Thanks guys for reviews on last chapter! Update yay! Enjoy the weirdness from my brain.
Death to Het
Chapter 12: Triangle Dance and Optical Illusions
Glen grinned wickedly as he peered at Stephanie. The boss's daughter was tied up and huddled in a corner, her long hair falling over her face, one mean, angry, eye glaring, the other curtained. He could see one corner of her mouth turned cruelly downward, and she spat at him. His face darkened and a low growl crept up his throat as he used his palm to wipe away the spray.
"That's okay, Stephanie." Shawn said, his lips smirking. "You can spit on Glen all you want, because--"
"She can't either!" Glen snipped, crossing his arms over his chest, and glaring hotly at the woman. She showed her teeth like an irate wolf.
"I said it's fine, Glen. She'll forget all about spitting on you once Shane gets here." Shawn added, patting Glens' arm.
Stephanie glanced from one man to the other, her eyes narrowed in suspicion.
"My brothers' gonna kick your asses and get me out of here, that's what!" She snarled. "McMahons stick together!"
"Really now." Shawn drew his fingers through strands of his long, pretty hair. "We'll see."
"Hey!" A voice called down the stairs. It was Miz. When Shawn glanced up the flight of stairs, he saw the young man wearing JBL's Stetson, Jericho's glittery trunks, and thigh-high red boots. Shawn just shook his head.
"What Miz?"
"Shane's here, he's at the front door. He interrupted JoMo and I as we were--"
"Never mind! Just let him in…and erm…don't do anything wild on my couch!"
Miz disappeared, and Shawn cast a worried glance at Glen, who was chewing on his lips in attempt not to burst out into giggles. That would just ruin the whole creepy thing he had going on. The both of them turned back to Stephanie, she was smiling like a Cheshire cat.
"You'll see, you dirty hippies! Once Shane gets here he'll save us all! And then you two will be soooo fired!"
"Shut it princess." Glen growled.
He was going to say something else, but he and Shawn were both distracted, as slash Shane McMahon came dancing down the stairs—doing the cha-cha-cha with an invisible partner. He danced to the bottom stair and then grabbed Shawn, and danced with him around the room.
"Is Shane secretly Donny Osmond?" Glen asked, as he watched. Shane really was an amazing dancer.
Shane stopped and released Shawn, and Glen held up a sign with the rating '10' on it.
"Wow!" Shawn exclaimed, fixing his hair. "Shane, I didn't know you could dance like that!"
"Oh honey, I can dance circles around anyone. It's the other Shane who looks like he's seizuring when he dances. The poor guy is just uncoordinated."
"Shane!" Stephanie screeched. "Get me the hell out of here!"
"Oh, my poor sister!" Shane dramatized, his voice dripping with sarcasm. "It's kind of fun having you tied up…you and slash Steph always picked on me as a child! YOU CAN'T SHOVE MY HEAD IN THE TOILET NOW BITCH!"
"Oooh, are we gonna give swirlies?" Glen got a little excited, but Shawn stepped on his toe. Glen frowned, disappointed. Maybe Shawn would let him give het Jericho a swirly.
"Can we get on with it?" Shawn asked, tapping slash Shane on the shoulder.
"Hm? Oh, of course honey. I'm sorry I was late too…Chris is demanding you know." Shane smirked. "But I like it."
"Wait, Christian is with Chris, right?" Glen wondered.
"No, Matt is with Chris." Shawn corrected.
"No—it's Big Show. I saw them a couple days ago."
"No actually Glen, I think Cody was with him last."
Both Glen and Shawn turned to Shane, waiting for clarification. (Momentarily they lost their focus on Stephanie.)
"Actually, all of those answers are right. We're all with Chris. We're Chris' harem."
Glen lost it, creepy persona or not, and rolled on the floor in giggles. Shawn just looked dazed.
"Wha—Chris…has a harem?" Shawn whined. "I want a harem."
"Mhm. You shouldn't be surprised honey, that Chris has his own harem. I mean, have you seen the man?" Shane's eyes glittered as his thoughts obviously wandered to things other than what his mission was.
"Shane!" Stephanie screamed. "Get your head out of your ass and un-fucking-tie me!"
"My head wasn't in my ass." Shane quipped, as he sauntered over to Stephanie and traced a finger over the ropes that bound her wrists. "Chris tied me and Cody up like this the other day…"
"Ahem!"
Shane glanced over his shoulder. Glen was still curled up on the floor laughing, but Shawn was tapping his foot impatiently.
"Anyway Stephanie, sister dearest, I didn't come here to free you. I came here to give you some…nasty news." He pouted at her. "You really won't like it sweetie."
"Don't sweetie me you asshole, UNTIE ME!" She struggled against the ropes and tore her wrists. Blood smeared on the strands of rope.
"Listen, Stephanie. There's been a little change to a certain document of importance to our family…"
Stephanie spat at slash Shane. He wiped his face against the sleeve of his suit jacket and continued, rather unaffected by her mouth juices.
"Your father, het Vince, has written you and het Shane out of his will. He's willed everything to us slash McMahon children."
"You lie!" Stephanie screeched. Her voice was piercing and enraged.
"I thought you might not believe me. But facts are facts." Shane reached into his jacket and produced a folder. He opened it and showed it to Stephanie; inside was the document in question. Shane and Shawn both grinned darkly as Stephanie's frantic eyes passed over each line, getting wider and wider with each sentence.
"He can't, HE CAN'T!" She screamed, tears streaming down her cheeks. Shane slapped the folder closed.
"He can, and he did…honey."
All three men covered their ears, as a horrible, unearthly yowl filled the basement, and made their heads throb. Then, suddenly, it was over. Glen sat up on his knees, and all three of them found the corner empty, nothing but tied ropes. Het Stephanie no longer existed. The three of them whooped and cheered, their fake will had convinced her. In celebration, they started a square dance. Well, since it was only three of them, then it was more of a triangle.
****
Meanwhile, in Shawns' bedroom, het Jericho was cuffed to Shawns' bed. Slash Jericho was watching him closely, inspecting every inch of him, and picking out his every flaw and ranting about how slash Jericho was so much better than het Jericho. Slash Hunter, Matt, and Christian were all watching with amusement.
"…and my biceps are poofier and shinier." Chris added, flexing his arm for proof. "My hair is definitely more rockin', and I don't have a muffin top either."
Chris shot a scowl at the other three men in the room when he heard giggles. All three of them put on straight faces and swallowed their laughter.
"As I was saying." Slash Chris went on.
"All you do is say things!" The other Jericho snarled. "You talk, and talk, and TALK."
"Yeah, I do talk a lot…and I'm also better at that than you are too."
"You are not, assclown!"
"Am too, hypocrite."
"I know more words than you, slash parasite!"
"You do not. You also do not sparkle as well as I do."
"Well, you're gay."
"Which also makes me better. Het is so over rated!"
"You're so disgusting." Het Jericho glared. "I wouldn't touch your nastiness with a ten-foot pole."
"I have a ten-foot pole." Slash Chris grinned.
"You do not, that's impossible!" Het Chris shot back. "Ten inches maybe, but not ten feet."
"Psh, I'm Chris Jericho, therefore there's no such thing as impossible, sycophant."
"It's true." Slash Matt nodded, a blush painting his cheeks rosy.
"Very true." Christian added. "It might even be twelve feet."
"There's not enough blood in the human body to sustain a whacker that big." Het Jericho snorted. "What do you take me for, some sort of idiot? I'm not one of your fans."
"Number one, my fans are geniuses. Number two, yes you are. Number three, I'm Chris Jericho, therefore I can sustain one helluva huge whacker. NOW WHAT!"
"Proove it!" Het Jericho shouted. "If you have a fucking ten-foot rod I'll poof out of existence!"
"Is that a promise?" Slash Jericho smiled, his eyes twinkling mischievously.
Het Jericho set his face into a serious glare, and nodded.
"Yes, it's a promise, fucktard."
Chris snapped his fingers, and Matt and Christian came to his side.
"Take my pants off." Chris commanded.
With one quick 'whoosh' his pants were gone, and all ten to twelve feet was there for all to see. Slash Hunter gaped, staring in awe.
"Aw, damn it you're shittin' me!" The captured Chris exclaimed, his blue eyes wide. "Ricockulous!"
"Wanna touch it?" Slash Chris leered, moving towards his het self.
"EW NO! GET AWAY!" Het Jericho poofed, and Shawns' bed was empty. Matt and Christian proudly clapped their hero on the back, and helped him back into his pants. Hunter was still staring, entranced at what he had seen.
"Wha—whu…how…" Hunter stuttered, unable to comprehend that kind of endowment.
"It's not really ten to twelve feet." Matt confessed.
"But it's still impressive." Chris put in, smugly.
"It's an optical illusion." Christian explained, draping himself over Chris and kissing his neck.
"Wha…you can't do optical illusions with your penis!" Hunter shouted.
Chris smirked, and pulled Matt close to him.
"Hunter, you forget." Chris wagged his finger. "I can do anything I want, I'm Chris Jericho. I can do optical illusions with my love machine."
Hunter just blinked, still staring at Chris' clothed crotch. After a few moments, he tilted his head to the side in thought.
"Hey Chris, do you think my nose is just an optical illusion? I mean maybe it's really small and cute and perfect!"
Chris shook his head sadly.
"I'm sorry Hunter. As much as we all wish your schnozzle was just an illusion, it's not."
Chris left the room with Matt and Christian on his arms, as Hunter poked at his nose, wondering.
Review please and thank you! Two down, one more of the captured to go! Het H is still left. :) What will become of him? Bwahahaha.
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