She wasn't sure if he'd left for good, but she assumed as much when the first month had passed.

The second month she knew nothing but heartache and pain. She hadn't wept, only sat in the cold day after day, staring out at the gates until her skin was blue and Leliana had to bring her inside.

Baby slept by her side nightly and she took comfort in his love and affection.

The third month she decided to get out of bed and join humanity. She wasn't sure what snapped inside, but something did. She didn't begrudge herself a little wallowing, she'd earned it, after all. "That's that then I suppose" and she got up to see her friends.

She met Leliana in the guest quarters and began packing her a bag.

"I know you're itching to be on the road, Leli, I'm ok now. Thank you for staying so long"

Leli hugged her friend tightly "I shall come back in a few months time. Baby will keep you company in the meantime"

Zev and Leli left and she was immediately joined by Callie. "Thank the Maker they're gone. I never got so many lewd comments and looks in one day from both a man and a woman!"

"They're all talk, unless you encourage them" Laughed Aerowena tucking her arm in her friend's. "You have made yourself rather scarce, haven't you?"

"I've done no such thing, you've just not paid anyone a whit of attention since…" her voice trailed off as if reluctant to finish.

"Since I was so ceremoniously dumped after offering myself on a silver platter?" she arched a brow and smiled.

"Yes, quite so. Shall we chuck it up to his loss and go and practice sword play or something scandalous?"

"Callie, mages don't need a sword. We simply need a bit of 'oomph'."

Callie eyed her warily. "I've felt your bit of 'oomph' and it feels more like a 'pow', emphasis on the –ow."

"Callie," she stopped and turned her friend to look at her, "I've got to tell you something dreadful and it may end our friendship, but I must tell you before you find out on your own"

Callie harrumphed and grabbed both of Aerowena's hands "Is it that you can practice blood magic, Wena?"

Aerowena's eyes grew the size of saucers "But… you knew?"

"My dear, we all knew. You can't hide that type of magic, it seeps into every cast you do. It wasn't as if it was good news, but it was quite obvious you weren't insane when you brought Cullen here. Now, were you about to use it on me then? Or was there some other reason you wished to bring it up?" Callie joked but then grew serious when her friend didn't smile. "Wena?" she asked with trepidation.

"Oh, goodness no! "Aerowena dismissed with a wave of her hand, "I simply need to practice with it and well…you'd be sure to find out you know. I can't have this power and not know how to use it. It's dangerous. And while Cullen was here…" her voice trailed off.

"Say no more, I have the perfect room for you"

Aerowena studied the wall where her blood had spurted. "I'm quite sure they didn't mean that to happen" she muttered to herself. How on earth were you supposed to aim?

She'd come here every day for six weeks now and still hadn't the hang of most of the blood magic spells. Certain spells, it seemed, were like acid when her blood was spilled. Others seemed to do nothing. She had scabs and cuts up and down her arms as well as her fingers, but none of them gave her the answers she sought.

She cut her arm again and held the knife. Drawing inside herself she began to channel the blood magic. Just as the dagger began to heat, the door flew open.

Cullen stood there with a smile and then stopped, abruptly, as the blood drained from his face. He took in the glowing, dripping knife in her hand. Her hair was disheveled and the front of her gown was covered in streaks of blood. She dropped the knife and let her arms fall at her side. She stood there letting it drip down her arm and hit the floor. It was the only sound in the room for what seemed like eternity.

Drip. Drip. Drip.

"Blood mage" Cullen snarled.

She felt like a deer with a hunter's arrow pointed at her. He came at her and lifted her arms. She couldn't hide the evidence of hundreds of cuts. Some healed and scabbed, some were scarred. She felt as betrayer and innocent all at once. "Cullen, Wardens don't disallow blood magic" She tried to reason, but her voice was shaky. "I had to learn, you see. I have the knowledge but if I don't learn it, then I might hurt someone." She begged him with her eyes.

"Wena" Callie's voice came breathless from the hall. She saw Cullen grasping Aerowena's upturned arms. Aerowena looked desperate and terrified. "Cullen, you're no longer a Templar. She is a Grey Warden, a senior Grey Warden no less." Callie warned.

"You knew?" He shouted, holding Aerowena's arms out as evidence.

"Yes, I knew from the beginning. What did you think? That she wouldn't do everything she had to do? That she would walk into a tower without the knowledge she needed to walk out? Are you a blind fool to see that she made worse choices than learning blood magic?"

He threw her hands down and backed away from her. His face was filled with disgust and fury. "And to think I came here to…to." He stopped himself and just stared at her, like he had no idea who she was.

"You don't really, you know. You don't know who I am." She fell back against the wall, sank to floor and put her arms around her knees. Thank the Maker she wasn't crying, that would be her undoing.

"You think you know me, but you're remembering a fantasy." She began to rock back and forth against the wall. "I can flirt like her and laugh like her. I can even play the seductress like her, but I can't let go, like her."

"One after another the world threw responsibility on my shoulders. Save the king Aerowena, kill the king Aerowena, save the boy Aerowena, kill the mage Aerowena" She was hysterical now. "Everyone will die if you don't choose Aerowena. It's up to you Aerowena; it's all up to you!" Her voice was shrill and terrifying, even to her own ears, but she couldn't stop. She got up and rounded on him. "When's it someone else's turn to choose? When does everyone stop pointing at Aerowena, deciding what's right or wrong? Let them decide what's right and wrong for a change. But no, that's too easy because then they wouldn't get to judge me." she pounded her chest.

"Well it's not the world anymore that needs saving, Cullen. I need saving. You were supposed to save me. When do I get saved?"

Then she fairly flew out of the room.