Chapter 2: Hey, where are we anyway? I thought this was supposed to be funny!
Upon arrival, Ellen and Susan hardly had enough time to get Ellen settled in to Susan's room before being forced to vacate the house again.
Apparently, Susan's grandparents wanted time to talk with the adults of the house without being interrupted by "children".
Susan didn't like it when her grandparents called her a child. She was twelve already! When would she ever be considered an adult?
Anyway, Ellen and Susan arrived at Laci Alley, deciding to bide their time by dueling one another in some kind of a hotel in the middle of the famous wizarding hide out. Susan just noticed an onlooker who had been there for far too long.
"Ellen, have you noticed that we're being stalked by a strange blue haired girl? Is she a friend of yours?" Susan asked nervously.
"What are you talking about, Susan?" Ellen replied, still thinking about a spell to cast.
Susan glanced at the strange blue haired girl. "This girl who's staring at me. Just who the hell is she?"
"What girl?" Ellen asked again. "I don't see anybody."
"Am I the only one who can see her?" Susan demanded, looking at the girl as if she could send her away with his eyes.
Nate gasped. He was behind Ellen, since they found him on their way. "Hey, Ellen! I think Susan has gone crazy! CRAZY, I tell you!"
Ellen nodded. "Uh huh… she's definitely cracked.""Ha, ha, you guys are so funny, now stop it." Susan snapped.
Across the way, another kid was being picked on. The kid had blue hair too, but he was shorter and skinnier.
The bigger kid laughed at him. "Hey, loser! I hear you got yourself some magical wand!"
"Yeah, what a joke!" Another kid said, "I bet he doesn't even know how to jinx someone! You would have to be a total dork not to know how to do that!"
Susan gasped and tried to get her friends' attention. "Those bullies are being mean to Gary Stu!"
Ellen blinked. "Who the hell is Gary Stu?"
Susan shrugged. "I don't know. But apparently he's my best friend."
Gary Stu got mad at everyone now. "You guys should leave me alone… because I DON'T LIKE MAGIC!"
Everyone was shocked. Who ever heard of such a thing? Susan jumped out of her seat. Ellen and Nate collided into each other. Everyone else collided with each other. Hell, the world probably did the same thing with other planets.
This was unheard of.
"Oh no he didn't!" Ellen snapped.
"I'm going to go play in the park," Gary Stu said, getting up so he could get away from those bullies. "…without my wand." He left, and nobody followed him… poor soul.
Ellen got back into her seat and leaned back, dazed. "Man, a kid who doesn't like magic… his parents must be ashamed!"
"The guy's almost as crazy as Susan!" Nate remarked.
Susan glared at him. "Shut up, Nate, or I'll rip out your esophagus and feed it to you."
Tessa appeared right behind Susan. "I'm just here to look pretty."
Sarita was in her office which overlooked Laci Alley. It was full of a muggle device called a 'camera'. Sarita found it particularly useful for spying on people. "I've installed many cameras all over wizard America because when you're rich and powerful like me, you can never be too paranoid. Also, I like to spy on Susan so I can always be one step ahead of her."
Sarita's employee swiveled his chair around to face her. "Yes, Ms. Patel… but must we watch her take a shower every morning? It seems a little unnecessary…"
"I must always be one step ahead." Sarita snapped.
Meanwhile, back to Susan, she and Ellen packed up their bags and left for home.
"Hey, Susan," Ellen said as they crossed the busy streets full of wizards and witches, "isn't it kind of boring just walking… not getting any form of adventure?"
"Don't worry, Ellen. This is America . Something's bound to happen soon…" Susan said.
Sure enough, it did. Gary Stu came running right at them, from behind a corner. He flew right past them, all the while screaming, "Somebody help me!"
A man in a suit was chasing him.
With one quick stride, the man was able to catch Gary Stu, and held him there by the neck. "You're under arrest for not practicing your magic!" He shouted.
"Gary Stu's in trouble!" Susan pointed out the obvious.
The man in a suit held the kid up and watched him squirm. He chuckled. "Those child grabbing classes were worth every penny!"
"Rejected!" Ellen grabbed his hand and made him drop the boy. "Your child-grabbing skills are no match for my Brooklyn karate!"
"Hey, let go of me!" The man snapped. "I have orders from Sarita Patel to capture that kid and force him to enter a wizard duel tournament!"
"Hey, aren't you supposed to be working for that man? What are you doing taking orders from Sarita?" Susan asked.
"I don't know. Now, if you excuse me, I have to grab—" the poor employee never got to finish what he was saying because Ellen jumped on him, restraining his arms.
"GO, Susan! I'll keep him distracted!" Ellen yelled to Susan.
Susan grabbed Gary Stu's wrist and pulled him up. She took Ellen's advice and ran for it.
"Nnnn… Ellen Punch!" Ellen punched the guy, making him fall to the ground.
Susan and Gary ran for their lives down plenty of alleyways. "Come on, Gary , let's go!" Susan encouraged him.
"I don't know who you are, but okay!" Gary shouted.
They ducked behind a garbage dumpster and sat down to catch their breaths. They were panting pretty hard for a couple minutes.
"I've really got to get into shape," Susan muttered. Then she looked at Gary . "Hey, Gary …why don't you like magic like all the other kids?"
"I just don't see the big deal," Gary replied. "I'd rather do something creative with my time, like studying and inventing things to help the world."
"You can't really mean that, Gary !" Susan said. She walked over and knelt by Gary . "If you don't use magic, you'll never be happy."
"Leave me alone!" Gary cried and buried his face into his knees.
" Gary , what happened to you?" Susan continued, "You used to be so cool! I looked up to you! …which was pretty difficult since we never actually met."
Ellen ran down the street in the direction that Susan had gone down. She smirked at her success. Beating the crap out of that guy was really satisfying…why didn't she do it more often?
She looked to the right and decided to go down that alleyway. That seemed like something Susan would do. Luckily, at the end of the alley, she found Susan on the ground, like she'd been beaten up.
"Susan!" She ran over to her. "What happened?"
Susan looked up at her as if she had trouble seeing her because she felt so weak. "Wizard Chris Rock… came out of no where… and stole Gary 's wand…"
"Sweet!" Ellen grinned. "Another excuse to kick the crap out of someone!" She got up and turned to runaway and beat that guy up.
"No Ellen! You're not supposed to beat people up!" Susan called after her, but to no avail. She had gone.
Gary moved on the ground. "It's all my fault…"
"Don't worry, Gary ," Susan told him. "I'm sure Ellen will be able to solve this problem without the use of unnecessary violence."
Meanwhile, at the large wizard store full of magical items, it was incredibly peaceful. People were lining up and doing peaceful things, like shopping… the birds were chirping… the sky was a deep shade of blue. Everything was like a very cool version of Heaven…
Then Ellen cut through the scene, looking frantically for the guy who stole Gary 's wand.
Great. Heavenly paradise will have to wait now.
Ellen dashed past the millions of people, broke through the doors to the store, and at last found the guy who probably stole Gary 's wand. She grabbed his shoulder tried to punch him, but missed. She tried to punch him, but missed again. This time, the guy punched her down. But Ellen would not have it. She jumped back up and made more swipes at the guy, hoping she would finally land a punch on him.
It was a couple minutes later for Susan and Gary to finally show up at the store. Ellen was found kneeling on the ground.
Susan ran over to her. "ELLEN! Are you okay?" He tried to help her up.
"It's okay, Susan…I'm bleeding internally, but I managed to get Gary 's wand back…" Ellen held out a slender black stick. "Now you can duel Sarita and get revenge for her evil scheme! ...Right, Gary? That is what you want to do, isn't it?" Ellen snarled the last bit at Gary .
"I…" Gary stammered, looking at the wand Ellen held. "I… I… NO! Why won't anybody listen? Why does everybody think there's something wrong with me? I just don't like magic! Especially jinx spells! It's stupid!"
" Gary ! Snap out of it!" Ellen grabbed his shoulders, "You're talking like a crazy person! Quick, somebody call the doctor!"
Susan stood up. "Since Gary is apparently too much of a scaredy cat, I'll face Sarita myself."
"Great idea!" Ellen came over to Susan. "And me and Gary can watch…because if Gary doesn't watch, I'll kick the ever-loving crap out of him! Isn't that right, Gary? Yes it is…"
Gary whined. Now he had no choice but to go with Ellen.
Sarita had beaten every single opponent who came to her. It was time to finally get someone new. Fortunately, Susan entered the stadium in an incredibly epic way. Yeah, she'll do. She'll be the perfect challenge.
"I'm here to kick ass and duel…and I'm all out of ass." Susan threatened.
Sarita smirked. "When I'm through with you, you'll have to take a shower to wash away the smell of defeat. And I won't be watching you do it."
Susan cocked an eyebrow. "Why would you be watching me?"
"I don't know, I just wanted to make sure you'd know I wouldn't be," Sarita snapped.
"But I never thought—" Susan snapped.
"Good, because I won't." Sarita interrupted.
"…Why would I think that you were watching—" Susan continued.
"I don't know." Sarita snapped.
"Okay…" Susan decided to let this go.
"Expelliarmus! Petrificus Totalus! Flipendo" Sarita shouted, raising her wand.
Susan jumped out of the way, quickly. "Wait a minute, did you just summon—" Susan never got the chance to finish.
"Yes, I summoned them all in one turn," Sarita replied, bored. "Stop asking."
"I was just wondering, is all…" Susan replied.
"Yeah, well don't. Expelliarmus!" Sarita shouted.
In the stands, Gary was getting bored. He sighed, still being so damn bored. "How long do these things normally last?"
"Well, these things usually last a few minutes," Ellen answered, "But since this is an epic duel against our rival Sarita, this could last a few hours."
Gary gasped, all the while thinking, 'I mustn't run away! I mustn't run away! I mustn't run away!'
THREE HOURS OF PAINFUL NON-ACTION LATER
"It's so clear to me now!" Gary shouted, in triumph.
"Nnn?" Ellen asked, realizing Gary was going through some sort of revelation.
"This is the greatest game ever invented!" Gary continued, "And from this day on, I'm going to spend all my money on WIZARD THINGS!"
"Play that funky music, white boy!" Susan commanded. Some rock music started playing in the speakers. It was pretty loud.
Susan won.
"Susan, you have shamed me once again," Sarita said, turning to go. "But I won't stop until I'm the undisputed master of magic. Now, if you excuse me, I have to go sue the people who made The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess for the Wii… By the way, has anybody seen Alina?" Sarita disappeared, leaving Susan, Ellen, and Gary alone in the dueling room.
Ellen ran up to Susan. "Congratulations!" She hugged Susan from behind.
Susan gripped her arms and smiled. "Hey, Gary …" She looked in Gary 's direction. "Piss off."