut thin slices, placing them each on a napkin as he explains. "My Mom makes one pie every year, along with the normal pies, that only she knows the contents of. Before we dig into the others, everyone has to take a bite of the Mystery Pie and then guess what it's made of."

"Ohhh, that sounds like fun." Gaila says, getting up to help pass out the slices.

"It is fun." Sulu says, walking around the table, handing out pie and forks. "I'm actually really excited. Mom never tells anyone what she's making, but since I'm out in space she sent me the recipe so I could make it for my friends."

It doesn't take long before everyone has a small slice. It looks a bit like pumpkin pie, but bleached out to a light gray-tan kind of color. It gets a few odd looks but everyone takes a fork full and puts it in their mouth, half laughing because synchronized pie eating looks pretty ridiculous. Murmurs of interest pop up around the table for a few seconds before the vaguely pleased sounds morph into the 'mmm's and 'uhm's used everywhere by people forcing themselves not to spit out a friend's proud culinary creation.

"Well Sulu..." Bones says after swallowing his piece. Chekov seems to have swallowed his as well. They both deserve medals. "I can honestly say I have no idea what this is."

The room is filled with the sounds of those agreeing without using words while at the same time hoping no one has noticed that they have yet to swallow their own bites.

"It's okay guys," Sulu says, swallowing his own mouthful with a tortured expression. "You can spit it out. It's really bad."

The wave of relief that spreads throughout the room is practically tangible.

"What the hell kinda pie was that?" Giotto asks after the napkins have been disposed of.

"Parsnip." Sulu says.

"Parsnip?"

"Yeah, I'm not sure what I was thinking. It's just that Mom's recipes are usually so good!"

"Well, don't worry about it, Sulu. Janice and I've made pumpkin, apple and pecan pies so dessert isn't a total bust."

"You made pecan pie?" Bones sounds almost teary.

"I heard about the casserole-" Chapel starts.

"The entire ship has heard about the casserole."

"-So I made sure to do pecan especially for you." Chapel finishes.

"Bless you, woman. I take back every bad thing I've ever said about you."

"And what would that be?"

"Nothing. You're a golden-haired goddess. Give me the pie."

"Who's turn is it?" Scotty asks. "We should make a note if we're going to start in on the pie."

"Mine. But do not bother with the note." Chekov says, grinning before he even pulls his next card. The table watches, cursing futilely, as he places his last three cards face up on the table.

"How the hell are you doing that?" Jim gapes at the cards. They all play somewhere on the table. "This is the forth round and you've played out on three of them!"

"I am, how do you say, counting cards?"

"But we're using six decks!"

"Da." Chekov says, getting up to grab what's left of the Parsnip pie. "Holding all that in my head? Is good practice for navigation."

Then he digs into the pie with every sign of enjoyment.

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