Yoh yawned loudly, reminding everyone that it was getting late. He had spent the last few hours talking to his friends about what he had been learning and why, as well as his world and his meetings with Hao. There had been a lot of questions and discussion but everyone had accepted it without any aggravation, much to his relief. Jun and Ren had also gone through their own studies and the ritual they had performed before everyone else arrived.

He didn't know whether his family heard or not, in some ways it would make it easier if they had because he wouldn't have to explain everything again but there were some things he wasn't really convinced he wanted them to know. Still, it couldn't be helped he supposed and at least he knew now that his friends were willing to support him.

There were concerns of course and he couldn't blame them for that, he knew better than anyone the potential risks and consequences involved, as well as just how strong Hao was. He had seen everything from a different side to everyone else; he understood things far better than anyone else could where Hao was concerned.

He wasn't sure whether he would have a chance to do any training tonight or even if it was safe to do more work on his world. He wasn't really sure why he felt that way but his instincts adamant about it. Either way, he wasn't one to ignore his instincts and he wasn't willing to take the risk that something might happen, so as much as he didn't want to, he decided it would be best to give it a miss.

Glancing around, Yoh realised that most of his friends had left; only Ren, Bason and Amidamaru were sat in the room with him. Ren shook his head mirthfully at Yoh's surprise, not used to the other missing things and offered a hand to help him to his feet. Yoh accepted and waited for his friend to speak.

"You're worried about something, right? We decided that you'd stay in my room with the three of us tonight."

Yoh grinned, that made life easier on him, he'd been slightly embarrassed about asking for that particular favour. "Thanks, I appreciate that. As for being worried, I don't know, I just have a bad feeling."

"We'll watch over you as best we can, you're not going to go there tonight though are you, just in case?"

Yoh shook his head and Ren nodded, the three of them apparently relieved by the answer. Everyone was worrying about one thing or another lately, though he knew most of that revolved around him. They were willing to trust his judgement for the time being and hopefully once everything worked out and they got to meet Hao again, minus his empathy, they would feel more at ease about the situation.

I'm glad that this has gone as well as it has so far but I can't shake this nagging feeling that something is wrong. It's not because of my friends, I'm sure of that, they trust me so they wouldn't take any action against me. I don't think my family would meaningfully hurt me, well, not unless they were honestly convinced that I was going to follow Hao's will or was becoming the same as him.

It was strange that only dad spoke to me and not Anna or my grandfather, they let it all go too easily. I'm glad that it was all handled calmly but it was too calm given how strongly they feel about anything concerning Hao. I don't like thinking that they have ill intents and I really hope that they don't, but something is definitely wrong, it's just figuring out what, before it happens.

I don't like that I feel afraid to do anything shaman related, though hopefully if I avoid that for the time being and that's what's wrong, it will be okay. I can't avoid training all together though and I certainly don't want to leave that world unattended for any period of time. It isn't stable enough yet, there's still too much to do before everything will be balanced.

What could they do though? Why would it be dangerous for me to use my shaman abilities? I don't like not knowing and I don't know how I could find any answers without using shaman abilities. I'm trapped and I don't like it but I suppose there is nothing I can do but wait, I have no choice but to be patient.

They wouldn't hurt me, right? They've got no need to, not from what I've said, so is it that they'll try to use me to get to Hao? Why would they though? They know they can't win… This is so confusing. I can appreciate that they would be worried that Hao is manipulating me, but I've spoken to him twice and he said he wasn't going to contact me, so why would they act so quickly?

There isn't any point in going over this again, I already know that I don't have the answers and can't materialise them out of thin air. I may just be paranoid, nothing may be wrong at all, I don't know because nothing has happened and no threats have been made. I'll be cautious just because my instincts say so but there's no point in worrying over nothing.

Yoh sighed and climbed into bed, he seemed to be working himself up over things a lot of late and it really wasn't like him. Maybe Hao had the right idea to take a step back from things; maybe he needed to do that himself. He had let himself get so wrapped up in what he was doing because he felt like he needed to, that he had lost perspective. Taking a break was probably the best course of action for him to take.

It would be strange though, to have a normal night's sleep instead of going there, it had become normal practice now. He would just have to hope that everything in that world would work out, that things would just hold as they were or right themselves because that was what he wanted. He knew he had to stop worrying about it though, just as he had to stop worrying about Hao.

"Are you okay Yoh?" Ren asked softly from where he was lying.

"Yeah, just got a bit too caught up with things I think. Everything will be fine; no matter what comes, we'll get through it okay." Yoh replied calmly and confidently.

"It's easily enough done, though that's exactly what I was worried about."

"I don't dispute anything I said to you, I believe in this and myself completely. I do appreciate that I need to take a step back though; I've been too blinkered on one thing instead of looking at the whole picture as it is now."

Ren nodded. "I suppose that I can understand that, I can be terrible for seeing what I want to see and ignoring everything else, though I think the same can be said for humanity in general, shaman or not. Not that I particularly want to associate myself with the ignorant masses."

Yoh laughed, not surprised by the latter comment. "We are what we are and when something is important to us…I guess that's why they say love is blind too."

"Or that's just a pathetic excuse for acting like an idiot. You know where things stand with us, you know that we'll support you, even if it is only the shrimp, the snow-brained idiot and I don't quite know how to describe Ryu…bodged attempt at an Elvis-wannabe maybe?"

Yoh laughed again, though he scolded Ren for being mean all the same. He was quite sure Faust and Eliza would trust him, Chocolove hadn't really been part of the group like the others were, there wasn't the same ties and connection, so he didn't honestly mind either way and Lyserg was never going to accept it and would definitely think of it as a betrayal. The core group that had been there from the start were still with him and that was all he really needed.

It would be a shame for him to fall out with anyone but as much as he disliked the fact, he knew that sometimes it couldn't be avoided. That didn't mean that he wasn't going to try his best to make sure it didn't happen all the same of course but he was prepared for it. Everyone would understand eventually that it was okay, that there was nothing to fear and once they did the situation would resolve itself.

In the meantime he would deal with whatever came his way; he could do that, even if he didn't relish the idea. Sometimes you had to do things you didn't like to get to where you wanted to be. As long as the end result promised for things to be much better, which it certainly seemed to, then he knew he would put up with any aggravation for the time being.

Yoh sighed softly; he was finding it difficult to fall to sleep tonight, which he knew was probably because his normal routine was disrupted. It didn't help that he was worried he might end up doing something subconsciously that would end up causing more trouble than it was worth. It seemed as though it was going to be a long night.

After lying there for two hours Yoh gave up on the idea of sleeping. Sighing softly he got up, careful not to disturb Ren as he did. He wasn't sure whether Amidamaru or Bason were around or knew that he was up but he didn't want to bother them either. Quietly he made his way to the roof, glad to have been told how to get there earlier; it made him feel better to be in high places looking up at the stars.

I need to get some sleep, I'm tired but I just can't switch off. I've got too many things spinning round in my head and I haven't settled down how I want to. I have calmed down about the whole thing at least but it's still something I feel very strongly about. Probably it's purely because I can't do it that I want to, just as I want to talk to Hao because I know I can't.

It's nice out here, there's such a beautiful view of the stars, though it's a little cold being so high up. Peaceful and pure and close to nature, the complete opposite of the city, it is something I've become used to again recently however, so there's comfort in it. I'd be better off trying to sleep out here if it weren't so cold.

"Shouldn't you be sleeping?" Mikihisa asked as he appeared at Yoh's side.

Yoh shrugged. "I gave up trying."

"It isn't like you not to be able to sleep."

"No, but it isn't really like me to have so much going on in my head either, is it?"

"I don't know Yoh, I'm not sure anymore."

"I've grown up since the tournament, that doesn't make me a different person, just a more mature one. All the important parts are still the same; can you really not see that?"

"You've spoken to Hao on favourable terms Yoh, what are we supposed to think?"

"You're supposed to believe in me, you're supposed to trust me."

"How can we? It's too dangerous Yoh! He has to be stopped."

"And how are you going to stop him? The only thing that's going to happen is yet another repeat in the cycle, what's wrong with trying to stop that? Please, I understand your concerns, I understand the risks, just trust my judgement, I know what I'm doing."

Mikihisa sighed and disappeared, leaving Yoh upset and once again ill at ease. It was disappointing and distressing that they weren't willing to listen to him, even though he had expected it. All that history of hate would not be so easily removed but they didn't even seem willing to look at the possibility.

He didn't even try to answer me, not that I believe there is an answer to it. There was no comeback, just disapproval that I argued my case, albeit not much. Why can't they be reasonable about this? I just want this to end; I want the pain to go away. I know they think he's lying and using my kind nature against me and maybe they're right, but isn't it worth checking? Isn't it worth trying for if there's any chance things could change?

Things are going to get difficult now if I'm not careful; dad's reaction said it all. I wasn't wrong in believing that they'd use me to get to him but I don't understand what they expect to achieve. Maybe they think if they confronted him that he'd 'show his true colours' and I'd fight him. Maybe that would happen too but only because they pushed him into it again, which is why I won't do it, no matter what.