You guys are lucky! Two updates of the same fic in one day! But my vacation got the musi in gear so they're working overtime. :) Thank you for the reviews and reading *hugs*
Death to Het
Chapter 6: The Rescue Part 2
"Never fear, Mysterio is here!" Rey shouted as he ran through the het Hardy's yard followed by Kofi.
"And Kofi be here too mon." The Jamaican put in.
"Why is slash Kofi here?" Randy asked peering at the handsome, dark-skinned, man.
"Well please believe me, I don't mean to go against Shawn's plans. But I was thinking if there's a lot of people in la casa de Hardy then it might be good to have more than one person go down the chimney, and Kofi's thin enough to fit."
Shawn approved and he and Hunter boosted the luchador onto the Hardy's roof.
"Booyaka!" Rey shouted dancing happily on the roof.
"Okay, come on Kofi up we go." Said Shawn linking his hands with Hunters so Kofi could get a boost up.
"No mon, I got this." In one bound Kofi leaped upwards and landed on the very peak of the roof and leaned against the chimney looking down on his slash friends with a smirk.
"How did he do that?" Slash Matt asked in awe as he joined the others in peering up at Kofi.
"Be careful!" Shawn called to the both of them as Rey dangled his legs down into the chimney. Kofi nodded and flashed Shawn and the others a big grin. He peered down into the darkness of the chimney.
"You sure you con make it mon?"
"Si." Rey answered and shimmied down the chimney.
It was so dark and nasty that it was all Rey could do to keep from sneezing uncontrollably. He found himself wondering if this was how Hornswoggle got sooty marks on his face. Maybe he led a secret second life as a chimney crawler…whatever the hell that is.
"How you be doin' down there!" Kofi called. Rey looked up to see Kofi's face framed in the square of light that was the opening of the chimney.
"I'm okay…just trying to…" Rey stopped realizing something was blocking his way. He managed to move enough so he could reach down to see what it was and when he pulled on the object it came loose in his hands. He brought it to his face to see what it was in the darkness. It was a hat, but not just any hat. It was red and trimmed in white fur. Rey's eyes widened in alarm at what this must have meant. "Holy guacamole!"
Despite having the hat in hand he found his way still blocked and prodded the roadblock with his foot. There was a rustling sound and movement beneath him and Rey almost shrieked when a dirty blackened face turned up towards him with pleading blue eyes. Rey beheld the face—the cheeks had once been rosy and jolly, the nose had once been like a cherry by which the man would have laid his finger beside, and his beard had once been white as snow but was now stained grew and black.
"Sa-Santa?" Rey asked incredulously. "Hm….Feliz Navidad?"
"Ho-ho-help me!" The once jolly old elf cried dismally.
"But how…how long have you been in here?"
"I lost track of time. My watch took a lickin' and stopped its tickin'." Santa replied with a frown.
"But how do all the little niños—children—get their Christmas gifts if you've been stuck in the Hardy's chimney?"
Santa gave a good natured ho-ho laugh.
"Slash Santa has taken over for me."
Rey was at a loss for words. He had no idea that there was such a thing as a slash Santa. But finally he did think of a very good question to ask.
"So who is slash Santa's lover?"
"The Gingerbread man. They're like that." Het Santa said before grumbling. "Well if I could move my arms I would show you my fingers crossed to indicate that slash Santa and the Gingerbread man are close. Ha-ho!"
"Hm, the Gingerbread man?"
"Yes. Don't the gum-drop buttons give him away? I always thought he was kind of…" Santa cursed. "Damn it, well once again. If I could move my arms you would see my wrist flicking. Y'know…it's not very helpful to talk with your hands whilst wedged in a chimney."
Rey agreed with a nod of his head.
"Yo Rey mon, you be in the house yet?" Kofi called down once more. "Shawn be gettin' impatient and Huntah be wantin' to blow the place to hell. They be makin' me crazy!"
"We have a big problem amigo! Santa is stuck in the chimney!" Rey replied to Kofi who blinked back in disbelief.
"Shawn, the big man in red be caught in the chimney!" Kofi hollered down from the roof. Shawn furrowed his brows together in confusion.
"What? How did Kane get into the chimney?"
"Not Kane mon, Santa Claus!" Obviously they could not get into the house that way. Shawn rubbed at his chin in thought. "So what we be goin' to do nex'?"
"BOMB!" Hunter bellowed pumping his fist into the air in a wild celebration of victory.
"Wait, why can't we just use Sledgey?" Slash Jeff asked eyeing Hunter suspiciously. Hunter cast his eyes downwards in shame and poked at a stone with the toe of his shoe.
"Well erm…see…I had to pawn Sledgey."
"Not Sledgey!"
"Yep. It's a long story. Ask Shawn about it sometime." Hunter said glaring at his boyfriend. Shawn rolled his eyes.
"Just never mind about Sledgey. Hunt, we'll try your bomb." Shawn said to Hunter who immediately grabbed Randy and dragged the young man along with him to go to the store and get supplies.
"Where are we going?" Randy asked stumbling after Hunter. "Can you buy bomb-supplies at Wal-Mart?"
"No. We go to BOSS!" Hunter replied with a maniacal laugh.
"Boss? What's that?" Randy tried to figure out the acronym along with the reason Hunt had pulled him along.
"Bomb Outlet Super-Store." Hunter said with a 'tsk' and an eye roll. "Everyone knows that."
In the basement Jeff was having way too much fun carving up slash Morrison. He was sure that at any moment he was going to cave and give in to his despair and wish himself away. Slash Miz was no longer in any state of mind to keep up his encouragements to his chained and tormented lover. Miz rocked back and forth causing the chain on his arm that kept him bound to the water heater to jangle.
"Just a spoon full of sugar helps the medicine go down…the medicine go down. Justa spoon-sp-spoon full of su-sugar helps—heehee—the medicine…down…sugar…spoon. Spooner. Spooning…sugar." Miz mumbled under his breath in a not-so-sane sing-song voice.
"Oh Johnnie you look so horrible." Jeff teased grinning at John as he carved designs on his forehead. "Wanna see?"
"No!" Morrison sobbed. "Don't make me, please Jeff."
Jeff got the mirror and instructed Matt to hold John's eyes opened forcing him to look at his cut and marred reflection.
"Medicine go down…down…sugar." Miz sang again and again.
"Say it!" Jeff snarled. He grabbed Morrisons' chin and laughed as blood ran over his gripping fingers and John whimpered. "Say it." Jeff hissed.
"I…I…wish…"
"Just do it and it will all be over. Do you want it to be over?"
John started to nod his head in a 'yes' but his eyes were drawn away from Jeff's scowl and he remembered Miz. He kept his focus there watching as he babbled incoherently.
"If you let him go then I'll do it. I'll sacrifice myself for him."
"Oh, how touching." Jeff laughed bringing the blade of his knife to his lips and licking away some of the glimmering life. "Okay. I'll let him go." Jeff waved the knife around flinging droplets of blood. "Go free him Matthew."
"But--"
"Just do it." Jeff gave his brother a glance that they both understood without saying a word. It was a bluff. Once John 'sacrificed' himself they would do away with Miz anyway. Matt pulled a key from his pocket and unlocked the clasp around Miz's wrist and the lock that kept the chain bound to the water heater. He clicked off the t.v. as Dick Van Dyke danced with cartoon penguins. Miz blinked trying to get a bearing on where he was.
"You're free." Matt explained pulling Miz up by his armpits and putting him to his feet.
"I—I am?" He rubbed at the raw ring around his wrist. He took a few awkward steps then saw Morrison and what Jeff had done to him.
"Don't worry about him." Jeff sang prodding John in the chest with the knife tip. "Ya'll go on upstairs and your lover boy will be joining you shortly."
Miz took a moment but when Jeff pressed the knife harder into John's chest, blood trailed down his torso in a trickle, and Miz made his decision.
"Okay, okay, don't hurt him. I'm going. Just let me get my fedora."
"Fair enough." Said Jeff. Miz smirked as he bent to reach for his sequined hat but instead picked up the chain that had bound him. In one quick move, he wrapped it around Matt's neck, turning the tables on the het Hardys.
Kofi had since came down from the roof, although poor Rey was still stuck in the chimney with Santa. Everyone was bored waiting on Hunter and Randy to get back from the store. Shawn was pacing hoping they would not be too late to save Miz and Morrison. He racked his brain trying to think of any other way to get into the house.
"Maybe we should call Ken." Shawn finally said pulling out his phone.
"Why Ken?" Matt asked from the step where he sat letting Kofi do his hair in braids.
"I don't know. Something about Ken and Vaseline. I thought it might help." Shawn shrugged.
"No, that's in a story." Slash Jeff said pulling a bag of Skittles from his pocket and popping a few. "But he might still be helpful." Jeff climbed onto the porch banister and sat there swinging his feet. "He's really loud. Maybe he can y'know blow the house down, like the Big Bad Wolf."
Shawn called slash Ken who showed up moments later singing and wearing nothing but a lime green banana hammock. Shawn slapped his palm to his face wondering what the hell was going on, but decided it was better not to ask.
"Ken can you get us in?" Jeff asked pouring some Skittles into Ken's opened hand.
"Yes Ken can get you in just by the hair of my chinny-chin chin!" Ken announced rubbing his goatee. "I will huff, and puff, and I will KEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENN...edy… Kennedy…your house down!"
Jeff fell to the ground from the impact of Ken's shout and shook his head trying to rid his ears of the ringing that was there now.
"I hope we never have to deal with slash Ken and het Ken in the same room." Matt said sticking his fingers in his ears.
"I wonder if het Ken be wearin' a banana hammock?" Kofi thought aloud.
"No, he wears shoe strings tied around his waist and nothing else." Slash Ken informed everyone while prodding Jeff for more Skittles.
"Why does he wear a frickin' shoe string?" Punk asked with a bored yawn as he wrapped his arms around JBL's waist and laid his head against his chest.
"Well damn!" Ken yelled grabbing Jeff's bag of Skittles from him and deafening the rainbow-haired warrior once again. "You wouldn't want a guy to go around naked!"
"Just get to it already!" Shawn groaned shoving Ken towards the door. The bleached blonde stretched, popped his knuckles, then started to shout at the door. The other slash musi stuffed their fingers into their ears and bolted across the street ducking behind someones hedges.
"Shit he's loud!" Punk yelled rubbing at his damaged ears.
"What ya'll say?" JBL bellowed. "Hit a clown?
"Did someone say 'clit town'?" Matt asked in a raised voice wrinkling his nose.
"Clinton, you mean like Bill Clinton?" Jeff popped his head up from the bushes and looked around. "If he's here then I wanna get a hit off him. I mean er…gummy bears."
"If Bill Clinton is here you want to get bit by his tummy hairs?" Punk shouted back raising an eyebrow in confusion.
"Hey mon, why would you be wantin' to get hit by Bill Clinton's underwear?"
"Guys, just stop talking until we get our hearing back!" Shawn shouted.
"Did you say guys stop shocking Umaga's hairy back?"
Shawn decided to give up, and he really wished he would have just stayed in bed today.
Drumroll--Dun dun dun! I used a couple of references to things in here DK will know the one with Ken and the banana hammock lol. The other was the joke about Ken and Vaseline it was a reference to an ongoing joke in another some of the stories done by Taker-Took-My-Toys. If you haven't ever read any of this persons stuff I suggest you go to their profile and check it out it is reeeally funny. Thank you all for reading and hopefully commenting. There will be one more chapter of the slash musi and their adventure in trying to rescue Miz and Mor and then things will move on from there. Lol. Hope you likey. :D