Excuse the pervertedness of certain musi. Other than that…just enjoy and review please! Most of it was Cody's fault, who I'm sure will get laughs XD I was lol'n hard while writing Het Cody's part. Teehee. Thank you!

Death to Het

Chapter 13: The Photographed Man, Zippers, and Zelda

In the dim evening a shadow slinked, headed here and there, where ever he might find someone who could give him the answer he needed to the picture he held in his hand—his hand with the itchy finger that had re-generated after the incident in the basement. He furrowed his shapely eye brows, remembering his brother and all those who had been taken from his side, the het side, and there were far too many. His people were becoming afraid, and they were turning their eyes to him for answers. He promised them revenge, and any who wanted to join him in such was welcome. So far, their claim had been few to the slash side, but that was about to change very soon. Just now, some of his people were tracking through the night, as silent and stealthy as demons on the prowl, ready to capture and take prisoner some of the key players for The Other Side.

He pulled his colorful tendrils back from his face which was set hard in determination, cat-like eyes glimmering silvery green in the moon light, as he fingered the dog-eared edges of the photo. The man in it had to be somewhere, though it had been long since he'd been seen. Some even held him to be disappeared already, or perhaps not real to begin with—no more than a legend amongst the musi and fanfics—his side of preference unknown and long debated. Jeff, however, was one to trust his instincts, and they were telling him that the photographed muse did indeed exist, and that he was the key to bringing down The Other Side.

He only needed to know where he had hidden himself away.

Jeff slipped into the bar, the twang of country music drifted out to great him, and someone was singing with it in an off key whine that grated against his senses. He cringed, and tuned out the yowling, as he walked with a purposeful stride to the bar, his gothic style coat tails fluttering around his ankles as he went.

Familiar faces were at the bar, slouched over it, sleeping in beer glasses, tipping shot glasses, eyes getting glassy with intoxication and memories. He sat down on one of the stools, shooing the bartender away when he came to get his drink of choice. The rainbow haired man had no time for such things, he was here to find answers, if there were answers to be had here.

"Mr. Layfield." He spoke to the man next to him, and with a surly snarl he turned to glance over the man with the photo, his lip curling into a sneer of disgust. He reached up to fix the white Stetson on his head, it was tilted to one side—but he only managed to tilt it to the other side rather than right it. He leaned back over the bar and touched his glass of bourbon. In his other hand, pinched between two fingers, was a smoldering, fat cigar, and he brought it to his lips, and let a puff of smoke trail out from between his still curled lips.

Jeff was not deterred. He simply slid the photo over to the drinking man and said nothing. John took a swallow of the dark liquid in his glass, and snorted at the old photo—the bright pink in it nearly worn away and dulled with time.

"Have you seen this man?" Jeff asked, his eyes watching the smoke rings that drifted around John's head. "Do you know anything about him?"

John snorted.

"Only that he ain't been seen for a long goddern time. You won't find him. Y'can't find a man that don't wanna be found."

"He must be somewhere. He's shown up in some fics lately. Our writers—rather their writers—those slash perverts…must have found him somewhere."

"I don't think it's really him." Layfield answered, chewing the end of his cigar. "I have my theories." He said cryptically, and went no further with his explanation.

Jeff sat with him and listened to him for a while, gleaning any shred of helpful information that he could. When that venture was finished, he moved on to another man on another stool, and again slid that picture, a dark man with a shady existence, and Jeff was going to find him. He had to. He was the key to bringing down The Other Side—he was the key to bringing down Slash Shawn Michaels and when he fell, the rest would follow, and the music of their screams as they ceased to exist would be a twisted serenade.

********

"I told him that his nose was diagnosed as a lethal growth, and that one day it was going to consume his whole face and suck out his brain." Slash H said, dramatizing, as he grabbed Cody's nose and tweaked it. Cody laughed, swatting his hand away.

"Are you serious? And he believed it!" Cody giggled.

"Yeah. Scared him so bad he pissed himself before he disappeared. No more Het Triple H." Hunter rubbed at his eye, his lips turned into a gruesome frown, mock-crying over the ended existence of his Het counterpart.

"I can't wait 'til Shawn lets us get Het Cody. I already know what I can do to him." Cody's playful smile turned devious, and his eyes sparkled.

"Hey Coddlefish." A third voice came in on their conversation, as they walked towards the I-HOP at the corner of the block. The shorter, blond man, slipped himself between Hunter and Cody and slid his arms around the younger mans waist as though he was his escort.

"Hey Chris, what are you doing?" Cody left a quick kiss against Chris' lips, and played with the buttons on his shirt, one by one, his fingers slowly migrating downwards until the rested at the buckle of his studded belt. "And what are you doing?" Cody asked, as though he was talking to the thing that lay beneath the jean material just below the belt. Hunter and Chris laughed, and Chris drew the flirtatious young man closer.

"Later." Chris purred against his ear, making him shudder.

"So when did you become a pimp Jericho?" Hunter snorted.

"The day I was born, assclown!" Chris retorted, that trademark pompous smirk on his face.

"You always know the answer to everything." Hunter grumbled, kicking a piece of loose sidewalk with his toe.

"That's right, and don't you forget it you gelatinous, tail-fucking, cock-sniffing, peanut-butter-and-cum-stuffing, one-eyed-snake worm." Chris finished, laughing when Hunter's mouth dropped open and he fell a few steps behind. "Close your mouth Hunter. You'll catch flies."

"I looooove it when you talk like a sexually deviant dictionary." Cody sighed, letting one of his hands trail behind Chris' back and slip into the back pocket of his jeans.

"Come on Hunt!" Chris called, as the two of them reached the corner. "You're buying breakfast!"

"And I'll get dessert." Cody said, as Chris nipped at his lips.

"Mhm, a nice big creampuff."

"Good Chrissy, I love cream."

******

A sparkle was in the eyes of Het Cody as he rubbed his hand reverently over the top of the brand new game system. It was the latest and the best—only that was acceptable the woman of his dreams. He pressed the button to give the system life, and sat curled in front of the t.v., his fingers anxiously fiddling at the buttons and joysticks on the controller as the game loaded. Then, there she was—the beautiful Zelda.

Cody gazed at her, his eyes clouded as he beheld her pristine gorgeousness. She was perfect. He reached out to the screen, and wantonly pressed his fingers to her digital form, whining like a puppy left abandoned in the rain.

"I love you." He said quietly, sniffling a bit. He pressed his lips to the t.v. screen, the static making his lips tingle, and he would have liked to believe that tingle was because she was kissing him back. Maybe she was…

He sat back on his heels, smiling sheepishly at the t.v. as his cheeks colored rosy.

"You always make me blush." His smile widened, and he loaded a game he'd saved and started to play, getting completely and blissfully lost in the game.

When he wasn't being used by a writer, this is what he did. Hour after hour, day after day, year after year, he played various Zelda games and fantasized—sometimes in sordid detail—about the lovely princess. His room was decorated in collectibles and the walls were covered, not a white space to be seen, with pictures and screen shots and sketches he'd made of his woman—again some of which were rated for his eyes (and another certain body part) only.

The minutes and hours passed him by as his fingers moved with the actions on screen, sometimes paused so they could move elsewhere. With each step and each moment he came closer and closer to rescuing Princess Zelda, and though he'd done it countless times and in countless versions of the game, the sense of ecstasy when he saved her was never lessened. The victory was always gripping, erotic, powerful and almighty like the surge of a back-curling orgasm (and sometimes it really was an orgasm).

Just as he was near the end where Zelda would at last be rescued, up on his feet, bouncing on his toes with the excitement of a million throbbing---BAM!

Cody dropped the controller and spun around just in time to notice his door busted and hanging ajar as four men poured into the room. Kane, Shawn, Cena, and a strange looking Undertaker fell on him quickly, the two biggest men grabbing his arms. The Undertaker with the neon pink and green hair tied his wrists together, as Shawn ordered Kane to tie his ankles, and Cena stood in front of him with a mischievous look on his face. He raised his hand in front of his nose, and waved it back and forth.

"You can't see me!" John shouted, and Cody began to scream and struggle against his captures, but John shoved a ball-gag into his mouth and buckled straps tight so Cody looked like a bad dog with a muzzle belted to his face. Tears streamed down his face as he tried desperately to kick since his feet and legs were the only things free.

"Damn it tie him up!" Shawn shouted.

"I'm trying he's—OW!"

A string of curses rained from Kane's lips as his nose exploded into a mask of blood. He stumbled to his feet and back a couple steps, raking the back of his hand across his bloodied face. Underhardy knelt and finished tying Het Cody's ankles, jerking the rope roughly, so it bit into his skin. Underhardy grabbed Cody around the waist and hung him over his shoulder, as though the boy was just a bound and gagged Santa-sack of gifts ready to be passed out to all the deviant little children.

Shawn went to Kane, and spoke to him for a few moments. He grabbed a Zelda t-shirt that was lying on the bed, and gave it to Kane to hold against his busted nose.

"Come on, let's get out of here before someone might happen to see us." Shawn hissed, motioning.

Underhardy and Kane moved into the hallway, where Kane began to mock Cody as the boy cried.

"John, come on!" Shawn called to Cena. The Champ had the game controller in one hand, and was looking at the screen.

"He was almost to the end. It's kind of a shame to--"

"CENA!"

"Coming!" John dropped the controller and headed out with the others.

*****

Hunter was trying not to watch Cody as he filled Chris' lap in the corner of the booth, their breakfasts half eaten and forgotten. It had started when Cody made some comment about the sausage, the boy never missed an opportunity at least that was for sure. That was followed by comments about the syrup, and where he would like to put it, and lick it off of—and it wasn't a stack of pancakes. Then he'd reached across the table and dipped his finger into the dollop of whipped cream crowning the top of Hunters stuffed French toast and preceded to smear the the sugar whiteness around his lips, before hollowing out his cheeks to give his finger a good, wet, sucking. That was it for the breakfast.

Now those two were making out like horny dogs, Cody's hands disappeared into Chris' jeans and whatever he was doing he was doing it right, because Chris was moaning and grunting. Hunter's face was as red as a blinking Christmas light, and he was getting a bit uncomfortable and wishing Shawn was there. One, because he was good at keeping people in line, and two…because Shawn was small and could fit under the table where his mouth at this moment could be of great assistance.

Their waiter came u to the table, bouncing happily, with a big smile on his pretty face.

"Hi sir! How's your meal? Can I get you some more coffee hun?"

"Uh…um…n-no I still have coffee." Hunter mumbled. "Uh…can you throw those two out?" H jerked his thumb at Chris and Cody as they practically ate each others faces off.

"Throw 'em out?" The kid leaned on the table for a moment, watching, his smile getting wider. "Why would I throw them out?"

The look on Hunters face at his answer made the pretty young man laugh.

"Sweetie, this kind of thing happens all the time. This is the Slash side of town, y'know? In fact, no one else seems to be bothered at all by it." The waiter shrugged, and left the check with Hunter.

H watched him as he went back into the kitchen, swaying his hips. It was then that he noticed how quiet the restaurant had became…and that all eyes were on Chris and Cody, hungrily watching.

"Fuck him!" Someone from the other side of the dining area shouted. His shout was echoed, and soon there were cat-calls, whistles, and dirty things being voiced from all directions. Cody slid out of Chris' lap, and out of the booth. He gripped the collar of Chris' shirt and tugged at him. With a growl Chris lunged at Cody and pushed him against an empty table, where Cody wiggled his ass, to which more cheers erupted. Chris grabbed the loops of Cody's jeans and tugged them down, tearing one of them as he did so. Cody's ass was bared to all and some of the guys climbed up onto tables. The cooks, waiters, and waitresses came out to see what was going on. The women quickly retreated back in, but the male staff was having too much fun to go back to their work. Chris undid his pants, and there was a collective gasp from the room.

"I-it's 12 friggin' feet long!" Someone shrieked.

There were a few low, reverent whistles.

"I've never seen one THAT big…"

"DAMN IT!" Hunter shouted, standing up and slamming his fist against the table his breakfast partners had abandoned in order to get it on. "It's an optical illusion no ones winky is that big!"

"Chris!" Cody whined.

"I'm comin'…ready?"

"GUYS WAIT!" Hunter rushed over to the table, his phone in hand. It was vibrating. "Shawn's calling!"

"Well then answer the damn phone he's your lover, not mine!" Chris batted Hunter's hand away as he tried to show him Shawn's name flashing on the screen. Hunter grabbed Chris around the waist and pulled him off of Cody, to which the whole restaurant let out a collective groan of disapproval.

"Hurry up!" Cody pouted, still bent over the table.

"Pull your pants up, both of you exhibitionists. We gotta go. Shawn needs us." As if Chris needed his help, H grabbed Chris' jeans from around his feet and pulled them up, grabbing at the zipper.

"AGH you're gonna pinch me you hypocri--" Chris curse ended in a high pitched squeak and he went down to his knees.

"Ah shit." Hunter mumbled, slapping himself in the forehead.

"What did you do to him!" Cody chastised, slapping Hunter's bicep.

"I fail." H hung his head, and then scooped a crying Jericho into his arms and carried him out, followed by Cody close on his heels.

*******

Shawn looked around, his brows furrowing when he saw only a very pale looking slash Cody approaching him in the basement.

"Where's Hunt and Chrissy?" Shawn asked, trailing his fingers through his blond hair.

"Uh…" Cody began with a wobbly voice. "There was an…accident." He added, swallowing hard.

"What happened now?" Shawn growled, fearing that the other two had been captured by The Enemy.

"C-C-Chris…Hunter…z-zi-ipper…and Queen Christina."

Shawn looked at Cody blankly, and blinked. He placed a hand on Cody's shoulder.

"Cod, I don't understand. Whose Queen Christina?"

"Oh, that's what I um…uh that's what The Harem calls Chris's disco stick." Cody said, his eyes on Shawn's, hoping his meaning had been clear.

"Wha…disco stick?

"You know, his…downstairs. May it rest in peace." Cody said, ducking his head reverently. Shawn's eyes grew wide.

"Oh, that's not good at all. Okay. Well, I need you to take care of Het Cody. He's over there on the floor tied up and gagged so he shouldn't be much trouble at all. I just need you to dispose of him. I…I'm gonna go check on poor Chrissy." Shawn shook his head, and shuddered. "It'll be okay, I promise." He gave Cody's shoulder a little squeeze, and left him with his counterpart.

Cody glared at the lump in the shadows. He could hear a soft, strangled whimpering coming from it, and some minute brushing sounds as his jeans moved against the cold concrete. He was obviously still trying somehow to fight his captivity, but there was no use fighting the inevitable. And Slash Cody was furious. It was the fault of these stupid Hets that Shawn and his team had to capture them and do away with them, stop them from spreading like a disease. Because this one had been captured, just at the most inopportune time, Cody and Chris' sex party had been interrupted, and then Chris had been critically injured by that lummox with the lardy nose. But it all boiled down to them. If this whole war wasn't waged, if battles were not taking place right here at home, then none of those tragedies would have unfolded. Cody was only glad that muses could regenerate. At least Chris would not be permanently injured, but his pain had to be unbearable, and who knew how long it would take to get back to rights again.

Cody growled, as he stood over his pathetic, trembling, sobbing het self.

"You…piece of dirt!" He kicked his Het self in the face, and watched as a trickle of blood dripped from under the muzzle-like harness on his face, and drip down his neck. "Do you even comprehend your worthlessness? Do you know how disgusting, how pathetic you are!" Cody shouted, straddling himself, and looking into eyes that were much like his own—but terrified—and just a slightly darker shade.

"Let me tell you how pathetic you are. You use all of your time, each waking minute, each precious second, to delve into a fantasy world where your goal is to save Zelda—that little whore princess—am I right?"

At this insult—not to Het Cody himself but to the Princess—his eyes flashed anger and he began to buck and struggle, as though it would do any good.

"That's right Nerdy Rhodes." Slash Cody laughed. "She's a whore. She lifts up that pink skirt and shows it all to anyone who wants a piece. She doesn't love you Cody. She doesn't even like you. She doesn't even want you. Why would she? Look at you, sniveling little pansy!"

Now Het Cody was sobbing uncontrollably, his eyes screwed tightly shut, shaking his head back and forth adamantly.

"You don't believe me? It's true. She doesn't love you. She told me herself when I went to the Zelda page of fanfic to have a date with Link. She thought I was you at first, and she really had a lot to say about you. She can't stand you. When you come after her, she doesn't want to be saved. She HATES you."

Slash Cody bent close to his Het versions ear, and whispered against it.

"She's in love with Ted."

Slash Cody yelped, as the man beneath him disappeared into nothingness. He looked down at the empty ball-gag in his hands. On the floor were two still-tied ropes, the hairs stained dark with blood from where they'd gnawed flesh.

"Well!" Cody chirped, a happy-go-lucky grin replacing the dark leer on his face. "That was fun!" He tucked the ball-gag into his back pocket and swaggered up the stairs, his task completed. Now, he was going to go chase Slash Hunter around the yard with an ax.

Alright…like I said yeah this had a lot of smuttish stuff in it. Sorry. Hope you liked it anyway! So, any ideas on who it is that Het Jeff's looking for? Oh, and another quick note—a couple of you were asking me about Jeff, since Undertaker is now 'Underhardy' because of the incident in the basement, with the explosion, and how Taker accidentally got Het Jeffs finger, therefore making him Underhard…well anyway some of you were asking about Jeff if he got any of Taker in him or what not. No, Jeff is just Jeff. His finger was blown off in the explosion and ended up with all of Takers blown up parts. Jeffs finger regenerated in one of the chapters…I don't remember which one. But anyway, Jeff had no parts added to him or anything. He just temporarily lost the finger so he's completely Het Jeff and no one else. Just wanted to clear that up. Thanks!