Well here I am again with the second chapter, once again, it'll be a fortnight before I post the next chapter.
I'm afraid for those of you who don't like the thinking or the use of romaji, it isn't going to go away, that's how I am IRL, so it reflects in my fics, besides which, I suck at description, so you're not really missing out on anything.
This chapter helps open up the way the fic is going to pan out (probably, I don't know myself), so hopefully you'll enjoy.
As always, reviews are very much appreciated. Laters!
He didn't recognise the field he was currently standing in and wondered where his head had chosen the creation from. He knew he was dreaming, though it wasn't a normal dream. He couldn't really explain why, it just felt different. Looking around he couldn't see any signs of life anywhere, aside from the flora. There was no fauna to be seen, not even insects by the flowers; there was no sign of habitation by anything. It was strange, though not unsettling, which such a thing would normally be. This felt more like a blank canvas, the beginnings of something, rather than it being because something was wrong.
Yoh whirled round; almost certain he heard a voice. It was quiet, distant but he had definitely heard something. Moving towards what he thought was the direction it had come from, Yoh kept listening for the noise to repeat itself. He would call out himself if it did, if he was sure it was another person. He had thought he was all alone here but if there was someone else, maybe they would know what this place was. Of course, it might be that they were as clueless as he was, that was how normal dreams usually worked anyway, either that or the person wouldn't tell him, he always had to work everything out for himself.
Hearing the voice again he knew there was someone else there, even though he still couldn't see anyone or any signs that anyone had been walking around. The person knew he was there though; it was his name being called. He recognised the voice and knew he should be able to identify the speaker, but he found himself unable to place a name, all he could say was that the person was male. It was someone he knew and he was rather annoyed with himself for not knowing who was calling him when he knew it should be reflex knowledge.
"Hello? Where are you?" Yoh called, though as soon as he had he knew he wasn't going to get an answer.
I really don't know what to make of this. First the complete lack of people and animals and then someone I should know calling me. How I know he isn't going to respond I don't know either, but I'm positive it's the case. I should know him, so why can't I think who it is? It should be so easy, I know it, so why? None of it makes any sense at all. Part of me so strongly wants to keep looking for him, even though I know I won't be able to find him. What is this all about? Can't you just answer me and tell me what's going on and why you're calling me?
"Please? I can't find you. Tell me where you are?" Yoh tried again, knowing it was pointless but suddenly feeling desperate.
I'm waking up, aren't I? If that happens I'm not going to get any answers, that's why I'm panicking. Why am I so worried about not finding him though? I just don't understand this. I need to find him and talk to him but I can't and the opportunity is gone because this will be over any minute. I don't want it to be, I don't want to leave. I need to see him and we need to help this place grow, we can do it together; everything will be okay then, so why do I have to leave? Why do I know all these things when I know nothing at all?
--
Yoh yawned and looked at the clock, according to it he'd over-slept but it didn't really feel like he'd slept very much at all. He felt shattered, emotionally and physically, not that he was sure why. He knew he'd been dreaming about something but he couldn't recall any details. Yoh got up and dressed quickly, knowing Anna would be angry with him, though he was surprised she'd left him to sleep. His mind never left his dream, trying to grasp the information that seemed to be just beyond his reach.
"So you are going to get up then?" Anna snapped when he entered the kitchen.
"Gomen ne Anna." Yoh replied, yawning again once he had.
Anna turned to face him poised to snap again but she closed her mouth again, studying him instead. "You look exhausted, are you alright?"
Yoh nodded, his attempt at a reassuring smile put off by another yawn. "I feel like I haven't really slept. I know I was dreaming but…"
"You don't remember anything at all about it?"
Yoh shook his head. "No I don-…calling, someone was calling me."
"Calling you? Who was? Where were you?"
"I don't know Anna, all I know is someone was calling my name. I don't remember, but I'm pretty sure I couldn't find whoever it was."
"Okay, well, if you remember any more, let me know. It could be important if it's left you so drained."
Yoh nodded, surprised to have gotten off so lightly. Brushing it aside he turned his attention to getting something to eat, though he felt like he was going to need a lot of caffeine to make it through the day. It was strange to feel like that; he was used to having an abundance of energy, even if granted a lot of the time he chose not to use it. He just hoped that Anna would take it easy on him since she'd seemed so concerned, he really didn't want to be put through one of her training sessions with the way he was feeling.
Of course, it didn't help that he was so distracted either, that was asking for trouble and now that he remembered that fragment of his dream he was even more so. Despite not even remembering what the voice sounded like, it was nagging at him that it was important, that he needed to find and speak to that person. Things didn't normally bother him but this was most definitely irritating. At least if his head gave him all the information he'd have a slightly better chance of figuring things out.
Who was calling me, was it for attention, help, what? I don't know anything about it and yet it's driving me mad. How am I supposed to do anything about a stupid dream I can't even remember? It's absurd, utterly ridiculous. It was just a dream, so why do I feel like it's the most important thing in my life right now? I don't have any answers and I can't get any from thin air, so either let me remember the rest or leave me alone. Why does everything seem intent on making me constantly go around in circles with no hope of a resolution?
Yoh sighed and tried to brush the thoughts aside, as if playing roundabout with thoughts of Hao wasn't bad enough, now he had some random dream doing the same thing. Something clicked into place at that point but Manta and Amidamaru entered the room at the same time and Yoh had no time to give it any consideration. Resisting the unusual urge to curse at the ironically bad timing, Yoh greeted his friends warmly, unsure whether or not he should be grateful for the distraction. A few minutes earlier he would have been, but now he knew he had figured something out but he couldn't work out what it was.
"You really do look tired you know? Maybe you should go back to bed Yoh-kun?" Manta asked worriedly.
"I think Anna would kill me if I tried." Yoh replied lightly. "Besides, I'm okay, don't worry, I'll just have to have caffeine and sugar all day"
Manta laughed in response and Amidamaru's mood seemed to lighten as well. Yoh grinned, trying to look a little less exhausted than he felt for his friends sakes; he didn't like to make them worry. He wished that he could follow Manta's suggestion though, curling back up in bed sounded like a very good idea. It didn't feel like he'd slept but there was something more to it as well, like his energy had been used up on something. Maybe Anna was right to be so concerned about it…
Yoh took a cup out of the cupboard, almost dropping it as he did, though his reflexes corrected it before either Amidamaru or Manta noticed. There was definitely something off with him; it was almost as though he didn't have the strength to hold the weight of it. Thankfully that had only lasted briefly but the fact that it was there at all was disconcerting, there was no way he should struggle to pick up a cup. He felt a hand on his back and turned to find Anna stood there.
"Go back to bed Yoh but you let me know if anything else strange happens, okay?" Anna said softly, sure to keep her voice low.
"Arigato Anna, I will. Hopefully I'll be fine once I sleep a little more." Yoh replied, before leaving the room. Normally Yoh would have said something to Manta and Amidamaru, but as Anna had made a point of keeping the conversation between the two of them, he decided against it.
Now what was I thinking about earlier? Going round in circles, wasn't it? So what did I figure out? I was thinking about it being the same as the situation with Hao…oh. That was it; the voice calling me in that dream was his. Why would he have been calling me and more importantly, why would I have been so frantic about finding him? I don't know whether this has helped things or made them worse. Though if it's all connected to Hao, maybe there isn't anything to worry about, maybe it's all just me because I feel bad for not being able to do more.
That doesn't really explain why I'm so drained though, does it. I never found Hao though, so I can't see that it has anything to do with him. That place was strange though, wasn't it? Now that I've figured out it was Hao with me, the rest of what happened seems to be coming back quite easily. So maybe it had something to do with where we were, I did think it was like a blank canvas for something to be created, could that have something to do with me being so weak now? Thinking too much Yoh, sleep, you need it.
"Yoh." The voice fluttered through his consciousness even before he appeared in the dreamscape.
"Hao…" Yoh muttered softly.
Looking around he confirmed that he was once again in field, this time however there was a prominent wooded area and the sound of insects and birds could be heard. He watched a butterfly as it drifted past him effortlessly on the light breeze. Things were progressing, being placed together and he wondered now if that was Hao's doing. Though that would mean that Hao was somehow able to use Yoh's power as well, which he wasn't really sure was possible. So maybe he had unwittingly agreed to create this world?
He still couldn't feel the other's presence, just the occasional whisper of his unmistakable (though apparently not necessarily identifiable) voice. He sounded like he was somewhere far away, though as he wasn't shouting, he couldn't be too far away either, or his voice wouldn't reach Yoh. All of that was of course based on the normal world he was used to, there was nothing to say that this place worked the same way. He wasn't really sure that Hao was there at all; he couldn't see or feel him after all. Sighing softly, Yoh decided to take a look around the area, hoping that he might find some answers along the way.
I wonder if Hao is around in some way, if he knows what's going on here and what this place is. Alternatively, if everything else here really is of my own making, maybe Hao is as well. It would explain why I can't sense him or find any trace of him. For some reason that idea makes me sad... Maybe it's because he doesn't sound angry or hateful and I wish that it was true, that there was any possibility that Hao could accept what happened and why I had to do it. I so very much feel the need to obtain his forgiveness, even if I probably shouldn't.
He'd probably like it here, assuming the sun ever goes down for him to see the stars of course. There are no other people, there is no bloody history, no old scars trying to heal, just nature and peace and tranquillity. A new world without the marring of our own, that would be a better place for your ideal of a world for shaman, don't you think? I wish we could do that, I wish there was a way to give you what you need without blood being spilt. Don't you understand you could never achieve your dream with the methods you were using? You'd become what you hated Hao, even if you couldn't see that.
I'm not afraid to be here anymore, well, I mean, I'm not worried that something bad is going to happen or that this is hurting me. I understand that this place is using a lot of my strength but that's okay, it's for a good cause. The creation of a new world, where people could live in harmony with nature and each other sounds wonderful and with something like that, Hao wouldn't have to be lost in those thoughts and feelings anymore. Everything would finally work out for the best.
That goal is something I would gladly give my all for, a worthy dream for someone trying to become the Shaman King. Just watch and wait Hao, I'll make this place beautiful, I'll finally do something to make you proud. I'll create our new world, your will and mine coming together is a compromise, somewhere we can finally be happy, walking our own path of our own making, no one will push our hand anymore. Daijobu datte, nantoka naru.