It's hard to believe that it's already been a month since this all started. I'm getting better at controlling everything, both with what I want to create and at what speed it happens, so I'm not exhausting myself anymore. Anna seems to have given up on questioning me about it, for the time being at least. I don't really like lying to her, and though I don't know what it is or why it happened, I do remember my first dream now and everything I've done there since. I told her that I'd tell her if I remembered anything and as well as going back on that, I've continued to tell her I don't remember even though I do.

I'm not even sure why I'm lying about this and keeping it all a secret. I know it would cause problems where Hao is concerned but there's more to it than that, it's almost as if I'm protecting that place, as if telling someone it exists will taint it. I don't really understand myself or my reasoning for things anymore. Sometimes I feel that telling the truth would be like breaking a sacred rule or something. It's all just potential excuses for my actions though, some part of me wants to keep this hidden from everyone, just while it's being created and I feel inclined to do so, even if I don't understand why.

Doing this has helped improve my shaman abilities as well; I've learnt a lot and become much stronger. I've also drifted into areas I don't think Hao ever did but there are aspects I am most definitely interested in learning. If I really could find a way of blocking the reishi through this then it is more than worth any effort required. Any chance to make things better, any chance of preventing another repeat performance; I have to do everything in my power to achieve.

Yoh watched Ren chasing Horo-Horo and wondered what had happened this time to set them off. Horo did seem to love teasing Ren and generally getting his back up, they always fought, though it was rarely ever serious. That was probably a good thing for Horo, for all the skill he had, Yoh wasn't particularly convinced that he would stand a chance against a genuinely angry Ren. Just because the Tao behaved for the most part now, didn't mean that it would stay that way and Yoh knew all too well what Ren was like when he was angry and not holding anything back.

He sighed softly, turning his attention away from his friends. If he acted like he usually did and laid on the grass, eyes closed, they would just presume he was sleeping and leave him alone. That would allow him to either think things through, or really go to sleep and go back to tending his little creation. That was all he really had any interest in of late, helping that place grow, well, that and teaching himself new techniques in the hope he could learn the one thing he really needed to know.

They'd all be horrified if they knew Hao took up so much of my thoughts and effort. They wouldn't care for me trying to help make things better; they'd just want me to find a way to kill him once and for all. How they could expect me to do something like that though? It isn't really fair that they'd put something like that on me, how could anyone decide that someone should have to kill someone else? I'll grant that I never knew Hao, so there have never been any memories or emotional ties there, but he's my twin and regardless of that, I've never wanted to hurt, let alone kill anyone.

I just want everyone to get along, that way everyone would get to be happy, because no one would be fighting or hurting each other. Even with the reishi, Hao would be able to live in a world like that. I know that was what he wanted, peace and harmony without all the pettiness of humanity. I can understand the dream and his need for such a world, it's just a shame he couldn't see that he was really no different from them.

Lashing out through hatred and anger, hurting indiscriminately because of petty reasons, he had become what he hated. It is the way it works; time and time again I come to the same conclusion, those who fall prey to hatred invariably become what they hate. I try not to consider the same for the rest of my family, though I know I do think about it and I can see the same in them. Reason and compassion just seems to go out of the window, callous and completely bias determination comes in to play instead.

I understand why this has all come to be how it has, I understand the reasons for Hao, the Asakura family and all those who have had bereavements because of Hao. All the understanding in the universe isn't going to make any of their actions right however and they're all guilty of taking the same actions they hated others for, it's not just Hao. We need to get past these things, acknowledge the reason for it and take some positive actions to change things and make them better, rather than adding to the problem. I know I'm just as guilty as everyone else but I'm trying to make amends for that now.

It's hard to know what's right, the world isn't black and white and what's good for one person is bad for someone else. You have to try to encompass the ideology of the masses but surely it's arrogant to presume that you can decide what's right for everyone based on your assumptions? How can you decide or interpret the will of millions? Hmm…I think they'd die of shock if they knew I used such big words, they probably don't think I know or understand them. I'm not stupid, honest, I do have a good head on my shoulders, I just don't necessarily use it.

"Yoh." Ren stated bluntly, expecting rather than asking for acknowledgement.

"Hai?" Yoh asked sleepily, opening one eye to look at the teen while the other remained closed under his arm.

"I want a fight, now."

"What? Why?"

"You're the only one worth fighting and too bad if you thought I'd let you sleep all afternoon."

Yoh pouted but accepted Ren's offered hand to help him stand up. He really wasn't in the mood to fight anyone, even if it was only a friendly sparring session. He didn't know whether his newly learnt skills would be obvious either, the last thing he wanted was a million questions about how he'd improved so drastically. Still, he knew Ren too well to think that the boy would be deterred, whether he liked it or not, he would be partaking in this match.

It wouldn't really surprise him if Ren wanted to spar with him purely because he thought Yoh had improved and wanted to test the theory. Ren was unfortunately rather good at doing things like that, much to Yoh's despair. Since Ren had learnt that Yoh was far more observant than anyone had ever thought to give him credit for, Ren had striven to be the same. In times like these, Yoh rather regretted that Ren had ever become so good at it, and at reading him.

It isn't even as though I could just lose the match or something, he'd be very hurt and insulted if I didn't put any effort in or lost deliberately. It's a real shame that he has to take these things so seriously. I really, really don't want to do this, why does Ren have to randomly want to fight me? Can't he tell I'm not in the mood to do anything of the sort? That being said, Ren isn't really the type of person to care and as I'm known for skiving, he's probably quite happy to push me.

"Do I really have to? I don't want to…" Yoh pout was as clear in his voice as it was on his face.

"Yes you do, I'm not taking no for an answer and I won't let you hold back on me." Ren snapped back.

Yoh sighed, drawing Harusame. "Yeah, I figured as much. Don't expect any enthusiasm from me though."

Ren snorted and flicked out his Kwan Dao, apparently opting for a wider range. It was clear Ren was serious about this match and Yoh had to question whether Ren really had figured something out. It wasn't as if he'd given anyone much of anything to go on, but Ren certainly seemed to know that something was different. This fight was going to be intense, Ren was not going to hold anything back and if Yoh didn't use his new skills it would probably be a push to win it.

Ren may not have as much furyoku as me but he's determined to win, whereas I don't want to participate, so the amount of effort and attention he's going to put in will be a lot more than I will. Maybe that's the idea, that way the chance of me using anything newly learnt will be increased. Or maybe I'm paranoid and/or have a guilty conscience for hiding things from them. Though that being said, it was a little weird for Ren to suggest us all meeting up…

Yoh sighed again, knocking himself out of his internal musings to concentrate enough on the match to stop Ren from taking his head off. It was clear that he had put a lot of time and effort into training himself. That of course could be the simple answer, Ren had improved and wanted to test just how much, if he could beat Yoh, the others needed to be there to believe it and if he couldn't, he could always beat the others. Yoh relaxed a little, deciding he was definitely getting paranoid.

Dodging again, Yoh kept on the defensive. Ren had learnt a few new tricks and had altered his fighting style somewhat; Yoh would have to watch him for a while before he would know that safest way to win the match. Ren wasn't the only one to have grown up, and he had learnt the hard way not to rush in blindly and keep trying the same tactic. It would surprise them no doubt, but they would have to learn eventually that he had matured a lot after the events of the tournament, even if he did generally still act the same way as before.

Everything of late came across as being problematic, nothing was simple and easy-going, there were always potentially highly unpleasant consequences involved. It was a pain to have to think everything through so thoroughly, rather than just getting on care-free. Still, he was the one to have chosen to keep so many secrets, so he couldn't really complain when one or all of them came back to bite him. Not that he thought he could win either way, Anna and his family would be angry with him regardless.

Telling the truth from the off-set would have meant things wouldn't blow up so much, since people don't like things being kept from them, but I don't think it would have been the right thing for me to do. I needed to get on and do this and if they knew, I'm sure they wouldn't allow it. I don't have any doubts that they would be far from pleased with me, whether they knew from the beginning or not. Yes if they find out they'll be furious and even more so because I didn't tell them but it's the path I needed to take, it's the right thing to do, even if that wouldn't be understood. I don't regret my choices, no matter what consequences may come.

Okay, I think I'm starting to see a pattern here, while he's leaving me an opening, I'm pretty sure it's a trap. I can however see another way of ending the match without too much difficulty or risk of injury. It's nothing I wouldn't have been capable of before, the only difference they will have seen is with taking my time and studying things rather than rushing in head first. That shouldn't cause me too much bother, since they do already know I can be very observant when I need to be.

Right, three, two, one, go. Over Soul broken, Ren disarmed, perfect. There are a few surprised looks, though none from Ren. Anna looks mildly annoyed, though for what reason is anyone's guess, it wouldn't surprise me if it was the amount of time it took me to win. There isn't a major reaction though, so hopefully I'm safe for the time being. Most of the shock probably consists of 'omigod, Yoh knows how to use his brain', or am I being a little too harsh with that? Though who am I being mean to, them or myself?

"While I did expect a calmer approach, I can't say that I expected you to play it that way. Maybe you've grown even more than I thought…though you're still a slacker. You'd be dangerous if you put that head of yours to better use." Ren stated.

Yoh smiled. "I don't want to be dangerous though. Being care-free and friends with everyone sounds like a much better approach to me. Nature doesn't rush around and stress out; it does what it wants at its own speed, why should I have to be any different?"

Ren shook his head mirthfully. "Is that your excuse? Well, I guess it wouldn't be you if you were serious all the time. Thanks for the match Yoh."

Yoh grinned. "No problem."

Chatter resumed and Yoh returned to lying on the grass. While he hadn't wanted to fight, Ren had gained something from it and that made it worth the effort. Things were still relatively normal and Ren had accepted the changes he saw in Yoh without question. While there was a lot the Tao didn't know, it did give Yoh the hope that at least one of them would be willing to listen to him and accept things when the truth did eventually come out.

There would be no mention of Hao at that time of course, well, not unless the other was magically still alive and came back to him in a calm and sane manner. If it were possible to reconcile with his brother then things would have to be different, he would have to tell the truth about some aspects. There would definitely still be things he would decline to tell them even then. Not that he they would accept him having anything to do with Hao either way. Yoh shook his head, deciding that was more than enough thinking about those topics, chilling out for the rest of the day sounded like a much better plan.