Chapter 2 – Addiction with Fire-Burning Consequences

Syed's POV:

Swings – 4th November 2009

The swing creaked gently as I scuffed the wooden chips with my toe. The swing area would be dark in the next hour. I hated that about winter. It was like you didn't have enough time. Christian was sitting beside me on the other swing. Neither of us was speaking at the moment. I took another breath. I opened my mouth ... and nothing came out. I tried again. Same happened. This wasn't working.

"Look Sy, I can tell you want to say something, so why not just come straight out and tell me"

I looked up. "Was I really being that obvious"?

He chuckled quietly to himself. "Yeah, you were. So come on what is? I need to go and meet Roxy to make plans for bonfire night tomorrow".

I hesitated. I didn't know how to start. "You know, this blackmailing has made me think a lot more about..." I paused. "..things lately" I continued. "It's also bought it home to me that I'm actually marrying Amira in 2 months".

Christian's voice was cool. "So where are you going with this"?

I shrugged more to myself. How could I answer him when I didn't even know myself?

"It's more like ... I'm reminding you".

I stole a glance at him from the corner of my eye. Christian was leaning forward with both feet firmly on the ground. His hands were pressed together as his nose rested on them lightly. For an absurd moment, it almost looked like he was praying. But then again I knew him well enough to know that was his automatic stance when he was thinking deeply about something. I waited patiently for a response. I wanted to see what Christian's reaction was going to be. Almost as if he heard me, he turned his head to the right.

"Should we break up"? There was no bias in his voice.

"I – I don't – I'm not sure". My pleading voice couldn't make it any more obvious could it?

"Well go on, break up with me". His tone was clear.

"I – I don't want to do this to you, Christian".

"Do what? Go on, tell me. "

I didn't answer.

"You can't have it both ways Syed. You don't want to leave Amira but you don't want to leave me. What, after you get married, do you really think there's still going to be a you and me? "His hurt voice rang clear into my head.

He was right. But I didn't have the guts to finish it with either of them. I loved Amira and Christian, well he meant a lot to me. But I didn't know what to do. I couldn't reply.

"Look, I've got to go". He stood tall. "But tell you what. Why don't you have a good think and then when you know what you want, come and tell me"? I traced his voice for sarcasm, but I couldn't find any. Was he being for real or not? My heart said yes, but my head almost wanted him to be mocking me. Because at least then, I could get angry, yell at him, break up with him. But Christian was too much of a gentleman to do that. I groaned inwardly. This was so hard.

"Why are you so nice to me"? I said as I stood up with him. It was a rhetorical question but Christian chose to answer it.

"Because I am".

"Isn't there any other way this could work"

"Like maybe an alternative universe. I've got to go. I'll see you around Sy".

He turned and walked away from me. I watched his broad shoulders fitted tightly to his brown jacket, were tensed ever so slightly. The average naked human eye wouldn't notice it, but I was so well tuned to him, I could tell. I wanted nothing more than to hold him in my arms and tell him that everything was going to be alright. If only I could. If only I could let him go. If only I wasn't so addicted to him.

Christian's POV:

The following evening – 5th November 2009 – Bonfire Night

Roxy didn't notice me immediately when I went into the Vic.

"Sorry, out. We'll be at the bonfire later, so buy your drinks then". She shooed Lucas and Denise out, shut the door, locked it and turned around. "Christian! How did you get in"?

"Door". I pointed to the door.

"Argh! I thought I locked it!"

As she placed a kiss on my cheek and locked the door, I asked her a pretty obvious question.

"Err Roxy. Why are you closing the Vic"?

"Because, Ronnie, Auntie Peggy and I decided that we are doing something new. Queen Vic on tour!" "Ta-da" She struck her arms out as if she was posing.

"But what happened to us hitting central London for the fireworks display".

Roxy stood there for a moment before her hand flew to her mouth.

"Oh Christian! I'm so sorry! I totally forgot!!"

Oh great I thought as she threw her arms around me.

"This was a last minute thing we organised and it totally slipped my mind".

I shrugged. "Its fine, don't worry about it". I'd find something else to do instead.

"Don't not go because of me"

"Nah its fine"

"I feel really bad now".

"Don't. It's fine I mean in. I'll go watch Ian and his bonfire. I mean would I really want to miss an opportunity of Ian making a complete fool of himself"?

She smiled. "I'm sorry. Really. I'll tell you what. I'll make it up to you on Saturday. You and me can hit the town and I'll get Dad to babysit Amy. He's been after me for weeks now".

I nodded. "It's a date".

She laughed and looked at her watch. "What's wrong"?

"I'm waiting for Jack to come and take Amy but he's held up on the Overground and I really need to leave so I can help Auntie Peg and Ronnie set up".

"Ok. Well I'll ring you later babe". I kissed her and left.

Oh well. I might as well watch the fireworks in Walford, if anything. I shut the Vic doors behind me and looked up. Amira and Syed were strolling hand in hand laughing at something. Their heads were bent close together and Syed's arms were draped around Amira. I felt a pang of jealousy in my heart. Syed looked up and saw me. Our eyes met for a moment and shaking my head I walked away. He hadn't contacted me since yesterday afternoon. There was me feeling sorry for him, thinking how hard it must be, but quite clearly not. Obviously I didn't matter. I stopped. I wasn't in the mood for celebrations all of a sudden. Turning around, I walked back into the Vic.

"Roxy". She turned around. Her platinum blonde hair was open and hanging loosely around her shoulders. She was wearing a baby blue shirt with her sleeveless denim jacket over it. She had a black short skirt, and blue leggings on and heels. "I'm more than happy to babysit Amy, if Jack's still not here". She went to protest but I stopped her. "No, I mean it. I've got nothing else to do".

She looked dubiously at her phone. "But I've already ruined your evening".

I shook my head. Syed had.

"No you haven't. I'd like nothing more than to spend some quality time with Amy. I haven't seen her for ages".

Roxy's face lit up with her smile."Oh thank you, thank you, thank you" Picking up her jacket and bag she left me instructions. "Amy's already been fed and changed a little while ago. She's asleep in her cot at the moment and I doubt she'll wake up. There's a baby monitor under the bar if you wanna help yourself to a drink, then you know where everything is". Within a few moments, she was out of the door.

Locking the door behind her, I walked upstairs. Amy was fast asleep. I stroked her cheeks gently. Looking down on her, I felt so ... many different things. I felt happiness yet sadness. I'd never have my own child to hold, to love, to cherish. It just wasn't fair. I had everything to offer, yet I had no opportunity. I loved Amy but it just wasn't the same.

Syed's POV:

Amira gasped at the fireworks and pointed at them. "Wow. Syed did you see that one"? I nodded. "What about that one"? It was Amira's turn to nod. Eventually, the firework display finished and left the smell of smoke lingering in the air. We walked towards my family and stood with them. Amira and Tamwar were already discussing Catherine Wheels and my mum was complaining to my dad about the fireworks causing the baby to jump. My mind was elsewhere as I scanned the crowds. He wasn't here. Seeing Christian had been a bit of a shock. I hadn't contacted him because I didn't know what to say to him and he must have been surprised at the least to see Amira and I strolling down hand in hand. In fact, he must have already thought I'd decided. I kicked myself mentally. I should speak to him and set him straight.

We were one of the first to leave. I really wanted to get home and Amira was cold. Only 10 odd people had gone and I didn't want to hang around.

We waved to my parents and Tam as they called it a night. Amira and Patrick were engrossed in talks of the wedding as Patrick reminisced on his wedding. I heard a shrill ringtone and Patrick pulled his phone out. "Excuse me". He looked apologetic to Amira as he answered it. Amira linked her arm in mine and pressed it against mine. She jerked her head. "Do you want to make a move babe, it's really cold". I nodded and we waved at Jane, Ian and Patrick before walking out of the park.

"That was fun". Amira spoke first.

"Yeah it was, although I don't think the baby liked it much".

She laughed. "Just imagine, in a couple of years time, that might be me".

My heart jumped. "Yeah. Maybe". I didn't know what else to say. We walked in silence for a few minutes. "Can you smell burning". Maybe she detected my lack of comfort and it was her way of changing the subject, although I would expect her to pursue the subject. "No, its probably just the smoke from the fireworks". We walked on for a few more steps. I stopped. I could distinctly smell burning. We looked at each other as cries reached our ears. We turned the corner and stopped. There was a crowd gathered outside the Vic and it was clear to see why. We ran to our families who were on the side

"What's happened"? "Is anyone inside"? I looked at my parents in shock. The back of the Vic had caught alight. It was a small fire. "No, according to Darren, Jack was babysitting Amy and everyone else was at the bonfire". Ricky, Shirley, Minty and my dad were trying to chuck water but not much was happening. In fact, it had the opposite effect. My mum continued. "It happened about a minute ago. Heather's phoned the fire service and Jay was sent to get the Mitchell's. I tried to ring Peggy but she's not answering". My heart thudded. Thank goodness no one was inside. The next sound was unmistakeable. BOOM! An explosion. Ricky, Minty, my dad and Shirley staggered back. Flames were already licking the door and spreading through the Vic at a fast rate.

I heard a scream and everyone spun to find the source. A pathway opened up the middle as Roxy ran down the middle. More members of the Square followed her. "Amy!" "What, I thought she was with Jack". Roxy hit the door but it had no effect. "No! Jack never came and Christian's babysitting her inside".

My heart stopped for just a minute. I swear it did. I thought she said Christian. My brain refused to accept this information.

"Amy! Christian!" Roxy's screams were louder this time. Everyone sprung into action around me. It was like slow motion.

"Get them out" "Someone call the fire brigade again" "Catch Roxy" The meanlingless words were unidentifiable to me. I looked to the door and saw Lucas kick it down.

"No!" Denise's shout was water off a duck's back as he tried to go in. Everyone's eyes were fixed anxiously as we waited for him to re-appear. "Come on where are they?" Amira tapped her foot as she dialled 999 again. "There he is".

Lucas staggered out coughing into his jacket. "I'm sorry but the flames are too close to the stairs. I couldn't get through". Roxy's screams were useless as no one came out.

"LOOK". Ronnie screamed. She pointed to the top window where Christian could be seen. He threw the window open. "Christian"! "Take these" He threw down sheets and the front people ran to collect them. "I'm going to throw Amy". Roxy's scream pierced the night. "No!!!" "I have to, its the only way". "Are you ready". I looked straight ahead.

My brain was kickstarting. 6 people were holding the sheets. Taking a breath, Christian dropped Amy. Everyone rushed forward and "I've got her. I've got her" could be heard as well as sirens in the distance. As Roxy rushed forward, everyone's attention diverted to Christian.

He was coughing badly and his strength was weakening. "I wont be able to make it". "No"!!! I heard my voice the loudest. "Christian, you have to try" He shook his head. "I'm sorry".

A fire engine pulled up. Fire-fighters jumped out and sprang into action. I ran towards the door, grabbed one of the sheet's that had saved Amy and rushed in before anyone could stop me "Syed! Come back". Her voice was clear but I couldn't hear her.

I could only sense Christian's pain. It was amazing. The flames hadn't engulfed the front on the Vic. It was the back. I ran through and stopped at the stairs. The flames were taunting me as they bounced from surface to surface. I could feel the heat from where I was. I made a mental prayer to God. "Please, just let him live". Taking a deep breath, I pulled the sheet over my head and ran into the flames. The heat was unbearable. It felt like someone had dropped boiling hot oil on me, only the pain was a million times more than that. I'd barely taken a step when I could feel someone dragging me backwards. I looked around in shock. It was 2 fire-fighters. I struggled against them. "Leave me, save Christian". I coughed as smoke entered my mouth. They pulled me out. I looked up into the face of a mature man. "Leave us to do our job". I stopped struggling. I pulled my arms free and walked out the Vic with one other fire-fighter. Paramedics rushed to me. "Is he ok". "Syed, are you hurt"? I could hear the voices of my mum and Amira as I was checked over. I was being checked over but I couldn't take my eyes of the doorway. "Look, I'm fine, but can someone go and save Christian? I barely have a scratch".

"Quick, lets help them". My head turned so fast, it nearly cricked. Minty and Ricky had ran to the stretcher which was being pulled out and bought over to the ambulance. My heart plummeted as I saw Christian lying flat out on a white stretcher. He had an oxygen mask on his face and was wrapped up. Jane was at his side in an instant as others followed suit. "Make way". Everyone parted again to make space for them to pass to the ambulance.

I jumped off the seat and ran into the next ambulance. Ian, Jane, Lucy, Peter, and Bobby were right at the front. While others hung back to leave them in privacy, I pushed my way forward. "Come back Syed". Amira was calling me why? Did she expect me to leave Christian? "No, just – just, leave me alone Amira". The smell of burning was in the air and the cold winter wind was blowing left, right and centre. I'd reached the front and I felt physically sick just seeing Christian in the state.

Every area of flesh that I could see was covered in a blackened substance. His face was covered with mask and he wasn't moving. "Is he going to be alright? Please tell me that he is". Jane sobbed into Ian's shoulder and he tried to comfort her. Peter and Lucy were standing, holding Bobby between them as he cried. His mum was being held by his dad. Amira came up to me and linked my arm. She was looking on in shock. I wanted to comfort her, I really did, but I just couldn't.

I looked back to see if the paramedic had answered Jane's question. He hadn't. He briefed his paramedics and all I could hear was a lot of technical terms which for me wasn't a good thing. It meant something was wrong. The paramedic turned around and looked at Jane. "Well Ms Beale, I'm afraid it doesn't look good". My surrounding areas started spinning around. At this moment I was glad Amira was there as I clutched her arm for support.

"Mr Clarke has bad smoke inhalation. When we found him, he was weak but capable of carrying his own weight. But as we approached the top of the stairs, he collapsed and was exposed for at least 60 seconds which we believe has done serious damage to his lungs. We need to take him in tonight".

I nodded, dumbfounded. Jane stifled a sob. "Is my brother going to live, please just – ju – just tell me he is".

The paramedic nodded seriously. "Ms Beale, you need to understand the damage. He is currently unable to breathe on his own. He needs support. The next 24 are critical".

"What are his chances"? It was my turn to speak. I could feel various eyes on me as I spoke.

"Well Mr ..".

"Masood. Syed Masood. I'm a ... I'm his best friend". I felt Amira and my mum staring at me intently. They turned back to him and waited for an answer.

"Of course Mr Masood. He has a 50-50 chance. But like I said, the next 24 hours are critical".

"We're ready to leave now". We looked behind the paramedic and another paramedic came out of the back of the ambulance. I looked at his thin face. Was he going to save Christian?

I'm sorry, but I really have to go now to the. My colleague Laurie will answer any questions that you may have". I nodded my head without really focusing.

"Would you like to come to the hospital Ms Beale"? Jane almost jumped. "Yeah. I – I'll come". She turned to face Ian. "Go on and I'll keep the kids". She kissed them quickly and stepped into the ambulance. "Does Christian have a partner who would like to come"? I almost stepped forward. I physically restrained myself. I had an inkling of what it must feel like to be Christian. "No. Ok then, let's leave".

People around us began to leave to go home. Others went into the Vic with the Mitchell girls to help them. Me? Well I stood watching the ambulance as it drove away. I could feel people tugging at my arm to go with them. I wanted to stay here. Didn't they understand? It got further and further into the dark, and away from the moonlight. I might have seen Christian alive for the final time. As it did, I could feel just a section of my heart breaking...